The Simulacrum

"Oh great, and now it's raining too…" I mumbled under my breath as I held out my hand and felt another small droplet hit my palm. It was barely a drizzle, but considering how dark the clouds were before the sun went down, I had a feeling it was going to get worse, so I hastened my steps on the sidewalk.

I could've certainly Phased over to my destination if the weather truly turned for the worse, but for now, I decided to walk. Mainly because I was already feeling the side-effects of manipulating the magical substratum setting in, and I was afraid that taking the shortcut might make them worse, but also because I've eaten one gyro too many in the company of Mountain Girl, and moving like this helped my digestion. It wasn't like I was late from anywhere anyway, and the open air never hurt anyone. Well, except those silly aliens from War of the Words, but that's beside the point.

It had been just about a quarter of an hour since I finally managed to separate myself from my temporary hunting partner, which was unusually tiresome this time around, as she was quite insistent about inviting me to another hunting trip, this time to the Congo to find something called a 'mokele-mbembe'. I naturally declined her offers just as insistently, and she gave up after her second super-sized gyros. As for the rest of our time in the restaurant, we only talked about small, inconsequential things, like the weather, or the food, or how to clean blood stains out of fabrics. In the end, we said our farewells on amicable terms, and only then did I realize that I completely forgot to unambiguously tell her about how I was already in a relationship and that she should look for greener pastures.

Oh well. I'd do it next time, I figured. Or better yet, I'll avoid her until she leaves the island, so there won't be a next time. That would probably work too, and it would be definitely less awkward. Hurray for procrastination!

While I was considering all that, I continued walking until I unceremoniously arrived back at the spot where I left the body of the disabled Chimera. The place was still a mess, with the fallen tree and the bloodstains and everything, but the creature was nowhere to be found. Good. Brang and co. were really efficient as usual.

"[Did the disposal of the lifeless meat proceed without any unforeseen circumstances?]"

It might have looked like I was only growling to myself, but after a long second the dirt next to me was kicked up by the impact of a heavy body. When I glanced over, I was met with the cloaked, bowing figure of Karukk. I had no idea why he was sitting on a tree branch until I called out to him, but it wasn't exactly important in the grand scheme of things. I waited for him to finish saluting, but when he kept his head down, I prompted him by lightly clearing my throat and uttering a subtle "[So?]"

"[Oh, excuse me, my lord,]" he sputtered in a hurry as he straightened his back. "[Yes, sir. We've taken the carcass of the Chimera to the base, as per your instructions.]"

"[Good man.]"

"[Thank you, my lord. Your kind words are wasted on me.]"

The Faun kept beaming at me even under the scrutiny of my most skeptical look, and in the end I was forced to stifle a groan and turn in place to face him.

"... Okay, time out," I said as I switched to normal speech. "What's the deal?"

"[What could you possibly mean?]"

Karukk's ears swiveled around in the way I've long since learned to associate with embarrassment. It was an amusing little tic all the Fauns shared, but seeing it in this context only made me even more confused.

"I'm talking about how polite and courteous you're acting right now. It's creeping me out a little."

"[My apologies, my lord. It was not my intention to make you uneasy.]" At this point he finally noticed how I was frowning at him, so he hastily added, "[I-I mean… Seeing your battle with the Chimera finally opened my eyes. I apologize that it took so long.]"

"… Come again?"

"[The way you've slain the Chimera with a single strike; it opened my eyes and I realized that the general was right about you all along.] Karukk paused for a long moment, then he lowered his head and added, in a much quieter voice, "[Please forgive the disrespectful ways I've addressed you in the past.]

This was yet another one of those head-scratching moments, where it took me a long time to figure out just what the heck was going on, but then I finally managed to put together a working hypothesis.

It was easy to forget about it, due to how friendly and goofy they acted lately, but the Fauns were something of a magically engineered super-soldier race with a warrior culture ethos built into them. They've been following my lead mostly due to Brang vouching for me and because I was acknowledged as Snowy's brother (and regent, for some reason that was still entirely unclear to me). If my hunch was right, seeing me actually 'defeat' a Chimera might've made Karukk re-evaluate me, and then the whole 'honor-bound-retainer' thing kicked in, and so he started creeping me out. Quite elementary, and annoying, my dear Watson.

Now, there was only one question remaining: how do I nip this in the bud before it spreads to the others?

"For the record, I didn't actually 'slay' the Chimera," I noted as I pointedly faced the blood-stained walkway again.

"[I'm sorry, my lord, but don't understand.]"

I glanced back at him and stated, "I mean that I couldn't slay the Chimera because it was not really alive to begin with. It was just an empty body puppeteered by magic."

"[Are you certain, my lord? I don't think that should be possible.]"

"Well, it is," I grumbled as my brows furrowed once again. "I simply turned off the magic, and the Chimera with it. It wasn't nearly as impressive as it might've looked like from the outside."

Karukk stayed silent for a long while, and for a moment I almost thought I got through to him, but then he shook his head.

"[So you've accurately grasped the weakness of the creature and neutralized it without suffering any injuries in the process. I fail to see how that is any less impressive, my lord.]"

"Oh, come on. Please don't twist things like that."

"[I'm not twisting anything, my lord,]" he answered, accompanied by a genuine smile. "[If anything, your modesty makes me admire you even more.]"

I sent the friendly Faun a flat look, but he was entirely serious, so in the end I let out a sigh and asked, "So, for the record, does that mean that you fully acknowledge me right now?"

"[Yes, my lord.]"

"So if I gave you an order right now, you would follow it?"

"[Certainly, my lord.]" He responded without hesitation.

"Without any question?" Karukk gave me a determined nod, so I firmly told him, "In that case, I order you to stop being polite with me. Oh, and also, stop tagging 'my lord' at the end of your sentences. It's annoying."

"[But…]"

Whatever protests he might have had, he immediately swallowed them back after noticing my glare.

"[If that is you wish, then…]" I lowered my brows even further at his words, so he hastily corrected himself. "[I mean, sure, my…. um... boss?]"

I kept staring daggers at him for just a little longer, but at last I eased it up and commented, "I give that a passing grade." He was entirely too relieved by my words, so I shook my head and kept the conversation rolling by asking, "When I said that the Chimera was controlled by magic, you said it was impossible. Why do you think so?"

The Faun was seemingly taken aback by my sudden question, and it took him a fairly long time to formulate an answer.

"[Chimera are very resistant to the mystic arts.]" That was something I already knew, so I gestured for him to elaborate. "[As far as I know, trying to forcefully wrest control away from one's master would be impossible even for a Lord of the Abyss.]"

"What if the thing was already dead, and a complex enchantment was operating the body?"

There was another long beat, and then Karukk told me, in an unsure tone, "[I'm sorry boss, but I'm not an expert when it comes to Chimeras or mystic arts. I have no idea.]"

"Don't worry. I already have a theory about what's going on, I was just curious if you could give me another clue." While we talked, the weather was getting even worse, so I ultimately told him, "I think I should get going soon. Make sure the Chimera arrives at the secret base in one piece. I'll head over later to examine it. Until then, keep an eye on it."

