If you can love like this

Chapter 49

"But I am willing to bear all the pain with you!" I cupped his face with both hands, kissed his lips and chin, and said incoherently, "After so many years, my love for you has never changed, even if I hate you so much that I want to I will die with you, but I still love you so much. Mochi, I can’t live without you. If you die, how will I live? Please, please don’t leave me, just take pity on me...even if you die, you will You can only die in my arms, do you understand, you can only die in my arms!..."

There was a turbulent tide in his eyes, and the momentary throbbing seemed to have never been expected by him.He involuntarily clings to me, holds me tightly in his arms, and prevents me from seeing his tears, "You are a fool, do you know that you are a fool! Can you love me less? You Can you forget me? Even if I am willing to die with you, I still can't solve the problem, I can't ignore those things, I have nothing to do!"

He was choking, his body trembling slightly, we hugged like that, kept hugging, and forgot why we were hugging, why we were lying on the bed, what we were doing just now...

After a long time, he sighed in my ear, "I'm sorry, I have no strength."

"Don't talk, let me be so close to you, you don't have to do anything, just let me be so close to you." I lay on my side, hugged his naked body, stroked his back, I closed my eyes, as if I entered that dream again, "It's so good, Mochi, this is so good, don't think about anything, it's enough for us to be together now, even if I die tomorrow, I still want to be with you at this moment. Nothing is important anymore, whether it is love or hate, it is not worth the moment we are together, Mochi, did you hear that? Mochi..."

"Kaoer, why do you love me?" He buried his head in my hair and murmured emotionally, "Sometimes I think, if we didn't love each other, if we were strangers, we wouldn't know our lives What would it be like. But I’m so glad we met, because without your acquaintance, my life would be boring and a complete failure... Before I met you, I couldn’t grasp one thing that belonged to me, and I lost it Guo Jinyi, I ruined my marriage with Yesha, that's why I was so desperate to grab you, I really have nothing to lose, I can't lose you. It's just Kaoer, there are always things in this world It is impossible to fulfill people's wishes, we have worked hard, we have loved, I have no regrets..."

His voice became lower and lower, and finally fell asleep slowly.

I looked at his face in his arms, breathed his breath, and was extremely exhausted, fearing that this was a dream, fearing that everything would turn into nothingness after waking up, so I still held his hand even though I was falling asleep.In the dream, we were running wildly in the boundless wilderness. I didn't know where we were going, and there was a fog ahead.Maybe there are cliffs and cliffs in the depths of the mist, but that can't stop us from rushing to that unknown world. There must be a beautiful world, where the spring is warm and flowers are blooming, where there is no betrayal or harm, and we hold hands from beginning to end, fingers interlocking. ,never separate.

I still love this man after all.

When I open my eyes in the morning, I find a strange room and a strange bed.

I sat up from the bed abruptly, and suddenly felt a chill in my chest. I subconsciously looked under the quilt, and quickly shrank back.Looking around, I saw that the beige floor-to-ceiling curtains were half opened, and it seemed that it was still raining outside, and the room was full of cold rain.The carpet is milky white, and the upholstered walls are also light beige European-style patterns. The bed is an antique big bed with brown pillars. Every furniture and decoration is not readily available in the market. Except for someone, I I haven't seen the second one so flamboyant.

I confirm this is not my room.

The door of the bathroom was opened from the inside at this time, Geng Mochi came out wearing a blue flannel bathrobe, his hair was still dripping with water, he was wiping his hair with a towel while looking at me with a smile on his face, "wake up ?”

"Mochi..." I was finally sure that this wasn't a dream, and I was a little embarrassed to curl up under the quilt, "Where are my clothes?"

He walked to the bed and looked at me condescendingly, "It's downstairs. What clothes are you wearing, where have I never seen your body?" He stretched out his hand and pulled me, "Get up, go take a shower."

I was wrapped in a quilt and refused to get out of bed, "You go out first!"

"Hey, when did you become so thin-skinned?" He chuckled, sat on the edge of the bed, and scratched my messy hair, "You had a fever last night, did you get sick, and I made you take medicine in the middle of the night? .”

"Now I'm cured."

"But your complexion is not very good." He reached out to touch my forehead, "You still have a low fever."

I blocked his hand, "It's okay, I just have a cold, and it will be fine in two days. But the trip to Xinjiang will be delayed, and I have to call to change the ticket."

"Are you going to Xinjiang?"

"Yes, for an interview. It's so cold I don't even want to go."

"Go, I'll accompany you."

"Really?" I widened my eyes in disbelief. "It's very cold over there. I plan to postpone my trip until next spring because of the weather. Can your body take it?"

He stared at me for a moment, then sighed, "Don't worry about me, my own body counts. Go to Xinjiang, I just want to go out and get some fresh air, the farther the better, find a place where no one knows us and stay for a while .”

"Jinyi said to look for you everywhere."

"Leave them alone, if she calls you again, just say she doesn't know where I am."

