There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns.

“This isn’t good,” Hero said as he eyed the ante-chamber to the throne room- a large round chamber that could easily fit scores of people or monsters. Alpha would agree, but he was busy trying to maintain his holy aura against the giant beast and its mistress, the sheer decaying power of the undead in charge was smothering. His golden aura flickered like a dying candle compared to it.

It wasn’t merely evil or dark. For one, evil wasn’t contained to mere necromantic or shadow arts; Alpha had learned that when he had to fend off a half-broken tree creature that was devouring people. It was bursting with life and power of the earth, but it was also evil.

In return, he had been tended to and welcomed into the home of a friendly necromancer who did funeral services and allowed final goodbyes in times of sudden death. So, Alpha knew evil didn’t belong to specific arts or practices alone... just as good didn’t either.

Darkness, shadows, and even death had gentle ways about them; just like light, life, and holy could.

But here? The necromantic energies were laced with hate, disgust, glee at every wound Alpha took... this was evil. It was also backed by something blacker than itself—a void that gnawed at Alpha’s being, a dark chill under all this frost-touched death.

Together, it made moving forward a bit of a hassle since every foe he battered down simply returned after a few minutes; even Hero’s powers of mushrooms could only take down so many in a sort of prison-like manner.

It became apparent that this Princess that Delta had warned him off had been keeping her best toys close to her rotten heart.

The skeletal dragon’s massive patchy yellow skull turned, empty eye sockets staring at them as a childish giggle emanated from the room beyond.

“I’ve never seen anything larger than a bear animated before,” Alpha admitted to Hero as he took a step back in preparation to either charge or run.

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” the little bug admitted, “this thing is absolutely leaking powerful magic. The bonus of being of the Dungeon, I see these sorts of things...” Hero admitted.

Alpha felt this was a boss. It wasn’t a ‘Boss’ monster, however, as it lacked the same energy that different dungeons could attribute to a particular monster. Still, in theory, a giant monster guarding the final chamber was a boss.

Alpha was apt in slaying such things on request.

“Should I end it?” he asked Hero quietly, gripping his sword tightly, causing it to glow.

“I think you’re worth more alive than dead,” Hero argued.

“Not to me,” a bratty voice said before, atop the dragon’s head, between its two horns, a pooling of shadows and mist shaped itself into the form of a girl. Her soft pink dress looked like it had just been freshly woven and stitched on to her body by a platoon of servants, flowing in the image of untarnished innocence.

Her white-gloved hands had ornate silver bangles near the elbows which glinted when she moved her hands. Alpha swallowed back a grimace at the face curtained by bouncy blond curls. He saw she had been a beautiful girl of royal features- barely visible cutting cheekbones and sapphire eye color.

The left side had all that humanity torn away, as if in rage, to reveal the naked skull underneath; unlike the other undead, her skull was deep ebony with a glowing red rune branded into the side.

“I am Princess Mharia, She of Settled Darkness,” she said, curtsying; somewhat by habit. Before she lifted her head, Alpha already let loose the most powerful holy slash he had in his arsenal, bisecting her through the neck and through the other side. The moon crescent flew into the ceiling, exploding the glossy black onyx stone walls, leaving a mess of dust.

Mharia brushed her dress despite it remaining clean; no wound visible from the attack. Afterward, she reached up and plucked the frozen golden line across her neck. She dropped it to her side with a tittering noise. The attack, after falling some distance from her form, shot off as if nothing had happened.

“First, you are quite rude. I haven’t had company in the longest time, and you just tried to behead me as if the peasants were revolting,” Mharia said before she stepped off the skull and began to float to the ground slowly.

“Two, your attacks lack...” Mharia waved a gloved hand as if searching for the right word, “passion. If there was any less spine in that attack? It’d be immune to necromancy despite how I stopped it dead in its track,” she smiled brightly, the thing warped as her skull-side tried to follow the expression.

