The Simulacrum

"So, we just patrolled the entire university district. Very thoroughly. I'd even go as far as to say we left no stone unturned. Can I go now?"

Even though I just addressed her, Rinne paid no attention to me, and instead she continued to sniff the air like a bipedal bloodhound.

At last, she looked at me and declared, "We must go that way. We smell something we have to investigate."

I followed her line of sight, and after a short beat, I glanced back at her without even trying to disguise my trepidation. "You mean, from the direction of the hot dog stand?"

"Yes."

"... You're just hungry again, aren't you?"

Rinne gave me one of her usual 'Is this guy dumb or just likes stating the obvious?' kind of looks. I was really getting tired of them, but since I'd only have to put up with them for a few more days, I decided to be the bigger man and ignore it.

"It is of vital importance for every hunter to maintain their body in perfect condition, for the calling of the macaroni dance of the hunt may chance upon them at any moment!" she explained to me with a smug expression, which only made me groan harder.

"I think you wanted to say 'macabre'," I pointed out, only for her to tilt her head to the side like a confused corgi.

"That is what Rinne said," she insisted with a frown.

"No, I'm fairly sure you said 'macaroni'."

"Nonsense," she dismissed me with a sharp wave of her hand. "Your unbalanced ki must have affected your hearing. It must be because of your lack of balanced nourishment affecting your Yin." She paused here for a moment, with a distant look in her eyes, then she added, "Onikiri says it's more likely that it corroded the gray matter between your ears." There was another short moment of silence, then she once again continued with, "Do you really have such matter there?"

"Yes. It's called a brain, something your oversized bread knife doesn't have."

"Onikiri says that you should fornicate with a halfbreed donkey." After saying that, she had a curious glint in her eyes and asked, "Why does it have to be a halfbreed?"

"... How should I know?"

"You don't? We'll ask Onikiri and-"

"Before that, can I ask a quick question?" She sent me an intrigued glance, which I interpreted as agreement, so I inquired, "If I buy you a hot dog, will you stay silent?"

"Since our mouth would be full, we believe we would," she responded with another disparaging look that I didn't even try to interpret, and instead I flashed a relieved smile at her.

"Great. In that case, let's go. You can order whatever you want."

Mountain Girl gave me yet another odd look as she cocked her head to the other side, and I had a sneaking suspicion that she was discussing something with her annoying sword again, but in the end her seemingly bottomless appetite must've overcome her apprehension, as she quickly followed after me.

Once we were at the stand, I bought her a super-sized hot dog with all kinds of toppings, and then breathed a sigh of relief as she focused on devouring her food and allowed me to enjoy some precious silence for once.

I felt a little relieved that this was probably the last time I had to accompany her around town; I just wished, in hindsight, that I didn't tell her so the moment we met up. I explained to her that I tracked down the Chimera's whereabouts and that we should make our preparations for tomorrow's ambush instead of the usual routine. I figured we'd part ways right away after that, but she insisted that we should still do our usual patrol in the central district as originally planned.

I questioned whether there was any point in looking for nocturnal mini-monsters while the sun was still up, but she was really adamant about doing the rounds right away, to the point she was on the verge of throwing a tantrum. At the end of the day, I decided to compromise and agreed to accompany her until around six o'clock in the evening. Speaking of which, I pulled my phone out of my breast pocket and checked the time, and lo and behold, it was just a little after six.

As they say, time flies in good company… which, in retrospect, explained why it felt like we've been roaming the streets for ages. Oh well, at least I had a lot of time to think about how to deal with the situation developing in my living room in my absence, so… silver linings?

Anyway, I put my phone away and addressed my unwanted companion with, "Hey, Mountain Girl? It's getting late; I think it's about time we call it a day."

Rinne twitched in what I presumed was surprise and glanced up at me with her cheeks full like a hamster. I had a weird feeling as I was looking at this display and couldn't help but wonder; why is that when Judy did the same chipmunk thing, I found it incredibly cute, but when Rinne did it, it was just so-so? Wait, never mind. That's not the real question.

The important thing to ask was whether this was a coincidence, or was she consciously trying to act cute in front of me? If it was the former, then it was safe to ignore her. If it was the latter... damn, I might have to unironically develop some anti-harem countermeasures after all. What a scary (and incredibly annoying) thought.

While I was considering this, Rinne swallowed the food in her mouth and whined, "But we haven't finished our patrol! We didn't make a full circle!"

"And whose fault is that?" I asked back with a critically raised brow. "You sampled three fast food stalls, including this one, we had to go out of our way so you could buy ice cream, and you even stopped by that souvenir shop by the bus station."

"It was very necessary," she countered weakly, almost sulkily, but then she regained some of her vigor as she stuffed the remainders of her hot dog into her mouth, swallowed it with nary any chewing, and then she pointed at me before she announced, "We're finished! Let us continue our pursuit with the haste of hungry wolves! Follow us, and we'll be done soon!"

"No, we're already done for the day," I stated on no uncertain terms. "Listen, Mountain Girl. I told you I have important business, and I'm already a little late because I humored you."

"What could be more important than the thrill of the hunt and the promise of the crimson lifeblood of the blah-blah-blah massacre blah-blah blood et cetera..."

I tuned her out and let her prattle on about her usual nonsense while I seriously considered how I should answer her. I could simply tell her that it was about my girlfriends, but if she really had some kind of bafflingly unwarranted and unwanted interest in me, then doing so could result in all kinds of unpredictable and irrational reactions, such as sulking or throwing another tantrum. Needless to say, I needed her to be in a predictable and at least somewhat rational shape for dealing with the Chimera tomorrow, so I decided that keeping her useful was more important than any anti-harem countermeasures at the moment.

"Blab-blah-blah delight of the… Hello? Are you listening to us L-Le... L-L-Leeeeo..." Rinne addressed me again, probably because I wasn't really reacting to anything she was saying, but then her words turned into awkward mumbles by the end, only for her to avert her eyes and tack on a quiet, "... nard-san?"

... Okay, it was official now. This was definitely a flag if I've ever seen one. After this whole Chimera business was over, I had to draw the line ASAP before it would lead to some of the dreaded shenanigans. In the worst-case scenario, I could accidentally unlock some kind of yandere bad end route with her. Oh, the (literal) horror.

Tropey jokes aside, I took a deep breath and told her, "Yes, I'm listening, and no, I still can't stick around. I really have some business to attend to, and I don't think we're going to find any mini-Chimeras anyway." I waited for a second to see if she wanted to say something, and since it looked like she did, I quickly continued before she could. "Anyhow, please don't forget that we have a meeting tomorrow, in the park, just after dark."

"Are you certain the creature of the underworld will be there?"

"Trust me, it will be," I told her in the company of a reassuring smile, my confidence mainly stemming from my trust in Brang's report.

"Very well," she seemingly relented, but then after a moment she looked me in the eyes and leveled the question, "After we've slain the vile creature, may we invite you?" at me.

Her request caught me completely off-guard, so before I knew it, I reflexively asked back, "Where?"

"To New Guinea," she replied as easily as if she was talking about some neighborhood café or something.

"Do you mean the actual country?"

"Is there any other New Guinea?" she responded with something that didn't sound like a rhetoric question at all.

"I don't think so," I told her a little warily, and she immediately nodded with a quiet 'I didn't think so either'. Anyhow, I unsubtly rubbed my temple for a moment and said, "Fine, I'll bite. Why do you want me to follow you to New Guinea?"

"To celebrate?" she answered with a question of her own, accompanied by another peculiar expression I once again refrained from translating.

"And we have to go there to celebrate," I stated with my inner Judy channeled to its fullest.

"Yes," Rinne confirmed my supposition with the kind of obliviousness that bordered on innocence. "Where else are we going to find a Ropen to slaughter?"

"A what again?"

"A Ropen," she repeated with unusual patience.