I hesitated, "I, how could I lie to Jinyi, she is so kind."

This is the truth. Jinyi has always given me the impression that she is as beautiful as an angel. When an evil person like me faces her, his heart will become very soft and soft. I don't have the courage to fool her at all.

Geng Mochi looked at me and smiled, "Aren't you jealous? She was my ex-girlfriend."

I licked my lips and told the truth, "Do you want me to be honest? I really don't like her jealousy, I also find it strange, I can see that she still likes you very much, but Jinyi is born with that She has such an innocent affinity, kindness, and purity, and her eyes are so clear that there is nowhere to hide, and a black-hearted person like me can't bear to lie to her."

"Well, you do have self-knowledge."

I struck while the iron was hot, and grabbed his sleeve, "Then tell me about your past, I know she was your first love, you must have many stories."

"No!" Geng Mochi decisively interrupted my curiosity, got up and went to the bathroom to get me a towel and threw it on the bed, "Get up quickly, it's already noon, I'm hungry, let's go out for dinner."

This person is really boring, always changing the subject at critical moments.I wrapped myself in a bathrobe and went downstairs to get my clothes, and ran upstairs to take a hot shower. I suddenly remembered that I hadn't called Xiaosi and hadn't returned all night. She must be very anxious.When I came out of the shower in a hurry, Geng Mochi was already fully dressed and asked me, "Where shall we go for dinner?"

"I have to call my nanny, she doesn't know I'm here yet."

"No need, I answered her call in the morning." Geng Mochi put on his scarf in front of the full-length mirror, seemingly casually, "And your neighbor Qi Shuli, your phone shows that there are more than a dozen missed calls from him, he seems to care about you very much oh."

My mind turned quickly, and I took his words and said: "Yeah, he has always taken care of me, and his intentions are obvious, so you take me away quickly, it's not safe to live here."

He walked up to me, put his arms around my shoulders and said, "You are not safe with me. I can't give you anything. If you can meet someone who is sincerely good to you, I will have no objection."

I looked at him blankly, "You, what do you mean?" I pushed him violently, "What do you mean? What do you mean I met someone who is sincerely good to me? What do you think I am?" , just kick it away when you get tired of playing?"

"You're here again, you can't even make a joke." He also put on a straight face.

"You also make this kind of joke, you want to make me feel better, don't you?" I said, I was about to cry again, "What is your heart made of, you left me alone for more than half a year, you never cared What will I think, and I never care whether I will suffer or not, Geng Mochi, do you love me or not, if you don't love me, you make me give up, as long as you let me give up, I will be grateful to Dade for the rest of my life!"

"I'm sorry." He pulled me into his arms, "Can't I be sorry? You're just too sensitive, and I didn't mean that." He sighed, "It's crueler to let a person die than let him die, Kaoer, I I can't be so cruel to you. Because I can't give up on you, people are going to die, and the heart just can't die, so I ran back to see you..."

"Mochi!" I sobbed against his chest.

Two days later, Geng Mochi and I set off for Urumqi.In fact, I was very worried about taking him there, but he insisted on going. I guess he was afraid that Jinyi and the others would find him, and he wanted to stay away.His own explanation is that he hopes to spend a good vacation with me and give himself more good memories.Of course, I have to admit that if he doesn't go to Xinjiang with me, I definitely won't go for the time being, because I want to guard him and never leave.

During the two days when he came back, I was indeed guarding him every step of the way. I followed him like a shadow all day long. He went to the kitchen to pour water and I followed him. I followed in the bathroom, lest he disappear in the blink of an eye.Geng Mochi didn't know whether to laugh or cry, and asked me why I kept following him, I said: "I don't follow you, what if you run away again?"

The moment the plane took off, I suddenly remembered the scene when I took the plane to Shanghai with him four years ago. Four years have passed since we separated and reunited. I don’t want to think about the future. Controlled, no matter how powerful the dream is, it can't withstand the ups and downs of fate. It is enough for me to be with him right now.

"I've brought enough medicine, don't worry," he thought I was worried about his body, and comforted me, "There will be no problem in a short time, the doctor said I can live for at least one or two years. "

One or two years!I took a deep breath, tears almost welling up in my eyes.I held his hand, trembling uncontrollably.The plane shuttled through the clouds, and we didn't let go of our hands from the beginning to the end.

So, will this excursion be our last?
I can't even imagine...

We stayed in one of the most luxurious five-star hotels in Urumqi. On the second day, according to the prior contact, I found the headquarters of the Xinjiang Construction Corps in Urumqi. Comrades from relevant departments warmly received me from afar. As a visitor, because I was worried about leaving Geng Mochi alone in the hotel, I dragged him along for an interview. When I introduced him to others, I said he was my assistant. Geng Mochi looked stunned and complained privately: "You are so arrogant You actually want me to be your assistant, and someone else has always been my assistant."

"I'm sorry, this is in Xinjiang. If you don't like it, you can go back to the hotel and rest alone." I said proudly.