“Lad, run,” Hero hissed, but there was a cracking noise as boney-fangs as large as the dragon claws slid across the way out, forming an intersected bone barrier.

“And, finally, as all good things come in threes,” Mharia stopped between Alpha and the Dragon, tilting her head. “You’ve come from the direction of big sister Delta; you must simply be my guest and tell me how-” the girl said, her voice chirping like a bird. She suddenly gurgled as Alpha’s sword buried itself into her open mouth with a flash.

Alpha... didn’t remember moving; but he felt that hot bubble of anger at this thing claiming Delta as her sister. They were nothing alike. The skull cracked and the hands spasmed before the figure collapsed into a dark cloud before like a phantom, Mharia reformed unharmed inches away, two dainty fingers on the tip of his blade.

Her tone was flatter now as she spoke.

“I forgot pain was a thing,” she said before rolling her shoulders.

“Now that was passion. But why the anger? Hm, scion of the Two?” she asked lightly, dancing away from Alpha as he twisted his blade at her with a jab. Alpha narrowed his eyes but with a forced measure of breathing; he didn’t rush into attack as the demon girl danced between her pet dragon’s claws.

“Delta isn’t your sister; she would never feel as foul as you do,” Alpha said calmly. Mharia tapped her chin as if speculating.

“Oh no... this will simply not do,” she sighed as if deeply let down by Alpha. She lifted her dress slightly as she began to shuffle towards him, her voice becoming delighted.

“Don’t tell me you think those thieving Two designed Dungeons? Don’t tell me they’re taking credit?” she giggled.

“It’s not cute to tell such ugly lies,” Hero said, his tiny insect self having been silent as he eyed up the dragon. Mharia eyed him with clear interest but shrugged.

“The concept, at least. Where do you think you are? Some old stinking castle that I was stuck with? Oh, you foolish boy, open your senses. A final chamber, having to face rooms of monsters that rebirth themselves, a big pet with myself in the doors beyond on a throne of power!” Mharia stretched her hands to the sky as if inhaling fresh air instead of the stale wind.

“So, you’re the crappy prototype, the older dungeons are the beta, and Delta is final release; I don’t see how this changed why I’m going to destroy you,” Alpha said coldly.

Mharia seemed to test the words aloud.

“Beta... release... hm, I don’t know these words exactly, but I will,” the girl turned and the skeletal dragon raised her up with its claw, its joint spinning unnaturally.

“Let me ask you this; Warrior of the Two. Do the Two, the Sun, in particular, seem that creative? Able to see people and work with them? They weren’t to me, not when I was on the surface. They were forces of nature; not caring deities,” she said, then pointed at him.

“Do you think they really changed all that much when they stole the One’s design off us?” Mharia inquired.

Then she smiled and it was the most wicked thing Alpha had seen since he awoke in this world. He worked under Perhal; so this was no small feat.

“Delta is my sister; far more than she is yours. Her existence links her to me, to us... to him and through her? The world will be changed. It’s a war between the One and the Two to see whom can control that chaos in the end,” Princess Mharia declared.

“Ah crap... don’t tell me Sis and Bro installed Delta on EvilGod hardware...” Hero hissed.

“It doesn’t matter. Delta won’t hurt people. She won’t corrupt. She won’t do anything this cult approves of,” Alpha said simply as his glowing aura began to blaze. Mharia made a sound of annoyance, flipping a pink fan open as if to protect her face.

“You don’t get it, do you boy? She’s-” Mharia began before something in the shadows, the air, the stillness of the silence between words suddenly pulsed and the girl grasped her voice as if something was gently squeezing her throat.

At that moment, Alpha felt cold fear fill his veins as a single word echoed around them.

“No.”

It was spoken by a man with a polite tone, but Mharia’s single human eye went panicking before she was released. The presence faded and the girl rubbed her throat, scowling.

“Fine,” she spat at the air before she turned to face Alpha once more.