The word sounded oddly familiar, and after rummaging through the messy filing cabinets of my memory for a few long moments, I managed to put my finger on it. When I looked into the supernatural background of the world for the first time, I checked out a lot of kooky sites in search of clues, which included some about cryptids and other allegedly supernatural creatures.

If my memory served me right, the Ropen was some kind of flying pterodactyl thing that glowed in the dark and ate people or something. I didn't really look into it, because at a cursory glance it seemed even sillier than the Loch Ness Monster, and considerably less credible (which was saying something).

Because of that, I think no one could blame me for blurting out, "Wait, that's real?"

"Of course," Rinne confirmed, much to my surprise.

"And we celebrate by 'slaughtering' one," I deadpanned at her after I overcame my momentary disbelief, with my inner Judy once again rising to the surface. Her quiet grunt in the affirmative made me feel like I was on the short end of one of those situations where people were discussing an inside joke I couldn't understand. To be fair though, in this case it was safe to say I didn't really want to understand either, so I settled on telling her, "How about we come back to this tomorrow?"

Rinne looked at me funny for a moment, but then I recognized that she was once again 'talking' with her sword, and at last her eyes opened wide as if she just had a huge revelation.

"You're correct! A true hunter should never drink upon the pelt of the bear ahead of time!" I figured that must've been some kind of esoteric idiom she was brute force translating as usual, but it didn't stop my face from slackening in perplexity. She completely ignored my reaction, and she added, "Onikiri agrees that we should discuss this once we have already painted the woods in crimson and we know for sure that your tracking of the monstrous creature of the underworld was correct and not just a pathetic attempt you devised to impress Rinne to ensnare us to satisfy your lustful desires."

"… I thought we were over this, but just for the record, I'd like to state that what you said is about as far as it can possibly get from my actual intentions. Also, tell that piece of sharpened scrap metal on your back to take a nice, long bath in nitric acid."

"Onikiri says she doesn't understand, but that you are an anus all the same," Rinne informed me in her usual tone, and I figured this was as good a note as any to end the conversation. Also, for the record, I was not even a little bit bitter about the fact that my insult, which may or may not have been the result of spending half an hour looking up acids that can dissolve steel at room temperature for a verbal sparring session like this, was completely brushed off. Not at all.

I let out a small, not at all disappointed sigh, and told Mountain Girl, "Whatever. See you tomorrow."

Saying so, I turned on my heel and, after a small wave, I walked away from her with measured steps, forcibly ignoring the longing eyes and the timid way she kept waving towards me right until I was out of sight. Yep, I really needed to ditch her after tomorrow; before she would somehow strong-arm me into raising even more flags and somehow end up in a love-trapezohedron.

But putting my potential harem troubles aside, it was time to use my Far Sight to take another glance at my home, and when I did so, I couldn't help but shake my head. At this point I could've Phased over at any moment, but after some consideration, I dismissed the idea and decided to walk instead. I mean, the weather was surprisingly nice today, so there was nothing wrong with enjoying some fresh air. It wasn't like I was delaying the inevitable or anything…

""Welcome home, master!""

What can I say? The sight that greeted me when I arrived home was… new. Yes, let's go with that. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fully expecting this, yet I still had to stop and take a shallow breath to find my proverbial center before I resolved myself to step through the threshold of my own house.

"Hello, girls," I nonchalantly greeted the two french maids giving me deferential bows right in the middle of my entryway. Needless to say, while I was calm on the surface, it was all due to heroic levels of willpower forcing a laidback neutral expression onto my face. I had no choice though; this was but the first grueling battle in a campaign of silent psychological warfare, and I refused to be the first to flinch.

"Let me take your coat!"

Saying so, the strangely energetic blonde maid skipped over to my side and insistently helped me out of my usual long coat. Speaking of which, I wondered if I should buy a duffel or something similar for the winter, preferably in a color other than black. If nothing else, maybe it would finally convince Brang to drop the nickname he gave me.

While I considered such things, the helpful maid carefully peeled me out of my outerwear and put it onto the hanger by the door. She was wearing what I would've considered a fairly standard maid uniform (and by that I mean a typical 'maid café' type of frilly uniform, not the real Victorian kind), complete with the headpiece and stockings, the latter of which was clear to see due to the somewhat short-ish skirt she was wearing. Oh, and on second look, she had a huge bow on the back, which was a nice touch, if a bit impractical.

The brunette maid was dressed in the exact same fashion, except with maybe a bit more frills on the apron and a teensy bit longer skirt. Overall, their uniforms showed some skin, but thankfully they weren't the 'sexy maid' type costumes you could order off some questionable websites. I'm not going to lie, I had no idea how I would've reacted when faced with those. Probably some unique, never-before-seen flavor of horror.

Theoretical skimpy outfits aside, I continued to maintain my nonchalant façade as I slipped out of my outdoor shoes. By the time I put on my slippers, the two maids once again stood right in front of me and bowed more or less in unison.

"What would you like to have first, master?" the deadpan maid asked with the utmost seriousness. "Dinner, a bath, or me?"

It was probably not surprising, but there was an obnoxiously long silence following in the wake of her words, but I managed to somehow preserve my poker face through it all, even though the clichéd line made my blood boil. No, not that way. But then, before I could say anything, the blonde maid suddenly cut in, her words tinted with mild panic.

"Tea! She meant tea!"

"Yes, that's most certainly what I meant," the brunette maid conceded the point with just a hint of a pout on her lips. My traitorous hypothalamus immediately made a note of how cute that was, but I successfully maintained my neutral expression all the same, because dammit, I was not going to react, no matter how little blood was in my hormone-stream! At this point, this was all about the principle!

I softly exhaled and squeezed out a jovial, "It's a little late for that, but sure, I'm not going to turn down a warm cup."

The maid duo shared an awkward glance between the two of them, but they soon resigned themselves to their plans getting derailed right from the get-go. They both gave me another bow, which was followed up by a hand gesture for me to follow them.

"I don't think it's working," the blonde maid whispered in a low voice, which was obviously still perfectly audible to me, as they turned on their heels.

"Just stick to the script," her brunette 'colleague' advised her in an even lower voice. "I get the tea, you get him comfortable."

"On it!" she all but exclaimed, but then she finally noticed that she was too loud. She carefully glanced over her shoulder, and upon noticing that I was looking at her, she let out a small and increasingly rare 'Awawa…!' under her breath before hastily adding, "I-I mean, this way, master!"

Steeling my facial muscles was getting harder by the minute, and I rationally knew that I should've cut this whole charade short at the earliest opportunity… but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious (and maybe a tiny bit fascinated) about what these two were trying to do, so I wordlessly obliged them and obediently followed after her.

Once we got into the living room, I was faced with another minor shock. In retrospect, I really shouldn't have been so surprised, as I've seen them preparing something through Far Sight, but the belated realization that they went out of their way to re-decorate my whole living room really floored me for a moment. As for what the décor was supposed to invoke, it was hard to tell, with a curious mixture of scented candles and even some rose petals here and there, but if I wanted to sum it up on one word, it would be tacky… Nah, I'm kidding! It would be romantic. Yes. I'd never consider somethingmy girlfriends put so much effort into 'tacky'! Perish the thought!

Seriously though, they might've gone just a liiiiiitle bit overboard. I've no idea where they got them, but they even put a pair of those fancy sterling silver candlesticks onto the coffee table, with matching dinner candles to boot. Not only that, they were surrounded by tall wine glasses and even a pre-cooled bottle of alcohol-free champagne. Say what you will, that was some serious dedication to the aesthetic. Except for the champagne, because it had a cartoon dragon on the side, but still. 'A-' for effort.

The blonde maid once again gestured for me to follow after her, and I did so as soon as I finished drinking in the scenery, after which I got, for lack of better words, 'seated' in my usual comfy chair. In the meantime the deadpan maid headed for the kitchen, leaving the two of us alone in the living room.

To be honest, I was about ninety percent certain that we would get enveloped by an awkward atmosphere at this point, but my expectations were swiftly betrayed the moment the brunette maid left the premises.