Instead of answering, Karukk only gave me a quick salute, and then he immediately dashed away. He probably found the whole discussion about as awkward as I did, so I didn't blame him. As for the Chimera, I wasn't really worried about it getting up any time soon the same way I wasn't worried that a car with its ignition cables cut would start up on its own. I also made sure to disable any tracking or surveillance magic I found inside its magical operation system, so I wasn't worried about someone following the Fauns back to the base either, but taking another look at the enchantment inside it couldn't hurt anyone. Well, except my head, but that was unavoidable.

That said, the drizzle was getting thicker by the minute, so I hastily buttoned up my coat and left the scene of the battle while trying my best to ignore my throbbing head. Because I had to concentrate on that, I walked slower than usual, and it took me a solid twenty minutes to get home. It was already dark outside, and the weather went from 'the air is a little wet' to 'it's going to start pouring down at any moment so hard that even Noah would be freaked out'. Because of this, and since I could see the light in the living room from the outside, I opened my front door without even bothering with the keys.

"I'm home," I announced my arrival by reflex, only to freeze in my tracks because of the rumbling noise of multiple people rushing towards me. I glanced in the direction of the sound, and I was met with the bewildered faces of the entire gang staring at me from the other side of the door leading into the living room, all of them looking as if they just saw a ghost. After a long beat, I closed the door behind me and uttered a supremely confused "What?"

That single word seemed to have drained all the tension out of their air, and my friends let out a collective sigh of relief at my expense, followed by Angie slapping Josh on the shoulder and declaring, "You owe me five Jen now!"

"We didn't actually bet!" my friend objected, only to be literally swept aside as a blonde missile sailed past him, with its targeting reticule firmly set on me.

My otherwise well-honed girl-catching reflexes may have gotten a little rusty due to the rain, as the princess's charge completely blindsided me.

"You see? I told you he would be all right!" my girlfriend declared as she glomped me, and then followed it up by a ribcage-creaking hug that pushed all the air right out of my lungs.

"Elly, I just came in from the rain," I tried to warn her, but she completely ignored me and continued to bury her face into my chest with extra vigor.

"I knew you didn't explode!"

"What? Explode? What exactly is-" 'going on?', I wanted to ask, but I swallowed the end of the sentence down as I noticed Judy also coming my way.

Her approach was less bombastic than the princess's, but her expression, which was even harder to read than usual, immediately put me on edge.

"Um… hi, Dormouse? How's it going?"

"Hush, Chief," my deadpan girlfriend chided me while maintaining her inscrutable expression. "I'm currently contemplating whether I should hug you because you're all right, or kick you because you made us worry."

"... Normally I would prefer the former, but as I was just saying—"

I got exactly that far before my dear assistant came to a conclusion and she stepped forth to embrace me by the waist. Well, so much for my unheeded warning about my coat being drenched to the point I felt like I was wearing a small lake. Oh well, I tried. Let's look on the bright side of things; at least she didn't kick me… though considering her track record, I doubt it would've been more than a tickle anyway.

While my girlfriends indulged themselves in holding onto me as if they were afraid I'd run away, I turned my attention towards the rest of our group still clustered around the doorway leading into my living room. On a cursory glance, they appeared fine enough. They were still wearing their school uniforms, with only a few small scrapes here and there they probably deemed too minor to bother Angie about. Speaking of our resident Celestial, she was gazing at us with affectionate eyes, but with a smile that told me that if she had a bowl of popcorn, she'd be chomping down on it like she was in the cinema.

Aside from her, there was a slightly annoyed Josh shaking his head at the sight (I would've bet my left kidney that he was jealous of my current situation, like the self-awareness deficient nincompoop he was), a considerably more annoyed class rep (she was even doing her menacing thing with her glasses), and my relieved sister, whose expression told me she also wanted to come over and hug me, but considered the situation too crowded already. Note to self: give her a suitably brotherly head pat once I was free, for being such a considerate little sister.

Once I completed my observations, it was time to address the elephant in the room.

"For the record, I still don't understand what's going on. Could you please tell me why you guys are so worked up right now?"

"We're not 'worked up', we're just relieved because we thought you were dead."

Ammy's answer was surprising enough, but the way the rest of my friends nodded along with her words only made me more apprehensive.

"Why would I be...?" I began, only to stop and then change my original question into, "You know what? How about we discuss this once you let me sit down first? I'm wet, tired, and my head hurts."

"Sure," Josh stepped back and gestured for me to come into my own house, but before I could take the first step, Judy also put some distance between us and began to deftly unbutton my coat. Once she realized what she was doing Elly immediately let go as well and stood behind me to help me out of my outerwear. I was thankful for their attentiveness, but the moment my wet coat was off, my dear assistant began to pat me down from head to toe. She completely disregarded my wryest of looks, and once she touched every PG-13 nook and cranny of my body, she stepped back and declared, "He's uninjured."

Elly and Snowy let out a relieved breath in unison, but I ignored them, and instead I deftly slipped by my girlfriends, kicked off my shoes, and entered the living room without any further incidents. I walked over to my usual comfy chair and unceremoniously plopped down onto it. The rest of the group followed my example, though not by literally sitting on my chair. That would've been just plain weird.

"It's a little narrow here..." Elly stated on my left as she tried her best to sit on my armrest.

"It can't be helped," Judy added on my right, almost losing her balance and falling into my lap in the process.

I've spoken too soon, haven't I? Well, at least the rest of the group was slightly more reasonable, as they picked the couch instead. It wasn't designed for four people, so it was a little crowded over there, but they didn't seem to mind it too much.

Once my girlfriends finished their balancing act and everyone settled down, I took a deep breath and decided on a blunt approach.

"Okay, so as far as I can gather, you guys thought I exploded or something. Care to explain what you mean by that?"

"Precisely what it sounds like," Ammy huffed while crossing her arms.

"And I'm asking you to please elaborate a little on that already. I still have no idea what you are talking about."

The peanut gallery shared a look between each other, and at the end of the day, it was Josh who proverbially stepped forth.

"Before the battle with Doctor Robatto, he claimed that you were also with us. He called you out." He paused for a moment, so I gestured for him to proceed, as so far I haven't heard anything new. "We thought he was bluffing, but then the woman with him pointed her hand at a building and the whole street corner exploded with a 'KABOOM!'"

"Personally I think it was more of a 'KRAKADOOM!'" Angie chimed in, only to be summarily ignored.

"Oh, right. That happened," I noted with a belated realization. "But I told you I would be off Chimera hunting, so why did you make such a fuss about it?"

"We didn't at the time," Ammy cut in with a frown, "But then after the battle, we found your spear at the scene."

"Oh, I get it now! Because it was there, you thought I was also at the scene and got vaporized!"

"Don't smile while you say that," Judy chided me while simultaneously pinching my shoulder.

"Right!" my other girlfriend seconded as she pointed a nostalgic accusatory finger at my nose. "We were really scared when we found it in pieces between the rubble, you know!"

"What? It's broken?" I clicked my tongue and whispered, "Damn, it was a perfectly good spear. I didn't even get to properly try it out yet..."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but could we stay on topic?" Ammy interjected again, her fingers already playing with the frame of her glasses. "Were you really in the Restricted Space with us?"

