Nuke Miko: Chronicles of America

In the belief system of Flying Spaghetti, pirates who symbolize freedom are "the embodiment of absolute divinity" and belong to a profession that should be praised.

True Spaghetti Pirates were supposed to be "peace-loving explorers and messengers of justice": they handed out candy to children.

As for the murderous pirates of modern times, they have nothing in common with the "freedom pirates who love to have fun."

Therefore, the male priest of the FSM Cult should have a noodle pot/pot/bowl on his head, while the priestess should be dressed as a female pirate.

Then, of course, the Spaghetti Cult has its own precepts - when the "Legendary Pirate" Captain Moxie was meditating on the Salsa Sauce Mountain because he couldn't find a suitable pirate ship, he received 10 from the Flying Spaghetti God. A revelation from a stele engraved with precepts.

As a result, Captain Moxi lost two stone tablets, so there are only eight precepts left, which are called "Moxi's Eight Precepts", also known as "Seasoning Law".

Of course, in the face of these precepts, believers can obey or not, all freedom, because "the Lord doesn't care" (cooking is not mushy)!

As long as anyone cooks a bowl of noodles and eats them, he can convert to the Flying Noodle Cult without taking oaths, paying membership fees, or going through temple trials.The God of Flying Noodles welcomes those who don't know the truth to join the teaching for free for one month. If they are dissatisfied, they can quit the teaching at any time without any adverse consequences or side effects.

This is the most peaceful mainstream religion in the world. It has never provoked any war in the name of God, nor has it produced a single martyr.

Finally, every Friday is the holy day of the FSM religion, and believers can use this as a basis to ask their employers to rest on this day...

sex

At first, Bobby Henderson created Flying Spaghetti God, just a short-lived, self-entertaining satirical article to vent his emotions.

Unexpectedly, this set of absurd and comical teachings somehow hit the excitement of the majority of fun people-as a result, his sloppy "flying pasta teachings" turned out to be the "95 Programs" of Martin Luther's founding of Protestantism. ", with the help of the east wind of the Internet, spread all over the world in a blink of an eye!

Netizens from all over the world enthusiastically compiled scriptures and sacrificial rituals for the "Flying Noodle Sect", and translated them into many languages.I also drew religious paintings of the Flying Spaghetti Sect, made a model of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and then put it on a float to hold a religious parade, and even built a temple...

It didn't take long for FSM to become more and more fashionable, and obtained legal qualifications in the Netherlands, Denmark, and New Zealand, and was registered as a religious organization—although some were regarded as cults in some countries and ordered to be severely cracked down...but Seriously, how should we crack down on a church like this?

Like the world's major universal religions, because of the differences in the tastes of noodles among people from all over the world, after the flying noodle religion spread to all parts of the world, it also split into many heresies-such as udon noodles, dried noodles, and instant noodles. Zong, Mi Fan Zong and so on.

After this sect was introduced to China, it evolved into Feitian Ramen Sect, Regan Noodle Sect, Knife Sliced ​​Noodle Sect, Oil Splash Noodle Sect and so on.

But it doesn't matter, the followers of the Pasta Cult will never launch a "crusade against heresy" jihad, because "the Lord doesn't care" (it doesn't matter if it's boiled).

As of 2015, there are already 200 million followers of FSM around the world, of which 15 are registered believers in the United States alone, and it is recognized as the fastest growing religion in the world.

The FSM religion has developed so rapidly, in addition to the support of the vast number of Lezi people around the world, the noble character of the founders is also worth mentioning.

I have to say that Bobby Henderson is indeed called the "righteous man of the Flying Spaghetti God". Learn from Disney and rely on this famous IP to make a lot of money.

He just sold some T-shirts and teacups with the Flying Spaghetti God symbol printed on the Internet, and all the income was used to maintain and run the Flying Spaghetti God website.

But Bobby Henderson himself is still honestly working as a social animal, working part-time for a salary, and has never thought of getting rich from donations from believers.

Compared with those insatiable cult leaders in Japan, Bobby Henderson's virtue can be described as noble as Captain America.

Therefore, after the news of the death of Bobby Henderson "The Prophet" was spread through the Internet, the whole world really mourned for a while.

Although it is still far away from the "holy day" (every Friday) of the FSM religion, the majority of FSM believers all over the world, after a brief discussion, decided to "prophet (eat first)" immediately Lord Bobby Henderson, hold a memorial service in our condolences.

——Of course, due to the impact of the epidemic, the memorial service for Master "Eat First" was changed to online.

PS: It suddenly occurred to me that it seems that the protagonist can appear in the opening ceremony of the underworld of the Tokyo Olympics!

The real *Cthulhu Olympics?

Chapter 87: The Flying Noodle Cult, Appearing in front of People

Perhaps it was due to the "fanaticism of converts", or maybe it was simply wanting to be funny and have fun, so as to dilute the fear of earthquakes and plagues.

After learning the news of the death of the leader Bobby Henderson, Chen Qiuhan, who had just officially joined the Flying Pasta Cult for a few days, took advantage of the fact that he was idle in the house and did not dare to go out to play, so he actively took care of Bobby Henderson. Henderson Prophet (Eat First) Online Memorial Service.

