investigative chronicle

Chapter 58 Diary

Under the triple pressure of my father, Lu Quan and myself, I fell ill.I was so anxious that I couldn't sleep, my body was extremely tired, but my brain was excitedly reflecting, recalling, and deducing whether it would be different after re-choosing.

When I was awake, I tried to use rational analysis to defeat the inner self-blame, but emotion and reality hit me again and again.

Then I realized that I might be really wrong, and if I get rid of Lu Quan, maybe it will be better.

At this time, I fell into another strange circle, that is, I love Lu Quan, even if he treats me like that, I still love him...

I hated myself to the bone, and kept asking myself why, why you still love him humblely even after he treats you like that.

I attacked myself with the most vicious language, and even hurt myself, but I still couldn't change myself.

If there is a way, who would want to be trampled on in such a humble way.I've tried my best, but I still can't change, instead I've left myself covered in bruises.

A year ago, I saw a doctor under Lu Quan's persuasion. Before that, I hadn't slept well for a year.

Every night, there are always strangers' voices in my ears, whispering in my ears.I woke Lu Quan up, but he didn't hear anything.A few times he was so impatient with me that he beat me...  

I checked the information on the Internet and felt that I might have auditory hallucinations...But I dare not say it, I am afraid that Lu Quan will treat me as a monster. At that time, I still loved him deeply and didn't want to lose him.

I deliberately diverted my attention, listened to music, and put on earplugs, but it didn't work. The sound was deep in my ears, as if it was coming from my head.

After a while, I started to take sleeping pills. At first, I could sleep for several hours under the effect of the medicine. Later, my body became resistant to the medicine. The more I took the medicine, the shorter the sleep time.Wake up at least 5-6 times a night, and sleep no more than 1 hour each time.

Because of sleep problems, my mood was getting worse and worse. It was during this period that Lu Quan hired a nanny and let his daughter sleep with her.

I disagreed initially, but he said it was for my own good.At that time, I was foolishly moved for a long time, thinking that he loved me, cared about me, and wanted me to sleep well.Now that I think about it, I'm so stupid, the nanny is actually another means for him to control me.

In this way, another half a year passed, and I seemed to have something wrong with my intestines and stomach. I was very prone to diarrhea, and sometimes I couldn’t even get out of the door.I began to suspect that I had cancer or a tumor.

That feeling of fear surrounded me and made me feel suffocated. Even after I went to the hospital many times for examination, the doctor told me that I was just a gastrointestinal disorder...but I still didn't believe it.

I was checked again and again, and I was denied again and again. My spirit was about to collapse. I would rather have cancer, at least there would be a result.

My condition got worse and worse, and later even turned into living with diapers like an old man.

I came to the hospital again in despair. That day the young doctor half-jokingly asked me, did you take diet pills indiscriminately?You're in the same situation as the last girl who lost too much weight.

A word to wake up the dreamer, although my stomach and intestines have been weak since I was a child, but in the years of studying abroad, there is no problem in eating raw food for a long time, why is this happening now.

So I started to pay attention to my diet. The food I, Lu Quan, my daughter and the nanny ate were the same, the only difference was that I had been supplementing with vitamins.

Lu Quan said that I was too thin and in poor health, so I needed to supplement trace elements.The medicine was brought from abroad by him.Every morning, he would pour the water himself, put the medicine pack into the cup himself, pass the warm water to me, and watch me drink it.

His tenderness is the only support that I persist in my bitterness. I have used his behavior to convince myself that he loves me.

Xiaoan, you are as smart as you are when you write this, did you guess something?
Yes, that's when I suspected that he drugged me.I told this matter to the psychiatrist...but he laughed it off. My condition perfectly fits the symptoms of mental illness....

He asked me to go out first and talked with Lu Quan alone for a long time.When I came out, I could tell by the look in their eyes that they thought I was sick... a very bad kind of sickness.

Unsurprisingly, I was beaten up after returning home. He said that his kindness was taken as a donkey by me. He said that I was mentally ill. I can't see my daughter either...

I was really scared, I was afraid that he would abandon me because of this, I was afraid that I would be imprisoned in a mental hospital, I was afraid that I would never see my daughter, I was afraid that no one would believe my words...

So for the rest of the day I tried to look normal and tried to hide my illness, but luckily he stopped forcing me to take 'vitamins' after that and I didn't have the stomach upset I had before.

I persisted in this kind of life for a while, until I met you, until I was sent to the hospital, until I learned that my mother was ill, until I reconnected with my father...At this time, although I was obsessed with my obsession, I was somewhat shaken.

When a person keeps loving and giving herself unreservedly, she is 'burning' herself.In the 'burning', no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't wake myself up, but when I was about to boil myself dry, an opportunity suddenly appeared, like a basin of cold water pouring over my head to wake me up.

That woman was the one who woke me up, the one who made me realize how stupid I was.Xiaoan, she is not Xiaosan, she is Lu Quan's ex-wife...Back then, she left him because she was never pregnant with a child. She loved Lu Quan from the beginning to the end, and even divorced because of him...

Now that Lu Quan finds her, he naturally wants to be with her, and he wants to bring my daughter with her...

For so many years, I always thought he loved me, at least he loved me,

But now that I think about it, it might all be wishful thinking on my part.During the days when we got along, he always looked at me decently and calmly, without the slightest emotion except during domestic violence.

By this time I was fully awake, and I was calmly preparing for a divorce. I thought he would readily agree, but he refused.

Only then did I belatedly understand that he wanted more, he wanted money, love, and children....

The company you have investigated him should be clear that the capital chain there has been broken long ago.So he not only had the idea of ​​our house, but also my parents' property.

My parents' illness made him see an opportunity. If he knocked me down again, everything would fall into his hands.

I will not let him succeed.Xiaoan, I want to thank this hospitalization, because here I found out that I didn't suffer from mental illness at all.All my symptoms are caused by him….

If he wasn't so cruel, if he left me a line, I would not fight back because I loved him before, but now... I am ready.

Xiao An, I would like to ask you and Luo Li to be my lawyers. If you agree, come to the hospital to see me.

(End of this chapter)