"No, of course not," I replied with the utmost sincerity. I mean, I wasn't lying, as I only dropped by for a moment, so statistically speaking, I really wasn't. She was still giving me a critical glare, so I took a deep breath and began to explain myself.

"I had one of the Faun act as a lookout in the area. Labcoat Guy thinks that I can use illusions, so when they detected someone there with Snowy's Sigil hiding them, they thought it was me."

"And why was he holding your spear?" came the next logical question from the class rep.

"Due to a long string of inexplicable coincidences," I vaguely told her with a toothy grin, much to her frustration.

"Is he all right?" Snowy inquired in a low voice while Ammy was busy silently glaring at me, so I sent her a considerably more natural smile and nodded.

"Yeah, Vurrok's fine. Don't worry."

My sister let out a relieved breath, but before she could add anything else to the conversation, Ammy cut in with the words, "And how exactly do you know all that?" I sent her a small smirk in return, telling her to figure it out on her own, and then a second later I could see the proverbial light bulb light up over her head. "Oh, right. That was a silly question."

I wanted to tell her that it indeed was, using my most mysterious and inscrutable voice, but I was beaten to the punch by Angie suddenly raising a hand high. I turned my attention to her, but she kept trying to raise it even higher. I figured she was waiting for me to give her the green light, which I did with a small gesture, earning me an impish grin in return.

"Question: does that mean that you went Chimera-hunting without a weapon?"

I let out a small groan and responded in a flat voice.

"Yes, Angie. It means I did just that."

"And? How did it go?" the Celestial girl pressed on with sparkling eyes, and while the others were less blatant about it, they also seemed just as curious.

"Fairly well. The Chimera showed up on schedule, and it went down with only minor collateral damage. A tree got cut down by accident, but hopefully it won't make the news."

"Collateral damage?" Josh asked while demonstrating his mastery of single-eyebrow-raise-fu. "Didn't you fight it in a Restricted Space?"

"Things kind of developed too quickly for that…" I answered just a touch sheepishly, yet it was enough to satisfy his curiosity.

"What about the hunter woman?" Judy inquired as she clumsily entwined her arm around mine, probably to stabilize herself on the armrest. When Elly realized this was an option, she hurriedly followed suit as well, so I waited for them to finish fidgeting before I gave them my answer.

"Well, there's nothing to hunt here anymore, so with some luck, she should be leaving soon to the Congo."

"Good. That means no more moonlit dates with her, I presume."

"They weren't dates to begin with, but yes, you are correct."

My ever so slightly exasperated tone fell on deaf ears, as Judy and Elly glanced at each other with a knowing look. I had a feeling I was left out of some kind of inside joke, but before I could ask, my attention was drawn to my dour best friend crossing his arms on the couch.

"So at least you managed to achieve your goals, huh? I suppose that means this day wasn't a complete bust after all."

Josh's grumbles made me raise a confused brow, but then a realization suddenly hit me like a runaway bullet train. The gang was a little down even after they learned that I was fine (except for Angie, but she was Angie, so it meant nothing), but I wrote that off as just combat fatigue. However, if I had interpreted his word's right…

"Please don't tell me Labcoat Guy got away."

The frustrated groan escaping Josh's mouth was answer enough, but I still waited for him to spell it out.

"He did." There was a long beat of downcast silence after his declaration, and only then did he explain what exactly happened. "Pascal and I got him cornered for most of the battle."

I already knew that, but I figured it would've been rude (and suspicious) to tell them that, so I waited for Josh to continue. Unexpectedly enough, it was Elly who chimed in instead.

"I took care of the big one and the small ones."

Based on the combination of the proud grin and the expectant eyes, I figured she was fishing for compliments, so I didn't let her wait for long.

"That sounds amazing. You did well."

Her proud smile immediately turned into a smug one (it was a small yet very profound difference) and she snuggled even closer to me. Well, at least no one could say she was hard to please.

"I took care of the anchor point as planned," Ammy cut in with a tired voice, and when I faced her, the Celestial girl by her side also spoke up.

"I was there too! And Lili also helped when that Galatea woman showed up! We flew all around the buildings and stuff!"

"I… I did my best," Snowy concurred, so I had no choice but to praise them too.

"So it was a team effort. Good job."

"So, as I was saying…" This time it was Josh who raised his voice to get the reins of the conversation back in his hands, and once everyone calmed down, he continued with, "We had him on the ropes for a while. We climbed to the top of this nearby building, and then…"

Josh continued to explain what I've already seen with my own ethereal eyes, and a few small details notwithstanding, he did a pretty good job. The only thing that made me raise a brow was when he described the top half of the office building crumbling down as 'We also had some minor collateral damage', but I didn't call him out on it.

"… and then, when it looked like we finally got him for good, he fused with the big thing."

"The Biomechanical Gigant," Judy noted on the side.

"Yes, that," Josh acknowledged with a nod.

"Please elaborate," I requested, as this was the part where I wasn't present anymore.

"Right. What happened was that he flew into the air and then he merged into the big thing's chest."

"Wait, that's not right," Elly cut in with a frown. "He didn't 'merge', the chest part opened up and he just flew in."

"Yes, but the inside was filled with this transparent goo or what have you," Josh countered.

"I thought that was just a force field and the inside was empty," my sister added her five cents, and Josh immediately snapped his head to her.

"Was it?"

"I think so too," Angie further agreed. "At least that's what it looked like from the air."

"Well, maybe, but…"

"Can we get to the important bits?" I asked in a low voice, and they all seemed to agree.

"You're right. Either way, Doctor Robatto entered into the thing—" Josh began to explain; only to get cut off by my assistant pointedly clearing her throat, so he quickly corrected himself. "The Gigant. He flew into the Gigant, and then it transformed."

"… I'm afraid to ask, but what exactly did it transform into?"

"It was weird!" Angie cut in again as she began to wildly gesticulate while trying to illustrate her description. "It grew even bigger, and it somehow grew a lot of these blocky metal plates all around!"

"Those looked kind of like Robatto's armor, didn't they?" Josh spoke up again, and her childhood friend readily nodded.

"They sure did! And then the arms grew together and even those got a lot of blocky plating!"

"It looked like if a giant was wearing a costume made of cardboard boxes," Ammy noted, only to get literally booed by the enthusiastic Celestial.

"Boo! It didn't look like that at all! It was much cooler!"

"To be fair, it looked and moved like it was too bulky," my sister supplementary the description next, much to Angie's shock and horror.

"You too, Lili!? I thought we agreed that it looked really neat!"

"I-It looked neat, but… Maybe not 'really' neat?" Snowy floundered for a moment, so I decided it was a good moment to cut in myself.

"So the Biomechanical Whatchamacallit turned into a blocky metal monster and it was medium level neat. Got it. What happened after that?"

"After that, the robot woman with the big breasts came flying back." That comment made his entire entourage send him some pointed glances, so he immediately went on the defensive and added, "What? That's what she is! She is a robot, a woman, and she has big—"

"So, before you dig yourself even deeper," I interrupted with a sigh, "What did she do?"

"She flew to the top of the blocky Gigant," Snowy answered in a hurry, trying her best to move the conversation away from the previous tangent.