"So? What do you think?" Elly asked in a soft yet excited whisper as she pinched the hem of her skirt and twirled around to show off her outfit, followed by a small and perfectly executed curtsy. Just as you would expect from her, really.

I gave my girlfriend a slow look-over, and decided to answer with a flat, "You're breaking character, princess."

"Oh, right! I mean, does the uniform suit me, master?" she inquired in a demure voice, then after a second or two her eyes opened wide as if she just recalled something, and she also tried to do that eyelash-fluttering thing that Judy used to terrorize me last night.

As for her question, I had to admit that she looked incredibly cute in that uniform, but saying that out loud would've only exacerbated the misunderstanding about my nonexistent maid-fetish, so I decided on the diplomatic answer of, "I don't think there are any clothes out there that wouldn't look great on you, so yes, it does."

The princess quickly digested my words and gave me one of her smug little smirks in return… but then she twitched and quickly assumed a ramrod-straight posture when Judy returned from the kitchen.

"That was quick," I noted, only mildly baffled by the fact that she was carrying the teapot and accessories on a fancy kitchen trolley.

"It's a maid's duty to be prepared to immediately fulfill her master's every desire," she stated in a slightly-more-deadpan-than-usual voice the moment she stopped next to my chair. She picked up the porcelain teapot and gracefully filled up my 'I mug, which was sticking out of the environment like a sore thumb. Once she did so, she handed it over to me, and when our hands touched, she echoed herself with an emphasized, "Every desire," followed by a clumsy wink.

This time it was even harder to keep my poker-face from cracking, but I somehow managed it. Oh, the tribulations I had to put up with every day!

"Thank you very much," I responded with a level voice as I took the mug and raised it to my mouth. The tea itself was nothing special, probably because she made it in a hurry, but it was nice to have a warm drink after walking outside for a while, so I didn't complain.

In the meantime, Judy and Elly once again took up their spots in front of me and quietly waited for me to finish. Well, mostly quietly.

"Psst! Judy?" Elly whispered after she elbowed my other girlfriend on the side to get her attention. "I really don't think it's working."

"Follow the plan," my dearest assistant responded with a flat look. "We still have seven more scenarios to try."

Well, that sounded about seven scenarios too much, so I hastily gulped down the last of my drink and stated, "How about we skip all that and instead you two sit down so we can talk?"

"A maid must not sit down with the master… I think?" Elly posited a little uncertainly while glancing at Judy again. "Melinda never said it was a rule; she eats with me all the time."

"Neige said it's how it works, so that's how we do it."

"Oh, okay then. In that case, we really can't sit down," my draconic girlfriend reiterated as she clenched her fists with renewed enthusiasm.

Another deep breath later I lightly cleared my throat to maintain my steadily cracking straitlaced façade and stated, "Just sit down you two. Don't make me stand up and tickle you."

My girlfriends shared another look between each other, resulting in the princess musing, "Maybe it does work after all?"

"No, it doesn't," I finally burst out with a hint of exasperation as I rose from my seat and walked over to them. Elly shuddered for a moment and used her hands to guard her sides, probably worried about any incoming tickling, but I ignored her, and instead I gently grabbed them by the waist and pulled them along on my way towards the couch.

As soon as we were there, I guided them down, with me sitting in the middle, Judy on my left and, by process of elimination, Elly on my right. Once we were comfortable (or at the very least as comfortable as we could be under the circumstances), I once again let out a pointed cough and decided to get rid of the most obvious issue at the moment.

"First off, let's make this clear once and for all: I don't actually have a maid fetish."

"You don't!?" Elly exclaimed in a high-pitched voice, sounding about as shocked as when I first told her I had amnesia.

"No, I don't," I repeated while I sent a meaningful glance at my other girlfriend. She averted her gaze, so I soon continued with, "I admit that you put a flattering amount of effort into all of this, but I'm afraid it was more than a little misguided."

"Are you sure you don't like maids?" Judy spoke up with a frown, and I shook my head while pulling her a little closer.

"Nope, it's all just a huge, downright aggravating misunderstanding." They appeared to be a little let down by my declaration, so I decided to soften it by adding, "I mean, you two look really cute in these uniforms, but you're like that by default, so it hardly changes anything."

My dear assistant was still giving me suspicious looks, but I couldn't really care much, as the princess quickly grabbed my attention by letting out an enormous defeated sigh.

"So it really didn't work?" she asked with upturned eyes, and I quickly shook my head while I once again beat my hypothalamus into submission.

"Well, not if you wanted to seduce me into doing lewd stuff, no."

"But Judy said you really like maids! And Melinda said it too! I thought it would really make you happy…"

"Well, I'm definitely not unhappy, but you two really didn't have to go to such lengths. You even brought the candlesticks and the trolley and everything."

"Those were all things we found in the house," Judy added a little dourly, and her words immediately put a stop to my previous train of thought.

"Wait, what? Why would I have a kitchen trolley in my house?"

"I don't know. I found these in the pantry and the garage."

I looked my assistant in the eye for a while, but she was entirely serious, so at the end of it I couldn't help but let out a baffled 'Huh.' under my breath. How come my house was always filled with all kinds of weirdly convenient odds and ends, from food ingredients to food carts? Was it some kind of narrative tomfoolery? Or could it be that they were left behind by the ever-helpful ninja maids? It was something that certainly required my attention, and I decided to launch a very detailed and meticulous investigation into the issue… later.

For now, I focused my attention on the topic quite literally at hand, as I was still holding my girlfriends by the waist. They didn't seem to mind, so I didn't change my posture either, and instead I only closed my eyes for a moment to think.

"Okay, let's put all of these things aside for the moment, and let's focus on why you two thought it was a good idea to try and act as fetish-fuel for me. I mean, don't take me wrong, the whole play would've been really fun if you talked things through with me ahead of time, but you didn't."

I waited for a few seconds, to see if either of them wanted to add something to the discussion, but since they remained silent and only kept fidgeting in my arms, I decided to break the ice myself.

"Listen up, girls. To be frank with you, I simply don't understand why you are so adamant about rushing things like this. Or rather, I have a few ideas, but I don't want to make this conversation heavier than it already is, so let me say this as clearly as I can: I still think it is early for us to jump right into lewding."

"For the record, I still can't help but lament the fact that the word 'lewding' became part of our vocabulary," Judy noted on the side, and Elly repeatedly nodded, though I couldn't fail to notice how she was turning red to the tip of her ears just from the mere mention of the term.

"Don't change the subject," I chided my assistant while simultaneously launching a vicious tickle attack on her defenseless waist. Once she stopped squirming, I flashed a refreshed smile in her direction and added, "So, let me give you my reasons why I think we should keep things slow, steady, and celibate for the time being. Let me start with the one Judy has already heard: Pregnancy. It is more or less the last thing we need in the current situation. Any objections to this point?"

"Oh, I have one!" Elly suddenly raised her hand, only to quickly let it down and mumble, "I mean, it's not that likely for me." She stopped speaking, so I urged her to continue with my eyes, and after taking a shallow breath, she did just that. "When mom gave me the birds and the bees talk, she told me that we have low fertility. It has something to do with having both human and dragon blood. She said that even when they were, um, 'trying' for me, it took them two years of, uuuuuu, 't-trying' before mom got pregnant." For some reason, she was extremely embarrassed even though she was using 'safe for work' language, and after taking several short breaths she quickly blurted out, "T-That's why it's fine for me! Even if we do l-lewd things, I wouldn't get pregnant right away!"

"But there would still be a chance for it, and Judy is still on the table."

"I already told you, Chief, but contraceptives still exist," she countered me with a pout. It was probably the aftereffect of my tickling. "I also asked around a little. Amelia said there are artifacts that can completely prevent conception."

"… Did you seriously get the Class Rep involved in this?"

"She shouldn't know why I asked. I was very discreet," she pointed out. "This means that, if we took all precautions, we can completely negate the chance of pregnancy, and with it, your objection."

