The Simulacrum

"He's back!"

To my sincerest surprise, my arrival at the makeshift prison cell under the warehouse was met with excitement of all things. Well, at least from Mike. Ammy was considerably less enthusiastic. I was about to greet them, but before I could do so, I was hit by a tremendous wave of… lack of vertigo. That was weird. Normally the more I teleported in a row, the worse it got, but this time there were absolutely no ill side-effects present. I couldn't help but wonder; was that a good thing, such as a sign of me getting used to Phasing, or was it just a symptom of a kind of supernatural runner's high, and I would get completely plastered once I crashed?

I pondered on this question longer than strictly necessary, as the class rep soon turned a disapproving frown at me, followed by an inquisitive, "I guess you're not going to explain how you can teleport in and out of this locked room at will."

I could have sworn that I have already done so (or rather, I've already given an excuse), but since she asked, I figured I might as well be straightforward for once and shake my head.

"How come I'm not surprised," she grumbled while idly sweeping aside a stray lock of hair hanging in front of her eyes. "Can you at least tell me where you got that sword? I don't think I've seen it before."

I was just about to dismiss her, but a short yet intense moment of consideration later I decided to keep being slightly more forthright and told her, "Long story short, the crazy huntress attacked me, so I took her sword, and now she's sitting in the base, tied up like a Christmas present. There's also some malarkey going on with the Chimera and the sword and Judy probably killing me once this is all over, but that's beside the point."

"{I beg to differ,}" came a series of deadpan and yet quite chilling words from the communicator, but for the time being I chose not to respond to her.

"Anyhow, I brought this to get him out of there, so I'd appreciate it if you took a step back."

That comment was aimed at the guy in the cage, yet Ammy also scampered behind me at the same time. I sent her an ever so slightly dubious glance, and she gestured towards the padlock in return.

"Hurry up, Leo! Grandfather could get here any minute now!"

"Oh, that? Didn't Judy tell you?" I inquired as I raised the sword over my head and swung it at the bars in front of me, only for the blade to be nearly torn out of my numb grasp when it bounced off the metal. I couldn't help but blink in incomprehension and mutter, "That wasn't supposed to happen. Give me a minute."

Having said that, I immediately entered the weapon one more time using my Phantom Limb, and it didn't take long to figure out what the problem was. Just for context: the outer-layer of the enchantment-ball was responsible for the 'real world' effects of the weapon, including the whole 'cuts everything like it's made of lukewarm butter' thing. Normally that kind of stuff would be pretty impractical because it puts a lot of strain on the weapon, so to make it work, Ichiko would be turning the effect on and off in short bursts from the inside just before the edge would make contact for maximum efficiency. While the enchantment was still working as intended, with the tiny miko gone, there was no conductor present to operate it, and because the whole thing was designed with the idea of an annoying little girl calling the shots in it, there were no external ways to turn it on by design, ergo there was no iron-bar slicing either.

It was a bit of an issue, but not an insurmountable one, and I managed to jury-rig a temporary solution by emulating a command from the inside that would permanently put the sword at about forty percent output. It had to be manually disabled after I was done using it, but hey, at least it worked. I also had a vague idea about reproducing and repurposing the complex behavioral-tree type enchantment that used to be in the dead Chimera to emulate an automated switch, but it was a project for later.

I exited the extra-illusory space between spaces and shook my buzzing head to clear it a bit, and once I confirmed that the magic glow around the blade grew in intensity, I unceremoniously swung it again. This time the effect was much more satisfying, as while there was some resistance, I managed to cut cleanly through the iron bars with a series of high-pitched tinkling sounds reminiscent of tiny little cymbals. Once I confirmed that the enchantment was working, I repeated the cut from the other direction, and this time each clink was followed by a much louder clank filling the room as the bars fell to the wayside one by one.

I let my weapon down and observed my handiwork, which resulted in a large hole right next to the only door of the cage, big enough so that even Mr. Minotaur could jump through it, let alone our captive.

"That… was awesome," said Celestial noted with eyes as wide as saucers, so I gave him a light wave that could be translated to a casual 'all in a day's work' before I faced the class rep again.

"So, as I tried to tell you before the technical difficulties: your gramps is already here."

"What?!"

Ammy's sudden exclamation (besides being so sudden it nearly made Mike fall on his butt mid-step as he was trying to get out of a cage) was so loud it made my ears ring. Or were they ringing to begin with? It was honestly hard to tell.

"It's exactly as I said," I reiterated while massaging my temple with my free hand. "He's already upstairs and put Labcoat Guy in custody. Josh and the others too, but that's beside the point."

"Then… what do we do now?" came the very, very insecure question from Mike, and I gave him an obligatory nod he might have misunderstood, based on the way he twitched when I looked at him,

"A good question, and the answer depends on a few variables. First off…" I paused as a faced away from him and followed it up with, "Dormouse, are you still listening?"

A long and decidedly petulant moment of silence later…

"{Yes, I'm here.}"

"Great. Are Lord Grandpa and company still in the Purple Zone?"

"{… Yes.}"

"Can you tell Josh and the others to stall them as long as they can?"

"{Can I? Wouldn't that involve explaining things to them? I was under the impression we no longer did that around here.}"

I closed my eyes for a moment, and then told her, "I promise once we are done here, we'll sit down and I tell you everything about the sword and the kid, but we really don't have time for that now. Would you please do as I asked?"

There was another long beat of silence on the line, but at last my girlfriend relented with a still audibly sulky, "{You're lucky I'm a professional.}"

"I sure am." After responding so, I gestured for my increasingly more confused companions to follow after me, only to stop and point at the broken staff by the cage. "Don't forget that."

Ammy seemed affronted by the very idea that she would do so, yet she didn't utter a single word and simply hurried over to pick up the pieces. In the meantime I walked up to the door and, with three quick slashes, I cut a triangular hole around the doorknob, and then rammed the door itself with my shoulder. It flew right open with a loud bang, leading us into another slightly larger, yet just as poorly lit room. It was likely used for temporary storage by the looks of it, as it had a bunch of large plastic boxes filled with various raw materials and components, including one particularly eye-catching container full of porcelain doll heads. I… honestly didn't even want to know.

Mike meekly followed after me like a lost duckling, and we were soon joined by the class rep clutching the remains of her destroyed weapon.

"This way."

Following my lead, we passed through the room and out into a long corridor filled with air that was somehow staler than the rooms themselves. At one end of it, we could see some light seeping in through the half-open doors at the end of a short metal staircase, and it didn't take a genius to logic out that it was the way to the ground floor of the warehouse. We, naturally, went in the opposite direction.

"So, errm… What's the plan?" Mike asked in a voice tense as an over-tuned guitar.

"For now, just follow my lead."

My answer didn't exactly reassure him, but I didn't really care at the moment, as we just reached an unassuming door near the other end of the corridor. I was vaguely familiar with this place due to all the time I spent observing Labcoat Guy, and this time I didn't need to cut my way in, as the door was left unlocked. As I opened it, we were hit by a gust of extra-stale, musty air, but I walked in all the same, and after a moment of fiddling I found the light switch. The small room, now lit by a single light-bulb hanging from a plain wire nailed to the ceiling, wasn't much larger than my bathroom, and it had unplastered walls with the red bricks clearly visible.

"What are we doing here? Shouldn't we be escaping?" came the next question from an increasingly impatient class rep, and if she still had her glasses, I was sure she would have pushed them up the bridge of her nose about five times by now.

"That's what we're doing right now," I answered a tad absent-mindedly as I was counting the bricks from the light switch. "According to what I've heard, every self-respecting mad scientist must have an emergency escape route in their lair. As it happens, Labcoat Guy's is here."

"Seriously?"

She was understandably skeptical, but in my defense, I literally parroted the resident mad scientist's words when he described this room to his fembot assistant. More importantly though, after a couple of tries, I finally managed to find the right brick, and after pressing down on it, the wall in front of us let out a series of clicking noises before a whole segment of it detached from the rest. I grabbed the edges of the secret door and slid it aside, revealing a long, narrow tunnel; its completely smooth walls were unexpectedly well-lit by evenly paced red emergency lights. After making sure there was nothing dangerous inside, I turned around and knocked on the displaced panel.

"Fully mechanical fake wall. Makes it harder for magi to detect it, if they can do so at all. It should lead to the basement of an apartment building a couple of blocks away from here."

"Wait, stop! Hold on for a moment!" I raised I brow at Ammy's abrupt outburst, and it went even higher when she actually reflexively tried to tweak her still missing glasses. Once she realized there was nothing on her face, she forcefully waved her hand and continued with, "How did you even know about this?"