“Regardless of Delta’s actions; you, my little soldier, will be my guest,” she snapped her fingers at her dragon who had been watching.

“Smokey-wokey... crush some legs and the bug. Keep the boy alive,” she instructed the beast. There was a beat and Mharia slowly turned on her pet, face wretched with rage until she saw the thick growing vines that had been snaking into its ribcage, blooming a carpet of mushrooms with a strange glowing tip.

The dragon shook once but was quite stuck.

“Oh, Marrow?” Hero called, sounding smug as his light flickered harshly, showing he had spent everything he had in this form to do this one task. The girl’s head spun on her neck, cracking the spine in fury as she simply didn’t bother moving her body as well.

“Mushrooms are an extant form of life and death, you smug little brat,” he yelled as the Starlight Mushrooms inside the dragon began to reach their critical mass of charging.

“I’ll consume yo-” Marrow screamed, the rest of her skin falling away to reveal the black lich beast underneath as the pink dress rotted.

The Starlight Mushrooms exploded, filling the ante-chamber with blinding light.

---

Nu felt... sick. He wasn't sure if it was the human body he was practising or just the idea of being human instead of a screen...

He didn’t know why as Delta got her little army ready to clear out the rest of the rooms connected to the garden. It was almost premonition in essence; a feeling of something... bad on its way.

“Right, so we’ve dealt with the lab, the zoo, the pit, the access to the kitchen, the forge... what’s next, Jack?” Delta asked, oblivious to the tightening of Nu’s non-existent stomach. Before Jack could answer, the entire Dungeon floor shook violently as a shockwave travelled through it.

There was a silence before something large began to move towards the large double doors. Nu tried to gather a sense of the other side by what little rooms were claimed, but it was a jumbled mess of Silence essence vs Delta’s mana, like static in his mind.

Delta had no such issues. Nu could see it by the way she turned, almost rotating in the air that she could see exactly what was on the other side.

“Move back,” she commanded to everyone, Jack especially given his Contract stage. Delta’s tone was that serious one. Nu knew it was the tone that meant ‘I’m about to explode a soul with sheer anger or adopt something violently’.

Another pause and Nu was getting a clearer image as the thing moved deeper into Delta-claimed land. A large four-legged skeleton with folded in boney back protrusions. It stopped before the double doors and Delta tensed, getting ready to do something that Nu was certain not even she knew exactly what.

Delta tended to be like that; more fly by the seat of things.

There was a harsh knocking.

There was enough force in each knock that Delta’s protective runes flared brightly, smoking in protest. Delta’s voice spoke out seconds before Nu could give out a warning of his own.

“GET DOWN!” she screamed as the creature slammed into the doors with a violent burst of energy, producing strength beyond its previous efforts. It caused the top of the wooden doors to explode out in enhanced sturdy shrapnel, turning Delta’s protective rune-enchanted wood into dangerous projectiles.

The Guardgoyles all turned to stone, forming a protective wall around Jack as the trolls roared as the pieces embedded themselves into their thick skin. From the smoking wreck of the door, a massive skeleton dragon stuck its head through the door, half of its skull black and glowing with a red rune that looked like an eye with the ends crossed in a stitch.

“Knock, knock,” the Dragon sang out in an unsuitable voice of some child trying to sound bright despite the fury coating each word.

Delta stood unphased by the rubble or the dragon; her face pinched in anger.

“No? It’s fine, I can finish the joke myself. Who’s there?” the dragon’s jaw unhinged like a demented puppet.

“Delivery Dragon. There’s no punchline, but catch!” Marrow said and the massive claw flung something at Delta’s feet, the body rolling limply with a mess of hair., it was followed by a snapped sword, the pieces clattering together loudly.

Alpha laid there, his chest was unmoving.

“Al...pha,” Delta bent down, hands shaking and around the room... the Dungeon, lights began to flicker. Nu could feel the systems start and end, reacting to the sheer denial Delta was flooding them all with.

The dragon tilted its large head before giggling.