"You know how those things don't have heads?" came the entirely rhetorical question from Angie, and I promptly nodded in the affirmative. "So, she flew to where the head was supposed to be, and then a bunch of metal plates grew around her, and then there was suddenly a head! A robot head, with a big helmet! With a huge gem in the middle, and horns!"

"Wait, hold on for a moment," I requested as something finally dawned on me. A huge, blocky robot, with bulky limbs and an inexplicable horned helmet. That… sounded entirely too familiar. "I know this might sound dumb, but did any of you take a picture?"

The whole group shook their heads, but then Snowy weakly raised her hand and proposed, "I could try drawing it for you."

"You could?"

"Didn't you know?" Josh gave me an odd look and explained, "Lili's drawing skills are amazing. Her sketches alone are ten times better than the best thing I can make."

"First time I've heard about it," I admitted without any reservations and sent a questioning look at my sister in turn.

"I-I'm not that amazing. I just… had a lot of practice because of my Sigils."

"Come on Lili, don't sell yourself short!" Angie encouraged her even further, and I couldn't help but notice the way she was addressing her. Calling her 'Lili' once could be a fluke, twice a mistake, but three times in a row?

Anyhow, while I pondered whether or not this was significant, the childhood friend duo successfully convinced my sister and she left the room to get a pencil and some paper. My girlfriends also let go of me and headed for the kitchen (which they already treated as their own territory) to get some drinks, while Ammy left for the toilet, and the childhood friends began bickering about whether the color scheme of the big robot was lame or not.

Using this impromptu break in the conversation, I decided to collect myself a little. First and foremost, I closed my eyes as I leaned back in my chair and began to gently massage my temples. The headache from before was still getting worse, but for the moment it was still manageable. It wasn't like I could do much about it, so I moved on to the next point on the agenda: Labcoat Guy.

Considering that I just got the opportunity handed to me on a silver platter, I decided to capitalize on it by using Far Sight on him, knowing full well that doing so in my current state would only make the pounding in my head even worse. I took a deep breath, and a moment later the darkness of my closed eyelids disappeared as I found myself staring at the familiar ceiling of the commons room inside Labcoat Guy's secret headquarters.

"… and we have to do it now!"

If I could, I would've blinked in surprise at the sudden outburst near me, and so I quickly reoriented my field of view and found the three people I was expecting. The escapee of the day was in the process of power-pacing up and down in front of the large aquarium, while Peabody and the, at the moment casually dressed, fembot were both sitting on the large beanbag chairs nearby.

"Please calm down, Friedrich. You shouldn't jump to conclusions like that," the portly nurse attempted to chide his nephew, but his words fell on deaf ears.

"I'm perfectly calm!" he exclaimed from to top of his lungs before coming to a halt and stomping his feet. "I tell you, we were deceived by the Arch-mage! They set a trap for us!"

"I still think it was a great big misunderstanding…" Peabody whispered, prompting Labcoat Guy to shake his head.

"Impossible! Think about it, uncle! Leonard Dunning knew about things only the Arch-mage could've told him about, and Pascal was there too! They must have conspired to entrap us!"

"The probability of that is less than twenty percent," the android spoke up, only to be dismissed right away.

"I don't want to hear any more probabilities from you after what happened today, Galatea!" The Fembot averted her gaze with a very human 'Hmpf.', following which Labcoat Guy began pacing again.

"I tell you, we have to cut our losses and leave while we still can! They already know about this place, so first we have to move to the backup workshop in the docks!"

"If you think it's necessary…" Peabody mumbled in a disheartened tone that didn't escape the mad scientist's notice.

"Yes, I think so, and we have to do it ASAP!" he snapped, and then pointed a finger at the fembot and ordered, "Galatea, go and have the Mk-III Sprockets pack everything that can be moved! Also…" At this point he paused for a while as he deeply considered something, then he concluded with, "Make sure our guest is also ready for transport."

Now, I didn't need to be a genius to figure out the implications of that line, but before I could further look into it, my break time was cut short by someone grabbing my arm again. I opened my eyes, which also cut off my Far Sight, and looked at the princess awkwardly trying to sit on the armrest again, an endeavor made considerably more difficult by the fact that she was holding onto a steaming mug with one hand while doing so.

Without further ado, I reached out to take it from her before she would accidentally scald both of us, and only then did I realize that it was my mug. I directed a questioning glance at my blissfully grinning girlfriend, and she readily told me, "It was my turn to make your tea. Go ahead, give it a try!"

She didn't need to say twice, as I was just starting to get a little parched anyway, and I took a sip. It was slightly different from the tea I would make, and slightly sub-par compared to Judy's Annoying Butler™ blend, but it wasn't bad by any means of the imagination. I sincerely thanked her and took another gulp, only to pause when my eyes swept over the table and noticed the sketch Snowy was making under the questionably constructive oversight of the childhood friend trio.

I blinked once, just to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me, then I calmly swallowed the warm drink in my mouth, because I would sooner die than to do something as clichéd as a spit-take. Then, and only then, I let out a long sigh and calmly noted, "Goddammit, it really was a Megazordafter all, wasn't it…?"

"Take care, Chief. Be sure to rest well."

While saying so, Judy straightened my collar. It was already about as dark as it gets outside, and we both stood under the eaves of my house while she kept fiddling with my clothes, obviously reluctant to leave.

"Don't worry, Dormouse; I'll be fine," I told her as I cupped her outstretched hand in mine and gently squeezed it. "I already took some painkillers, and I don't have a fever yet, so I'll probably live."

"Nevertheless, make sure you take a hot shower once everyone leaves. Also, no more playing with enchantments for the day."

"Yes, yes. I promise."

My other girlfriend looked just a tad impatient behind her, probably because her limo was already parked in front of my driveway, so I told the both of them, "Take care on your way home, and please tell Emese I'm sorry I couldn't join her for dinner." My dear assistant only clicked her tongue in response, so I also added, "Speaking of which, have a fun evening."

"It's not going to be that," Judy grumbled under her breath, earning her a curious glance from the princess.

"Why? I thought you got along with mom."

"It's not that," she denied with a shake of her head. "Because the Chief isn't going to be there with us, she's going to ask all kinds of 'mom' questions. It's going to be embarrassing."

When I've heard that, I unconsciously raised a brow as high as those things could go. Unfortunately my assistant didn't get the message, so I had to grudgingly speak up anyway.

"Okay, I bite. What are these 'mom' questions you are talking about?"

She responded with a long stare that said she wasn't entirely sure if I was serious, but then she ultimately explained herself all the same.

"Questions about how far our relationship progressed." She paused for another long moment, and then used her chin to point at the blonde girl at her side and added, "With her."

"Oooooh, now I get it," I noted with a knowing smile, only to get gently kicked in the shin for my trouble.

"Don't laugh. It's your fault," my sulky assistant declared between two small kicks.

"What's my fault?"

"This whole misunderstanding about how our relationship works," she clarified as she finally ceased her futile, if somewhat adorable, attempts at inflicting physical violence on my poor legs. "That's why Elly's mother believes we are also going out with each other."