"One of my objections, maybe, but I have more! For example, the age difference argument." My girlfriends both gave me an odd look that all but screamed 'What age difference?', so I quickly elaborated. "So, you know that 'Leonard Dunning' is a fake identity, right?" Elly nodded, while Judy just slightly furrowed her brows, which I decided to interpret as confirmation as well. "It's blatantly obvious that I'm bigger than any other boys in our grade. Putting genetics aside, I have a suspicion that I might be older than you two, with the date on my fake ID being manipulated so that I could enroll in the school with Josh. It was probably step number eight of some dastardly knightly plan."

"Maybe, but why would that be a problem for us?" came the question from my frowny assistant.

"I looked up some laws last night. If I am actually over 18, having sex with you would make me a child molester."

"Really?" Elly asked, obviously unconvinced.

"Yes, really. If both parties are under 18, it's fine. If both are over 18, it's fine. Mix the two, and you can immediately hear the police sirens in the distance."

"Chief, that's just dumb," Judy interrupted me with her deadpanniest expression yet.

"The law?"

"No, your objection," she clarified. "You are 17 on your ID. End of discussion."

"Yes, but what if I'm really not?" I countered.

"Then the only people who know that would be the Knights, and I'm sure they would've much more obvious objections to our relationship than the age gap."

"Yes! Like me!" Elly agreed and pointed at her inexplicably beaming face.

"And that's why your objection is incredibly silly," Judy concluded, though not to my complete agreement. "Do you have anything else?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do," I grumbled a little before I took a deep breath and began to explain myself. "Putting everything else aside, I simply think it's too early for us. We've only been dating for a short few weeks, and our relationship is pretty unusual to begin with. I still think we need to get closer to each other before we actually jump into the lewdy stuff." I could distinctly hear Judy mutter something along the lines of 'You're using that word just to annoy me, aren't you?', but I ignored her and instead told them, "To be honest with you, I have a feeling that getting physical will be the biggest watershed moment in our relationship. You see, this might be obvious, but there is only one of me, and two of you."

"Um… yes…" Elly agreed with a nod, seemingly on autopilot.

"The thing is, while I have some emotional roadblocks I'm steadily chipping away at, I can still say, with perfect certainly, that I love you two, definitions be damned. I want to make this relationship work, and I'm trying to be as fair as possible with you, dividing my time and attention and affection as best as I can. However, when it comes to lewding, I can only 'do it' with one of you at a time, right?"

"That's true," Judy granted me, and so I quickly continued before she could insert a 'but' at the end.

"This means that, unless one of you would just sit by the sidelines to watch and fiddle their thumbs while we engage in some good-old-fashioned horizontal gene transfer, it would be something we couldn't do together, all three of us at the same time. Well, that is, unless you two want to get it on with each other, but I somehow doubt that."

"Well, I like Judy, but I don't… um… like like her…" Elly spoke softly as she did that weird but cute thing where she touched her index fingers together.

"Same here. I'm straight," my assistant declared quite firmly as well.

"You see? That's why, even without any talk about libidos and pregnancy and whatnot, I still think it's not something we should rush until we are close enough where this won't lead to any friction anymore. Are you getting what I'm trying to say?"

"I do, but I also think we are already plenty close," Judy said while gesturing to the three of us huddled together in my embrace.

"I want us to be even closer than this."

"And how do you want to get even closer without doing the deed?"

"I have ideas," I responded with a small chuckle. "Spending more time with just the three of us, going on dates, playing games, and just generally talking a lot more about our feelings and problems with each other. Of course, all of this would be for after the current Labcoat Guy madness died down. What do you say?"

"So before getting closer physically, you want us to get closer emotionally?" my assistant summed up my argument in a single sentence, and I had no choice but to nod at her. "That's really vague. If we agreed to that, you could use it as an excuse to postpone things until the heat death of the universe."

"Oh please! I wouldn't do that!" Judy was still giving me the skeptical treatment, and it looked like it was about to infect the other girl present as well, so I blurted out, "Do you want me to set a deadline or something?"

"… That could work," she accepted my not at all serious proposal after some thinking, and before I could ask her if she was serious, Elly repeatedly nodded on the other side, cutting off my way of retreat.

"Erm… Okay then? How about Christmas?" I suggested a little half-heartedly.

"Sounds nice," my deadpan assistant responded with a tone of utmost seriousness only slightly marred by her self-satisfied expression.

"So no le-lewding until Christmas, but we get to hang out more until then? That sounds great too! I'm in!" Elly suddenly declared as she hugged me from the side.

"If you agree, then why are you doing that?" Judy turned a frown at my other girlfriend, or more precisely, her rather sizable breasts pushed flat against my own chest.

"I'm just showing my happiness. That's emotional," she argued back with a grin that would've been right at home at Angie's face, yet suited hers just as well.

"Maybe, but you are doing it in a physical way," my assistant countered her point, then she reached out and poked the grinning Draconian girl's cheek.

"There's nothing wrong with that though," I pointed out, only for Judy to turn her suspicious eyes at me in turn.

"Is that so?" All of a sudden, she also leaned closer and pressed her slightly more modest (yet just as soft and warm) chest against me as well. "Normally you'd argue tooth and nail against this kind of thing. Are you one hundred percent sure the maid costumes aren't working?"

"Yes, I am," I replied just a tad dryly as I carefully grabbed hold of the back of their collars (while making sure that I wouldn't damage the uniforms) and gently pulled them off me. "Where did you get these outfits, anyway? They look different from Snowy's."

"I asked Melinda for spares," Elly told me proudly, for some reason.

"Well, then I guess you better change out of them before they get dirty. Or do you two want to wear it until it's time to go home?"

"We are sleeping over," the princess caught me off-guard by declaring it in a defiant voice. "I already got permission from mom and dad!"

"I'm the same," Judy followed it up with a triumphant smirk of her own. "I told mother that I'd be staying over at Neige's place. That's here."

"Now that you mention it… Where's Snowy?"

"She's staying over in the shelter tonight," my dear assistant explained with her smirk becoming so wide, I could actually imagine that even other people may have realized that she was smiling. Crazy, I know.

Anyway, I quickly used my Far Sight to see if it was true, and lo and behold, I found Snowy surrounded by the Faun inside the secret base all right. Furthermore, she was riding on the shoulders of Brang for some unfathomable reason as they were discussing how they should decorate the interiors of the Fauns' living quarters.

I didn't really have the time to observe them for long, considering my situation, so I quickly returned to my body and let out a small sigh.

"So, it's just the three of us in the house, and you are staying over, but we are not doing any lewding yet. Now what?"

All three of us fell silent for a moment, right until Judy raised her hand and did a twisting motion with her wrist, at which point… we still remained in silence. Once I couldn't bear watching her any longer, I raised my own hand and told her, "I'll provide the sound effect," after which I snapped my finger.

"Thank you. My finger-snapping app crashed again."

"App?" Elly butted in with a curious look and a bunch of illusionary question marks circling around her head.

"It's one of our dumber inside jokes. You're better off not knowing," I remarked before I focused my attention on my assistant again. "So, I believe you had an idea."

"Yes, I do. After the disappointment that your movie turned out to be last evening, I tried to find something genuinely terrible to show you what a real bad movie was like. I have the DVD in my bag, so we might as well watch it together."

"… Just when did you have the time to buy a specific DVD like that?"

My question, accentuated by my practiced eyebrow-raise, was promptly dismissed on the spot.

"Don't be silly, Chief. I obviously downloaded it from the internet."

"Isn't that illegal?" the princess interjected, her eyes as narrow as they could be.

"Only if someone finds out," Judy told her with a confident smirk. "It's a terrible horror movie about a sentient toaster going on a murder spree in a desert."

"I… I don't really like horror movies," my Draconic girlfriend admitted in a mousey voice, her previous suspicion and intensity gone like a candle flame in a hurricane, but my assistant immediately reassured her.

"Don't worry. It's a really bad horror movie, so it's not scary at all."

"That's good, but… if it's bad, then why do you want to watch it?"