"Need I remind you that I'm an information-trader? It's my job to know these things."

"Okay, wait! I just remembered your thing; that was the wrong question. Let me try this again." She paused here to take a long breath, and then asked, "Since when did you know about this escape route?"

"I learned about it when Labcoat Guy moved in," I told her the truth, but it only seemed to make her angrier.

"Then why didn't we use this route to get Michael out?"

"{Good question,}" my dear assistant agreed, much to my chagrin.

"We really don't have the time for this, but for your interest, here are but a few of the reasons: number one, I don't know the exact endpoint of this tunnel, only that it's at an apartment complex. Number two, even if I knew the precise location, the door at the other end only opens from the inside. Number three, even if I knew where to go and figured out a way to open the door from the outside, I couldn't do it, because we had to mount this rescue operation ASAP before the Assembly's investigators arrived. Is that explanation good enough for you?"

The last question was aimed at both the girl in front of me and the one on the other end of the telepathic communicator, yet neither of them said a thing, which I interpreted as agreement.

"Good, now get in there. I'll close the door on this side. Once you reach the other end of the tunnel, go outside, close the door behind you, and lay low for about half an hour. After that…" At this stage of the instructions, I took out my wallet and pointed at the hapless Celestial. "You'll be leaving first. Even if Labcoat Guy talks, his interrogation is going to take a while, so even if you happen to run into some Magi on the street, they shouldn't be looking for you yet. Here's some spare change, take a cab to the station and then ride a train home. Try not to draw attention to yourself in the process." I paused for a second to let them digest this, and then I turned to the class rep and took out another bill from my wallet, "You should come outside about an hour or so after this guy's gone. Call a cab and have it take you to the School. With some luck, I should be able to resolve the whole situation by the time you get there. Are we clear?"

The two of them nodded with different levels of enthusiasm (or the lack thereof), so I shooed them into the tunnel, though not before taking the two halves of her staff from Ammy.

"This would draw too much attention. I'll take it back to the base with me and will hand it back to you later."

She agreed without any back-talk, and after one last warning, I watched them walk down the narrow tunnel one after the other before I unceremoniously slid the fake wall back to its original location and locked it into place with a satisfying click. With this, our original objective from before this incident ballooned out was accomplished, though the day was far from over. Thinking so, I turned on my heel, left the small, moldy room behind, and headed towards the other end of the corridor and the door leading to the warehouse, determined to use the little time I had before the Purple Zone got dispelled and Lord Grandpa or his goons barged in here to its fullest.

There was a loud thump on the door leading into the secluded office in the corner of the building, followed by stifled cursing. For now, the good old chair-under-the-doorknob trick was holding, but I didn't know for how long, and I really needed more time, because goddamit, Labcoat Guy was criminally disorganized. I've been searching for minutes, but I couldn't find what I was looking for in the mess of random papers in the old, rickety filing cabinet in front of me. I have, however, found the guy's childhood photo album. Why would anyone store that next to important documents was entirely beyond me.

"The door is locked," announced a voice on the other side, followed by another impact that made the entire doorframe creak.

"Wait, look. There's a shadow. Someone's inside," said another oddly wooden voice, no doubt a placeholder Magi dispatched to secure the premises.

"Stand back, I'll blast it open," declared a third voice, and that was my cue to leave.

Since I still couldn't find what I wanted, I decided to screw it all and, while making sure that I was still holding onto all the other miscellaneous yet possibly useful junk I collected on the way, I extended my Phantom Limb and Phased away without any further ado. A short yet long moment later, I arrived within the familiar confines of the main hall inside the secret base. My arrival was then announced by a loud bang, following which the piece of furniture I carried with me began to teeter on its edge before abruptly falling over with a deafening impact that echoed for several seconds in the open space.

After getting over my first surprise, I looked around and my eyes immediately met with about a dozen completely baffled stares directed at me.

"What? Have you guys never seen a filing cabinet before?"

My jest to ease the mood fell on deaf ears, so I opted to stop caring and simply walked over to the nearest Faun and dumped everything in my hands save for Onikiri onto him.

"Take these to the recreational area. I'll sort through them later."

"Was that Amelia's staff?" Judy asked as she walked over, still wearing the communicator-glasses.

"Yeah, I'm holding onto it for the time being."

"It's broken," she noted with a disinterested voice while still edging towards me.

"Stuff happened. I already promised her that I'll help her fix it."

"Very gallant of you," came the next comment, but then she suddenly pounced forward and grabbed hold of my free hand with a triumphant "Caught you!"

"Um… Yeah, you did. It wasn't very hard," I noted with just a hint of bewilderment. "For the record, I wasn't planning on going anywhere for the time being."

"Better be safe than sorry," she declared with an unnecessary amount of conviction, and then she dramatically took off her glasses and pocketed them before she reaffirmed her grip on my sleeve and began to pull me towards the benches. "Now come quietly and explain the situation."

"Sure, sure."

My compliance apparently didn't reassure her one bit, as she kept an iron grip on my arm until we arrived at the aforementioned benches, There, Rinne was still sitting ramrod straight with her arms tied behind her back, and Pip was still trying to do his grimmest guard impression behind her, but now we also had an extra addition in the form of a small girl sitting with her legs crossed. At first she seemed to be immersed in a conversation with Mountain Girl, but when our eyes met, she immediately perked up and began waving at me with a beaming expression. Thankfully she was actually wearing clothes this time around, namely one of my backup tracksuits I kept around as a makeshift disguise in case I needed to infiltrate somewhere in a hurry. This one was colored light blue, and it was a few sizes bigger than my normal clothes so that it could be worn over another outfit if necessary. Needless to say, it was so oversized on her that I was fairly sure she was only wearing the jacket, and yet it completely covered her.

Once we got closer, the overly friendly sword-spirit gave me a small bow while still sitting and addressed me directly.

"Welcome back, ue-sama!"

"Uh… yes. Welcome back?" Rinne followed suit, though her greeting was about as natural as a PVC pipe.

"Here we go Chief, round two," my dear assistant prompted me with a tug on my hand. "Introduce us."

I glanced at her, then at the still grinning little girl, and in the end I couldn't help but let a groan escape my throat.

"Are you serious, Dormouse? You're aware that she is a hundreds of years old sword piloting a Chimera who looks like a nine years old kid?"

"Yes, and you should be aware of what kind of world we live in, and that what you just described makes her technicallylegal. That's all the reason I need to be cautious. Now, stop stalling and introduce us as you did with her."

I was really way too tired for this, but if it would give her some peace of mind, I figured I might as well comply. That didn't mean I would do it happily though.

"Oh, fine. So, Dormouse, this is Azusa Ichiko, the ex-sword-spirit of Onikiri."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Dormouse-san!" the tiny girl in the oversized jacked cut in with another shining smile, much to my assistant's annoyance.

"You see, she is my girlfriend," I told her, at which point her smile immediately disappeared and she gave us another small bow.

"Please forgive me, Dormouse-sama. I was unaware of your affiliation with ue-sama."

"Hold your horses for a moment," I called out with a steadily rising sense of exasperation, and waited for her to stop bowing before telling her, "Her actual name is Judy Sennoma, only I'm calling her Dormouse."

"Ah, I see. So it's Judy-sama's true name! Please forgive my carelessness." She gave another small bow, this time aimed at my girlfriend in particular, but when she noticed that she was giving her a harsh look, she quickly muttered, "Is… Is my address still wrong? Would you prefer Sennoma-sama? Or maybe Sennoma-ue?"

Judy kept staring at the clueless Ichiko for a few more seconds before her expression softened and she glanced up at me with a defeated look in her eyes.

"Is she always like that?"

"She's been like that since I first met her. Or rather, the third time I met her. It's complicated." That explanation obviously didn't satisfy her, so I added, "She's something of a moe archetype, and while slightly annoying, she's mostly harmless."

"If you say so."

I figured we were more or less done with the basic anti-harem countermeasures, so I lightly cleared my throat as a way to signal that we were moving on.

"Say, how about you two figure out the proper way to address you while I put this away?"

Saying so, I lightly waved the wrapped-up sword in my hand around to indicate what I was talking about, but instead of letting me go, Judy only clamped down on me harder.

"Before you do that, why don't you first explain the sequence of events that resulted in a sentient sword becoming a young girl?"

