What kind of bad thoughts can Mr. Xiao have?

Chapter 49 Chapter 48

His despair reached the extreme, turning into unspeakable anger.If one is born crippled, perhaps this kind of anger can only be attacked by fate.

But he knew that he was not. It was the imperial power who skinned and cramped him, made him neither human nor ghost, and made him no longer have the power to love him.

No wonder, no wonder every chief executive and old servant never mentioned that they should not have unreasonable thoughts about their master.He used to think that the human nature of those people would also be castrated.

He thought that he was different, he thought that he was only deformed, but still had a complete soul that could be seen and favored by Wei Huai'en.

It turned out that it wasn't that they didn't say it, but that they saw through the desperate fate of being an eunuch earlier than he did.

These people are pottery pots with holes in them. Even if the surging emotions in their chests can overflow themselves, they can't turn into the rain that nourishes people's hearts at all, and they can't give it to others, and they can't return tenderness.

Or maybe this is the last bit of rebellion as an eunuch.The imperial power does not allow them to love, but they can hurt people but they can't control their hearts.

The fetishization in the inner garden of the harem never stopped, and it wasn't until I became one of those who could climb onto the master's bed that I realized what real castration was.

Even so, the eunuch faces the nobleman every day.Even if people are not grass and trees, they will not be ruthless.Even if, the deep palace is lonely and can be dispatched.Even if all the wishful thinking that is the most precious to the eunuch, and wishing to block it with his life, is revealed to the world...

It's just a joke that makes people all over the world laugh.

The love of eunuchs is like the lowly utensils in the house or the affection of pigs and dogs. Who would think that their hearts are also fleshy, and who would regard their love as an enemy?

Where do they match?

It can only be like an insect that can't see the light, occasionally stretching out its ugly tentacles to detect the wind and rain outside, and it doesn't know when it will be crushed into muck.

No one cares about their opinions, no one cares about their emotions, because they don't deserve anything, let alone keep it.

The imperial power is cruel, that's all.

Everyone knows that imperial power is unattainable and unattainable, but even if the history is full of smoke and dust, even if this road to the sky is paved with flesh and bones, no one will get lost, let alone stop.

Because the high position is like a curse, comparable to the gods, and even a personality was born because of people's greed and admiration, and it watched with cold eyes that everyone was like an ant and worshiped at its feet.

To believe in it, one must obliterate all selfish desires and souls, and then abide by the laws of imperial power with a face that one does not even recognize.

This is the heavenly home.

Xiao Qi should hate Wei Huai'en, everything that caused his incompleteness, the indifference and cruelty of those who stepped on blood and tears, and the invisible hand that established the noble and humble in this era.

Because he is such a complete victim.

But he felt nothingness. He might be angry for his lack, but he couldn't feel even a little resentment towards Wei Huai'en, who was so close to him that he huddled into a ball and wept softly.

Who should he hate?Hate this imperial city that treats human life like nothing?But after all, he still became a member of the eagle dogs who were ruthlessly slaughtered by the Tian family.

Hate this cruel punishment stripping away human dignity?But those memories have become far away, and the faces of relatives have long been blurred, but I just vaguely know that it is lucky to be able to survive.

Anger did not turn into resentment, which made him confused and confused about the world he thought he was familiar with for 20 years.

Is he a mistake?

Maybe he shouldn't have loved her, shouldn't have crossed the line, shouldn't have broken all barriers tonight, and played a role in her life that didn't belong to him with such a body.

But he has fallen in love with her.

Fate is so cruel to him, it always puts the choice in front of him when he can't tell whether it is right or wrong.

But fate was so sympathetic, it pushed him, who was supposed to be shattered, like thousands of puppets, to be ground into flying ash in the palace city, towards her.

From then on, he turned into a human being, and with love and desire as his heart fire, he ignited the boundless road ahead.

There is only one way forward, and only her.

"Master...is Xiao Qi's service not good enough?"

The passage of time is not clear in this small world, he can only use the dull pain in his heart to tell how long he has listened to her cry.

It seems that he can't be sure, because every sound of her can make his heart feel like a knife.

"I...I'm going to take a bath, take me to..."

The scarlet gauze covering her eyes was soaked with tears, but none of them wanted to untie it.This is a dream that needs to be carefully maintained. No one knows how to face the reality, they are not ready yet.

