There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns.

“-and that’s why you don’t remove people’s hearts in an attempt to honour me or them in the image of Hero,” Delta said briskly, foot tapping on the ground below. She stood there having the entire cavern of Pygmies staring at her in awe.

Delta pointed to the shaped Mana she had floating over them all. One showed a heart floating over a dead stick man with Xs for eyes and a massive cross over it.

“Heart outside for visitors, bad!” she said firmly. She moved onto the second image of the heart inside the person and them smiling and a little happy figure of herself giving them a thumbs up.

“Hearts inside good!” she stressed.

The Pygmies all started to do a strange wave left to right, little arms of spears in the air.

The chant started not long after, their spore language and puffs coming in exciting manners.

“Heart in, gooood!”

“Heart out, baaaad!”

It was a little cultish, but the message seemed to be taken well. Delta really couldn’t ask for more of the little devils that she found too adorable for their own good. Nu folded himself in since he was quite clearly done being Delta’s blue board for the demonstration of why sacrificing guests was not productive to the Dungeon experience.

If they weren’t such little stab-happy creatures, I’d advocate for clearing them out.

Nu glowered as the Pygmies started bowing at him, while two fibre-threaders were already planning the creation of a fungi-thread mural where Delta squished the blue demon of Nu into a learning oracle.

These fellows were... intense if nothing else!

“From overzealous to undermining... let’s go yell at Wyin. Kidnapping Adventurers is bad enough, ignoring the potential sacrifice of one is quite another thing entirely,” Delta sighed and decided to check on the rest of the party before she left.

They had entered the maze beyond the Pygmy Village. The twisting narrow passages had tiny holes for the Pygmies to fire blunt darts or make noises from littered across their mural surfaces.

Only a few starlight mushrooms dotted the place to show the way and help illuminate the mural, which showedGrim screaming when a Pygmy touched his neck as he turned a corner, Kemy hyperventilating as the walls slid in closer in her mind (it actually wasn’t in her mind, the Pygmies very slowly had the hall narrow at one end over time using devices Delta had installed out of sight)... Amenstar twitching at every noise and Poppy... she actually wasn't bothered, but still! Delta hadn’t meant to make a spooky maze, but there it was all the same.

It was just missing some proper shifting walls, mist, and spooky noises.

They’d be there for a few moments more, then they’d have all the keys necessary to reach Wyin. Delta really needed to sort the tree out before more innocent children fell into her grasp. She took off, giving the second floor a once over as she flew past. Monsters looked settled. Bob was upstream sunbathing, Gramps was meditating in the frog spawn room as always, Renny was... teaching his spooky skeleton crew how to perform circus acts.

Critters ran wild, chasing each other, mimicking the prey and predator act until one gave up or the other was caught then they both just nod and clock out, like a wolf and a sheepdog clocking out of work at the end of the cartoon.

If the first floor was mystery and fantasy... the second floor was paradise, in Delta’s biased opinion. The pure unfiltered best parts of nature. Nothing would eat you if you respected the rules. No insects would bite you and the fake sky wasjust warm enough to be soothing.

Sure, the pygmies might rip out your heart or Devina might be spooky and Renny didn’t help... and Wyin... was Wyin... there might be a few black spots on Delta’s lovely banana of fun, but nothing was perfect.

Delta especially wasn’t perfect. The very gods of this world had been blunt about telling her how badly she messed up! They still liked her, though.

She stepped into the boss room to see Wyin setting out a mass of roots in the shape of a table and Deo was cheerfully devouring honey, different plants and slabs of meat cooked by Jeb from the floor below. Fera and Wyin didn’t quite get on...

“Oh, you little dewdrop. Tell me how lovely my eyes are again,” Wyin almost sang. Deo nodded enthusiastically as he swallowed the chewy meat that was barely not-burned. Jeb was improving!

“THEY’RE LIKE WARM AMBER AND SWEET HONEY! YOU HAVE THE BEST EYES OF ANY TREE I’VE EVER SEEN!” he beamed, red hair flopping across his brow as he nodded.