"To make fun of it," I supplied the answer. "On my end, I'm fine with it. How about you, princess? I promise it's going to be fun."

"Really? Well… If it's not scary, then I suppose I'm fine too…"

"Good. I'll go and get the movie," Judy announced and she immediately jumped to her feet.

"In that case, I'll go make some popcorn and snacks," I proposed as I stood up, and Elly followed right after me.

"I'll go and change into my pajamas then!" she declared in an upbeat voice, and it made Judy and I stop on our tracks.

"Pajamas?" my assistant repeated after her with her brows raised, if not high, but at least noticeably.

"Yes," the princess asserted with a look that obviously found our surprise completely unexpected. "Aren't you supposed to wear your pajamas and hug under the same blanket when the whole family is watching a movie?"

"I suppose you do that at home," I figured, and she nodded again. "Well, we still have the blanket from yesterday over there. As for pajamas, I don't think I have one, but I could check the dressers."

"I don't have any."

We both glanced at Judy upon her statement, and it was Elly who voiced that was on both our minds.

"You knew you would be staying over, and you didn't bring your pajamas?"

"I didn't think I would need them," she admitted. "I didn't have one the last time I slept over either."

"Wait, then what were you wearing? Did you sleep in your undies?"

"No. I wore one of Leo's shirts."

There was a long beat, but then Elly's eyes suddenly began to sparkle as she exclaimed, "That's such a girlfriend-y thing to do! I want to try it too!"

"All right, then. Let's go to the Chief's room."

"Hey? Do I get a say in this?" I cut in with a frown, only to immediately get overwhelmed by the princess's enthusiasm when she clasped her hands around mine.

"Of course! Please pick me a shirt; one that you think would look good on me!"

"… If you insist," I yielded almost right away, and I allowed her to pull me towards the stairs.

"If you're picking one for her, do it for me too," my assistant followed it up with those words, and I couldn't help but sigh.

As cute as my girlfriends were, they could certainly be quite a handful from time to time. Though again, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Slowly. Very, very slowly. The trick was to move with deliberate, smooth movements and— Okay, that's one side done. Now, I just had to move this arm to the side a little aaaand...

"Finally..." I whispered under a breath of relief, and then I promptly slipped down the side of the bed. However, the moment my foot touched the floor, my whole body stiffened in alarm.

"Mmm..."

Holding my breath like my life depended on it, I warily glanced over to my left, towards the source of the sleepy mumble that made me halt on my tracks. I stayed perfectly still for what felt like at least two-thirds of an eternity, and only let out a tiny sigh once I was sure the crisis had passed.

It took me a subjectively long time to do it, but I was finally back on my own two feet. I promptly stretched my back, after which I glanced over my shoulder towards my bed, or rather, the two girls on it.

The three of us stayed up until eleven, watching movies and discussing things, at which point it felt like some kind of switch flipped inside the two of them from 'energetic' to 'sleepy'. Normally I would've found their behavior really endearing, with all the yawning and eye-rubbing, but then came an issue I failed to consider ahead of time: they wanted to sleep together. Or rather, Elly wanted to, after Judy told her about how she slept on my bed once.

This was, of course, absolutely impossible due to the fact that I didn't sleep. This wasn't exactly a big secret, so I let my draconic girlfriend in on it, yet it did nothing to deter her, so in the end we reached a compromise; I'd stay with them until they fell asleep, and then I'd slip out once they were neck-deep in dreamland. Or, as my assistant put it, 'once Judy-bot is dreaming of electric sheep'.

Sounded like a nice middle ground, except for one tiny issue: as it turned out, my girlfriends were super-clingy, even in their sleep. No, I should say especially in their sleep. As in, imagine a pair of baby-koalas, on steroids!

Just thinking back on the hour-long slow and meticulous struggle it took to peel them off myself made me want to grumble like an old dwarf fresh out of ale, yet I held the urge back, lest I would accidentally wake the girls. I didn't want to go through the whole process all over again… and, on second look, they were all kinds of adorable sleeping together like that, and I really didn't want to ruin that image.

In fact, I may or may not have spent a somewhat unnecessarily long time staring at the two of them under the blanket. And no, I had absolutely no regrets about setting my own deadline, meaning that trying anything physical tonight would've made me an enormous hypocrite, even though they were sprawled out in front of me and completely defenseless.

…

Well, okay, maybe a tiny little bit, but you didn't hear it from me.

Anyhow, once I had my fill with the sight, I quickly (and very, very quietly) turned around and tiptoed towards my PC. I brought it out of standby mode with a single click of the mouse, and I was once again grateful for my bank account, as it allowed me to buy a pre-built machine with a water-cooler, so I didn't have to worry about the fans waking anyone. That said, the screen was still pretty bright, and so I quickly turned it down a notch.

I glanced back to check on the girls one last time, and since they were still happily snoring away the night, I let my shoulders relax a bit and lowered myself into my custom swivel chair.

Once I was seated, I made sure to mute the speakers before automatically checking the Hub, mostly out of habit. I skimmed over the new forum threads and browsed the titles of the new reports, but there didn't seem to be anything noteworthy at a single glance. As such, I opened a new tab and clicked on the bookmark of my favorite movie database site, and once it loaded in, I immediately typed the title of the schlock movie we just watched.

It didn't take long to find the user reviews section, and after I limbered up my fingers, I quickly typed in my concise review of the film.

'The Heating Coil of Doom is the worst thing I've seen since polio. The main character has too much plot armor, the side plots about the lesbian cheerleaders and their pet moose were slow and confusing, and the explicit sex scene between the sentient toaster and the grandmother living in the attic had no buildup or consequence whatsoever. Also, a little gross. The ending also left a lot to be desired, as we never learned if the toaster managed to kill the moose at the end, and the romance subplot between the cheerleaders and the lion tamer from the Danish traveling circus was inconclusive as well. Overall, it was a bad movie. Two out of ten.'

Once I was satisfied with what I wrote, I posted it and moved the cursor over to close the tab, but by doing so my eyes naturally skimmed over the other tabs, and so I inevitably noticed a notification from the Hub. I had a bad feeling about it, but I figured it could also be important, so I closed the review site as originally intended and steeled my nerves before checking the chat logs.

Surprise, surprise; my hunch was on the money.

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: HI BOSSMAN! ARE YOU ONLINE!? (￣▽￣)ノ"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: IF YOU ARE ONLINE, PLZ ANSWER ASAP!!! I NEED SOME ADVICE!!! (´｡• ω •｡`)"

It was for moments like this that I had stockpiled a lot of exasperated sighs, so I could freely breathe one out whenever I had to. Like just now. Haaaah…

Anyhow, I reached out for the keyboard and began to type my reply.

"Admin: Hello, Ninja. Please tell me you're not looking for relationship advice."

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: HUH!? Σ(￣。￣ﾉ)"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: NONONO! THINGS ARE PROGRESSING SUPER WELL ALREADY! (＾▽＾)"

Oh, look at that. A classic spit-take moment. And here I thought I wouldn't be surprised by anything anymore. Once I got over the first shock, I decided to ask the obvious, just to be on the safe side.

"Admin: With the granddaughter of the Arch-Mage?"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: YEP! WE ARE TEXTING EACH OTHER EVERY EVENING, AND SHE IS SUPER DUPER CUTE!!! EVEN CUTER THAN I ORIGINALLY THOUGHT! LIKE, HYPER-SUPER-UBER-DUPER CUTE!!1! (≧◡≦) ♡"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST PLANNING TO ASK HER TO HANG OUT!!! WISH ME LUCK!!!1!!ONE! (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄

The enthusiasm seeping through the screen was practically palpable, but on my end, questions like 'Since when did you even have her number!?' or 'When the heck did all of this happen, and why didn't I notice it!?' drowned it all out. Anyhow, I stifled a shallow groan and decided to ask the Class Rep about it tomorrow. For now, I went ahead and proceeded with the next obvious question.

"Admin: Break a leg."