“Oh don’t be sad. He’s not dead; not yet,” Marrow said playfully before a wispy projection of some sort showed a throne room with some light orange light pulsing inside a dark crystal, it was slotted into the throne’s top.

“I’ve decided that this little cold war and being ignored? I’m just not about that, sister. So, to encourage you to get a move on... you have...” Marrow hummed as in the projection, the crystal was slowly squeezed by a boney device like long fingers, slight cracks forming in the crystal’s surface.

“24 hours? I think that’s fair,” Marrow shrugged the dragon’s body, a weird display. Delta blazed orange, doing the same thing to Marrow as she did to the skeleton and the spider queen, but Marrow merely glowed a blackish-green in return, throwing Delta back with a backhand of soul.

“Let’s not be uncouth. In a direct soul battle? You’re strong, I love that about you, but you’re so unrefined,” Marrow said and Nu moved in, trying to attack her from the side; but she was near impossible to even get close to. It was like Delta, but backward. If he got too close, Nu could be consumed to serve Marrow as if she was some...

Dungeon thing.

“Give Alpha back before I wreck you,” Delta said, voice dark as she climbed to her feet, her mana swirling around her like a storm. Marrow went to chide her again before the claw that had thrown Alpha into the Dungeon and was still mostly in the Dungeon proper exploded into bone shards and dust.

Marrow let loose a scream, backing off in confusion and rage as her pieces were fizzled to things so small that even Nu struggled to sense it. It was then that Nu saw something in Delta that he had only seen glimpses of before.

Her pure Dungeon side. It was like a cloak that settled over the avatar of her Dungeon Core. The small things of microexpressions, tells, habits, and even fluid motion of her hair and clothes all came to a complete stop as she took a step forward. Shards of Delta’s door began to spin around in the air above Delta, who leaned forward, her body a single flat plane.

“24 hours? Kind of you, but I’ll be along promptly,” Delta said, tone flat as she raised one hand, the shards instantly slammed together into a giant orange wooden stake with Delta’s protective runes inverted on the side.

The stake pulsed once, orange light leaking out of the cracks of the held-together weapon. It exploded forward with pure mana catapulting it and the thing speared through the dragon skull, carrying it into the hallway beyond, pinning it to the door like a bad omen to those beyond. It shook and spasmed as the orange light spread through it, destroying it from the inside out.

Marrow’s black shadow and rune fled off the beast like an inky infection, vanishing like smoke into the darkness.

Nu would be impressed if he wasn’t suddenly worried by the rage in Delta’s eyes. Her voice gazed on the castle beyond.

“Knock, knock,” Delta said quietly, her voice vibrating every mote of mana in the dungeon simultaneously.

“Who’s there?” Nu asked simply; trying not to upset her more. Delta put her hands on the remnants of the protective door, melting it down to reuse energy.

Delta’s hair began to move in motion again and the empty coldness retreated before she exhaled.

“Orange,” she looked up at his screen as her monsters began to surround her in ready support.

“Orange who?” he sighed knowing he should have let her stay a murderous Dungeon with no morals for ten more minutes.

“Orange you glad I’m done playing nice with this kid?” she said, smiling without any humor.

Nu was sure she was done playing nice before Alpha had his soul ripped out his body; now? She was now approaching ‘rude’ which was a new low for Delta.

“What’s the answer now? Negotiations? Invasion? Hacking her soul?” Nu listed. Delta thought about it then answered.

“No, Nu. Today, I have chosen violence as the answer. I’m going to unleash everything I have and cause enough war crimes to get a convention named after me,” she promised as she held up her hand, and something formed.

It wriggled as it fell to the ground sniffing.

The little pig looked at them, the cheerful mushroom on its back shiny.

Then two more were made... then five... then ten...

Nu backed off as the pile kept growing. Some variants appearing like Piggleshroom’s with laser mushrooms on their back, some with a burning mushroom that turned them red and aggressive, some with combos Nu would need to research. The pile grew until it was bigger than the surrounding trolls.