"Rinne would also like to know," Mountain Girl commented on the side, and she was so focused on the blade in my hand she even forgot to correct herself. My girlfriend didn't let up either, and for some odd reason even the tiny miko was looking at me with expectant eyes (even though she was, you know, there when it happened), so I figured I might as well get it over with.

"Fine. In short, Ichiko here originally wasn't a sword, but was put into Onikiri as a last resort. When she tried to 'merge' with me, I in turn interfaced with the enchantment housing her, we expelled the sludge surrounding her from the outside."

"Sludge?" Rinne muttered, and the little girl immediately provided an explanation.

"It was the miasma!"

"Yeah, and once it was removed, she stopped burning and became human-sized again."

"Wait, what was that about burning?" came the next question from Judy, who at this point was unreservedly taking notes on her phone.

"Right, I kind of skimmed over this part, but the first time we 'met', so to speak, she was this enormous, burning demon thing only wearing a pair of—"

"Kyaaa! Please don't reveal my shameful past!" Ichiko interrupted me with quite a panicked expression, but I could only shake my head in disbelief.

"You act like you have a shred of shame, you unrepentant exhibitionist."

For a moment it seemed like she wanted to object, but then she stopped mid-breath, and instead she leaned over to the tied-up woman sitting beside her.

"Psst, Rinne-san? What is an 'exhibitionist'?"

"Rinne isn't entirely sure," she replied a little absent-mindedly before proposing, "Isn't it the person who manages an art gallery?"

"It could be..." the smaller girl concluded with a thoughtful hum before turning back and pointing a hand at me, with about half of the jacket's sleeve limply dangling at the end, and declared, "I'm not a manager of art galleries!"

During the ensuing beat of silence, I seriously contemplated whether I should correct her or not, and in the end decided that it was simply too much of a hassle, so instead I just continued with my explanation of the events.

"So, as I was saying," I began, completely ignoring the tiny miko's still outstretched hand, "Getting rid of the sludge had some unforeseen effects, so she couldn't stay in the sword. Since the only other place I could put her was the body of the Chimera, I transferred her there. Then, contrary to my explicit instructions, she turned into a girl. End of story."

"I see," Judy whispered under her breath while typing, only to look up and say, "I have two questions."

"Only two?"

"For now."

"Go figure," I whispered under my breath, sighed, and told her, "Ask away then."

She lightly nodded, and after another glance at her phone, she began with, "You said that she turned into a girl 'against your instructions'. Does that mean she can turn into something else?"

"Why don't you ask her?"

Following my advice, my assistant turned a pair of questioning eyes at the small girl, and the moment she realized the attention was on her, she instantly brightened up.

"Ah, you see, Sennoma-ue..."

"Just Judy will do."

"Oh, then Judy-ue, you see, my maternal grandmother was a pureblood kitsune, and even though I wasn't able to do it when I was alive..." At this point she abruptly paused and began to wave her hands around while spluttering something among the lines of, "I mean, before I was Onikiri! I don't mean I'm dead now! At least I don't think I am... But anyway, this body is much more suited for the transformation arts that grandma taught me when I was alive, or not dead, or... not not alive?"

To her credit, my girlfriend's deadpan expression didn't waver for even a second, and once Ichiko fell silent, she only glanced up at me with the word, "Kitsune?"

"Japanese fox-girls," I replied off the cuff, but it only made her imperceptibly furrow her brows.

"Japanese? As opposed to what?"

"Chinese fox-girls?" I proposed, only to then roll my eyes when she continued to give me a skeptical staredown. "Don't look at me like that, it's a thing. I think they are different subspecies of the same phantasmal species."

"So it's like the difference between western dragons and eastern dragons."

"Yeah, sure," I agreed, though for the love of me I couldn't recall what she was talking about.

"Noted," she, well, noted before continuing with, "And how exactly did this whole 'I moved her from the sword to this dead monster' process work?"

"It's, uh... Kind of complicated. It had to do with the supernatural stratum and the customizing the controller enchantment in the Chimera and then Phasing her from one body to the next and then jiggling her back and forth on the q-axis until she stuck, and a whole lot of other unintuitive crap. I'll tell you the process in detail after today's madness is over."

"Fine," she relented, if a bit grudgingly, and once she finished typing on her phone, she put it away and turned her attention to the two in front of us. "What are we going to do about these two?"

"Honestly, it depends. First, I have a few questions for them." When they heard that, both Rinne and Ichika gave me expectant and yet simultaneously worried looks. I inhaled a deep breath, and by the time I let it out, I felt clear on what I wanted to ask. "All right. So, just to make sure we're on the same page, I want you to remember this: you guys broke into our base, injured my sister's retainers, and caused a lot of collateral damage. I think just the fact that you were only disarmed and captured is lenient enough, let alone all the trouble I went through to help you out."

That last comment was obviously aimed at the ex-sword, and she repeatedly nodded her head in acknowledgment. Mountain Girl also followed her example, but that was neither here nor there.

"In short, if you want to stay in my good graces, I ask, and you answer with perfect sincerity. Are we clear on that?" They agreed in unison, so I immediately posed my first question. "First off, you're now aware that attacking us was wrong, right?"

The two briefly glanced at each other and soon mumbled a disheartened "Yes," more or less at the same time.

"I can't hear it."

"It was wrong," Rinne stated in a low voice, following which Ichiko added a similarly disheartened, "Sorry."

"Good. Next, I want to know just how much each of you was responsible for that." I paused for effect here and focused on Mountain Girl. "If I recall correctly, you mentioned something about 'becoming one', but I can distinctly remember the two of you talking to each other when she was still inside the sword."

"Oh, that's easy!" the physically and mentally younger yet objectively way older girl exclaimed after a giggle. "It's like… uuuu…" I waited for her to actually explain herself, but she just crossed her arms and no matter how long I waited, she didn't speak up.

"Let Rinne try." This time we focused on the other captive, and after a moment of thinking she told us, "It's like taking two eggs, and breaking them into the same bowl. The whites become one big pool, but the two yolks remain separate."

"Yes, that's it! See, I told you it's easy!" the mini-miko exclaimed with so much enthusiasm one would think it was her who came up with that. "Rinne-san's analogies are much easier to understand than ue-sama's."

"Hush, you." After chiding her, the overly friendly little girl fell silent and I considered their words for a while. "So, does that mean that while you retained your sense of self, you also partially merged together?" The two of them mulled over my words and then nodded more or less at the same time. "Okay, so which one of you was responsible for all the raving about killing and blood?"

There was a very, very long moment of silence hanging in the air until Ichiko meekly raised her hand.

"That… was mostly me," she confessed in a meek voice, but a second later she forcefully added, "But it was the miasma's fault!"

"The miasma, huh? Okay, then who was responsible for all of those rude comments?"

"That… that was also me," came the next disheartened answer from the smaller girl. "But, but the…!"

"Yes, yes, it was the miasma, I get it," I cut in with a sigh. "Final question: who was responsible for being a glutton?"

"Oh, oh! That was definitely Rinne-san!" Ichiko declared in high spirits, much to her previous wielder's chagrin.

"No, Rinne wasn't!"

"N-Nonsense! How could I be responsible when I couldn't even eat? I was a sword, baka! Swords don't eat!"

While the two argued, Judy subtly tugged on my sleeve to get my attention.

"Chief, shouldn't you be asking another question from them?"

"… Sorry, but I don't know what you mean."

My dear girlfriend gave me her deadpan 2.0 look, which was at least twenty percent deadpanner than its predecessor, and after sending one last glance at the commotion by our side, she stood on tiptoes and whispered, "Ouyay ouldshay askyay ichwhay oneyay asway interestedyay inyay ouyay."

"Wait, what are you…?" I blurted out by reflex, only for things to finally click together a second later, "Oh, right. Pig Latin. It's been a while." After muttering so, I spent a few seconds untangling her words, which resulted in a tired sigh on my end. "Do I really have to? You've already set the basic anti-harem countermeasures, and considering all that happened today, I don't think pushing it even harder would be effective. Please let it go for the time being."

It was also around this time that I was starting to get fed up with the argument unfolding in front of us, so I pointedly cleared my throat, and when that didn't work, let out a not particularly loud yet quite forceful "Cut it out, you two!"

Half a second later, our one and a half captives were both sitting ramrod straight and looking forward, with an innocent expression that would've given newborn pandas a run from their money. I considered my options for a while longer, and in the end decided that even if she was no longer super-creepy, letting Mountain Girl loose was not a good idea, and as for Ichiko… well, she might've looked cute as a button at the moment, but let's not forget that she was technically a Chimera, or rather, about a third of one, as bits and pieces of the other half were still lying on the ground near the training area. Either way, letting her go was not a good idea.