Wyin made a chittering sound like a small bird singing in delight. Delta was pretty sure Deo had never seen another tree with any body part, let alone eyes, but she didn’t bring that up. Wyin paused as she saw Delta standing there. Delta mentally gave herself a check over, trying not to gasp as unbeknownst to herself, her avatar had gained more definition.

Was this because of Hero and the efforts he made on the third floor? Her business shirt remained crisp and wrinkle-free, her simple tie reached down her stomach and looked the same, her long skirt that brushed her shins remained fashionable at least. Shoes were a new addition, on the other hand.. Sensible short heels and barely visible ankle socks. A watch in the same orange hue had appeared and now that she noticed it, the heft was comforting. The face of the watch simply read all around the circumference ‘Delta Time’.

Was she some... receptionist? No... the idea felt wrong. Delta didn’t feel like she was in the position of those admirable workers who balanced incoming requests and their bosses’ orders and still managed to look amazing at the end of the day.

Delta was... she was...

“Listen here!” she said, voice serious, demanding Wyin’s attention. The tree woman stiffened.

“Oh... Delta, I didn’t see you there,” Wyin managed not to be simpering. Deo snapped his head up, looking around in excitement, trying to spot Delta.

“Oh, I know you didn’t see me. You also seemed to have forgotten about me and my clear instructions and requirements for this Dungeon to run as a happy place where we. All. Don’t. Die.” Delta stressed that last bit, taking the metaphorical gloves off for the first time since the Pygmies needed a dressing down for bothering Jeb.

Wyin brushed her face with a branch, not quite meeting her eyes.

“The boy is fine,” she gestured to Deo who waved frantically.

“After you were forced to intervene after others had come to you for aid which you ignored after you had your temper tantrum. That’s a lot of ‘afters’ Wyin, Floor Boss of the Second Floor, my agent for this floor,” Delta said, voice like steel. Wyin dropped the innocent expression.

“I didn’t know my task was to protect every idiot that wandered into this floor. It’s also a bit harsh to blame me for what the little pests decided to do of their own accord,” she said, perhaps sulking just a tad.

“They’re learning. You know better,” Delta cut that argument off before it could take root. It wasn’t a guess . Wyin was simply formed with a far more logical mind and much greater intelligence that most of the Pygmies combined didn’t possess. The woman was quiet for a few seconds.

“Then perhaps I am not the boss you need,” she said with a turned face, detaching herself from the conversation. The words should have made Delta soften her words or perhaps decide something was up, but something inside her... an urge or old swirl of thoughts rose up.

“Stop running. You hide behind cruel words and barbs, indifference and snide comments, but you need to stop running from anything you see that could actually hurt you. You will not be released from your duty - because we both know it’s something you enjoy, a measure of pride. Wyin, Spirit of old and new, grown from outside the Dungeon... you feel like an outsider,” Delta’s voice took on a strange hitch and Wyin snapped her head to her, those amber and honey eyes wide and angry.

“No, I just don’t fit into this world where every damn plant and rock loves you like the sun shines out your back end and your words can make miracles. I don’t have that love, I don’t have that devotion but you know what? I wish I did then it would all be so much easier to be here and maybe you love me back!” Wyin snapped and silence filled the room.

Delta closed her mouth with a firm set to her jaw.

“If I didn’t love you then you would have been demoted or shipped off by now. Wyin...” Delta took a calming breath then walked forward as Deo looked between Wyin and where she was looking at with a deep frown.

“I do love you but I also know how fiercely you value your sense of self,” Delta began, which had always felt true to Delta.

“I don’t treat you like the others, that’s true, because I don’t want to erase the part that came with your creation. A part that isn’t my Dungeon, but is just as essential to who you are as Fran is with Bacon or Renny and his Circus. This is a learning thing from both of us and I am sorry you feel like I was isolating you when in truth, I was just giving you space to figure things out,” Delta admitted.