"Admin: That said, if it wasn't about your love life, then what kind of advice do you need?"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: RIGHT, RIGHT!!"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: REMEMBER ALL THE REPORTS I'VE BEEN SENDING YOU? ABOUT ALL THE INFO I GOT OF OFF THE SCARY CHIMERA SLAYER DUDE?! (＞﹏＜)"

I waited for an embarrassingly long time for him to continue, until it dawned on me that it wasn't a rhetorical question he was asking,

"Admin: Yes, I remember. What of it?"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: YOU SEE, I RAN INTO A BIT OF A SNAG! (；￣Д￣)"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT THAT GETTING UNUSUAL ARTIFACTS WOULD BE SUCH A PAIN IN THE *******?!?!! (＃`Д´)"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: I TRIED TO CALL IN ALL KINDS OF FAVORS, AND EVEN DROPPED MY FATHER'S NAME A FEW TIMES, BUT I STILL COULDN'T FIND ANYONE WITH A NOVEL ARTIFACT FOR THE SLAYERIZER DUDE!

(ノ_<>

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: ALSO, MY FATHER LEARNED ABOUT WHAT I WAS DOING, AND SCOLDED ME OVER THE PHONE... 〜(＞＜)〜"

"Admin: I see, but could you please get to the point?"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: SURE BOSS, SORRY BOSS!! (*_ _)人"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: THE POINT IS THAT A FRIEND OF A FRIEND HELPED ME CONTACT THIS REALLY SHADY GUY! HE HAS ALL KINDS OF COOL GADGETS, BUT HE IS SUPER SHADY, AND HE WAS ASKING FOR WEIRD STUFF IN EXCHANGE FOR HELPING ME OUT! SHOULD I MAKE A DEAL WITH HIM?

(￣_￣)・・・ "

"Admin: That depends. Please elaborate on the 'weird stuff'."

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: HE ONLY WANTS ME TO WRITE SOMETHING IN SCRIPT FOR HIM! I THINK HE MIGHT WANT TO FORGE SOME KIND OF DOCUMENT OR WHATNOT, BUT I'M NOT SURE! (￢_￢)"

"Admin: So he's a forger?"

There was a long pause in the textual conversation, so I wrote in another question.

"Admin: Is he one of ours?"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: I DON'T THINK SO? IF HE WAS, HE WOULDN'T NEED TO ME WRITE FOR HIM!"

"Admin: Fine, then what does he look like?"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: IDDUNO! I HAVEN'T MET HIM YET! WE ONLY SENT MESSAGES OVER PALINDROME!

┐(￣～￣)┌"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: OH, OH! I JUST REMEMBERED! (★ω★)/"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: BOSS-MAN! DO YOU HAVE A PALINDROME ACCOUNT!? CAN YOU ADD ME AS A PAL!? o(>ω<>

For the uninitiated (such as I was until a short while ago), 'PALindrome' was the name of one of the newfangled social media sites that popped into existence with the world's technology doing its damned best to catch up to some arbitrary tech-level during the past month or so. I knew because Judy and Elly both wanted me to add them as 'pals' and then set their relationship level to 'girlfriend', but when it turned out the site only allowed one girlfriend per person (which was a discrimination lawsuit in the waiting, I tell you), they decided to go back to MateLedger, which was the first site Judy used to annoy me.

But putting my irritation with the rapidly increasing popularity and influence of these sites aside (which, I would like to add, had nothing to do with the fact that I could've made ten times the money I did with my rudimentary streaming service idea if only I realized that making the first social media platform was even an option), I focused on the screen again and gave my answer.

"Admin: I don't think it's wise for an asset to share and discuss information on social media."

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: DON'T WORRY, ADMIN! I WAS SUPER DISCREET! SO, ABOUT ADDING ME AS A PAL…?

(＾• ω •＾)"

"Admin: Let's discuss this again at another time. For now, I'd like you to tell me more about this shady person you want to make a deal with."

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: OKAY! (* ^ ω ^)"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: I DON'T KNOW MUCH MORE ABOUT HIM, BUT MY FRIEND SAID HE IS NEW TO THE ISLAND, AND HE IS STILL BUILDING UP HIS CONTACTS, AND THAT'S WHY I COULD GET STUFF FROM HIM FOR CHEAP! (￢‿￢ )"

"Admin: Do you know where he got his artifacts? Is he connected to the School?"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: I DON'T THINK SO? HE PROMISED HE COULD GIVE ME ALL KINDS OF WEIRD STUFF I COULDN'T FIND ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ISLAND! LIKE, HE WROTE HE HAD AN ARTIFACT THAT COULD MAKE TEA TASTE LIKE COFFEE! (★ω★)/"

I blinked a few times as a re-read the last message, and I couldn't help but feel intrigued.

"Admin: Do you mean it turns tea into coffee?"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: NONONO! ONLY THE TASTE! SOUNDS KIND OF USELESS, BUT IT'S PRETTY WEIRD, SO I'M SURE SLAYER DUDE WOULD LIKE IT! HE'S WEIRD LIKE THAT! (─‿‿─)"

His tone annoyed me a little, but I had to admit that he was right. That most certainly intrigued me. Just how would an artifact change the taste of a liquid without affecting its chemical make-up? Maybe it affected the amino acids that gave tea its flavor? Or it could apply some sort of masking effect on the liquid to deceive the taste buds? Kind of like an illusion for the tongue?

Either way, that sounded really interesting. If it was the former, it might even give me an easy gateway into understanding how the magical sub-stratum manipulated things on a molecular level. I found myself itching to take a look, so after a short minute of consideration, I decided to tell Mike to go for it.

"Admin: He sounds useful. If you think it's safe, try to make contact with him. Be sure you have an escape plan."

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: DON'T WORRY BOSS! I'M GOING TO HAVE TWO! ε=ε=ε=ε=┌(;￣▽￣)┘"

"Admin: Good. Do you have anything else to report?"

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: NOTHING TO REPORT, BUT… BOSS, DO YOU HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH WOMEN? LIKE, HOW TO MAKE THEM FALL FOR YOU AND STUFF? (＾• ω •＾)"

The moment I read that, I instinctively glanced back at the two girls peacefully sleeping in my bed, then with mixed feelings I typed down:

"Admin: No. Also, I already told you I'm not giving relationship advice."

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: PLEASE BOSS! I DON'T WANT TO MESS THIS UP! PLEASEEEEEEE!!! (シ_ _)シ"

Oh, look at that. It was roll-of-eye o'clock before I even knew it. Anyhow, I silently shook my head and responded with a curt:

"Admin: Go, ask Moose."

There was a radio silence almost a minute long following my advice…

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: HE'LL MAKE FUN OF ME… (/ω＼)"

…followed by another unnecessarily long pause before Mike finally gave up.

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: FINE, I ASK HIM! MAYBE HE'S GOING TO BE IN A GOOD MOOD?! (￢_￢;)"

"Admin: You do that. I have to go now."

"W1NG3D N1NJ4: BYE, ADMIN!!! (´• ω •`)ﾉ "

"Admin: Stay safe."

Following those two words, I quickly closed the chat interface and set my status to 'offline'. I was about to move on with my night, but in the end I couldn't help but feel bothered by this exchange, so I opened the chat log again and sent a PM.

"Admin: Hey, Moose. Ninja is going to annoy you soon. Don't be too mean to him."

"Morosemoose: Hello, Admin. He is already annoying me."

"Morosemoose: I'll try not to tease him too much. Not making any promises."

"Admin: Good enough for me. That's all I wanted to say. Bye."

"Morosemoose: Bye."

With that done, I closed the tab for good and carefully stretched my arms as I thought about what I should do next. It was still the middle of the night, so my options were fairly limited. I couldn't work out, as it would probably wake up the girls. I could go down and make breakfast, but it would get cold by the time they woke up, so it was also off the table. What did that leave me with?

"Well," I whispered under my breath, mostly out of habit. "I suppose I better find out what gives tea its taste. For science."

