The Squire on a White Horse

“What can I do for you?”

“Are you okay with… time?”

‘I’m fine. I’ll be accompanying the Master out in the evening, so until then…”

“Right.”

I’m sure he’d noticed that I was acting strange.

Yes, I was the only one acting strange.

I was the only one who was embarrassed and awkward, and he didn’t change his expression as usual.

I guess to him, I was still just his master’s daughter, not a woman.

Or maybe not.

Did he think that marrying me was a part of his job?

Or was it a way to repay my father?

For some reason, I felt a chill around my heart.

What if the main meaning of this marriage for him was just to protect me? What if he didn’t want to be my husband, but my protector?

“…. Hey Stanley.”

“Yes.”

How was I supposed to ask such an outlandish question? Wouldn’t I offend him by asking such a question?

But still, it would be better for my mental health to ask him quickly than to be suspicious of him like this.

How should I ask him?

Was it part of your job to marry me?

Are you marrying me to repay your father?

What kind of couple do you want us to be?

“Are you going to kiss me?”

I buried my head in my hands. Couldn’t I have asked a more sane question?

Hazel eyes rolled to the back of my head and I was in despair as I continued in desperation.

“When we get married, we’ll kiss and stuff, right? If you marry me, will you kiss me?”

We stared at each other for a long time, so long that if there was a hole, we could dive several meters into it, and then Stanley smiled his usual smile. The only thing was that he blinked more than usual.

“What’s going on? Asking me something like that….”

He read the air and turned his head, his lips pouting.

“I was wondering if you were planning to marry me as an extension of your work or as a way to repay your father. I can’t have children, so I don’t need to, you know, kiss you or… anything like that, do I?”

As I said this, I started to feel sad. My head got heavier and heavier. It felt like I was sinking.

“If this marriage is just a part of your job, then that’s what I’m going to do, so…”

“I will… kiss.”

I looked up at him, sensing a little anger in his voice that interrupted my words.

He had lost his smile and was looking down at me.

“And when you become my wife, I will kiss you on the lips.”

Stanley put his hands on the bench. I couldn’t take my eyes off his face, which was inevitably close to mine.

“We’ll sleep in the same bed. We’ll be husband and wife.”

I knew what he meant now.

“Right…”

I almost said, “I’m relieved,” but then I asked myself if I’m relieved.

It was Stanley who looked away first, before I could answer.

“But for now, I am still a servant of His Excellency the Earl of Chamberlain. It would be outrageous to cast an insolent glance at the Lord’s daughter. Please do not test me too much.”

I hurriedly shook my head. I didn’t mean to say that.

“No, I didn’t. I wasn’t testing you, and I wasn’t teasing you.”

Unwilling to stay, I grabbed the glass in Stanley’s hand and downed it in one gulp.

I put the glass back in his hand and twirled his thumbs in an absent-minded manner.

“Because you’ve always looked so normal. I’m kind of self-conscious about it, and I can’t seem to be normal.”

“…Self-conscious?”

“Ever since I decided to marry you, I feel nervous when I’m around you. I’m going through all this and you haven’t changed at all… so I’m thinking… you don’t see me as a woman at all.”

“Of course. We haven’t even gotten engaged yet. As I said before, My Lady is not yet…”

“All right, all right, that’s enough.”

That was it. This man was that earnest Stanley. I had heard something stupid.

Heat was gathering on my face and I couldn’t stand the heat. I was sure even my ears were turning red.

 “Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed… I’ve never been like this before.”

I put my hand on my cheek to hide my red face. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to run away, but then Dana came back with the maid.

“Let’s not do this, Stanley. We’re done talking about this, forget it.”

I gulped down the hot tea she had made me and let out a deep sigh.

Dana looked up at me and I thought she would be offended, but she looked at me for a moment, muttered, “Excuse me,” and reached for my forehead.

Of course, I couldn’t tell her that this blush was not because I had a fever, but because I was nervous with Stanley by my side.

She tilted her head slightly, but pulled her hand away and said, “If you’re not feeling well, I think we should call it a day.”

I still felt like running away. I was about to shake my head for a moment, but decided against it.

“…No, I’m not feeling bad. I’m not sick. I’m just wasting Stanley’s valuable time. I’ll just hang on a little longer until I can at least dance properly.”

I made sure that Stanley had finished his drink before I stood up and looked down at him with an embarrassed frown.

“Will you stay with me for another thirty minutes?”

“Yes, of course.”

“And then we can go to the greenhouse and soak up the sun.”

“Yes, My Lady.”

I had a look on my face. After all we had talked about it. His face was still the same cool smile. How hateful.

I put my hand on the offered hand, pretending to be calm.

I squeezed his slightly sweaty hand, and he squeezed mine back gently as well.