"I've decided what to do with you two. Mountain Girl?" The currently somewhat lethargic huntress slightly perked up when she heard me calling her nickname, and I looked her straight in the eye before telling her, "I'm sorry to say, but until things calm down a little, I'm afraid I have to insist that you remain our guest for the time being."

"I understand."

The way she immediately conceded took me aback for a second, but I was already on a roll, so I acknowledged her with a curt nod and turned to the mini-miko, who for some odd reason was looking at me with positively sparkling eyes.

"What about me, ue-sama?"

I opened my mouth, only to close it again, and then some more mulling over later I decided on telling her, "For a start, I believe you still owe me for putting up with all your nonsense and even helping you out in the end, so—"

"Do I have to work? I'm fine with that! I'm good at cleaning, and small tasks, and cooking, and… uuu… maybe not cooking after all, but anything that requires attention! Mother always said I had a great eye for details!"

For a second or five I didn't know how to react to her interruption, but at the end of the day I decided to just shrug a tad indifferently.

"You know what? Sure. Do you want to pay back the favor? Start by helping me find the incriminating evidence in that filing cabinet."

"Understood, ue-sama!"

She jumped to her feet without any further ado. Even though she was still only wearing the tracksuit jacket, it actually reached down to her ankles, so there was no danger of another flashing incident. She did look gosh darn comical though, but it didn't stop her from nimbly skipping past us and rush towards the cabinet I surreptitiously appropriated without even waiting for me to explain what she should be looking for. I let my shoulders droop in resignation and gestured for Pip to listen up and then pointed at the still seated Rinne.

"Take her to one of the smaller rooms for the time being. You can unbind her, but make sure she's still under strict surveillance." I paused here while looking for another Faun, and eventually I settled on Vurrok. "As for you, please take this sword off my hands and store it somewhere else."

I held out the hand holding the wrapped up Onikiri, and I don't want to sound too dramatic or anything, but it took way more effort than expected to peel my fingers off the grip. They were throbbing like hell as well, so that probably wasn't good. I bore it with a stiff upper lip so that I wouldn't worry Judy, and once the Faun received it with almost reverent motions, I gently pulled Judy along and headed towards the filing cabinet and the little girl currently spelunking in it. We got to about halfway there when she suddenly jumped to her bare feet with a comically over-exaggerated look of awe on her face and she immediately dashed over to our side.

"Look, ue-sama! Look! I found this evidence! I'm sure it's incredibly incriminating!"

Proclaiming so, she pushed the thick rectangular book in her hands towards us and opened it wide so that we could take a good look. Judy, after overcoming her first surprise, leaned forward to scrutinize the contents for a short while before she looked back at me.

"Who's that?"

"Labcoat Guy, I presume," I answered off the cuff, following which my girlfriend resumed her scrutiny of the polaroid photos in the album.

"He looked surprisingly cute as a kid," she mused, but I let her comment in one ear and out the other as I tapped on the enthusiastic little girl's head with a single finger.

"This wasn't what I was looking for. There should be a magically enchanted piece of paper in a brown manila folder in there. It's hard to miss; it has a big, red thumb-print on the first page."

"Oh, I see!" she muttered while rubbing the spot where I poked her, even though this time I was fairly gentle. "I'll go find it!"

Just like that, she snapped the photo album shut and skipped back to whence she came from, and clumsily dragged one of the drawers open, which was actually pretty difficult considering that the cabinet was still sitting on its side.

"She's certainly enthusiastic," my dearest assistant noted in a tone that was just a touch disgruntled. "One would almost think she's trying to get into your good graces."

"Well, she probably is," I answered, only to finally notice the way she was looking at me, and subtly roll my eyes. "It's not for the reason you think though."

"Really? So you can tell me what I think?"

"I can only guess, but I'd bet it's something harem-related again."

All of a sudden she squeezed my arm and exclaimed (or at the very least raised her volume a teensy bit), "Impressive. Keep this up, and soon you may not only attract a lot of women but actually understand them."

"Oh, ha, ha. Very funny."

"Thank you, I practice a lot," Judy quipped back without a shred of shame. "But if it's not related to your harem protagonist aura, then why else would she be this eager?"

I instinctively wanted to point out that, unlike Josh, I didn't actually have any such aura, but getting bogged down in another silly argument about that wouldn't have been particularly productive, so I swallowed my indignation.

"Probably because she wants to prove herself useful so that I won't turn her off."

"Does that mean you already turn her on?"

I let the silence linger in the air for a moment, and then I turned a pair of stern brows towards my girlfriend and firmly warned her, "Dormouse, please stop doing that, or I swear to god I'll flick your forehead so hard even our theoretical future kids will feel it." I kept up the pressure until she finally averted her eyes with a click of her tongue, at which point I clarified, "Before I put her in the empty Chimera, we made a deal, and I jury-rigged an off-switch onto the enchantment so that I can put her into suspended animation if she doesn't behave herself."

"So you have a form of control over her? That sounds somewhat like a familiar," Judy pondered aloud, followed up by an especially deadpan, "You're not allowed to have her call you 'master'."

"I never planned to do that to begin with," I protested, and it was around this point when our slow, meandering, hand-in-hand walk reached its destination.

In front of us, Ichiko already took out all the documents from the already half-open drawer, and at the moment she was trying, and failing, to pull out another one. She struggled with it for a while more before she let out an angry huff and looked around. When our eyes met, she perked up for a moment, but then she hesitated and she conspicuously looked away and continued her search. In the end her eyes settled on Karukk, who was still keeping an eye on her, as per my instructions. Once their gazes met, it immediately made the proverbial light-bulb lit up over her head with an idea (whether good or bad, only time could tell), and she pointed a flappy-sleeved hand towards the Faun.

"You there! Evil minion of the underworld!"

The hapless 'evil minion' could only blink in surprise at first, after which he glanced my way. I lightly shrugged my shoulders as a way to tell him to react however he wanted, and so after a bit of hesitation, he looked back at her and pointed a finger at his own chest.

"The little one talks to me?"

"Yes!" the little girl exclaimed in apparent delight as she put her hands on her nonexistent hips. "Come, minion! O-kami-sama tasked me with a mission of the utmost importance, and your brutish muscles are in need! Hurry and help me raise this cabinet!"

At this point Karukk sent me a more overt glance, and after some consideration, I gave him a nod. The guy let out a tired sigh, but otherwise didn't complain, and obediently walked over to the filing cabinet and easily upended it so that she would have easy access to the drawers. Ichiko flashed me a triumphant smile, followed by a quick bow at the still slightly confused Faun, and then she immediately resumed her search.

It was only when she was once again completely absorbed in her 'job' that Judy tugged on my hand to get my attention.

"Did Doctor Robatto really put the contract he made with Lord Endymonion into a shabby place like that?"

"I figure he was going for a 'hide a forest in the tree' kind of approach."

"Chief, I'm fairly sure that's the other way around."

"Whatever, I'm tired. Cut me some slack."

"Fine, but just this once," she responded, her previous cheekiness back in full force again. "What are you planning to do with the contract if it's really there?"

"I plan to engage in some aggressive negotiations with Lord Grandpa and Labcoat Guy, and I need the leverage."

"With both of them?"

"At the same time," I answered, and after closing my eyes for a second for a quick Far Glance, I added, "The latter is already being escorted to the School, so I'll wait until he's there."

That said, since I was already using Far Sight, I figured I might as well take a quick peek at the others too. Mike was… in a taxi. Does that mean that more than half an hour has passed already? Either way, he wasn't followed, so that's good. The Class Rep was still holed up at the bottom of a stairwell, presumably near the exit of the emergency escape tunnel, and she was furiously texting to someone. One blur of the scenery later I was looking at Josh and the others, who were all out of their Magiforms and were sitting in a black minivan along with Pascal. They all seemed thoroughly uncomfortable, but on the other hand, they weren't cuffed or otherwise bound.

The same could not be said about Labcoat Guy, who was in something that looked like a modern version of a yoke, while his fembot companion had it even worse, with her legs chained, arms tied back in an honest to goodness arm-binder, and a thick, magically glowing metal collar around her neck. Not only that, but they were each surrounded by two men in black, complete with old-school sunglasses and those ear-pieces with the coiled wires.

Overall, while the situation wasn't ideal, at least it was no longer wildly out of control. That was progress, I supposed.