Wei Huai'en was silently picked up by Xiao Qi, turned around, took one, two, three, four steps, bypassed the low table, passed through the main hall on the next step, and then went up one step.

"stop."

She estimated that they had reached the position of the big dressing mirror and asked him to put her down.

She stepped barefoot on the familiar carpet, easily recognized the golden crow pattern facing the dressing mirror with her toes, and turned half a circle to confirm the position.

She took a breath and let it out slowly, then raised her hand and pulled down the gauze in front of her eyes.

The beauty in the mirror has smooth muscles and bones, slender and well-fitting, but there are some red plums on the jade white skin, and there are marks made by someone rubbing.

But she didn't look at herself, but looked at Xiao Qi who was half a step behind him in the mirror.The mirror surface is crystal clear, it is a treasure tributed by the sea caravan, and it clearly reflects his confusion and shame.

Her eyes seemed to ask: Why did you leave this on me?
He couldn't let his filth stain her watery eyes.Fortunately, her eyes fell on herself, like a baby who just came into this world, re-understanding herself and everything.

She turned sideways, saw the marks on her waist pinched by him, and slowly remembered everything she felt just now.

Just as she was about to reach out to touch the handprints he had left on her, a long robe draped over her body.

He then helped her dress and hugged her, skillfully blocked her eyes from continuing to explore, and then retracted his chin into the socket of her neck from behind:
"Aren't you going to take a bath?"

She put her hands on his arms around her waist, and after rubbing his wrists, she pushed him away:

"Yes, I can go by myself."

Xiao Qi stood where he was, and did not follow her figure any more.

After Wei Huai'en, who stood in front of him, left, he saw himself in the mirror without any cover.

Even though he was wearing trousers, he still felt that the mirror was showing his mutilated body hatefully.

He turned around immediately, casually wrapped his dirty robe around his body, and quickly returned to his bedroom to clean himself up thoroughly.

Come back in a hurry to remove or clean up any utensils that can prove what happened tonight, methodically and insensitively.

It was a long time before the sound of water came from the bathroom.

Crying is always associated with vulnerability, but for newborns who come to the new world, crying is just a way to wash their eyes and find a sense of control over their bodies.

Her body made her feel strange for a few moments, and she was reacquainted with these feelings under Xiao Qi's comfort. In a sense, he brought her to the adult world.

The warm water wrapped around her, hugging her and sinking down very gently.Like the amniotic fluid at the beginning of life, like the warmest embrace of a mother.

Inevitably she began to find fault with him.

Love is not something that cannot be talked about, let alone something sacred.This is an experience, she can also choose a few male favorites like Sister Jiafu, and learn everything in her spare time.

It was only because Xiao Qi treated her differently that she expected and demanded too much.

The baby's feelings for the mother will always start from the initial unconditional attachment, and later grow in knowledge, compare the mother with others, and then find a mature parent-child relationship.

To a certain extent, Wei Huai'en is also going through this process quickly, but she is too rational, so it is inevitable that she will be too harsh on Xiao Qi.

He has a sense of vulnerability that she loves so much, because she knows clearly how much he wants her.

But he is doomed not to be able to fulfill his wish, how pitiful and cruel.

She knew all this clearly, but stood calmly on the shore watching Xiao Qi sinking in the vortex, even like that snowy night when he just came back from the northern border, occasionally unable to hide her indifference and onlooker mentality.

Also because of this, he will never be able to find stability in the feelings she gave him, and he will never stop chasing after him throughout his life. Every day is a new day of her and him.

But it is this kind of relationship that can make her feel at ease. There are too few eternal things, and it is too difficult for him to love her forever. As long as she gives him some sweetness every day and makes him follow her tirelessly, she is already her. The most stable companion imaginable.

Someone better than Xiao Qi, maybe as long as she is willing, she will be able to find it.It's just that she still favored him, so she finally allowed him to take the last step for herself.

She might owe him a sincere heart, but that's the only way between them.Because the love he wants, others can't give him.Because no one in the world can afford the love she wants.

She couldn't let go of her obsession with imperial power, just like he couldn't let go of his obsession with her.

They can only understand each other.

Because they are not compatible with the world, even if they are not a natural pair, they are lovers who will be entangled together from now on.

It's just that his reaction afterwards disappointed her.As proud as she is, she can't accept any point of him shrinking back after that.Even if the relationship between them always depended on her to make more concessions, his hesitation still chilled her.

