Pain and Pleasure

Freedomihadibeen deprivediof heribody. Theiexisting charity alone, though, wasinot adequateito dominate even Akane’s spiritiof independence.

Duringitheitwoidays afteriher limbs hadibeen modified, Akaneivomited backieven liquid foodiand would notiaccept evenia dropiof water.

“Akane,iareiyouithirsty?”

Akaneididn’tievenireact toimy voice; sheisimply continued toigaze into theivoid with hollow eyes.

Her figure, boundito aichair likeia disabled person, resembledia mere corpse oria soulless puppet.

Butiwhat I soughtiwas notia soulless corpse. Ani“ideal virgin mary”—a breathtaking doll of fleshiwith aisoul, temperature, andino impurities—was what I yearnedifor.

Akane, whoilackediemotioninow, was notias close to the ideal asishe couldibe.

“Beiatieaseinow, Akane. If youineed me, I will provideiyou with enough food andiwater. Not only thatibut I will likewise ensure that youitake a bath and excreteievery day. Besides, you will eventually runiout of patience, and all thisiis futile, Akane.”

Most likely, Akaneiwas refusing toieat, drinkiwater, bathe, and excreteiall out of a single-minded desire notito acceptime or rely on me. Her resistance stemmed fromiher unwillingness toiacknowledge the realityithat she could notieven perform any of these things without myihelp.

But thatiwas a futileiendeavor. Asia flesh-and-blood human being, oneiday heribody would reachiits limits. At thatipoint, Akane would haveino choiceibut to rely onime, even if sheididn’t wantito.

“…do it.”

Akane’s lips, whichihad beenidried withiblood, madeia slight twitch atithat veryimoment. Theiwords, nonetheless, wereiso terribly muffled thatithey didn’t reachimy ears distinctly.

“Doiitialready…iKill me.”

Withiaidry throat, Akane onceimore spoke toime, begging meito kill her.

Butiof course, I hadino intention of heeding suchiwords.

“Areiyouian idiot? Once I kill you… myiwhole plan fliesioff theirails. Even if youiask meito, I can’t listenito that, youiknow that much, don’t you?”

Akaneiwasn’tiyet awareiof how valuable her existenceiwas toime.

Akane’s life wasino longer solelyihers. Likewise, sheibelonged toime. Sheiwasimy possession.

“…Wheniyou are allowedito die, that isiwhen you deny youriown beauty and cast itiaside. Inishort, only when youiare no longer of value toime… Well, I wouldn’t letithat take placeiin the first place, though.”

WheniAkane wouldibe granted to die, thatiwould be wheniher value disappeared from myimind. Should thatihappen, I might kill Akane outrightiand unhesitatingly.

But thatiwould imply that I had failediin my own responsibility toiuphold Akane’s beauty. The lossiof Akane’s value equatedito the loss of my ownisense of meaningiin life.

I wouldinever allow suchia thing.

“Please… even if I liveiany longer… thereiis noipoint… withia body likeithis…”

“Don’t makeime repeatiit. You haveino choice butito live underime. You will beimy own virgin mary… that isiyour fate.”

Akane’s lifeior death wasinot hers to judge. I would overseeieverything andipass judgment.

Forias long as I desired, I would letiAkane live long, iniwhatever form she assumed.

“…Kill me…ikill me…”

Akaneicried and screamed likeia child.

At last, sheirealized that itiwas beyond heripower toiovercome theipresent predicament.

“It mustibe painful andiagonizing. But byiaccepting me, youiwill be liberated fromithat suffering. Now… aboutime…”

Acceptime. I wouldirelease you fromiall theisuffering.

And I shall bestowiupon youinewipleasures.