departure tomorrow

Chapter 5 About That Past
Zhu Hao looked at Su Nan who was in a daze and said helplessly, "Sober up! It's here!"

Su Nan patted herself, "Okay, okay, awake."

Zhu Hao pulled Su Nan to sit down, looking at the white paper and brush in front of him, he suddenly had a bad feeling...

Those bad images suddenly flooded out in my mind...

"Stop doing it! Look at what it's been like after so many years!"

"What did you draw! Is this the result of cultivating you?"

"Don't you feel sick?"

"You are not worthy at all!"

"What did you get in exchange for nine years!"

Su Nan suddenly felt out of breath, those voices surrounded Su Nan's ears
"Others are better than you without learning!"

"What do you see yourself?"

Su Nan's eyes became more and more blurred. The strong pressure made her breathless, and her tears couldn't stop falling out. She only knew that if she didn't escape from here, she would go crazy.

Su Nan stood up abruptly and ran outside...

Zhu Hao stared blankly at Su Nan running out, a little at a loss

The nurse was also a little unclear about the sudden situation, "What's going on here?"

Zhu Hao seemed to have just reacted, "I'll go and see!" and rushed out to find Su Nan.

On the other side, Su Nan squatted in the corner and broke down crying. The thing that she dared not touch until she died, appeared in front of Su Nan today, which reminded her of everything.

Zhu Hao looked at Su Nan who collapsed, crying, screaming and scratching his head, and for some reason, his own tears also fell out.

Zhu Hao gently stepped forward to hug Su Nan and patted her on the back. Although he didn't know why, Zhu Hao knew that the reason for the sudden collapse must be the sudden stimulation of something that had caused deep harm.

Su Nan only felt that the surroundings were noisy. The words of those people who were especially noisy echoed in his ears. Su Nan covered his ears with his hands and finally broke down and cried, "Ah!!!! Don't say it!!!! Don't say it anymore .”

Zhu Hao was stunned and patted Su Nan on the shoulder lightly, "No one is talking, listen, no one is talking..."

Su Nan gradually calmed down after hearing Zhu Hao's words, but she was still speechless.

Zhu Hao hugged Su Nan and said softly, "It's okay, it's okay, there's nothing, it's safe now..."

Su Nan gradually let go of the hand holding her head, and looked at Zhu Hao with red eyes, "I, I."

"It's okay, it's okay, take it easy, I know everything, it's okay." Zhu Hao took out a paper to wipe away his tears and snot from Su Nan, "Don't cry, don't cry, your face is crying..."

Su Nan calmed down slowly under Zhu Hao's comfort, looked at Zhu Hao's eyes red, and asked, "What's wrong with you..."

Zhu Hao wiped away his tears, "No, I'm a little lost." Looking at the swollen eyes and scratched hair, he felt inexplicably distressed, and stretched out his hand to straighten Su Nan's hair, "Then can you tell me what's wrong?" ah……"

Su Nan looked at the cautious Zhu Hao in front of him and smiled wryly, "I'm afraid that you will laugh at me if I say it, it's useless."

"No way, why are you useless? Everyone is born with their own purposes." Zhu Hao held Su Nan's face in his hands, "Don't be so bad because of other people's quick talk just to satisfy your selfish desires." Words make myself so sensitive. You are excellent, you have to believe that you are excellent, Su Nan"

Su Nan shook her head, "It's not that simple..."

Zhu Hao asked cautiously, "Then can you tell me about it?"

Su Nan looked at Zhu Hao in front of him with sobs, and for some reason, he believed in him. In this dark corner, there was no quiet sound at all. At this moment, Su Nan chose to believe in Zhu Hao.

Su Nan began to talk about the collapse, which had to start from the source of the incident very early.

