Roaming in the dark

Chapter 601 Can People Really See Theirself Clearly?
"Can people really see themselves clearly, Mr. Sheng?" Bao Bao asked.

Sheng Chuncheng just thought about this problem, and what he finally came up with was a mess. He said, "No, I think people can't see themselves clearly, and people are often scared by themselves."

"That's right, Mr. Sheng, what you said is very good. People are indeed often scared by themselves." Baobao said, "I also had a similar feeling when I was studying high-energy physics. I felt that the more I learned, the more it resembled metaphysics and theology. Many things cannot be verified and can only be supported by conjecture and belief. If so, what is the difference between science and religion?
"The same is true of people's understanding of themselves. If they have not experienced things, they are not imminent. It is impossible for people to know their own cowardice and depravity, and it is impossible to know the evil and wretchedness of human nature. If it were ten years ago, someone would say , When I encounter such a thing, I will think for a long time, still hesitate, and finally I will choose to swallow my anger, and I will not believe anything.

"Joke, if you cheat, you don't break your leg. What else can you say? If you can bear this, are you still a person? At that time, I would definitely think so. That's right, people at that age Who would I be afraid of? See, the future is infinitely broad, and I have too many possibilities.

"But at that night, it was gone. I felt that my own future was just a narrow gap. I didn't have too many possibilities. I almost had no choice. With a big belly and a son, I have to worry about Khan carrying too many things, I can't walk, I can't run, let alone fly.

"One time, I was in Mixc City, and I walked into a store, and the store was playing a rock singer's song from your mainland, and it said 'I can't walk and I can't cry, because my body is dry'..."

"A Piece of Red Cloth by Cui Jian." Sheng Chuncheng said.

"That's right, it's his. It's so well written. When I heard it, I stood there, and my tears flowed down uncontrollably, as if I was in the laboratory and felt my son move in my stomach. I think that's what I am, I can't walk or cry, my body is dry, I don't have the strength, and I don't have the courage anymore.

"When I was young, I was a girl who dared to go from Taipei to the United States, to a place where I didn't know anyone. I don't know when I lost that courage. Now I can't even get out of my house. He didn't even have the courage to turn his face, at that moment, I didn't hate him, but I hated myself, I said to myself, Chen Baozhen, why are you like this?!"

When the baby said this, tears flowed from her eyes again, and she began to cry softly.Sheng Chuncheng handed her a tissue, she said thank you, she spread the tissue in her hands, and then buried her face in it, her bony body heaving and falling.

Sheng Chuncheng looked at her and felt that her body was really dry.Sheng Chuncheng looked a little heartbroken. He didn't know how many sleepless nights the baby had experienced. She looked at the ceiling in the dark, or the night sky outside the window, with her big eyes open innocently, but her whole body was like an oil lamp. boil.

The baby raised her head, and she said: "The next morning, while having breakfast, he told me that this weekend, our family may go on a trip, can you bear it? If we can bear it, we will go to Hong Kong.

"I was sneering in my heart and felt disgusted. I knew he was doing this. He pretended to be flattering and wanted to show me that he still values ​​our family and my son very much. He has changed his mind. He said these words just to let me know this. I sat there without saying a word, but my son cheered and said that he was going to Disney.

"We ended up going to Hong Kong, which was also our last trip. Later, after my daughter was born, I took them back to Taipei every year, and I was alone. He was also happy. It was more convenient for him when we were not here. .

"Although I pretended nothing happened, he was still on guard against me. The password of the mobile phone was changed almost every week, but I easily deciphered it every time. People set passwords, and they don't know how to set them. To me, it makes little sense. There is no number, I am afraid that I will not be able to remember it after setting it, and it is a mobile phone password, and it is impossible to write the password on something, take it with you, it must be memorized.

"He set up a password to guard against me, so let him tell me, and my son, and exclude all the days related to us, such as birthdays and wedding anniversaries, and the rest are, for example, his Work number, license plate number, office landline number, etc., and dates related to that woman, such as her birthday.

"Although I haven't seen her ID card, they have it on WeChat. On her birthday, he will give out red envelopes. On the day they had their first relationship, he called it God's Blessing Day, and she called it Toad Eats Swan Day. They will also commemorate, they will send red envelopes, all Khan and their important days, there are traces in the WeChat conversations, I remember all these, his mobile phone password, there is no escape from these.

"Every night, when he goes to the bathroom to take a bath, he likes to soak in the bathtub. It takes a long time. When he is taking a bath, I take his mobile phone and turn it on. Every day, he reads it like a pornographic novel. Are you going to be a pervert? ?I feel that I am disgusting and perverted.

"I just scolded myself like this, while watching with relish, I saw that the woman in him had a fight and broke up. Their company, after all, is a very formal company. Even in his position, they can't do whatever they want, and they can't be too obvious to others. It can be seen that he is conveying interests to her. If there is big data, big data is still the main basis for their ranking.

"That woman probably felt that she didn't get everything she wanted from him, so she started to be dissatisfied with him. The two started arguing, but he didn't care, because before they broke up, he hated another female Internet celebrity. It's on, anyway, for him, there shouldn't be too many internet celebrities, he has no shortage of such women.

"I'm like this, every day I watch him fuck other women in porn and pretend I don't know anything. There's a piece of shit around me, I feel sick every day, but every day I'm in the same bed, I feel like I It all stinks. Fortunately, since then, he has been sensual outside, already tired, and has no desire to go home. I don't let him touch him, and he wants nothing more.

"From that day to now, for so many years, we were in bed, and I didn't even let him touch my hands. When I really didn't want to look at his phone, I went to sleep with my daughter. As I said, depravity can also be addictive, I really didn't look at his mobile phone for two or three days, and I felt uncomfortable, and I couldn't help but look at it again.

"At the beginning, I made up my mind and said that I would wait until my daughter was born. When the daughter is really born, there is no time to think about other things. Of course, I have to feed the daughter. Wait until the daughter is weaned and starts to talk. When I grow up and don't need my company, I feel that even if I am next to a pile of shit, I am used to it, and I can already ignore him sleeping next to him.

"People don't know their cowardice, they don't know the extent of their depravity, they don't know their tolerance for the outside world, their ability to adapt to the environment, they also don't know it.

"After I got used to it, I didn't even think about divorce. No matter what he did, I thought he didn't exist, and he couldn't hurt me anymore. It's just that I suffer from insomnia every day, and insomnia has become a habit of mine."

(End of this chapter)