If I don't have money to go to college, I can only go to slay the dragon

Chapter 1030 Bell

On the thirteenth floor of the office building, the elevator door opened, and the white corridor that Chen Wenwen was familiar with appeared in front of her.

Half a month has passed, and nothing has changed here, just like the last time she came here, birch floor, white tiles, dust-free ceiling, and vine-like patterns on the wallpaper are climbing wantonly in this extended tubular space. crawling.The more you walk in after getting out of the elevator, the more you feel like you are stepping into a white thorn garden. At the end, there is a bunch of red roses adorned there, with crystal dewdrops, which reflect the corridor, the girl in the white dress, and the collapsed The whole world.

Standing in front of the white office door, the rose in the vase on the seat beside the door was a bit out of place with this corridor, the brighter it was, the more desolate the corridor would appear. Chen Wenwen watched it stand outside the door for a long time before making up her mind. Determination knocked on the office door.

"Dengdengdeng" knocked on the door three times, and then the person inside said, "Please come in."

The door is pushed open, and behind the door is a minimalist office, without redundant decorations, desks, bookshelves, sofas, coffee tables, at most, a piece of ink with the word "heart" hanging on the wall is all you can see .In addition, it is worth mentioning that the floor-to-ceiling windows are fully open, and the entire wall is made of light-transmitting glass. The city outside is full of traffic. The buildings are squeezed together, and the remaining sky is like a jigsaw puzzle. Unfilled gray patches.

There was no one outside the corridor, the glass of the floor-to-ceiling windows was soundproof, and the only window was not open, so the office was very quiet. Chen Wenwen could hear the clear footsteps of herself pacing forward, as well as the faint sound of the wind breathing out.

She closed the door quietly, took off her shoulder bag and hung it on the plastic hook on the wall beside the door, walked to the white sofa in the middle of the office, sat down, and looked at the desk-chair sitting behind the desk three meters away. The working woman said, "Dr. Lin, hello, I'm here for a follow-up visit."

Chen Wenwen's pupils reflected the appearance of the woman behind the desk, today she is still so beautiful, Hepburn-style caramel-colored waist windbreaker, the collar is open naturally without restraint, revealing a large area of ​​skin and collarbone , so white that his eyes dazzled a little, Chen Wenwen involuntarily turned her eyes away and dared not look too much, for fear that she would not be so polite if she looked at it for a long time.

This woman is Chen Wenwen's psychiatrist. She just returned from overseas some time ago. She held an academic seminar in the domestic psychotherapy circle. Her unique insights into cognitive behavioral therapy and the accumulated special cases made many colleagues sigh. Chen Wenwen's parents also spent a lot of effort to make an appointment with this psychiatrist whose clinic happened to be in the city where her daughter was studying at university.

"Can't sleep, or can't sleep well?" The woman asked an intriguing question, but Chen Wenwen understood the meaning behind it.

"I guess your antidepressants should be more than imipramine. Imipramine is exciting and antidepressant, but your symptoms don't apply to this drug, so after taking it for a period of time you find If the effect is not good, I will definitely try to change the drug, I guess estazolam, diazepam, or perphenazine tablets?"

"In terms of sleep, his condition should be more serious than yours. His highest record is that he didn't close his eyes for three days, and he fell asleep on the sofa many times during his outpatient visits."

It's terrible, when did it start?No matter how many times, as long as I saw relevant reports, the feeling of panic and tension would flood the land and the sky like a tide, and my mind would be filled with a vast ocean, and I could not help but sink into the black water.She has also told herself several times that it is over, it is over, rationality speaks so nicely, but sensibility covers her ears, holding up out-of-control emotions as a shield.

As Chen Wenwen listened, the hand that was tightly grasped on the knee skirt began to move gradually, as if she was looking for a more secure place to hold it tightly.

"Yeah, why was it so normal for the first year, but suddenly broke out recently?" The woman turned her head to look at Chen Wenwen, her fingertips were filled with smoke.

"The same time. Nightmares, crowd terrors, claustrophobia?"

"Good boy." The woman smiled slightly, got up and stroked the girl's head, as if she was stroking some small domestic animal, and the girl didn't avoid it, but felt warm in her heart. No one has ever had such intimate contact with her. She avoids crowds and is also afraid of any strangers. Only this woman in front of her, whom she has only met twice, can make her feel repulsive.

"."

"Things that can help relieve your tension and allow you to temporarily divert your attention are considered good things, such as a sequel to your favorite TV series, a good movie is released, and the price of your favorite clothes is reduced. .”