"We aren't?" Elly cut in with a baffled expression, so I explained:

"What Judy means is that while we are all going out, you two, in particular, are not romantically involved."

"Oooooh, I see."

The princess nodded to herself with an enlightened expression, which made my other girlfriend direct an annoyed frown at me.

"Why can't you explain things to Emese like that?"

"You could do it too," I proposed, only to be dismissed by a shake of her head.

"I tried, but ever since you healed her injury, she became much harder to handle. I believe she thinks I'm just shy and she dismisses all my objections because of that."

"Wait… are you trying to tell me that Emese thinks that you're a tsundere?"

My dear assistant's eyes opened ever so slightly wider, only to then go to the other extreme and narrow into dangerous squints. By Judy standards, I mean.

"Chief, this isn't funny."

"I know. Do I look like I'm laughing to you?"

"Not on the surface, but I know that you do it on the inside."

"Since when can you read my mind?"

"I could always do that." After that flat response, her face finally slackened a little and she tagged on an uncertain, "What?"

"Nothing. I was just kind of expecting a Judy-bot gag right around now."

"Please, Chief. We must avoid overusing the same skit, or it will become stale."

"True, I suppose. By the way, what were we talking about? Before we established that I don't find this incredibly amusing in any shape or form, I mean. "

"Something about mom thinking that Judy is something called a tsun-something or something," my other girlfriend provided the answer, and my assistant responded with an appreciative grunt.

"That was one 'something' too many, but you're right. The point is, we really need you to be there to clear this up; being blunt and impudent with your elders is your specialty."

"How unusually cheeky of you to say that." I punctuated my words with an irreverent shrug and then added, "Either way, you know I can't go with you guys today. I'm terribly sorry."

"No, you are not," Judy noted with a voice about as dry as the salt flats.

"... Yeah, you are right. I'm not." The roguish smile accompanying that admission only made both of my girlfriends flare up with mild disapproval, so I hastily switched over to my Charming Boyfriend Smile™ ver. 0.12.1, and added, "Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck, and if things really get out of hand, you can always just call me and I'll try to smooth things over through the phone."

"That would presume you'd pick it up in the first place," came the next verbal jab my way, and I couldn't help but shake my head.

"I told you already; I didn't pick up my phone because I put it on mute, and I did that because the last time I forgot to do it before fighting a Chimera, it nearly got me killed. Multiple times, if I may add."

"I know," Judy admitted, albeit grudgingly and with another lovetap on my shin.

She was obviously on the threshold to enter into a full-blown sulking mode. As a responsible boyfriend, it was my duty to prevent that from coming to pass, which I did so by swiftly putting my arms around her and pulling her into a good old-fashioned bear hug.

"Hey! No fair!" my other girlfriend called foul right away, so I opened one arm to make space for her, which she immediately took with her usual gusto. We stayed like this for a few seconds, but then I remembered something.

"Hey, princess?"

"Yes?" she responded by glancing up at me from my chest.

"Don't forget about the charm."

For a moment her brows twisted into a confused frown, but then her expression lit up as she finally realized what I was talking about, and she gave me a confident nod and an enthusiastic, "Sure!" Said nod of course ended up with her headbutting my ribs, but I was getting used to that by this point.

With that done, I said my goodbyes to my girlfriends, including multiple farewell kisses, another hug or five, and a grudging promise about talking to Emese at the earliest convenient occasion, and only then did they finally get into the limo and leave. I stayed outside and waved after them until they rounded the corner, and waited till they were completely out of sight before I headed back into the house.

"What took you this long?" came the immediate, and palpably prickly, question from the girl with the glasses still sitting on my couch. Snowy was already upstairs, based on the sound of the hair-drier coming from there, and the childhood friend duo left a while ago, so it was only the two of us left in the living room.

I gave the impatient class rep a subtle smile and told her, "Sorry, but my girlfriends can be a little high maintenance from time to time. It's what makes them fun to be around."

"How gratuitously wholesome," was what she said, with an implied eye-roll in tow. It was completely uncalled for, as I wasn't even bragging, but she moved on before I could call her out on it. "Now then, could you please tell me why you asked me to stay behind?"

"I'm fairly certain that I already did that."

"No," she rebuffed me with a temperamental huff. "You only told me you are going to show me something neat, and then winked at me."

"Did I?" I mused aloud while absently stroking my nonexistent nefarious goatee. "Oh well, it's easier to show you than to explain. But before that, give me a minute." Saying so, I walked over to the stairs, and called out, "Sis!"

After a moment I could hear a door opening on the first floor, and soon Snowy's platinum head came to view. She had her hair down, and by the looks of it, she recently had a quick shower.

"Yes? Is there a problem?" she inquired as she quickly made her way down the stairs and stood in front of me.

"Nah, I just wanted to tell you that Ammy and I are going over to the secret base. That said, since you already came over to my side..."

She stiffened for a moment as I raised a hand, and she let out a baffled 'Hup?' sound as placed it on the top of her head and began to vigorously rub it. Also, for the record, her hair was indeed a little damp.

"Uuuu... Why are you petting me?"

"Just for being a good girl in general," I told her as I continued ruffling her hair.

"Thank you?" Her response was a tad uncertain, but she didn't shy away from my touch, so I continued to spoil her right until her eyes suddenly lit up with realization and she asked, "You said you're going to the hideout, right?"

"Yes."

"Can you take a package with you?"

"So long as it's not too big, I suppose I could"

My tentative confirmation made her flash a delighted smile at me and she ducked out of under my palm and rushed into the kitchen.

"I'll be right back, give me a minute."

I couldn't help but smile at her as she disappeared from sight, but my expression soon turned upside down when I noted the weird look the class rep was giving me.

"What? Is there something on my face?"

She looked me over, and then one dramatic glasses-tweak later she told me, with the utmost seriousness, "Seeing you two acting like that, I can't help but wonder if you really have no intention of adding Neige to your harem."

"No, and I don't have a harem," I responded just a touch indignantly. "It's a semi-platonic subtype of the polyamorous Type 8 triangular relationship."

"Don't play with semantics," Ammy told me, this time changing things up a little by pushing up her glasses on the bridge of her nose instead of fiddling with the temples. "If it walks like a duck, floats like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then—"

"It must be a mallard," I cut in with my sageliest of nods.

"That's also a kind of duck," she responded with her Judyest of looks in return.

I shrugged my shoulder and told her, "Now look who's playing with semantics?"

"It's not semantics; it's literally the same thing."

"Yeah, right. Next time you're going to tell me witches are also literally ducks because they weigh the same."

My verbal sparring partner gave me a long, critical look, and then stated, "I get the reference, but that was still silly."

"Maybe, but not as silly as calling my relationship a duck," I countered, but before she could counter-counter my counter, Snowy came back with a small package wrapped in napkins in her hands.

"Here," she handed me the package, and only then did she realize the lingering tension in the air and murmured, "D-Did I miss something?"

"Nah, just a couple of confusing, waterfowl-based analogies," I answered off-handedly as I hefted the small pack in my hand. "On a different note, what's this?"