Geng Mochi looked at me and smiled, "You've gained power, so rampant!"

At noon, the Xinjiang side specially hosted a banquet for us, and also invited several Hunanese to accompany us.One of them, Deng Jianning, is the main person in charge of receiving us. He is in his 40s and his hometown is Huaihua, Hunan. Now it has taken root in Xinjiang.

He kept inquiring with me about the situation in his hometown, lamented the past, and when he talked about the emotion, the dignified seven-foot man actually burst into tears. He said that Xinjiang can have what it is today because of the blood and sweat of generations of builders, especially the first generation. They gave all their youth and blood; especially when talking about the female soldiers of the Xinjiang Construction Corps who came from all over the country, Lao Deng even gave a thumbs up, saying that they were all heroes of the female school, They played an extraordinary role in the construction of Xinjiang. They not only devoted their youth, but also married and had children with the builders here, continuing the offspring and raising the builders of the next generation.

After lunch, Lao Deng and his party led us on the road.The five people sat in an off-road jeep and went straight to the Barkol Basin in the northeast of northern Xinjiang, where the Hongguang Ranch of the [-]th Division of the Corps is located.The reason why he took us to this ranch, Lao Deng explained, is that there are quite a few Hunan people in this ranch, especially the female soldiers back then. Although most of them have retired, they have always lived on the ranch. It's all stories, well worth interviewing.

I finally saw the grassland, and I was ecstatic.Because it has already entered winter, the boundless wilderness is pale yellow. Lao Deng said that this is a mountainous grassland. In the distance, the continuous green mountains to the north are the Altai Mountains, and the east is the Tianshan Mountains. The Barkol Basin is located between these two mountains, mountains, hills , Grassland is the basic landform here.Although I didn’t see the green grassland, my excitement is still beyond words. Look at the white yurts scattered on the grassland, the leisurely cattle and sheep, the galloping horses, and the flowing clouds in the sky. Everything here can be painted. Everything is so beautiful, I don't know how to describe it.

Geng Mochi was also very intoxicated, holding his expensive SLR camera and taking pictures outside the car window without saying a word.

"It's enough for you to take pictures. Xinjiang is so beautiful. When you finish the interview, I will arrange for you to visit Tianshan, Sailimu, and Kanas. I'm afraid your eyes are not good enough." Old Deng smiled explain.

Lao Deng and his party wanted to take us to visit places of interest in Xinjiang, but we politely declined and offered to go by ourselves.Lao Deng didn't say anything, just laughed, presumably he also knew that our relationship was unusual.He thoughtfully lent us a jeep and originally sent us a driver, but Geng Mochi knew how to drive so he didn't bother them.

The day after the interview, we started our trip to Xinjiang, starting from Urumqi and going straight to Tianshan Mountain.Of course, I went to Tianshan to see Tianchi. Tianchi was named Yaochi in ancient times. According to legend, it was the place where the Queen Mother and Immortals bathed in ancient mythology. Looking down from the top of the mountain, I feel that Tianchi is floating in the air like a sky mirror. The Bogda Snow Peak in the distance is shining silver in the sun, and the reflection of the distant mountains in the water is extremely enchanting. The Tianchi is described as "a fairyland on earth". It's not an exaggeration at all.

Then we started to go to Kanas. When we were still in Urumqi, we heard from the locals that the scenery of Kanas in Burqin County is no less than that of Tianchi Lake, and there are places called Wolong Beach and Moon Bay on the way. beautiful.After half a day of turbulence, we will finally arrive at Kanas soon. The car is circling on the mountain road. The first thing that catches our eyes is the fir trees all over the mountains and fields whose leaves have begun to turn yellow. The unique luster of the golden autumn season, it turns out that life can still be so brilliant at the last moment.I looked at Geng Mochi, who was concentrating on driving beside me, and a hot stream rushed into my eyes. I couldn't explain why, but I suddenly wanted to cry.

Outside the window of the car at this time, a rushing river meanders out of the valley. The water is cold blue, and at a glance, it is known that it is made of melting ice and snow. Silky chill.I heard that the Kanas River has nine bays, the most famous of which are Wolong Beach and Moon Bay.Wolong Beach refers to a winding sandbar in the middle of the river, which is shaped like a dragon, so it got its name, while Moon Bay has two small sandy beaches that resemble footprints, which are said to be left by Chang'e when she flew to the moon.

We all took photos at these two scenic spots, to be precise, I took photos, Geng Mochi hardly took a photo of himself, I wanted to take a photo for him, he always said that I was better on the camera than him, so as not to waste Battery.I don't understand why he is like this. He talked very little along the way, and he was very preoccupied. He wanted to get close to me, but deliberately kept a distance. It is unbelievable that he has never touched me from Xinjiang to now, even though he was in Urumqi. We live in the same room in the hotel, but each sleeps on its own bed. I think he is deliberately avoiding getting close to me, but I can't ask him about this kind of thing. I'm just a little worried, and I don't know what he's thinking.

(End of this chapter)