"So, what's the plan?" Judy's question made me raise a brow, so she clarified, "I meant to ask, are you going to use your new identity to strike up a deal with them?"

"Nah, that's not going to work," I told her with a sigh. "It might still work on the Knights in the future, and I can probably make it work with the Celestials as long as I can make sure Mike doesn't report anything incriminating, but Labcoat Guy already saw me before and after I put the mask on. If I show up wearing that, he would immediately spill the beans."

"That means you are going there to negotiate as yourself?"

"Well, kind of." She looked unexpectedly curious, so after a few short seconds I gave in and told her, "Lord Grandpa was the one who pushed the title onto me, so let's see how he likes when Leonard Blackcloak the Chimera Slayer pays him a visit…"

If we were at a sitcom's set, this would have been the ominous moment when the DUN-DUN-DUUUUN! music played. Instead of that, there was a loud metallic crashing noise ringing out not a moment after I finished speaking, as the little girl in front of us accidentally toppled the cabinet. Then, it was followed by a flustered "Aaaah! Evil minion, help! It fell over again!"

…

That's for setting the right mood, I supposed. Oh well, at least I tried.

"Quick, clear the way! Put those away already!"

"Yes sir!"

Following the bellows of the senior magi, a dozen or so men and women of various ages immediately redoubled their efforts to move the various odds and ends out of the room. The School under Blue Cherry High was as busy as an anthill, and while the middle-aged man giving instructions was dressed from head to toe like a ye olde wizard (sans the pointy hat, of course), the younger generation doing the busywork around him were mostly wearing business casual, no doubt due to being called in due to the emergency.

The School, chiefly a research institute, was apparently not only suffering from a distinct lack of combat-capable magic users, but also of spaces for holding 'involuntary guests' for an indefinite period of time, and by the looks of it, they were currently busy freeing up one of the lesser-used storage rooms for that purpose. As for its prospective inhabitants, they were already on their way, just exiting the main elevator.

The small procession was headed by Lord Amadeus himself, flanked by two of his generic men-in-black agent types. His left eye was no longer bloodshot, but instead he had enormous dark bags under his eyes, which slightly spoiled the 'dapper elderly gentleman' look he was going for with his khaki suit and Panama hat. Behind those three walked Labcoat Guy and Galatea, with two more men built like wardrobes in black keeping an eye on them from behind. The harbinger of sentai shenanigans was still dressed in the same outfit he wore during the fight in front of the warehouse, including the plastic clogs, but with a magically glowing yoke around his neck, his hair even more frizzled than usual, yet his eyes still boring holes in the back of the Arch-Mage walking in front of him. Besides him, his android assistant had an indifferent expression on her face, apparently only mildly inconvenienced by the bondage gear restraining her.

Finally, a couple of steps behind the first group, there was Josh, Snowy, Angie, and the princess, with Armband Guy closing the procession. Unlike the people at the front, the second group appeared considerably more relaxed, even if they were just as silent. It was also worth noting that, although they no longer wore their protective gear, their Magiformers weren't confiscated. But then again, considering everyone present could transform and use their abilities without one, their captors might simply not have cared much about them.

As Lord Grandpa entered the room, one of the junior magi, a young woman wearing a knit sweater, almost bumped into him while carrying some kind of metallic instrument with a couple of glowing runes on it. One quick apology later she scampered away like a mouse that just ran into a cat, allowing the elderly magi to walk in and direct a critical look at his surroundings.

"Paul?" he called out in a raspy, tired voice, and the moment he did so, the middle-aged magi immediately rushed to his side.

"Please excuse us, Milord. We tried our best, but there just wasn't enough time. I've already asked for help from the maintenance division, and Mikhail said they would bring over some furniture from the second-floor lounge, but they haven't arrived yet."

By the looks of it, the head of the School already expected that something like this would happen, and after a few short seconds, he pointed towards the corner of the room and said," For the time being, I reckon you should leave those boxes behind. Our guests must be tired; we should at least provide some amenities so they may not be forced to sit on the ground."

"Yes, Milord," the magi equivalent of a middle-manager nodded at once and began barking new orders to his hapless subordinates.

In the meantime, Lord Grandpa turned around with a weary expression and observed the 'guests' behind him.

"Please do excuse the spartan conditions, but as you could already hear, this is the best our School could provide on such short notice. I am afraid I must insist that you stay in this room for the time being."

"How long are we talking about?" Josh asked back without reservations, probably still too high on adrenaline from the battle and his prior argument with the man to care much about etiquette.

"Until the investigation concludes," the old man responded with a thin smile that didn't touch his eyes." It should not take more than a few days."

"Are... Are we in trouble?" came the next, unusually timid question from Angie, partially hidden behind Joshua's back.

"It all depends on the results of our investigation," Lord Grandpa responded in a diplomatic tone, but a few moments later he casually added, "Take solace in the fact that no matter what, you are nowhere near as much trouble as the young man over there."

Sensing that the comment was aimed at him, Labcoat Guy let out an angry huff, but otherwise didn't say anything in his own defense. After that, the Arch-mage turned to Armband Guy.

"Pascal, please look after the needs of our guests. That, of course, includes her as well." He indicated the silently glaring fembot, and then looked at the resident mad scientist in turn. "As for you, I am afraid we need to have a serious talk. In private."

Labcoat Guy didn't object (not that he had much of a choice in the matter), and after a few more short instructions, Josh and company, along with Armband Guy, the fembot, and two burly guys in black got settled down in the room while Lord Grandpa and the rest left in a hurry. Labcoat Guy was escorted to the elevator and they rode it to the bottom level of the underground complex. Then, once the automatic doors opened, the rebellious sentai scientist spoke up for the first time.

"Uncle?"

On the other side of the doors, the portly old man let out a familiar yet still just as annoying 'O-ho-ho.' By the looks of it, he was completely unfettered, let alone yoked like his nephew,

"Hello, Friedrich. I'm happy to see that you're relatively unharmed considering the..." Peabody paused at this point to direct a conspicuous glance at the Arch-mage and finished with a heavy, "... circumstances."

"What are you doing here?"

The words leaving Labcoat Guy's mouth were much less spoken than hissed out, and the implicit sense of betrayal made the old man's customary smile falter for a second.

"My old friend came to me to advocate in your stead, young man," Lord Grandpa noted on the side with a voice so dry it would make most deserts hang their heads in shame.

"O-ho-ho, that's right," the nurse responded with a jovial, if slightly stiff, chuckle, but then he heaved a shallow sigh and continued in a somber voice. "Friedrich, you know that I'll support you no matter what, but there are some lines that should never, ever be crossed. Once you do that... the best I can do is to try and mitigate some of the damage."

The yoked man looked upon his uncle with an odd mixture of defiance and trepidation, but ultimately remained silent. Sensing the mood, the Arch-mage shook his head and strode forwards with heavy steps.

"Come, gentlemen. Let us continue our 'discussion' in private; such things should not be uttered in the open, for there may be privy eyes even within these walls."

Peabody nodded in agreement and fell in line with him, while Labcoat Guy followed along, lacking any choice in the matter. They all made their way into the heavily warded office of the head of the School, leaving the pair of sunglasses-wearing agent types outside. Oddly enough, the entire room was completely cleaned out, save for the large mahogany desk, the padded chair behind it, and a couple of cabinets on the side. It was most likely the result of the internal investigation conducted during the day. Either way, this meant that the two guests had nowhere to sit once Lord Grandpa planted his butt onto the only available seat. As such, Labcoat Guy stood in front of the desk, while Peabody came to a stop by the side of the same desk, slightly closer to the seated old man than his nephew; a clear reflection of the current dynamic between the three if there ever was one.

"I have to confess, this was arguably one of the longest days of my life," the Arch-mage broke the developing silence with a casual comment that still managed to raise the tension in the room. "As such, I will refrain from mincing my words. Friedrich. Did you break into this office last night?"

The man in the middle stared at the elder behind the desk in disbelief for a moment before his face twisted into an expression of disgust, followed by a barely stifled, derisive chuckle.

"Ki-hi-hi... You say you won't pussyfoot around, yet you still ask something you already know. Hypocrite."

"A simple yes or no would have sufficed," the old magi noted with a disapproving scowl. "Considering your words were an indirect admission of guilt, I have only one question left for you: where are the contents of my safe?"

"Ki-hi-hi. Well, wouldn't you like to know?"

The provocative reply very nearly blew Lord Granpa's fuse, but then the school nurse quickly inserted himself into the conversation.

"This isn't a joking matter, Friedrick. I know that there was some friction between you and Amadeus, but going as far as taking his Grimoire Key? What on earth were you thinking?"