And with that began yet another long, not particularly eventful, yet strangely relaxing night of research.

"Goodbye. Dad! Have a safe… Trip!"

Said one wooden and completely unconvincing voice on my left, its owner continuing to hold onto me as if her life depended on it even while she was bidding a teary farewell to her father. On an unrelated note, I couldn't feel my left arm anymore. Was it a good or a bad thing that I was getting used to that?

"Thank you! My, dear daughter! Daddy is going, to, be back! In a few weeks!"

Replied a much louder, yet at the same time even less convincing voice from the front. What would you even call that? 'Woodener'? 'Woodier'? 'Foresty'? Let's go with the last one, it sounded about right.

"Oh, father. I will miss you. So much."

"Don't, cry my! Daughter! I, will only be, gone! For… multiple weeks! Yes! Multiple… weeks!"

While all of this silliness was happening with all the sublime grace of a train-crash on a boat, my eyes slowly swept over the whole Dracis household crowding the driveway in front of the gates of the estate. In retrospect, I think it was probably a form of involuntary coping mechanism. Anyhow, the small crowd in front of me included Emese, Sebastian, Melinda, the nameless twins, all the placeholder maids, and even the cooks and the gardeners. All of them were standing in attention too, and the whole display reminded me of a military parade, except with ladles, feather dusters, and rakes instead of guns.

As I continued to scrutinize the staff, my gaze unexpectedly met with those of the incognito dragon standing by my self-diagnosed father-in-law's side, and the way he immediately rolled his eyes perfectly encapsulated my own sentiment. I gave him a nod of appreciation, and then we both shrugged at once as the father-daughter duo continued their public display of misdirection.

At long last, the excruciatingly arboreal string of goodbyes came to an end, and Abram and Sebastian both got inside the large black limousine waiting nearby, though not before papa Dracis sent me a meaningful wink. What it actually meant though, I didn't have the foggiest idea, and they rode away into the sunrise before I could ask.

Then, as if she was waiting for the opportunity, Emese rolled over to us with the help of the braided (and for some reason really grumpy-looking) chambermaid, completely disregarding the way the mansion's staff left the scene in goose-steps. For a moment I wondered whether that was because they were placeholders, or it was something I should be worried about, but such thoughts were quickly shaken out of my head by the mother of the household directly addressing me.

"Thank you for seeing off my husband, Leonard. Did you three have fun last night?" she asked with the combination of a provocative smirk and a knowing look. It wasn't hard to figure out what she was hinting at, considering Elly was even clingier than usual, while my dear assistant also followed her example for some inexplicable and quite troubling reason.

"You could… certainly say that."

My evasive answer only made her smile widen even further and she followed it up with a cocky "Is that so? I'm happy to hear that! When can I expect my grandchildren?"

"Well, let's see…" I muttered as I began to count on my fingers. "High school is two more years. College is at least three, five if either of us wants to get a master's degree, plus we should also try and get jobs first, so… about eight or so years?"

My detailed answer obviously caught her off-guard, yet by the twinkle in her eyes I could see she already had a snappy comeback on the tip of her tongue, which would've no doubt led to some hilarious skit about baby names and college saving funds, if not for my other girlfriend joining the fray.

"Chief, we should hurry up," Judy remarked and she showed me the clock on her phone. "We're going to be late for school. You can play with mother-in-law later."

"We are not that late…"

My attempted protest fell on deaf ears, as my dear assistant commenced to act like she was dragging me away. Or… was she actually trying to drag me away, but failing? It wouldn't have been the first time she did something like this, so it was hard to tell.

Anyhow, since she was about as adamant about her efforts as a Pomeranian puppy trying to take his human for a walk, I decided to humor her and awkwardly waved at the women still in the driveway.

"Bye, mom-in-law."

"Oh well," Emese huffed with a playful bend in her lips, and then she added, "Stay safe, kids. I'll see you at dinner!"

I didn't remember making any dinner plans, but considering the circumstances, I didn't have either the time or the energy to object, especially since Elly decided to join the 'fun' and began to pull on me as well, and unlike with my assistant, her efforts were significantly harder to resist. As such, I soon found myself walking away from the Dracis mansion, yet I could feel the eyes of the still crotchety maid and the widely grinning matron of the estate right until we rounded a corner and were finally out of sight.

The moment that happened, I let out a pent-up breath and glanced at my girlfriends in turn. The princess seemed to be in an unusually good mood, while Judy was her usual self, except maybe just a smidge clingier than usual. I wondered if they didn't give up yet, and this was their step four or five in their intricate plans to awaken my libido. I hoped not. They gave me enough trouble yesterday with their cosplay already.

… Actually, now that I think about it, they looked pretty cute in those maid outfits. Borderline adorable. Furthermore, those costumes looked like they were fitted specifically for them to emphasize their charms and whatnot. That's not something they could make in an afternoon, so I couldn't help but wonder if the maid cosplay was a premeditated plan instead of something they came up with in a single day. Either way, it certainly brought my girlfriends' sense of priorities into question, but then again, I had my own bugbears to contend with, so I wasn't going to cast the first stone.

In any case, while I was pondering about these important matters, all of a sudden someone called out to me.

"Is this what they call 'having a flower in each arm'?"

I turned towards the source of the cheeky comment, and it wasn't exactly surprising that I found Josh there.

"Just where did you even hear that old-school term?" I shot back with a raised brow, and my friend shrugged his shoulders between his greetings to the girls.

"I think it was in one of those god-awful young adult novels Angie made me read a few years ago. Can't recall the title."

"It's probably better that way," I commented, and we shared a sentimental nod between each other. "Speaking of her, where's the childhood friend in question?"

"She should be here soon," Josh said as he fell in line beside us. "She said she forgot her gym clothes and had to go back."

"Should we slow down to let her catch up?" Elly proposed, but Josh ultimately shook his head.

"Nah, she's quick on her feet; she should catch up with us soon. Not to mention, you guys aren't exactly running either." He paused for a long moment as he looked us over, then he added, "Speaking of which, isn't it uncomfortable to walk like that?"

I figured he was referring to the way my girlfriends arrested my arms, so I replied with, "It's not so bad."

"It also keeps us warm," Judy added somewhat absent-mindedly, immediately catching my attention in the process.

"Wait, is that why you are being so close?"

"Among other things," she told me while conspicuously averting her gaze. In fact, I was pretty sure she was doing so on purpose to tease me, so I did the only reasonable thing and ignored her in favor of my other girlfriend.

"Are you also holding onto me for that?"

"I just saw Judy do it, and it looked nice," my Draconic girlfriend answered with a dopey smile, after which she honest to goodness rubbed her cheeks on my shoulder and added, "She's right though. You're really warm."

"I’m glad to hear that?"

I would be lying if I said I wasn't taken a little aback by that, but then I was taken even abacker when Judy followed her lead and did the same, so I decided not to dwell on it and focus on the conversation with our resident protagonist.

"So, I gather you two have buried the hatchet."

"Yeah. Angie even apologized for overacting." Josh fell silent for a moment, his brows slowly scrunching up, and then he added, "It was weird."

"But it worked out, and that's what's important," I noted, followed by the closest approximation of a sagely nod I could manage under the continued assault of my girlfriends.

"I suppose." After saying that, Josh's gaze wandered off as if he was lost in thought, but at last he turned back to me and explained, "After she apologized, we played a few rounds of Street Kombat."

"Sounds wholesome," I said half-heartedly, just to keep the conversation rolling.

"Whatever you say," Joshua dismissed my stray comment with a sneaky roll of his eyes, but then he unexpectedly added, "And when it was time for her to go home, she gave me a kiss on my cheek. She said it was an apology kiss. Is that normal? I mean, between friends?"

Wow, look at that. Angie went on the offensive. That was fairly surprising… or maybe not? I mean, she did seem unusually interested in my relationship with the girls and how to make it work; maybe she was actually laying the groundwork? Or maybe it really was just a chaste, friendly peck on the cheek. Who knew?