Underneath it all, as if channeling the voice of a god, the unseen form of Delta let loose a warcry.

“Critters do not contribute to MONSTER NUMBER LIMITS!” she yelled as the pile began to surge towards the opening of the door.

The swarm moved in crying oinks, somewhat gripping each other as a rough giant pig hoof made the first step forward. The writhing mass of cuteness and oinks began to sort themselves in delight, shaping the pile into something more, but ever in flux.

The ones with the Starlight Mushrooms clustered near the eyes and twin laser beams of about twenty Piggles were unleashed in twin howling bursts. The amalgamation opened its mouth where the ember Piggles gathered, all of them unleashing their normally tiny embers into a single ball.

Then it happened.

Delta pulled out her trump card.

From the ceiling, watching mushrooms dancing with Maestro’s music began to cluster, forming a secondary body of Maestro, smaller, but one he could fully possess. The clump gathered then fell onto the already massive critter mass.

“A copy body with none of his powers, but full intelligence is considered a critter, but I don’t need anything but his mind,” Delta said as the roots and thing began to rise off its front legs, the mass reshaping itself.

“I... am alive!” Maestro’s voice sang as the thing became some demonic pig gentleman with a cane made of Piggles.

“I’m... not... done,” Delta hissed at the darkness beyond the door.

From the dining room, clearly using the kitchen dumbwaiter to get down faster, a black carpet of spider critters rushed into the garden.

They were led by the dancing royal spider nobility of wicked weaves and friends.

They joined the mass, webbing weak parts together as the majority of the tiny forms pushed out of Maestro’s back forming four more chitinous legs, the things as sharp as any blade. After a moment, Maestro smoothed down his spider-silk armored tux, the Piggles were strung together, and all the legs were in the best place to propel Delta’s monstrosity in any direction.

“Well, it’s nightmares tonight,” Dozer the Guardgoyle announced bluntly.

“What is this thing?” Doctor oozed in delight, holding his plague mask cheeks with delight.

Delta looked haggard from the effort of breaking every rule she could in rapid succession.

“The System said it can’t classify it as any one thing so I guess I get to name it,” she said with a grim tone.

Then she smiled and it was unkind.

---

“Symphony of the Nightmares. A little ditty for Marrow to make sure she learns why you don’t hurt people I promised to look after,” she decided, telling Nu.

“Then let us sing into the abyss,” Maestro declared, the giant form of writhing Piggles and Spiders making each movement echo with the sound of moving flesh against flesh, oinks with chitters.

“24 hours? Marrow, you idiot... you should have just run,” Delta summed up as the form moved into the pseudo-Dungeon space beyond, holding together through sheer webby-mushroomness.

The first wave of skeletons rushed it, trying to stab her Symphony’s feet, but the skeletons’ forgot something or simply didn’t notice. Delta’s Symphony didn’t have one mouth...

The giant stilled as countless Piggles and enlarged spiders turned outwards, stubby teeth and fangs visible on every inch of her creation.

Delta’s war song had a choir.

Now, if she just got this mass close enough to Alpha... also Hero, who was protecting Alpha from Marrow’s corruptive influence...

Then the real monster would form.

Marrow wanted to play?

Delta would play. Delta would play hard.

But just in case?

Hob and Gob were already running to Durance for Ruli and Quiss. She would not risk Alpha’s soul on her cobbled together no-thought plan.

And, just because it was Alpha? She was already using Hero as a beacon. If it came down to it? Delta would contract him through Hero... and respawn him. Where she would put him? She didn’t know, but she had access to that dead Dungeon, if nothing else.

Then Marrow would be contracted. Then Delta would destroy her.

Then Marrow would be respawned. Then Delta would destroy her.

Rinse and repeat.

Delta hoped her human side came back quickly from wherever her Dungeon rage had pushed it. Sociopathy was a little too easy to settle into.