The youngest man in the room was just about to give another flippant response, but then he finally registered his uncle's words, and his words immediately got trapped in his throat.

"Wait, hold on! Hold on for a moment!" he exclaimed while waving his yoked hands in a desperate (and simultaneously a little comical) display. "I don't know anything about that!"

Lord Grandpa raised a critical brow at the flailing man's expense and reiterated in a low, level voice.

"You broke into my office."

"Yes, I did, but I don't know anything about the Key! I wouldn't even know where to look for it!"

"It was in the safe," the Arch-mage stated dryly. "The safe which you incidentally emptied."

"I didn't! I only came for the contract! I didn't take anything else, let alone one of the freaking Grimoire Keys! Do I look suicidal to you!? I'm not insane!"

"Let me be honest with you young Friedrich; breaking in here is already something I would hardly consider sane," the old mage noted with some exasperation, following it up with, "I still can not understand why. Why would you go so far to annul our contract? What was your plan?"

"Me!? You were the one who broke the terms first! If there's anyone here who'd have some kind of plan, it's you!" Labcoat Guy shouted back, his normally pale face red with rage.

"What are you talking about, young man? I have held myself both to the letter and the spirit of our contract."

"Bullshit!" the yoked man spat back with his arms straining against his bindings. "You set me up from the very beginning! You…!" All of a sudden, his face slackened, only for his expression to morph into a chilling death-glare a moment later. "I get it now. This is still part of your setup! You must have lost the Grimoire Key, and you're using me as a scapegoat!"

"I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about," the Arch-mage responded while his fingers drummed on the desk. "Your baseless accusations are both ungainly and becoming quite aggravating."

"Baseless, huh?" Labcoat Guy scoffed back, his glare just as severe as before.

"Precisely," the old man stated with emphasis before subtly glancing at the school nurse silently standing nearby. "I have contacted you for the task as a favor for an old friend. I had no ulterior motives, let alone anything regarding the Grimoire Key."

"And you really expect me to believe that just because you say so?"

"Allow me to pose the same question to you as well," Amadeus responded as his fingers began to drum on the wooden desktop again. "You have admittedly broken into my office, entered my archives, pilfered the contents of my strongbox, and yet you expect me to believe that you have not taken the Key that had gone missing at the same time, all based on your word alone?"

"But I didn't take it!" came the indignant answer, and if he didn't have his hands restrained, Labcoat Guy would have probably slammed his palm on the desk in fury. "I broke in to get the goddamn contract so that I could get away from you and whatever twisted scheme you had for us! Do you seriously think I would take the Grimoire Key with me when my whole goal was to have nothing to do with you anymore?!"

"If so, then can you explain where one of our most valuable artifacts, one which I was entrusted with, disappeared into thin air?" Lord Grandpa asked back, his polite veneer slowly peeling off the reveal the rising impatience beneath it.

"How should I know?! I didn't even know it was in that damned safe! I thought it would be kept in a more secure location!"

"I assure you, until your break-in, the archives were definitely the most secure chamber on this entire island."

"Secure my ass! You didn't even lock the door!"

"Friedrich," Peabody spoke up, his bushy brows already in a disapproving frown. "Please keep things civil. If you really don't have the Grimoire Key, there is no need to antagonize Amadeus."

"Ifyou truly do not have it in your possession," the man behind the desk stressed, though for the first time he sounded a little doubtful.

"I tell you, I never even saw it!"

"But then if you do not possess it, can you explain how it could disappear on the very same day you one-sidedly broke our contract and retrieved its proof?"

"How should I know? Maybe someone else took it," Labcoat Guy responded with a shrug, much to the old mage's annoyance.

"Young man, I am aware that you might not think highly of the enchantments guarding this room after your successful foray, but the main archives of the School is not a place where someone could enter at their own leisure."

To accentuate the point, Lord Grandpa vaguely gestured towards the direction of the door leading to said archives, which was a beautiful example of tempting fate and asking the world to prove you wrong in dramatic irony. That said, even if the rules of narrative timing weren't paying attention, there was at least one dashing rogue element ready to pick up their slack, as before the old man could let his hand down to resume his incessant tapping on the desk, the indicated door casually opened up.

The silence in the room was deafening as the three men present all turned disbelieving looks towards the entrance, which turned into alarmed ones when they noticed there was someone standing under the frame.

"Good evening, gentlemen," the newcomer, namely I, greeted the shocked trio with a harmless smile, before adding, "Do you mind if I join in? I believe we need to talk…"

This was one of those 'you could hear a pin being dropped' situations, and even after I politely announced my intentions, things refused to improve. As a matter of fact, the men in the room were staring at me with such aghast expressions I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. Was it my outfit? I unconsciously glanced down, but I couldn't see anything wrong. Since all the hostilities were more or less resolved, I took off the sliced-up ballistic vest and the padding I wore under my coat and slipped into a spare set of jeans and shirt I had at the base. Sure, the black overcoat had a small gash on it, but since the front was open when mister Griffon grazed me, it wasn't exactly ruined either. Judy even combed my hair while I got the shallow cut on my abdomen dressed, so all things considered, I should've looked at least presentable at the moment.

Yet, the trio inside was still looking at me like I was the most terrifying thing in existence. I mean, okay, I waited until a suitably dramatic moment to make my appearance, and showing up from the blue had to be pretty shocking, but their treatment was still a tad harsh if you asked me. As such, since they didn't welcome me in, I decided to forego the formalities as well and simply walked up to the desk.

"What is he doing here?" Labcoat Guy blurted out the moment I stopped, and his voice finally seemed to jolt the other two out of their stupor.

"I assure you, that is something I would very much like to know as well," Lord Grandpa commented with an air of intimidation rising around him, though to be frank, at this moment I was so far beyond caring that I couldn't even be bothered to feel irritated about him. There was also a small flash of ethereal light around his head that passed through his hat unhindered, so I subtly rolled my eyes at his expense.

"Don't bother, I've already blocked all outgoing communications through the wards," I told him, but he tried it anyway. Honestly, after all the abuse I've already put my poor brain through today, manipulating the interlocking wards surrounding the room wasn't the wisest of ideas, but I figured that avoiding any interruptions at this point was worth the headache. Not to mention, unlike with the irritating spear or Ichiko's previous housing, the spatially locked enchantments weren't actually plot-devices, to use my colloquial terminology, so manipulating them was slightly less taxing than expected.

Anyhow, once the Arch-mage realized that I was serious and that he was locked out of the wards with the supernatural equivalent of a parental control password, his already narrowed eyes slowly gained a tinge of hostility.

"What exactly is the meaning of this?"

"Long story short, I'm here to hear you talk," I told him as I met his glare with a frown of my own. "You've caused me quite a lot of headache, both figuratively and literally, and so I'm here to hear your explanation."

"Explanation?" the elderly magi repeated after me, so I simply nodded in the affirmative. "Considering you have entered here uninvited, I can not help but wonder why I should be the one to explain myself in this situation."

"Cut the crap, old man. I already had a tiresome day. I had to corner that idiot over there, save some hostages, deal with the knights with the stupidly long name invading the home of my potential in-laws, as well as have a fight to the death against a possessed, unreasonable monster-huntress, and that's not even counting all the other things that happened in the past couple of hours. In other words, I've long since run out of damns to give, so I would appreciate it if you started your confession."

"So now you are looking for a confession instead of just an explanation? You are quite bold to make demands, young man, considering you are currently inside my School. How does this sound instead: can you give me a reason why I should refrain from single-handedly capturing you for the crime of breaking and entering?"

When I didn't answer right away, the irritating old man's lips parted in a grin that revealed all of his teeth, earning him another exasperated look for his trouble.

"So we are already at the threatening stage? Fine, have it your way." Saying so, I reached into the breast pocket of my coat and retrieved a small box. "For a start, I believe you are quite desperately—"

I got exactly that far when the air around the Arch-mage began to boil with magic, and he was apparently about to unleash some kind of spell based on the unintelligible chant he was speed-muttering under his breath. Whatever it was, I had a feeling it probably wouldn't be great for my well-being, so the moment the magic began to coalesce into a multi-layered ball of some sorts, I immediately lashed out with my phantom limb and bisected it without any fanfare. The two pieces hung in the air for a second before dissipating into nothing, and to his credit, Lord Grandpa's expression barely twitched when he realized that his spell was 'mysteriously' countered.