However, before I could give my tactful and unbiased advice, I was beaten to the punch by Elly of all people saying, "I don't think Leo is a good judge of these things."

Wait, what? This time I was taken the abackest. I never expected Elly to say that, but I couldn't object in time, as my other girlfriend immediately echoed her sentiment.

"True. The Chief is really bad at picking up on these things."

"Hey! I wholeheartedly disagree with that assessment!" I exclaimed as I finally managed to get a word in, and to my most abacktakeningest surprise not only Judy, but the princess also gave me a flat look. Luckily the angle from which they were doing so made them look somewhat cute, so it didn't hurt my feelings as hard as it could've, but it was still an unexpected sucker-punch.

"Sorry Chief, but considering how much trouble you caused us by failing to get a clue, I don't think there's any jury in the world that would find you innocent."

"Innocent of what? Also, I once again vehemently disagree. I wasn't unaware, I just decided not to do this whole romance thing yet because of reasons. There's a huge difference there."

"Doesn't that just make it worse?" Elly's innocent-sounding question made us glance at her in unison, so she hastily clarified her point. "I mean, wouldn't willfully ignoring someone when they try to show they like you be worse than just being oblivious?"

"You're right," Judy followed her up with a mighty nod. "What do you say to that, Chief?"

"I have nothing to explain, as I've already told you my reasons when we started dating. Not to mention, things worked out in the end, so all's well that ends well." The two girls clinging to me were still giving me unsatisfied looks, so I decided it was time for a tactical change in topic. "Anyhow, Josh asked a question. Shouldn't we help him out first before we start reminiscing about how our relationship started?"

"I thought we were already doing that," Judy commented while taking a sneaky glance at my friend, who was only looking at us in a mixture of incomprehension and industrial-strength caginess, as if he was afraid our boiling cauldron of a discussion would spill over him too.

For a short while all three of us were looking at him without a word, and the atmosphere was actually getting a little chilly. Or was it the weather? It was hard to tell sometimes.

"… I don't get it," Josh finally blurted out, which prompted both my girlfriends to let out a sigh in unison.

"Maybe Leo is right." The princess's low-key whisper made me raise a brow in surprise, and so she added, "Maybe the boy being oblivious is more of a hassle in the long run after all."

"Maybe," Judy echoed the word the third time in a row, yet even though it was supposed to be a form of tacit agreement, she still sounded about as skeptical as an atheist at the midnight mass.

In the meantime, I noticed a ponytail rapidly approaching us from behind, and unsurprisingly enough, it was attached to a heaving Celestial girl. She came to a screeching halt by our side, caught her breath, and then she sent a sharp glance our way.

"You guys are mean! Why didn't you wait for me!?"

"You said you'd catch up soon," Joshua answered his childhood friend's question while he simultaneously stepped up to her and rubbed her back. "Here, here. Any better now?"

"I'm not that out of breath," Angie grumbled, but curiously enough she didn't move away or try to stop him. Must've been another one of those 'childhood friend things'.

"I see you two really made up," I noted. "Good."

"I already told you we did," Joshua objected for some bizarre reason.

"Yes, but hearing about it is one thing, and seeing it with my own two eyes is another."

"Yep, we're peas in a pod again. Thanks for the assist." Angie flashed me a toothy grin for a moment, but then she looked us over and took a step back. "Speaking of peas in a pod, is it just me, or do you guys look even cuter than usual? Oh, oh! Can I take a picture?"

"I'd prefer if you didn't." My flat response earned me a stuck-out tongue from the upbeat girl, but I ignored her and instead gestured for the childhood friend duo to get moving, because at this rate we would really end up late, even though I could already see the school gates from where we were standing.

Once we started moving again, and there was a distinct lull in the conversation, I decided it was as good a time as any to breach the topic of today's big event.

"So, are you guys prepared for the afternoon kerfuffle?"

Both Josh and Angie shared an apprehensive look between the two of them, but then they both nodded in such perfect unison I couldn't help but wonder if they practiced for occasions like this.

"I think we should be fine." Josh's words probably didn't sound too convincing even to his own ears, so he hastily added, "I mean, we reviewed the plan a couple of times, but as Leo would say, those rarely survive contact with the enemy."

"Oh, I've heard that one too," Angie followed him up right away. "Is it a quote from Rommel? Or Sun Tzu?"

"It's from Helmuth von Moltke the Elder," my dear assistant corrected her, and it took all my willpower not to ask just where the hell she learned that.

"That guy's name doesn't exactly roll off the tongue like the others."

We naturally ignored the Celestial girl's musings, and instead I told them, "The important thing is to be able to adapt to the situation. Your basic plan should be solid, and if there's any trouble, you should be able to improvise with the pieces on the board."

"We'll try, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't feel more confident if you were also there," Josh admitted a little sheepishly, which made his childhood friend giggle for some reason.

"Sorry, but I'll have to head over to the park to set the stage for the Chimera hunt so that Mountain Girl would finally be out of my hair." He still looked more than a little conflicted, so I also told him, "Don't worry. As they say, plans are useless, but planning is indispensable, and you have done a lot of it. It will be fine."

"Dwight D. Eisenhower."

"Pardon?" I asked back in reflex as I glanced at the source of the unexpected comment.

"The thing you said about planning is a quote from him," Judy clarified.

I sent a deadpan look at her way, and once I felt it reached its destination, I also added, "Dormouse, please stop being so smart for just five minutes. You're distracting me."

"Is it because you like smart girls?" she immediately asked back with a cheeky little pseudo-smirk.

"So what if I do? Since when's that a crime?"

"Hey, that would make sense! I'm pretty smart too!" the princess suddenly injected herself into our skit with her usual tact of a drunken bull in a china shop. "I was always at the top of my grade in my old schools. Aced all my exams too."

"Now that you mention it, midterm exams are coming up, aren't they?" I mused aloud, yet my absent-mindedly spoken words made the childhood friend duo shudder like leaves in a monsoon.

"Aw crap, you are right!" Angie's exclamation coincided with us reaching the school gates, and it earned her a stern look from the disciplinary committee member minding the perimeter.

"We totally forgot to study with everything else going on, didn't we?" Josh commented, and it felt like the words were draining his soul away.

"Mum is going to flay me if my average falls under three-point-five!" the at the moment not at all energetic Celestial raised her mournful voice, and her childhood-friend-slash-comrade repeatedly nodded in understanding.

"We're screwed, aren't we?" Josh lamented, his eyes unfocused and looking into an infinite distance only he could see.

Frankly, I felt that they were making a mountain out of a molehill, as I considered supernatural battles of life and death more important than quarterly grades. At the end of the day though I just couldn't watch them beating themselves up over their grades, so I proposed, "Do you want to form a study group after things calm down a little?"

"Weren't your grades also pretty bad?" Josh responded with a critically raised brow, but before I could get a word in, Angie cut me off.

"Wait, that's actually not a bad idea! Even if Leo is book-dumb, he has Judy and Elly! If we ask Ammy to join too, we're going to be set!"

"Oh, I like the sound of that!" my friend agreed with a worrying amount of enthusiasm.

And with that, somehow the discussion about dealing with Labcoat Guy got derailed into forming an impromptu study group for the mid-terms exams that were still about a month away. I knew I should be happy Josh wasn't too tense about the operation after school, but at least he could stay on topic. Priorities and whatnot.

But I digress. We were already in school, so I supposed we should only discuss the battle-plans once we were in a more secluded location, such as on the roof. As such, I decided to drop the whole thing altogether. Except…

"'Book dumb', huh?" I spoke softly under my breath, then with a not at all sinister smile I added, "Well, that also goes into my book of grudges…"

"Did you say something?" Elly inquired out of the blue, so I faced her and flashed my latest and greatest version of my roguish smirk at her.

"Don't worry, I'm just being nefarious."

"Oh, it's okay then," she concluded with a dazed smile on her own, and with that, we headed towards the shoe lockers and began what promised to be quite an eventful day.