He proclaimed himself the High Priest of the Flying Pasta Cult in Irvine City, prepared spaghetti Bolognese to make the statue of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and a small bucket full of the craft beer that the Flying Noodle Cult respected. This "Facial Nerve".

In the end, he also hung the black flag of the Flying Pasta Church in the backyard, and ate noodles for three consecutive meals to show the "flying pasta fast".

In short, apart from the lack of a cute female pirate in a bikini and a three-cornered hat, Chen Qiuhan felt that he had prepared everything he could.

Just like that, Chen Qiuhan took a deep breath of the aroma of noodles and beer, pressed the remote switch, and started his live broadcast today:

"...Cook! Today, we want to remember a great man, a selfless man, a wise man, and a brave man!

It is with great sadness that I commemorate the passing of Mr. Bobby Henderson.

His life was a great one. He bravely exposed the mask of the hypocrite and revealed to us the face of the true God!

His pursuit of freedom and truth has brought us countless inspirations and joys.

His adherence to beliefs and values ​​has made him followers all over the world.

Although he had foresight and was favored by God, he did not use it to seek personal gain, but gave everything that belonged to God to God.

This noble character is worthy of the apocalypse and love bestowed on him by the God of Face, and makes those god sticks who are greedy for self-interest feel ashamed.

Now, the great and wise prophet has rested in peace, saying goodbye to his family and friends, lying in the land he once loved.

It is difficult for me to express my respect for this prophet in words, so I can only offer my last blessings to him here.

O living spirit of the prophet Bobby Henderson!

In the name of Holy Noodles, Holy Noodle Soup, and Holy Meatballs, may the appendages of Mian God always touch you, may Mian God's sense of humor always surround you, and may the Eight Commandments of Moxi guide you forever.May there be more shrimp, more chicken breasts, and more meatballs on your dinner plate.

May the appendage of cooking be with you forever, RAmen! "

Speaking of this, Chen Qiuhan, who had a golden noodle pot on his head, raised his tall glass wine glass, drank a large mouthful of craft beer to moisten his throat, then picked up a piece of paper, and faced the camera, reciting aloud with a rich expression and a high-spirited tone An ode to the God of Flying Spaghetti:

"...I saw the true god knead the dust into heaven and earth with countless noodle hands!

I saw the wisdom of the true God forming stars in the universe!

I saw the thoughts of the true God turned into a magnificent light bathing all things!

I saw that the clay had a soul under the gaze of the true god!

I saw the son of the gods standing up from the thick stock soup of the noodle pot!

I saw God, by the hand of the Blessed One, cast a torch in the wilderness, and sow barley and wheat in the ashes!

I saw the true God enlightening everyone, and with the vague memory of being in the noodle pot back then, I copied the dough into the appearance of the true God's tentacles!

The excess grain is then brewed into beer.

So, every meal we eat is Holy Communion!

I saw that in order to teach the true meaning of human life, the true God taught people to experience all kinds of ups and downs in life through food and drink.

So people learned to make various toppings, sprinkled with oil, salt, sauce and vinegar.

I saw that the true God doesn't care what kind of ceremony we participate in, and I saw that anyone who worships noodles will be blessed!

I saw that every noodle we ate devoutly became a real holy body that pulled us out of the pot and led us into the kingdom of heaven!

I saw the brighter of the radiances, the wise eyes on the thickest of the two noodles!

Those countless noodles are entangled in the most mysterious order to form the body of a god!

And the countless tentacles flying in the air, emitting a dazzling brilliance.

The extremely warm and majestic Whip of Light of the True God!

I heard the kind voice of the True God, which seemed to be boiling and bubbling in a soup pot.

God said: [Those who eat noodles and those who worship me are blessed...]

At this moment, I burst into tears.

I know the true meaning of God, and I am truly blessed..."

——As a student of USC Film Academy, although he is not an actor, but under the influence of the campus, Chen Qiuhan has more or less realized the talent of acting, singing to the emotional point, it is really a voice Passionate and impassioned...

However, what Chen Qiuhan didn't know was that his house, together with the empty room next door that was stolen by someone, had now become a place of spiritual veins.

The spiritual power of the entire greater Los Angeles area gathers and pulsates under his feet, resonating with his chants.

Moreover, because of the "Ode to the Old Ones" that resounded over Los Angeles on the night of the earthquake, the Cthulhu Mythos jumped from a niche culture to a top Internet celebrity in an instant in the United States. Millions or even tens of millions of people, They are all talking about it, talking about it, and contributing their spiritual power.

But in a sense, the God of Flying Spaghetti who uses noodles instead of tentacles can be regarded as a derivative of the Cthulhu myth...

So, as soon as Chen Qiuhan turned off the camera and ended the live broadcast with unfinished business, he was stunned to see a huge holy light descending from the sky... Immediately afterwards, the flying spaghetti monster he made with his own hands also flew into the air from the dinner plate. It instantly swelled dozens of times.

The hanging noodle tentacles unceremoniously reached into the beer barrel with the top cover open, sucking up a barrel of beer in the blink of an eye.