Listening to his movement outside, it seemed like some kind of signal to make her feel at ease, she washed away the traces, not daring to let her fingertips stay there for too long.

It was as if his surroundings had turned into strings of clues around her body, making it impossible for her to get rid of the residual touch on her skin.

Finally she walked out of the bathroom with a red face. He had already changed all the bedding, and stood beside the pillar in the hall with his head bowed. He was neatly dressed, as if what happened just now was a dream of hers.

He was always like this, always retreating as if fleeing the farthest distance after crossing the boundary, thinking that this would calm his conscience and allow him to deny the crime of usurpation.

But his conscience is at ease, what about her?
What she wants, does it mean that she always wants to get close to him, let go of her pride and self-esteem again and again, and get close to a slave?

Why can't he learn from Qingyun?
He never guessed her mind at all, what kind of slave is he?
Wei Huai'en took a few deep breaths to calm down his anger, then passed him without looking sideways, casually spread his wet hair and lay down on the bed with his back facing the outside.

"I'm going to sleep."

Mingzhou Prefecture.

After the knot in his heart was untied on the fifteenth day, Meng Keshu sent Li Kong away without letting him stay any longer.

Li Kong knew that their current situation was not enough for them to stay overnight, but the days ahead would be long, so he left without saying anything.

Before leaving, he restrained the thought of touching her cheek, got on his horse, and only asked:
"Can I still see you tomorrow?"

Meng Keshu met his expectant gaze and nodded.

He smiled very heartily, as if he hadn't been so happy for a long time, even the horse felt the master's emotions, and the back of him carrying him away was full of excitement.

He really breathed a sigh of relief, and let this heart get her response after being hanged for three years.

Tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow, as long as she is willing to give him a chance, it will be the dawn.

Meng Keshu closed the courtyard door, went to Pin Yan's room door and knocked.

"Boss, I'm ready."

Pin Yan dragged her into the house, and showed her all the delicate and soft camouflages he had bought by wandering the streets these days.

"Okay, at the Lantern Festival, we will take advantage of the crowds to change our appearance and go out of the city, but I still have to ask you again, are you really willing to follow me? I don't have so much moon silver for you anymore."

"Of course, I will go wherever my boss goes."

Pinyan nodded:
"You are kind to me, and your words are in your heart. What's more, if I am not here, what will happen if the boss is cheated by the villain again?
I am much worse than them all, so I will protect you from now on. "

Meng Keshu felt soft, squeezed her hand and didn't know what to say, instead he urged her to go back to the room to rest:

"Okay, master, we don't need to say anything, go back to the room and sleep for a while, and we have to cheer up to escape at night."

"Ah."

Meng Keshu hugged her taste, which was much higher than that of three years ago. She had a lot to say, and felt that anything they said between them seemed polite.

Back in the house, Meng Keshu found a piece of letter paper and left a farewell letter for Li Kong.

In her opinion, she has obtained the reason for the beginning of love and hatred from Li Kong. Now she owes no one, and she has cleared her debts. up.

Li Kong imprisoned her for half a year and monitored her for three years.But she also grew up from an ignorant boudoir daughter to a bird who finally had the courage and ability to escape from the cage. It can be regarded as the protection he gave her during this time, and they settled the matter.

The plan went very well. On the third day, they arrived at the town on the edge of the Mingzhou jurisdiction and found an inn to rest.

Pin Yan was still full of energy, so he went out to look for chariots and horses and asked for directions.Meng Keshu stayed in the room and lay down with her clothes on, planning to take a nap and have dinner with her when she came back.

She was sleeping soundly, but there was a commotion downstairs in the inn, waking Meng Keshu up like a frying pan that suddenly exploded.

　Which one is stronger in extreme pulling?Xiao Qi, I really hate that you are a piece of wood!
　　Of course, Xiao Qi’s twists and turns can also be understood. You may not understand the last chapter. Simply put, Xiao Qi completed it with the part above the neck, using his mouth.But he will also be sad because this body is nothing.

　　Next time I will use a very new method to help Xiao Qi solve it hahaha.

　　I always feel that I treat each of them badly. Although I like each of them very much, who can not suffer under the influence of fate and the times?
　　I'm sorry, Xiao Qi

　　
　
(End of this chapter)