Chen Wenwen's gaze quietly avoided the woman and hid under her eyelids. She finally remembered why she escaped from the consultation with her parents last time, it was because of this spicy anatomical questioning.

"Wenwen, don't be afraid, you are safe now." The woman's gentle voice sounded.

"Aren't these things counted if I passed the history of literature exam in my school?"

Her breathing began to slow down, and her heart rate gradually returned to a safe range, but the cold sweat on her forehead and the back of her dress reminded her that the previous panic was real, and the sense of powerlessness and suffocation still lingered in her mind It's been a long time.

"But my whole freshman year has been normal." Chen Wenwen couldn't help but say.

"Understanding the patient, empathizing with the patient, and then guiding the patient to make the correct cognitive transformation are the real core of cognitive therapy. So I always like to be straight to the point, but there are often people who can't stand this directness and fall I didn't intend to offend you by leaving the door, let her go with the last incident, you have already sat here, it means you have accepted my treatment." Halfway through the speech, the woman looked at Chen Wenwen and smiled.

After all, judging from his experience, this doctor has indeed cured many patients. Even if many people will slam the door halfway, at least those patients who are willing to go astray and come back are finally cured, without exception. Isn't it also the reason why she made up her mind to come back to find the other party?
Chen Wenwen feels that this beautiful woman is like a cutting knife wrapped in petals. When you are attracted by her tenderness and beauty, if you reach out to fiddle with the petals, you will be cut without paying attention.But she was so reassuring that one couldn't resist putting one's cheek against it at the risk of bleeding.

"Sorry, you said on the phone that you might be late for a while, so I wanted to deal with some other patients' cases in advance, but I didn't expect you to come on time." The woman finally raised her head and closed the ballpoint pen in her hand. Hanging it in the front pocket of the windbreaker, put away the medical records in front of him and looked at Chen Wenwen who was sitting on the sofa with a smile, "Wenwen, I'm glad you can come for a follow-up visit. I haven't seen you for a while. What's up recently?" Did something good happen?"

"Then he must trust Dr. Lin very much." Chen Wenwen said subconsciously.

"You mean?" Chen Wenwen was stunned.

But the final answer is that perhaps it is this style that makes this doctor's reputation in the industry so unique. This is an era when only being a maverick can be outstanding.

The woman walked back to the desk and sat down again. The ballpoint pen in her hand spun around for two weeks, and the closed nib rested on the table. Identify the specific symptoms that are bothering you now. Tell me, is it still the previous points that are hindering your normal life now? Has anything changed?"

"There shouldn't be any changes." Chen Wenwen whispered when she saw the woman looking at her calmly.

"I think if you have 11 points, you should change your answer without hesitation." The woman said slowly, "You are not the first case of a patient troubled by nightmares. I also met a patient who also suffered from nightmares, which caused numerous complications and caused him a huge problem in the quality of life."

"Stress. Wenwen. Everyone will have stress. Stress is the source of everything. There are many sources of it. When it accumulates to a certain extent and is untargeted, people will start to have mental illness. Crash, go crazy , suicide, etc., there is only one culprit for all mental illnesses, and that is pressure. The pressure of love, the pressure of livelihood, and the pressure of learning”

"Can I see the results?"

The woman didn't react too much, just nodded, took out the ballpoint pen in the front pocket of the windbreaker, turned it twice and wrote something on a new page of the medical record, "Are you still having nightmares?"

The most serious index probably refers to the despair index, and the three tests are naturally the Becker Self-evaluation Scale. The first two indexes mentioned by the woman are of course the obvious meaning, but more or less modern people in this The indices of the two scales will reflect some questions, but the final despair scale is a scale that directly reflects the tester's negative emotions about the future or suicidal ideation.

"Some things did happen at that class reunion." Chen Wenwen's eyes turned red, but she finally let go.

"There were actually some symptoms from that accident, but until the summer vacation of my freshman year, when I fainted from heatstroke by accident, it became serious."

The woman looked sideways at the lily-like girl sitting on the sofa, nodded and said, "I will help you, I promise you, I will definitely cure these diseases of yours, because I am a professional in this area. During this time In fact, I have also studied your case, sorted out my thoughts, and understood what you need now."

Chen Wenwen took out her mobile phone, flipped out a few pages of documents, got up and handed them to the woman behind the desk.

As the woman talked, Chen Wenwen buried her head lower, but the woman didn't really ask for a definite answer, as if she was just talking casually, "To treat many patients, the usual methods used by psychiatrists are according to The framing and conceptualization in cognitive-behavioral therapy to treat your own patients. This is the most common and efficient way of short-term psychotherapy. But I don’t like this set, to be precise, I don’t like it Go through it step by step."