"Spices," she answered matter-of-factly. I wiggled my eyebrows at her to urge her to elaborate, and she did so with surprising zest. "Uncle Brang asked me to bring him some seasonings because the last time I stayed over, they couldn't make anything special for me and I had to eat the same thing they had for dinner."

"I should've known it was something like that," I muttered under my breath before I used my free hand to ruffle her hair one more time and told her, "I'll deliver this. We won't be over for long, but just in case: don't open the door to strangers, don't forget to do your homework, and be in bed before ten."

"Understood!" Snowy actively rubbed her head against my palm for a moment, and then she turned on her heels and walked up the stairs again, only stopping once she reached the first floor, at which point she gave us a small wave. I returned the gesture, which made her giggle, and only then did she head back to her room.

With that sidetrack over, I gestured for Ammy to follow me (all the while pointedly ignoring the persistent suspicious looks she was giving me) and we headed to my one and only secret teleportation closet. The gently glowing runic circle on the inside was the same as usual, and after making some space, I stood in the middle and called my passenger over to me.

This wasn't her first rodeo, so she took up her position in front of me with practiced steps, and before you could say 'Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch', we quickly Phased over to our destination without any complications. When we arrived, I knocked on the metal door and Rabom, serving as my anchor on the other side, quickly opened it up.

"I still can't get used to this," Ammy noted as she followed after me, no doubt referring to our reception. I didn't pay her much heed, as I was focused on the saluting Faun by the door, and after a few grunts, I managed to pawn my delivery off to him and handed over the package in my hands. The class rep waited for me to finish, and when she saw that my attention was back on her, she immediately added, "Also, on a second look, I'm now absolutely positive that your magic circle is complete gibberish."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I grumbled just a touch half-heartedly whilst massaging my aching temple, and then I turned around and gestured for her to follow me.

I braced myself for it ahead of time, and it wasn't the first occasion I had to transfer with someone while already suffering from enchantment-backlash, but the combination of the pounding headache and the violent nausea wasn't something one could simply get used to. I also had a feeling I was going to get a nasty fever rather sooner than later, but at the moment I was still reasonably fine on that front, so I reckoned I should get everything done before my condition inevitably turned for the worse.

While I was considering all that, we exited the reception room of the base, and upon coming into the main hall, we were greeted by a line of stiffly saluting Fauns, with a grinning Brang at the head.

"Erm? Leo? What's going on with your Fauns?" Ammy inquired in a reserved voice reminiscent of the way she used to talk all the time when I first met her. Those were the times! No monsters, no battles, no menacing tweaking of one's glasses... It all felt like it was such a long time ago.

Anyhow, I glanced at the Faunish parade line with undisguised disapproval and uttered, "Just follow my lead and ignore them with extreme prejudice."

Subsequently, I walked past the whole group, and I made sure to extra-ignore the frantic Rabom trying to sneakily circle around us to get in line. The class rep followed after me, and it didn't take long to find our ultimate target. It wasn't a particularly hard feat though, considering it was limply sprawled out in the middle of the training field, right where I last saw it when I checked on the Fauns.

"Is that what I think it is?" came the tentative question from Ammy the moment she laid her eyes on the body, and I couldn't help but direct a toothy grin at her.

"Only if you think it's a Chimera."

She didn't acknowledge my answer; instead she moved over and began to cautiously examine the beast, her eyes burning with unabashed curiosity, no doubt thrilled by the novelty of the situation. She wasn't alone in this regard, as the sight was new even for me. After all, this was the first time I got to see a Chimera under proper lighting conditions, and let's just say that the better visibility didn't do it any favors.

The motionless creature was about as ugly as I remembered, but with several nasty cuts and gashes on its body adding a gory edge to its already overwhelming natural 'charms'. None of them were bleeding at the moment, but they weren't healing either, which was probably a side-effect of my meddling with its operating system or what have you. Bearing those wounds in mind, combined with the way it was sprawled across the floor and had its long tongue lolling out of its mouth, even I would've thought that it was deader than Hitler's painting career.

"Was it this corpse that you wanted to show me?" the class rep inquired a little uncertainly as she crouched down to gingerly poke the hairy shoulder of the creature.

"Among other things," I confirmed with a nod. "Oh, and for the record, it's not actually dead."

Ammy's hand, which was just about to touch one of the fangs of the Chimera, froze mid-motion as she slowly, borderline mechanically, turned her head to look at me over her shoulder.

"That's not funny."

"Of course it's not, because I'm serious. I only immobilized it."

There was one hell of a tense beat hanging in the air for several seconds as her eyes opened wider than I thought was humanly possible, but then she abruptly jumped to her feet with an unexpectedly girlish "Eeep!" and she frantically scampered over and hid behind my back.

"Leo! What were you thinking!?"

"What? It's just a mostly dead Chimera," I teased her a little, just on principle.

"Only mostly!? That's the problem!"

Her high-pitched voice didn't quite echo in the hall, but it was still loud enough to make the Faun honor guard wordlessly following behind us flinch, so I decided to tone things back a little.

"Easy there, class rep. Easy. Listen, this Chimera is one hundred percent dead. It's not going to get up. Well, technically it could, because it's something like a zombie, but it won't, because it can't. Do you get what I'm trying to say?"

"Zombie?" she repeated after me with a 40/60 mix of incredulity and apprehension.

"Yep," I reaffirmed with an assertive smile. "Now then, since this I a perfect segue, I might as well ask this now: do we have necromancy?"

The sudden ninety-degree turn in the conversation obviously threw Ammy on a loop, as for a while she could only blink at me while her brows had a hard time deciding whether they want to go up or down.

"You mean… right now?"

"No, just in general," I clarified while making sure I was keeping up my confident smile to reassure her. "Is necromancy a thing among the magical folk?"

"Yes..." she answered a little uncertainly while still making sure that I was standing between her and the body on the ground.

"Would you care to elaborate?" I innocently asked back while making sure that keeping me between her and the Chimera was as hard as possible. Ammy glared at me, but it didn't interfere with her ability to explain things, so I let her.

"Necromancy is the mystic art of binding souls, ghosts, and wraiths."

"Aren't those three the same thing?"

"No, of course not."

"Then please define your terms," I requested, and she gave me a 'What are you, my teacher?' kind of look, but at the end of the day she diligently did so anyway.

"Souls are the thing every living being has, and it disappears when you die. Ghosts are the negative imprints left on the world after a traumatic death, retaining some of the deceased's memories and personality, but they would not know they are dead. Ghosts can't retain any memories and would fade out with time. Wraiths are powerful ghosts that actually understand that they are dead, shed the identity of the deceased, and steal mana from living beings to keep themselves alive, in a sense."

"Oh, I see," I nodded along. Halfway through I realized I already read most of this in one of Judy's reports, but since I already asked, cutting her explanation short would've been just rude. "So necromancers use those to take people and make them into the undead?"

"No, of course not," Ammy scoffed as if I just said something stupid. "If you're dead, then you're dead. End of story. It's one of the core tenets of magic."

"Ooookay, then what do they actually do?"

"Magically binding contracts, most of the time. They can also heal the damage done to the soul, or they can bind ghosts and wraiths so that they don't cause any havoc."