“All I figured out is that life hurts and everyone discards you in the end,” Wyin said quietly and Deo looked horrified as he read her smooth wood-like lips.

“THAT’S WRONG! REAL FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE UNTIL THE END! I’M BROKEN INSIDE BUT MY PARENT’S DIDN’T GIVE ME AWAY!” Deo exclaimed fiercely. Wyin let the boy jump down from her roots without a fight.

“Then you are fortunate enough to have a better life than I did, be this one or the last. I messed up the last one and I keep pushing the envelope on this one. There is a sickness in my mind, little Dewdrop, a little voice that keeps telling me to push and push until everyone is gone. That voice is me,” Wyin said, sounding serene in her sorrow.

There was no actual curse or sickness that Delta could detect in Wyin, but she understood what her boss was saying.

Some people created a void of loneliness in their life and have nothing to fill it with but self-loathing or hate. Delta’s hand brushed Wyin’s trunk softly.

“Maybe you’re pushing against the wrong thing, but I think that’s a talk we can have later, just between the two of us, and we can have it often,” Delta promised and Wyin didn’t look at her.

“Sounds like a lovely time. I’ll save my enthusiasm for if it happens,” the tree said softly. Delta would take that.

You couldn’t handle or fix trauma and issues in one talk or a single song. Although Delta was an idiot sometimes, she wasn’t foolish.

---

Grim looked up at the large gates underneath the giant tree. The roots winding down and forming the gate frame. Beyond the first gate were two more and Grim hoped one of the keys they had weren’t fakes.

He really didn’t want to go back to the little mushroom people cave. Or the bridge that was unstable... or... the bees.

Never the bees. They never stopped talking. In one way, Grim was glad Deo had been kidnapped. Not only did that make Grim his dashing knight if he rescued the idiot, but they also passed a strange hot spring that they stayed clear of, but if Deo had been there...

“Ready?” he asked the others. He shivered slightly as many of those little mushroom people clung to Kemy like she was some idol they refused to part with. She smiled nervously, holding the key of the Pygmies. Vas held up the key of the giant calmly. Grim held the bee’s key. All keys were the same in shape and size, one just faintly smelled of honey...

Grim inserted his key and the gate went from wood and metal to golden melted honey that drained away into two holes that no one had seen before. The key in Grim’s hand likewise melted.

“Really?” he demanded as his hand was now dripping with more honey.

“Well, you do like to loot things, so sticky fingers isn’t too strange,” Amenstar commented with a wicked grin. Grim made a note to let Amenstar get smacked around a few times in the coming fight before helping out.

Kemy went next and her gate was pulled apart, bar by bar, by tons of Pygmy people in the walls, using the mechanism to reel the bars in. A group of three walked forward and pointed to the key in Kemy’s hand. She squeaked as the key wriggled and unfolded itself to show it was just another Pygmy using some magic or skill to pretend to be a key.

“They sure don’t want these keys being reusable, nyeh...” Poppy commented dryly. Grim was beginning to see that. The Pygmy key was also able to know if it was earned fairly because it in itself was a Pygmy... a spy.

Vas went forward and inserted his key next. He paused and Grim saw he had to really give the key a proper twist for it to click. There was a long creaking noise and the gate before them shattered into a dozen pieces, the lock suspended in the air by Vas’ grip on the key alone.

The key shattered next.

“It’s all so very dramatic and lovely!” Kemy said after a moment, ever the optimist.

“Holy Heroic Pots, move in. We have an idiot to rescue!” Grim commanded and his eye twitched as the group casually walked in a disorganised manner ahead towards the now open tunnel. He sighed and stomped after them.

No one heard or saw the gates sliding back into place behind them and reforming. These gates demanded the three keys untouched for entry.

Delta’s secret trick had finally been revealed. In rapid succession, three keys were used up and the next group was forced to get the three untouched keys and once all six had been used up? Three random keys would spawn in...

A treasure hunt in the jungle remix.

After all, what was the point of making six challenges if the groups kept taking the same three every time?

That was boring!