"Did this help you relieve your anxiety and tension?"

"I don't like smoking because I don't have symptoms of nicotine addiction." The woman picked up a matchbox on the table, and with her slender white fingers, she broke out one of the matches, pressed it on the lighter paper and twisted it, Green smoke and flames rose with the smell of sulfur dioxide.

"Heatstroke fainted, I remember you said this last time, you were attending a class reunion, and when you left early to go home, you passed out on the side of the road due to heat stroke, and later your classmates found out and sent you there in time The emergency department of the hospital. In fact, all your illnesses were gradually aggravated to morbidity after that heat stroke."

"I can't sleep." Chen Wenwen said, "I couldn't sleep because I was worried that I couldn't sleep well."

"Actually, according to the process of cognitive behavioral therapy, we have now reached the stage of conceptualization. I should teach you a 'skill' to solve the troubles you are encountering now. After thinking about it, since I have abandoned the form of therapy , but still have to respect the core to give you advice."

"I"

"I don't need to repeat the bad nature and horror of that case. The overwhelming reports have spread to every periodical and newspaper in every city. It is a vicious case that has not been seen for a long time. Hundreds of innocent victims The perpetrators were kidnapped in an organized manner, controlled by drugs for the purpose of trafficking in organs and people, and hid in the high tower called Pearl Tower. Later, when the police cracked the case and raided the Pearl Tower in secret, a fire broke out accidentally, which made the situation worse. become more critical and haunting."

"The reason?" Chen Wenwen was a little stunned.

"Yes, you are one of the victims. Although you were rescued safely, about [-]% of the other hundreds of people who were rescued with you died of drug overdose. Few people survived in the end." The woman's expression slowed down,
"This is the origin of your panic. You are special, and you are also lucky. Although the police blocked the news media and protected the identities of all survivors including you, let you return to normal life and forget it as much as possible. That misfortune, but you still can't help but feel afraid, to fear what happened during that time."

"."

"10 points." Chen Wenwen gave the answer almost at the same time, with a slightly unnatural voice.

Chen Wenwen on the sofa did not answer this question, so her answer is self-evident.The woman behind the desk nodded lightly, "Did you take the three tests we did before?"

"Your first nightmare also started from that heatstroke." The woman said, "Can you tell me about the nightmare that haunted you and kept you up at night?"

After a moment of silence, Chen Wenwen whispered, "Imipramine, five times a day."

Chen Wenwen looked at the woman in front of her blankly, looking at the brown and clear pupils of the other party. She felt a strong sense of peace of mind from the intellectual eyes and the warmth from the slender white and warm hands on the side of her face. Finally calmed down completely, and nodded slowly in agreement.

"Yes."

"I don't mind, there are people who smoke in our dormitory, but this is the first time I know that you, the doctor, smoke too."

"Wenwen, isn't your current state quite similar to this example? The bad thing last year is over, but your lack of sense of security has never been remedied, so you have been having nightmares. You happened to be facing the college entrance examination at the time, and your attention was temporarily distracted, so the panic of insecurity was temporarily suppressed. Until after the college entrance examination, your symptoms reappeared and accumulated to a complete outbreak."

"When did these symptoms first start, and when did they start to deepen and peak."

Chen Wenwen grasped the folds of the dress with both hands supported on the skirt, but she didn't seem to have much strength, and the helplessness and sadness on her snow-white face were also suppressed as much as possible.

The woman paused at this point, leaving a blank moment. She looked at Chen Wenwen, and after confirming that the girl did not have a reaction that tended to stress after this period of time, she continued, ".That's what you were involved in last year. In that human trafficking case."

"Yes."

The woman put down her pen, then looked at the girl in a white dress with her head hanging down on the sofa and said, "Wenwen, we all know that, that incident has passed."

"Sense of security." The woman said with a chuckle, "During that period of crazily collecting rabies knowledge, it symbolized the time when they lacked the most sense of security, and the fragmented knowledge on the Internet was the source of their sense of security—— People who get enough sense of security in it can relax, while those with insufficient sense of security will choose to further get vaccinated to enhance their sense of security.”

"Don't lie. You know no one can lie to me," the woman said. "Just tell the truth, what medicine you took and the dosage. I won't tell your parents. You know, I won't tell anyone lie."