"That's… considerably more anti-climactic than I expected," I grumbled, though I was secretly a little bit relieved that I wouldn't have to worry about a crazy necromancer starting a genre shift into a stereotypical zombie apocalypse scenario.

"It's a respectable job," the class rep responded to my comment, completely unaware of my inner turmoil. But then again, by this point I was already thinking about something else.

"So, for the record, necromancers cannot take a dead body and make it into a semi-independent puppet."

"I don't think so, no," Ammy answered a little warily.

"In that case, who could do that?"

She thought for a few long seconds, and I patiently waited for her to collect her thoughts.

"It could be done. The efficiency would be really bad, as a dead body without a soul in it couldn't heal and would slowly decompose over time without constant maintenance, but a good conjurer could certainly do it."

"I presume that would involve putting some kind of complex enchantment into the corpse to emulate the soul," I continued to lead her on, and she nodded in confirmation, none the wiser.

"Yes. It would be something like a golem core, like the one I have in Petra."

"I figured as much. Now, here comes the million-dollar question: could anyone install such a core into the body of a dead Chimera?"

For a moment or five Ammy obviously couldn't fathom my question, but then she glanced over to the body behind me and a shocked gasp escaped her mouth.

"Wait a moment! So when you said the Chimera was mostly dead…?"

"I meant that it was a dead body controlled by magic," I completed her revelation. "Since it was technically an enchantment, I used my trick to disable a few crucial parts, and the Chimera with it. Well, that, and all the tracking and surveillance markers, but that goes without saying."

"But… But I thought this would be impossible." While murmuring so, Ammy finally overcame her fear of the not-quite-dead beast and once again walked up to it. "A Chimera is naturally resistant to the mystic arts of all but the Abyssals."

"But not immune," I noted on the side as I followed after her. "So, just to reiterate: since we already know it can be done, just who would be capable of performing such a feat on this island? He must be some kind of expert conjurer, maybe even a master of it! And he would have to have the tools and resources required to reconstruct the body and install the fake core into it. Just who could it be…?"

"I get it," Ammy griped and sent me an irritated glance over her shoulder. "You think it was my grandfather."

"Yep," I nodded without a hint of reservation. "The real question is whether we can prove it. What do you think?"

"I… honestly don't know. I might be able to find something, but not without any tools." She fell silent for a while as she observed the creature's head, and then she finally stated, "I could try and borrow some from the Artificer's Lodge. There is going to be a symposium soon, so there should be a lot of spares lying around in preparation."

"Good. Until then, what should we do with the body? Do you think we should refrigerate it?"

"I don't think that's necessary." She shook her head and gingerly placed her hand onto the Chimera's forehead. "It has no heartbeat, but it's still warm. That means it must already be in some form of stasis. Maybe a form of temporal lock, or maybe an engraved restoration circuit set on a stable loop within the core?"

"That's something I'll let you figure out." I took a step back and was about to leave her to her examination, but then I had a sudden idea and asked her, "Once you 'borrow' those tools, do you need a separate space to do your tests? I'm asking because we still have a couple of empty nooks and crannies in the base."

"It certainly wouldn't hurt," Ammy responded without looking up.

"In that case, how about you take Brang with you, pick a room, and tell him how you want it to be furnished?"

"I don't know. It doesn't sound like a bad idea, but…" She stood up and stepped away from the body, and then she finally whispered. "No offense, but I would prefer if you were there too."

"Why? He doesn't bite."

"Because they acknowledge you as the one in charge," she countered. "For anyone else, they are still really scary."

"Oh, please! You guys are just prejudiced. Brang is like a giant teddy bear."

"A muscular teddy bear armed to the teeth."

The subject of our conversation let out an embarrassed cough, which I still ignored with extreme prejudice, but when all was said and done, I had no choice but to relent.

"Fine, whatever. I'll go with you."

With that, I gestured for her to follow, and the Faun fell in line behind us without any further ado. This of course meant that playing around with the enchanted core of the not-quite-undead Chimera had to wait till another day, but considering how my forehead was getting a little too warm for my liking, maybe that was for the best. After all, I still had to take the class rep back, and then… well, let's just say I also had other places to visit today.

Stone walls and eerie blue lights set in fancy wrought iron torch sconces. As far as ambience was concerned, the School's private back-entrance got the whole 'medieval dungeon' aesthetic down pat. Well, except for the glowing green 'emergency exit' sign on the ceiling, but few things in this world are perfect.

All of a sudden, there was a soft sound in the dark as a door opened up to the outside. There was no light coming in, which wasn't surprising, considering it was it was well after ten in the night.

"Galatea. Time."

"It's ten hundred and eleven hours, master."

Correction: It was only eleven minutes after ten. The creeping duo of the mad scientist cosplayer and his ever-faithful android companion gingerly closed the door behind themselves in order to make as little noise as possible. Their cautious glances and the furtive way they moved were so obviously sneaky even Stevie Wonder could tell they weren't supposed to be here.

"Status report," Labcoat Guy whispered under his breath after setting his back against the wall. Unlike his usual appearance, this time he was wearing a pristine black lab coat, with matching trousers, sneakers, and a similarly colored beany keeping his hair in check. By the looks of it, it must have been his stealthy attire.

"The alarm wards have been successfully circumvented," the fembot declared, after which she dramatically raised the high-tech night vision goggles covering her eyes. "We are in the clear, master."

Speaking of goggles, her outfit was considerably more professional than Labcoat Guy's. In particular, her getup looked like it was modeled after police riot gear, except trimmed down to show off her curves, and with a window in the middle of her vest to allow a peek at her generous cleavage. Honestly speaking, the fact that this could still be considered more sensible as far as stealth was concerned said more about Labcoat Guy's outfit than hers.

"Kihihi! Good. Very good indeed!"

Once he learned that it was safe to move around, the man in the beany detached himself from the wall and strode in the middle of the hallway with all the undue confidence that characterized the kind of fools who would willingly go into the lion's den. Luckily for him, this time the world must have been too busy to punish his conduct right away. However, all is not lost that is delayed.

The android woman seemed just a bit more cautious, and she continued to monitor the perimeter through her night vision gear, occasionally pausing and pointing a finger at one glowing spot on the floor or the walls or another. Whatever she was doing, it worked, as the two of them successfully reached the stairwells leading to the bowels of the complex, and after descending three flights, they reached a large, riveted steel door set into the stone wall and secured by multiple enormous, old-timey padlocks with distinct key-holes on them.

This time it was Labcoat Guy's turn to shine. After a couple dozen military-style finger gestures, he managed to communicate the incredibly complex notion of 'Grab this door, dammit!' to his companion. Once she got into position and clamped her fingers onto the door, he proceeded to take out a pair of sophisticated entry tools from his breast pocket. In technical terms, one was an omnidirectional percussive force applicator, while the other was an elongated, acicular mechanical force transmitter made of a ferrum-oxide alloy. In layman's terms, it was a hammer and a rusty nail.

Instead of the padlocks, his target was the hinges, where he promptly knocked the pins out of each one of them, and then the fembot anti-climactically lifted the door out of the casing and pulled it aside just enough for someone to slip through the gap.