Next, the Flying Spaghetti Monster let out a very refreshing "burp" after drinking the beer!

Perhaps, this is the first oracle of the God of Flying Noodles?

For a moment, Chen Qiuhan was completely dumbfounded, and felt that his three views of materialism were blown to pieces in an instant.

It turns out...there really is a God of Flying Noodles in this world!

And Bobby Henderson, who just died, really got the prophet of the apocalypse?

So, do Gods, devils, and Tathagata Buddha also exist?

He took a few steps back in confusion, and was about to hide in the house, but he happened to meet with Qiu Shanhui and his group who broke in from the next door.

"...Ehhh? Chen Qiuhan, why are you here? Also, what happened to the monster next to you?"

"...I, I, I don't know either! Girls, why are you here?"

"...We'll talk about our affairs later, and you are more important now! Uh, the shape of this monster... I understand, congratulations, Chen Qiuhan, you are now the God of Flying Noodles! Go and receive God's grace! "Qiu Shanhui squinted her eyes, understood immediately, and smiled at Chen Qiuhan.

"... Huh? The Flying Noodles God's Choice? Accepting God's grace? Are you talking about a horse?" Chen Qiuhan was confused.

"...Just go up and shake hands with the Flying Spaghetti God! Don't be afraid! Don't resist! This is your destiny..."

Chapter 88: The Face-to-face Church is established!

All in all, all in all, although I feel that the SAN value is very low, but after Akiyama Kei's repeated persuasion, especially after witnessing the obese black cat who often masturbated a few days ago, Chen Qiuhan, the "God of Flying Noodles" Still calm down, shook hands (noodles) with the flying noodles monster.

—well, a handshake so full of gravy and grease that you have to lick your fingers when you're done.

Then, he was truly enlightened, and obtained the magic and mystic wisdom generously bestowed by the flying noodles monster.

The first is the flying technique - the god-chosen prophet of the Flying Spaghetti God Cult, how can he not fly?

The second is invisibility - as the invisible and imperceptible God of Flying Face, invisibility is also a necessary skill.It's just that the invisibility technique bestowed by the flying noodle god is very tricky, it can only fool the naked eyes of people, but it can't fool any camera lens, as long as you turn on the camera with your mobile phone, you will be exposed.

Finally, there is "Endless Noodles" - this supernatural noodle can be eaten, but also can be used as tentacles to beat and bind people.

Because the writer of "Flying Facial Nerve" obviously has a strong taste in the relationship between the sexes, likes to play bondage and torture games, and also needs to be lubricated.

However, how to knock down or capture the enemy with noodles, this has to be practiced and explored by Chen Qiuhan, the "God of Flying Noodles".

When Chen Qiuhan, who was dazed, dizzy, and almost brain-exploding, staggered to the side and meditated cross-legged, the ancient fox god Yuzao also broke away from Qiu Shanhui's body. Squat in front of the Flying Spaghetti God with Buster the Cat God.

Next, the three gods had an in-depth and friendly conversation on the next world situation and the spread of belief.

——Fox, cat and noodles, this combination really makes people want to complain.

As for the result of the following conversation, the little witch Akiyama Hui couldn't help but want to complain.

——The three gods decided to unite to imitate the Greek gods and Nordic gods to establish a new pantheon!

In view of the bad reputations of Empress Daji and Tamazamae, and the indescribable Cthulhu Mythology is too terrifying, Tamazamae decided to use the identity of Inari God Yuyatsu, and version 2.0 of Cthulhu Mythology Cat God Buster imitated version 1.0 As the ancient Egyptian cat god Buster, he joined the Flying Spaghetti Sect.

And the servants of the gods have to reach a strategic partnership and form a missionary alliance, temporarily named [Face to Face Church]!

"...The Noodle Sect? Is this going to take the Feitian Pasta Sect as the main one? Don't you feel a little bit aggrieved? Madam Daji."

After letting the fox god get on his body again, Akiyama Hui complained to the nine-tailed fox god in his heart.

"...No way, divine power is sometimes poor. In order to spread faith, bowing to the strong is not a shameful thing."

The ancient fox god replied in a flat tone, "...I also dedicated myself to the mortal king back then, in order to find a shelter."

"...Is this a strong man?" Looking up at the flying spaghetti monster still floating in mid-air, Akiyama Megumi couldn't believe it.

——After all, no matter it is compared with the beautiful and powerful giant dragon and phoenix, or the Cthulhu gods full of indescribable horror, this group of noodles exuding the smell of food and beer is a bit... too much Being ordinary makes it hard for people to be afraid of Him.

"...Compared to Ben Gong, this ball of noodles is indeed a strong one. And it is a rare kind and generous strong man!"

Nine-tailed fox replied affirmatively, "...Think about it carefully, my child, this ball of noodles is famous all over the world, with millions of believers. If this is not considered a strong one, which god in ancient times could be called one? How powerful is it? More importantly, it is still a creation god!"

——Whether it is the ancient fox god Yuzaoqian or the cat goddess Buster (no matter which version), although they have a long history and few believers, they all have a fundamental flaw: they Not the god of creation, unable to support a complete god system!