"So, as I was saying, you really want this thing, don't you?" I asked with just a hint of provocation, and after a short yet intense staring contest, the old man gave me a nod.

"So it was you!" Labcoat Guy exclaimed with an expression that told me he would strangle me if his hands weren't bound. "You followed us when we entered last night!"

"Without your notice?" Peabody mused aloud while casually wiping his forehead with a handkerchief, and his nephew immediately nodded, at least as much as the yoke allowed.

"He must have hidden himself with an illusion spell. In fact…" He slowly narrowed his eyes, and after observing me for a while, he declared, "I bet you're not even here right now, are you?"

The look I gave him in return for his guess was flatter than a pancake, but he didn't get the message, so I told him, "Maybe. Or maybe it could be that you aren't here at all. Maybe you're all still standing in front of that warehouse in the docks and blankly staring into thin air while under a complex illusion."

"I wasn't at the docks," the school nurse blurted out, so I gave him a shrug.

"Then that means that you're not real but just an elaborate illusion to deceive these two." Both Peabody and his nephew looked downright horrified by the idea, so I stopped playing around and told them, "Or maybe I'm just messing with you. Who knows?"

I let them mull over that and returned my attention to the owner of the room, who by this point has seemingly digested the situation.

"In retrospect, I should have known you would not have revealed you are in possession of the Grimoire Key unless you were confident you could hold onto it even in my presence," he noted in a low, almost dejected voice, and at last he retracted whatever caused the air around him to roil. It incidentally also made him appear slightly less irritating, but it was to such a minuscule degree that the difference was purely academic. At last, he exhaled a long sigh and stated, "It appears I am at a disadvantage in these negotiations."

"These are not negotiations," I told him frankly. "Those only happen when both parties have a leg to stand on. Right now, I'm holding all the cards. I'm not here to negotiate, I'm here to deliver my demands." I waited for him to respond, but since he only continued to frown at me, I ultimately proclaimed, "First off, I've already asked for you to explain your actions regarding this enormous chain of marinated bollocks you caused. I'm still waiting."

Lord Grandpa continued to look me in the eye, but at the end of the day he came to a decision, and his shoulders imperceptibly slouched.

"What do you want to know?"

"For a start, explain to me why you hired this clown to harass my friends?"

Lord Grandpa glanced over at the indignantly huffing yet conspicuously silent Labcoat Guy, and after crossing his fingers on the desk, he stated, "I have a long history with my good friend Archibald, and when I became aware of the fact that his nephew required…"

"Stop, my bad," I hastily interrupted him with a raised hand. Now, ignoring the fact that the name 'Archibald' was completely wasted on the portly nurse, I apparently wasn't clear enough when asking my original question. "I'm not really interested why you chose this guy in particular, but why you conspired to set up all those fake attacks against us in the first place."

By the looks of it, my inquiry gave the old man some headache, but after mulling things over for a second, he continued his explanation.

"Your group is… highly unusual. An unmasked Celestial agent, the heiress of the de-facto ruling family of the western Draconians, the blood-sister of one of the Abyssal Lords, my very own granddaughter, a young man with mundane circumstances and yet unusual powers, and last but not least you yourself. While you might be relatively safe right now, whether one or all of you would be targeted by outside forces is not a question of 'if', but 'when'. I simply hoped to provide some practical experience and instill a sense of caution into your group while also repaying some personal debts and forging a connection with the famously talented yet fickle black sheep of the Research Society."

"That would be him," I guessed while pointing with my thumb, and the old mage let out a grunt in confirmation. "Quick question: are the Assembly and the Research Society on good enough terms that you could do that without any pushback?"

"O-ho-ho, the Non-causative Science Research Society was originally a School of Magi," Peabody answered in the Arch-mage's stead. "The occasional heated academic debate notwithstanding, relations are relatively amicable, so even if it was revealed that Friedrich and Amadeus worked together, it would not affect their reputations."

I sent a glance at the still profusely sweating school nurse and acknowledged his comment with a nod. He most likely spoke up to dissuade me from trying to use their contract as another bargaining chip, but to be honest, it didn't matter to me either way. Not to mention, I had a sneaking suspicion that he was purposefully underplaying the rivalry going on between the established supernatural power bloc and the uppity newcomer, but I didn't press the issue and faced Lord Grandpa again instead.

"So you're telling me that you orchestrated all of these attacks on us out of the kindness of your heart, to prepare us to the unforgiving power-plays of the supernatural word or some similar slop? Do you seriously think I'd buy that?"

"No, I did not," he answered a tad indignantly. "I do not deny that I had my own considerations and personal gain in mind as well, but I swear upon my name as an Arch-mage of the Assembly that I never intended to cause you or your friends any harm, whether directly or indirectly."

"No harm, huh? Then please explain the dead Chimera puppet next."

The look he gave me at this point told me he wasn't expecting that question. Or was it one of the particular adjectives in the question? Either way, he closed his eyes and let out a long breath before he gave his answer.

"The Chimeric Beast was… a whim, but at the same time, a necessity." He soon noticed my dubiously raised brow, so he hastily clarified that incredibly vague statement. "After news spread about your achievement of slaying the creature in question, I have considered its ramifications. Chimeric Beasts are a rare breed, and I can guarantee that the Winged Lords of the Abyss would not allow someone capable of hunting one to walk the earth in peace. As such, I have looked into many an option and ultimately decided on one that would not only benefit you, but also allow us to potentially forge a connection with the elusive phantasmal hunters of the Kage clan. As much as I loathe to admit it, even the words of an Arch-mage like myself means little to their ilk, so I was forced to employ a more… creative solution."

"You've made the Chimera into a bait," I guessed, and he immediately confirmed it. Not only that, but based on the reaction of the uncle-nephew duo on the side, they weren't aware of these details until now either.

"It was something proposed by the head of our artificer department. A dead Chimeric Beast, while rare, holds little practical value, but by inscribing a newly developed, experimental Sun-grade enchantment onto the body, it could be put to use before it completely decayed."

"So, just to see if I get this right," I spoke up while casually using the edge of the box in my hand to scratch my chin. "You reanimated a Chimera, let it loose on the island to lure in Rinne, gave her information on me, and then told me to look into both the Chimera and her so that we could… do what exactly? What was the end-goal of this convoluted scheme of yours?"

"I would hardly call it convoluted," the old man objected with a slight grimace. "As far as I was concerned, it was one of the safer plans I have ever put into motion. Even if you never met her, or never collaborated, so long as the experiment was a success and the body could be moved, our Artificer Lodge would have benefited. As for its ultimate goal…" He fell silent for a beat, probably considering how much he should say, but when I pointedly shook the box in my hand, he immediately continued. "I hoped that you would develop a bond with the elusive holder of the Kage clan's sacred blade, and she could act as your mentor."

"… You're actually serious," I muttered in shock, much to my conversational partner's confusion.

"I… Yes. That was my hope, yet even if you could not build familiarity upon your shared experiences of fighting monstrous creatures, I believed that bringing her to the island had many benefits. In the worst-case scenario, where she would leave after tracking down her prey, I believed that by carefully manipulating the rumors, we could at the very least convince the Abyssal Lords into believing that she was responsible for the slaying of the original creature to draw attention away from you and, by consequence, my island. In the best-case scenario, I hoped she would take interest in you and by staying on the island could help bolster our defenses."

"So it was a win-win situation for you that you completely screwed up by not doing any research on her personality."

"Is that so?" The Arch-mage absent-mindedly stroked his short beard and added, "If my sources are to be believed, she is a dutiful, soft-spoken young woman, and surprisingly easy on the eyes as well."

"I have no idea what that last part has to do with anything, but no, she was more of creepy, psychotic, gluttonous woman-child with a split-personality disorder," I complained, but then I realized that I said too much, so I quickly amended, "Or at the very least she used to be, before I beat her and took her sword away. Now she's mainly just dejected and suspiciously amenable."

"That is right, I was meaning to ask," Lord Grandpa spoke up with a troubled expression. "You have mentioned something about a 'fight to the death', I believe?"

I knew that he was only fishing for information, but it wasn't like this was a secret, so I told him, "In short, I took the double-dead Chimera home for investigation, she misunderstood and went on a rampage, I had to beat her up and disarm her, then I had to purify her annoying sword and turn her into a little girl, but then stuff happened, and now she's locked up at a secure location." By the looks of it, my explanation caused more confusion than what it clarified, so just for the heck of it I also added, "Oh, and by the way, now her 'sacred sword' is in the body of the Chimera, so I can't give it back to you. Don't even ask."