There was a small lull in the operation while she collected the discarded pins and Labcoat Guy took a sip from the energy drink he had in his other breast pocket for some inexplicable reason. After they finished their intermezzo, the android carefully stuck her head through the opening, and after a few short seconds, she turned back and told her creator, "I have successfully accessed the observer orbs, master. Do you want me to proceed with the looping?"

"Ki-hi-hi! Of course!" There was a long beat of silence after even the echoes of his request died down, but then she nodded with an implied 'Done and done.' Labcoat Guy let out another shrill chuckle and exclaimed, "Great! Let's go!"

With that, he slipped through the door, and it only now became apparent that it led to the familiar, if currently dark, hallway where the Arch-Mage's office was situated. The androidess followed after him and reset the door behind herself, after which they hurriedly made their way over to the fanciest door in the vicinity.

"It's your turn again, Galatea," Labcoat Guy urged her forward, and so the fembot took a small, rectangular box out of her cleavage... somehow. Said box had a series of dials on its sides, with the only free part completely covered in minuscule magical script and circles gently glowing in the dark. She attached it to the office's door, and the gadget made a series of whirring noises reminiscent of a cappuccino vending machine trying its best to function without water.

She let out a small grunt, and then proceeded to twist a few of the knobs, which resulted in a different series of noises, followed by more twisting and turning. The process repeated itself a couple dozen more times, and Labcoat Guy seemed just impatient enough to start complaining when the door let out an unexpected clicking noise, and she declared, "We are in, master."

"Ki-hi-hi! Marvelous! Quick, let's move!"

Under his urging, the android woman pushed the door open, and they both quickly entered the familiar office of the island's de facto supernatural oligarch. The place was unusually untidy, with even more documents scattered around than usual, and a half-empty open bottle of rum was still sitting on the desk in the middle. The duo scanned the perimeter, and once he concluded that they were in the clear, the resident mad scientist whispered, "Make sure you don't touch anything."

"Understood, master," the fembot nodded with a serious expression, and they immediately took a beeline towards the unassuming door in the back. So far, things were proceeding unexpectedly smoothly for the infiltrator duo, but they were about to meet a challenge that they simply could not have ever anticipated.

For you see, the door to the archives was protected by a technique that denied one's ability to unlock it on a conceptual level, something that no lockpick, magical or mundane could overcome. It was such an ingenious defense line that it took the two of their combined intellects over ten minutes to surmount this devious defense mechanism operating on the ingenious principle of 'you cannot lockpick a door that's already open'.

"Argh! I can't believe this!" Labcoat Guy grunted aloud as he finally realized what was going and threw the door open. "We wasted so much time on this!"

"Aggravating. The chances of the door being left open were under 0.03%."

"I know, right?" he continued to grumble, but not for long, as he soon entered the archives and quickly pinpointed their main target. He gestured for his accomplice to follow after him, and this time they were prudent enough to actually check the door of the safe before they broke out the stethoscopes. It was, naturally, open. The two shared a completely understandable incredulous look between each other, but didn't dwell on it for long before they would proceed to rummage through the documents inside. Then, as he reached the bottom of the pile, Labcoat Guy's eyes lit up with excitement. "Ki-hi-hi! Jackpot!"

"Scanning. Processing..." After a few moments, the robotic woman nodded towards her master and declared, "100% match. It's the original of the binding contract."

"Goooooood!" Labcoat Guy had a frankly creepy grin on his face, as if he just found some kind of treasure, but he quickly wiped it off and turned to his companion again. "Galatea, the misdirection, please."

She nodded and wordlessly reached into her cleavage again (or, in retrospect, maybe an inner pocket accessible through the cleavage window on her vest, but it was functionally the same) and successfully retrieved a folded up piece of paper.

The black-clad scientist let out a subdued cackle and placed the hand-written page inside the safe, and then immediately closed it with an expression hovering on the border between relief and excitement.

"Ki-hi-hi! Mission accomplished. Let's get out of here!"

Without any further ado, the two of them tiptoed out of the archives, and did the same to the office as well, making very sure not to touch even a single fallen piece of office paper on the floor. They proceeded to open the door again, and then the fembot put the magic gadget onto the door and did the entire knob-turning song and dance routine backwards.

And then, just as they were about to leave, confident in their flawless success, a tall, smart, handsome, and criminally humble devil appeared on the other side of the door, with them none the wiser!

Jokes aside, my arrival was subtle and unceremonious as usual. I readjusted the balaclava on my head with my gloved hands, as I had to put it on in a hurry when I realized where our genre-shift agents were heading. I didn't have time to put on a jumpsuit this time, but based on my previous experience with infiltrating this room, even the headgear was a bit of an overkill. Still, it never hurt to be cautious, so I made sure I had it on properly before I did anything else.

I'm not proud to admit it, but the fact that I managed to catch these two red-handed was entirely due to blind luck. I just Phased back from the base, and I was sick as a dog after the multiple transfers and being unable to stop myself from messing with the disabled Chimera anyway (I'm starting to think I might have impulse control issues), but I still forced myself to do a roll-call on the usual suspects. As they say, the rest is history.

Now then, first I should find out what this 'misdirection' was supposed to be. I made my way into the archives, without bothering with leaving the scene intact, and I soon stood in front of the safe. Thankfully they were considerate enough to leave the new piece of paper on the top of the pile, so I didn't even have to look for it.

"Let's see..." I whispered under my breath and my eyes skimmed over the content. "Blah-blah-blah, your fort's defenses are lacking, wingless one, yada-yada, we now hold your secret in our hands, something-something glory to Deus. Huh."

So, on the first read, this page was supposed to make it look like the Celestials infiltrated the school, stole the contract binding Labcoat Guy, and were planning to use it to blackmail Lord Grandpa into doing some entirely vague stuff or else they'd reveal it to the Assembly, and that's apparently going to make him embarrassed or something. Needless to say, the whole thing was written in Celestial Script, which also meant...

"Goddammit, ninja..." I grumbled aloud before quickly Far Glancing in his direction, and... yep. Mike was currently enjoying the hospitality of an honest-to-goodness giant metal cage inside a certain mad scientist's backup-lair. How come I wasn't even surprised?

My first instinct was to just Phase over, grab him by the scruff of his neck, and deposit him somewhere else, but I quickly reined back the impulse. Not only because I was feeling queasy enough without another forced transfer like that, but because then I would have to somehow explain how I could actually do it to him, and considering that he was still mainly loyal to the Celestial Intelligence Network, I doubted he would keep it a secret just because I asked nicely.

The more I thought about it, the more annoying the situation felt, so I ended up letting out a groan and throwing the whole kerfuffle with Mike to the back of my mind in favor of focusing on the kerfuffle in front of me.

In short, I felt irritated over other people making my life complicated, so I did the most natural thing that came to mind under the circumstances and decided to vent by making those people's lives extra complicated in return. With that determination in mind, I casually crumbled up the piece of paper in my hand, and whispered, "As they say, revenge is a dish best served complicated."

...

That sounded much better in my head.

"Oh well, you can't win them all," I muttered, and then promptly headed back into the office. I still had the whole night ahead of me, but that didn't mean I shouldn't start cooking my complicated dish as soon as possible.