When I was young, my parents were not around, and I often lived in other people's homes. It may be to make my children's lives more fulfilling so that they will not be homesick, and they can also cultivate interests.But what parents don't care about is that they enroll a five-year-old child in a lot of cram schools, piano, painting, dancing, English, reading, and others, without asking the child if he likes it or not.What's even more ridiculous is that their family doesn't have the financial ability to bear these things at all, and they are not with their children because they go out to make money, and their mother is in poor health and sees a doctor in a big city. The children's childhood has almost no memory of their parents.But parents, just want their children to have a better life.As for the children, because they live differently from ordinary children since they were young, they are relatively precocious, and they know the hard work of their parents, without saying a word, and they are taken here and there by different people to go to class and sleep every day.After a long time, the child became interested in dancing.But the sky was unsatisfactory. One day the security guard took the child to school. Because the security guard was careless and didn't notice, the child's foot stuck into the bicycle wheel that was spinning rapidly. The security guard didn't know it. Stepping forward, the foot was almost rotten when I found it.She couldn't dance anymore, and she had to learn to walk again. The doctor worked hard to preserve her feet. Even though the girl was seventeen years old, the scars on her feet hadn't disappeared, and she couldn't walk for a long time.But the strange thing is that from the beginning to the end of the incident, the child didn't cry or make trouble, it was a bit strange to be quiet.But since then, the child has given up dancing, and the parents also feel that it is not good to learn too much, and it is enough to learn one subject well, so they decided to let the child learn painting, saying that he can take an art test in the future.The child silently agreed, and from that day on he started a painting process that lasted nearly ten years.In the past ten years, no one has asked her why she paints, and whether she enjoys painting or not.In the third year of junior high school, when everyone went out to sketch and came back, the bus had a car accident and passed by the cliff. The child happened to be sitting in the place with the most damage. He stayed in the hospital for a few days, because his father said that the hospital was too boring. back home.I don't know why her hand shakes when she draws since then, and she can't draw well at all. In this way, she ended nearly ten years of painting.This kind of ending is actually better for children.Because in the past nine years, she has endured too much pressure.The teacher's question "You have been studying for so many years, but you still can't draw well? You are not as good as others who just started. I am so disappointed in you..." Gossip from classmates "Aren't you very good? I heard that you have studied for a long time Haven’t you won many awards? Let’s draw it.” “Isn’t it good? It’s related! I still won the award, it must be because of the relationship.” My friend’s doubts are that I have learned something for so long? What are you doing? No way? Then what do you learn?” Parents don’t understand, “Why don’t you learn? Isn’t it good all the time?” You have to invite others to eat and give gifts when you are in school. How can you not get it in and cultivate it for you after studying art for so many years?" "You are already very happy, what was there in our era. I don't know what you are resisting." The child said Standing there listening to everyone's sentence after sentence. I don't know when, the child's best painting, she can't do it anymore, as if she has never learned it. I don't know why. What I work hard to learn is She can't learn well, and she will collapse when she sees these things... Resist. The child has changed and she has become closed... No one asks her whether she likes drawing or not, they are questioning and mocking her... All these make the girl collapse To the point where she lost control... The girl herself didn't know why, why she couldn't draw well after painting for so long, and she was always close to others.After drawing for so long, I can’t get anything out of my hands. I exaggerate to the point where I can’t even draw a single picture. Gradually, the girl resists drawing. She resists to the point where she will collapse when she sees what she draws. She is afraid of being judged by others after she finishes painting give pointers.What are you afraid of?Is it the fear of poor painting or the fear of other people's eyes?Maybe both, but what the girl knows is that since then, she can't and will never draw again...

Su Nan choked up and looked at Zhu Hao, "It's very useless, I don't have my own opinions, I don't live for myself and I don't live well for others, I can't get rid of the things I was most proud of, and I suddenly found that I don't like it at all , a thing that has been worked hard for ten years, suddenly broken is like a joke..."

Zhu Hao looked at the girl in front of him who said he was worthless, but he felt distressed but couldn't say a word of comfort, "It's okay, it's okay." Zhu Hao didn't know how to comfort her.

Whose fault is it?Let her become what she is now?alone?Not all of it?Those who gossip?Who can be blamed?
Su Nan wiped the tears from her face, "I know my problem. I can't keep avoiding it, but I just can't face it."

Zhu Hao hugged Su Nan, "You don't have to face it all at once... let's take it slowly." Zhu Hao patted Su Nan on the shoulder, "You have to believe that not everything in the world will have a happy ending , but if it’s not good, it’s definitely not the end. You’re in the middle of the development and you paused it. So, let’s take it slowly, take it slowly, it will always be okay, right, at worst, let’s go together Face it, if you have the courage to face it, you will find that there is nothing scary..."

Su Nan gradually slowed down, looking at the boy in front of him who was hugging and comforting him, Su Nan reached out and hugged Zhu Hao and said softly, "Thank you, Zhu Hao."

This was the first time Su Nan faced this matter, and it was also the first time someone was willing to listen to her talk about this matter.It seems that something that has been kept in a cage in my heart has been released...

Zhu Hao helped Su Nan up, "Let's go back first, okay, it's not good to stay in the dark place all the time, right?"

Su Nan supported Zhu Hao and stood up with difficulty, "Okay"

Zhu Hao lowered Su Nan's hat, "Trust me, just hold me, and I'll take you back."

Su Nan knew that he was doing this for his own good. After all, it was a long way back and it was not good for others to see it.

Back in the ward, Su Nan took off his hat, Jiang Ziwen looked at Su Nan whose eyes were swollen like blisters, and wanted to say something, but seeing Zhu Hao making a "shh" gesture, he didn't dare to say anything else .
Zhu Hao whispered something to Jiang Ziwen and went out.

Jiang Ziwen looked at the distraught Su Nan and said, "Why don't you lie down first..."

Su Nan raised her head in a daze, "En" turned over, covered the quilt and buried her head.Su Nan didn't expect that what had been kept in her heart for so many years would be released on such an occasion. In front of a boy she had only known for two days, she would release it without reservation, and this boy was very gentle. Comfort her, not slander and ridicule her like those people
I don't know how long I stayed there, Zhu Hao's voice came from outside the quilt, "Sister, let's take the medicine first, okay?"

Su Nan got out of bed to take the medicine, and then the warm water handed over by Zhu Hao, and swallowed it.

Zhu Hao said softly to Su Nan, "Let's rest for a while, brother will take you out to see the dusk and the tower, okay?"

Looking at the gentle and cautious boy in front of him, Su Nan felt an indescribable feeling in his heart.

"Okay." Su Nan nodded.

"Then I'll call you later." Zhu Hao let go of the water in Su Nan's hand, let her lie down slowly, covered her with the quilt, drew the curtain beside the bed, and retreated lightly go out.

Su Nan stared blankly at the ceiling and gradually fell asleep...

(End of this chapter)