"No, you misunderstood me. What I want to discuss is that anyone who has raised cats and dogs must have the same experience, that is, being accidentally scratched by their own pets." The woman nodded Touched the back of his delicate and unscarred hand,
"Although owners are sure that their pets are not sick, such as rabies, they will involuntarily start to feel uneasy over time, and start to search for rabies and other related knowledge on the Internet to compare their own conditions. This uneasiness will increase over time. It just kept getting bigger and bigger until they literally ran into the emergency room overnight to get the vaccine, or at some point they just forgot and it ended."

Since all the women said that Chen Wenwen's current situation was not optimistic, it meant that the girl's mental state was indeed on the brink of crisis.A woman's diagnosis of a psychological problem hardly needs to be questioned.

"Both." Chen Wenwen replied.

"Which one will be more frequent?"

"I trust you too, doctor." Chen Wenwen took a deep breath and whispered, "Can you help me?"

The moment Chen Wenwen saw that photo, her breathing began to gradually become faster, and the sound of her heartbeat gradually became clearer and faster in her ears, as if something in her throat could not be coughed out, choking When the trachea is broken, the brain starts to lack oxygen, and the sound of the heartbeat also starts to impact the eardrum and the brain.

"Yeah, you mentioned that at the class reunion, you mentioned that you left early. I noticed this and left early. It was summer vacation at that time, and you were admitted to the Chinese Department of Peking University. It seems that there should be no need for extra cram school. You chose to attend the class reunion, which means that there will not be any major conflicts in the schedule, unless it is an emergency—or, something happened at the class reunion that forced you to Leave halfway." The woman said slowly.

"Things like stress will accumulate, and then explode at a certain point because of something, just like what happened to me was breaking the vow to quit smoking and starting to smoke cigarettes again." The woman looked at the fine hair on her fingertips Yan said, "In the first year, your uninterrupted nightmares that did not affect the quality of life already represented the accumulation of stress. The whole school year after the college entrance examination did not recur, which means that you gradually forgot about this matter. Things are like a scratched owner who forgot to have rabies, but suddenly there is a moment, a point, and you encounter something that reminds you of everything."

"You have lost your sense of security." The woman stared at Chen Wenwen, then suddenly asked, "Have you ever raised a cat or a dog?"

"A good thing?" Chen Wenwen rubbed her wrist unconsciously, "What is a good thing?"

"Will that help, or is it that after taking the medicine, you are still like what your parents said when you came last time, you dare not approach the crowd, dare not talk to any strangers, and you will lose control of your emotions if someone approaches you proactively?"

Chen Wenwen didn't know how to answer, nor did she know what to say. She chose to be silent, and sat there quietly. The gray sky outside the floor-to-ceiling windows shone in the office, bright and gray.

Chen Wenwen did not answer, her eyes fell on the coffee table, on which a newspaper was prepared, judging from the folds of the newspaper, it was already a very old periodical, and the date on it also confirmed this point, this is a A year ago in a news newspaper, the headline on the front page read in black and bold "Binhai Police Crack the Country's Largest Vicious Human Organ Smuggling Case", and the oblique black subtitle below it read "Hundreds of Victims' Bodies Found, Survivors" All have symptoms of drug poisoning and have been collectively sent to the hospital for emergency diagnosis] The picture in the newspaper is a tall tower by the sea. ladder.

"It seems that it is too early to enter the next step of treatment." The woman stood up, walked to the coffee table and put away the newspaper on it, and squatted in front of Chen Wenwen who was on the sofa, wiping the sweat from the girl's forehead with a tissue. "Have you taken any medicine recently? Your physical condition seems to be a big problem."

"Human memories are never fixed entities. Whenever a memory is reactivated, they enter a state of instability, and they can be modified or updated with new information within a 4-6 hour window after reactivation. You passively activated the same memory countless times at night during that year, subconsciously adding fear to that memory, and when this memory is suddenly retrieved at a certain moment in the future, the related emotions will also be revealed to you Pounced with claws, lingering in your mind, all the accumulated pressure completely exploded at this moment, surging ten times and a hundred times to fill your life."

It's over.she thought.

"Please rate your resistance and panic emotions in your dream. On a 10-point scale, 0 means no feeling of panic at all, and 10 means you are so scared that you are about to collapse."

"Did it a few times."

Chen Wenwen stared blankly at the other party, but without answering, the woman continued:

"I didn't sleep well." Chen Wenwen went out and put on some light makeup, mainly to cover up her unsightly complexion and dark circles. When she looked in the mirror in the morning, she couldn't even recognize herself as the person inside. For the first time, she felt very Ugly, ugly as hell.