"I… was not planning, but… Did you say 'little girl' just now?"

"That's beside the point," I dismissed him with a wave of my free hand and concluded, "So in short, you had 'the best intentions', but your over-engineered failure of a plan went off the rails and caused this whole mess."

"I would not necessarily call it a complete failure," the old man objected.

"You would think that, but you would be wrong. Anyhow, here's what's going to happen now." While saying so, I raised a hand and presented the box I was holding through all of this discussion. "You want this back before the investigators from the Assembly arrive so that you can save your position in the organization and at least a shred of your dignity. I'm not against returning it to you, but I have a couple of demands."

When I said that, the atmosphere in the room immediately tensed up again, and after a long moment of consideration, the Arch-made quietly uttered, "I'm listening."

"First off, I want you to let my friends go."

I might have started a little weak, as the old man nodded right away.

"Naturally, though I believe it would be best if they spent the night in our custody, for appearances' sake."

"I can compromise that much," I responded after but a moment of thinking. "However, at the very least provide them with proper food, beds, and a board game or something to pass the time."

"I… do not believe we have any such games in the School, but I will see what I can do," Lord Grandpa noted with a hint of amusement in his voice. "Anything else."

"Just have them taken to my place by tomorrow morning, without any guards or those annoying surveillance spells attached to them. Next, I want official access to your archives, without any supervision."

"I believe we can arrange that," he agreed, though this time he was slightly more reserved.

"Thirdly, I want him," I declared and once again used my thumb to gesture towards the yoked guy nearby.

"W-What? Me?" he yelped out while pointing at himself.

"Precisely," I responded as I turned to face him.

I wasn't kidding either. Letting this guy loose was a really bad idea, as I couldn't know when he would turn up again to bring back his sentai nonsense. While Crowey, Lord Grandpa, and the Knights in general were more dangerous opponents, they would still operate within the framework of the current 'setting', so to speak, while he was easily the most troublesome rogue element as far as the narrative structure and tone of the world were concerned.

"You're too dangerous to be left to your own devices, so I'm going to keep you on a short leash, where I can keep an eye on you." I paused here to let my words sink in, and then continued in a slow, level tone. "No more giant robots. No more disposable goons. No more silly costumes. Finally, and maybe most importantly, no more plasma disintegrators. Screw up on any of those points, and I'll give you a fashionable pair of concrete shoes and kick out into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Are we clear on that?"

Labcoat Guy and the nurse both repeatedly nodded in unison, so I turned back to the man behind the desk.

"Oh, and by the way, while he'll work for me, you're still going to be footing his bills. We'll work out the contract later, but I wanted to be clear on that."

Lord Grandpa looked at the yoked mad scientist, and before I knew it, the corners of his lips were bent upwards into something resembling a delighted smile.

"To be perfectly honest with you, young man, that sounds like a fantastic idea to me."

"Hey! Don't I have any say in this matter!?"

"No," I responded to Labcoat Guy's desperate objection and addressed the old man again, "Aside from that, all I ask for is some courtesy. Don't make any more convoluted schemes, don't cause me or my friends any trouble 'for our own good', and if some unsavory types arrive on the island, like, say, a bunch of grown men with buckets on their heads known for attacking relatively innocent dragons, notify me instead of allowing them to operate on your bloody island."

"Buckets…? Do you perchance mean the Knights?"

"Of course I mean the Knights!" I exclaimed in exasperation. "Don't tell me you couldn't at least tell my self-appointed mother-in-law that they were already on the island! Do you have any idea how much headache that would've saved me today?"

"I only learned of their presence recently, and in my defense, I was already engaged in a different incident."

"Which was the result of the aforementioned convoluted scheming," I remarked before placing the box onto the desk. "So, do we have a deal here or not?" The Arch-mage was eyeing me even more suspiciously than before, so I felt obligated to add, "For the record, don't even think about double-crossing me. I took your artifact once, I can take it again, and even if you teleport it to the moon or something so that I couldn't use it as leverage, with the contents of your safe in my hands, I still have enough dirt on you to have you kicked out of the Assembly so hard you might even achieve a stable orbit."

"I understand," he uttered just a tad begrudgingly, and he reached out towards the box. Before he could touch it though, I stopped him by offering a hand.

"Deal?" I asked with my most harmless of smiles, and after staring at my outstretched palm for a second or five, the head of the School ultimately grabbed it and we shook hands.

"I accept your generous conditions," he stated flatly, and oddly enough, his expression told me that he considered the act of the handshake a bigger deal than our agreement itself. I didn't really care though, as I was simply delighted that I could finally mark him for Far Sight.

I removed my hand from the box, and surprisingly enough Lord Grandpa didn't immediately snatch it up. If nothing else, I had to commend his willpower. Once he let go of my hand, I immediately turned around and stepped up to Labcoat Guy.

"Once you let my friends go, have them escort him as well. I'll deal with the rest." Saying so, I decided to make one last show of having the upper hand, and firmly poked the yoke around the man's neck with two fingers. It let out a buzzing sound and opened with a soft click, much to the mad scientist's befuddlement. I ignored him and instead used the opportunity to extend my Phantom Limb and interface with the wards of the office, and once I turned off the restrictions I put on Lord Grandpa, I turned on my heel and walked towards the open entrance of the archives.

"Now then, it was a pleasure, gentlemen, but I'm afraid I have to go. You still have a lot of this mess to clean up, and I have to make sure the Celestial Intelligence Network will stay in the dark about what went down tonight. See you all tomorrow."

Just as I finished, I closed the door behind me, and before Lord Grandpa could collect himself and try to follow after me, I immediately Phased back home.

"Welcome back, Chief," my dear girlfriend greeted me the moment I arrived, but before I replied, I immediately fell into my comfy chair with a relieved sigh. Judy gave me an odd look as she sidled closer to me and asked, "How did the negotiations go?"

"Fairly smoothly, I'm just tired as a… fox?" I uttered in surprise as I noticed the thing in Judy's arms. In short, it was the biggest, fattest, fluffiest red fox I've ever seen in my life. I was just about to ask what that was, but then the fox opened its mouth, and to my further bafflement, spoke up in a familiar voice.

"Look, ue-sama! I could really do it!"

"Ah… I should have known," I muttered under my breath. Using one of the neighbors as an anchor, I Phased Judy and the tiny (and currently quite foxy) miko home, so that my girlfriend could put some proper clothes on her. Needless to say, even though she insisted that she could transform using some ancient fox-girl art of illusionary whatever, I never expected her to do it while I was away.

"Chief, can we keep her?" Judy suddenly asked with a tone so serious I was completely sure it was a joke for a moment.

"Are you serious? What about your counter-measures?"

"I'm not insecure enough to be jealous of foxes," my girlfriend stated a tad indignantly before grabbing Ichiko under her front legs and presenting her to me. "Also, she's really fluffy."

"… I never figured you were the type who would get swayed by cute animals," I whispered too quietly for her to hear, and I concluded the conversation with an ambivalent, "Let's discuss this in detail later."

The fox in her hands let out a series of delighted yipping sounds, which honestly didn't help my slowly but surely rising headache, so I poked her stomach. It only made her laugh out louder (she was possibly ticklish) and I had no choice but to agree with Judy on one point; she was indeed incredibly fluffy, especially for a sword-Chimera-miko-loli-fox.

…

Damn, that's a lot of traits right there. If she was a little older, that would probably make her a prime love interest material in a harem narrative. But then again, considering the conventions of some of the visual novels I've run into during my research, her appearance might actually be a selling point for a certain demographic.

"Make sure you keep her away from Josh and his harem protagonist aura. The last thing we need right now is the local version of FBI showing up looking for him," I jested half-heartedly, yet my girlfriend nodded with the utmost seriousness, so maybe it wasn't much of a joke after all. Anyhow, I never really realized how comfortable my favorite chair was. Or maybe it was just the fatigue speaking? Either way, I glanced over at Judy and told her, "Let me rest for a moment, then we discuss what happened today in detail."

"Okay. I'll go brew some tea."

"Oh, oh! Judy-ue, I can help! I can show you my family's traditional green-tea recipe!" the fluffy ball exclaimed as she wagged her bushy tail in my girlfriend's hands.

"I don't think we have any green tea, but let me check," she responded on her way to the kitchen, and the way she casually ignored the tail repeatedly stroking her on the neck drew a small chuckle out of me.

I felt really tired though, so after a while, I leaned my head onto the back-rest of my chair, closed my eyes, and let my mind rest for a few minutes. After a day like this, I think I deserved this much.