"You said that your emotions started to get out of control, and the origin of the rapid aggravation of your illness was the class reunion last summer?" The woman looked at Chen Wenwen who was on the sofa, "I think, something must have happened at that class reunion, and the What is the incentive to completely ignite all the pressure you have accumulated over the past year, triggering a series of subsequent mental illnesses."

Is she really a qualified psychiatrist?Do psychiatrists really treat patients like this?Chen Wenwen thought so before.

Vicious circle.

"Okay." Chen Wenwen was a little hesitant at first, but after seeing the woman's reassuring eyes, she mustered up the courage to recall in a low voice, "In my dreams, there are always many people by my side. People took me up a staircase, and I was crowded among them and couldn't go anywhere."

"Sense of accomplishment? A little bit?"

Chen Wenwen's originally dull eyes brightened a little. The woman behind the desk slightly crossed her legs and subconsciously took out a box of ladies' cigarettes from her pocket. When she shook out the tails of the cigarettes, she suddenly realized something and looked up at the sofa. The girl on the bed tilted her head and asked, "Do you mind?"

After browsing for half a minute, the woman turned off the phone screen and hung it on the table, "The situation doesn't seem to have improved much, your anxiety index and depression index have even increased a little, and the last and most serious index also made me I'm worried about your condition."

The woman looked at the girl in the white dress who was breathing heavily and sighed softly, "Your symptoms have worsened."

The woman moved the thin cigarette between her lips, lightly lit it into the wooden ashtray containing coffee grounds,
"I am no exception. I also have stress. Some people vent their stress through sex and love, and some people drink too much. These are not healthy ways to relieve stress, but I am not qualified to criticize them. As you can see, my method of relieving stress is not healthy, nor advocated, and even has little effect, but this is my previous habit. It is difficult to know that once people form a habit in a certain behavior logic Then change it, so the method of choice must be scientific and cautious.”

Chen Wenwen was noncommittal.

"How's your sleep in the past week?" The woman took the initiative to open a new topic.

In Chen Wenwen's gaze, the lady's Mole fine smoke was roasted into flames, and as she inhaled and exhaled between her thin lips, the white and slightly fragrant smoke was exhaled from between her tongue and teeth. She didn't quite approve of smoking, but she completely It didn't affect her looking at the woman behind the desk smoking, which gave her a hazy sense of beauty.It's like white jasmine hidden in the morning fog, and the fog contains not only the deadly and tempting nicotine, but some fascinating deep emotions that she can't understand but do exist.

"Speaking of which, we mentioned stress. The nightmares you have now, insomnia, crowd panic and other symptoms are all caused by one thing."

"Thinking about it, it's not very pleasant. After all, the class reunion is a place where accidents happen frequently. You can tell me about this later. We have an afternoon." The woman nodded and said,

"Stop it." The woman reached out and gently stroked the girl's slightly pale side face, "Even if you need to prescribe medicine to help your condition, it shouldn't be this prescription. Imipramine is indeed a good antidepressant, but for It is not very useful for you now, but the side effects are strong, and a large part of your poor mental state is caused by it."

"You mean to suggest that I keep a pet? But our school dormitory doesn't allow it"

"Of course, did passing the exam give you a sense of accomplishment?"

The woman paused slightly, looked at the girl in the white dress and chuckled, "Perhaps... yes, he trusts me a lot."

Accompanied by this, Chen Wenwen suddenly smelled a pleasant scent of incense, white jasmine and coffee, that smell was like a straw falling on the vast ocean, she couldn't help grabbing the straw, and followed Guided by that gentle voice as a lighthouse, I gradually found the way back to the land of peace of mind.

"I pointed out before that your biggest problem now is the lack of security. I don't know what you are still afraid of. Is it the fear of repeating the past, or suffering from 'PTSD'? Dig slowly. But broadly speaking, the best answer to your insecurity is to find something that gives you security.”

"Actually, I think that even if I didn't dissect all this, people who are in panic will subconsciously look for something that can give you a sense of security. This is a person's instinct when he is helpless, and it will drive you subconsciously. To hold on to the one thing that will give you that calmness and not collapse in the traffic you've come here on the way here, and it's really the one thing that gives you that moment of real peace of mind."

After the woman finished speaking, she fell silent and looked at Chen Wenwen silently. To be precise, she looked at Chen Wenwen's wrist.

I don't know when it started, the girl with red eyes in the reflection of the floor-to-ceiling windows has been holding on to the pearl necklace on her wrist, like holding on to the last straw in the gray sea of ​​gaps between urban buildings.

(End of this chapter)