The Simulacrum

"All right. Preparations are complete," I declared as I dramatically rubbed my palms together. I was currently situated in the living room in the company of Judy and, for a change, I wasn't sitting on my favorite comfy chair but the couch. It was mainly so that she could sit next to me, since the previous arrangement of her sitting on my lap, while really cozy, was not exactly conducive to our current activity. Once I felt suitably prepared, I picked up the brick phone on the table, turned to my girlfriend, and subsequently told her, "Let's begin the operation!"

"I still think this is silly," my dearest assistant threw a bucket of cold water on my enthusiasm right away, and I couldn't help but shake my head in the face of her negativity.

"Come on, Dormouse; don't be like that! The plan is foolproof, and even if it doesn't work, we won't lose anything."

"True, but I think you have overcomplicated it," she told me, and after a momentary pause she added, "A lot," probably for extra emphasis.

"What? It's not overcomplicated," I denied just a touch defensively. "Let's go over it one more time: I pick up the phone and I will dial Mystery Number X."

"That part is self-evident," she agreed with the usual nod in tow.

"Yeah. So then, once the line connects, I will do this." As I said that, I raised my left hand and extended a single index finger, as if I was pointing at the ceiling. "And then, when I do this," I continued as I abruptly bend my finger, "You start shaking your melons. Simple."

Judy's brows imperceptibly sunk for a moment, and after a heavily implied sigh she raised her hands and asked, "I've been meaning to ask, but why do you keep calling these 'melons'?"

Saying so, she shook the two maracas in her hands, making a distinct, sharp sound in the process and earning a confused glance from yours truly.

"I call them that because that's what the packaging says. Look." While I was speaking, put the phone back onto the table and then I reached over the arm-rest of the couch and picked up the discarded hard plastic package on the floor and showed it to her, "It says so right here: [Rumba melon childhood playmates. This will be a gift to give children the best. Clown. At home. Hurry up and collect!]. What is so hard to understand about that? It makes perfect sense to me."

My girlfriend rolled her eyes and she snatched the package out of my hands, and after studying it for a second she asked, "Just where did you even find Chinese bootleg toys like…?" Her words trailed off as she took a closer look at the other side of the container and instead she asked, with almost palpable levels of incredulity (at least by Judy standards), "What does [Unlimited joy makes children more lively and lovely! Infinite pleasure!] even mean, and what does it have to do with a pair of maracas?"

"Do we even really want to know?" I responded while shrugging my shoulders. "As for your previous question, I bought this at the same place where I got my fake moustache and wig during the 'let's get Snowy an ID' operation."

"You bought this back then?" she uttered in surprise as she finally put the silly, multi-colored package covered in incomprehensible machine-translated garbage aside, and I once again shook my head.

"No, of course not. I got it this morning, not long before you came over."

"Good. I was afraid you wanted to do this so badly you bought these weeks in advance."

"Don't be silly, Dormouse. I didn't expect I'd get an ominous call from MNX yesterday, let alone a week ago. Speaking of which…" I took the package from her, threw it behind me, then I got hold of the phone again and extended my left index finger one more time. "So, just to be clear: straight finger, silence, bent finger, artificial radio static noises."

"I got it," she answered, followed up by a quiet 'I got it the first four times you told me, I still think it's silly' which I probably wasn't supposed to hear, so I pretended I didn't.

"Great. Let's get started then."

With that said, I took a huge breath, prepared myself, and dialed Mystery Number X. To my relief, the line actually connected, and there was even a ringback tone, so we already cleared the first hurdle. I held my breath as I waited for someone to accept the call on the other end aaaaaand… the call was forwarded to voice-mail.

I didn't let that discourage me, so I terminated the line and I immediately dialed the mystery number again. The same thing repeated itself: connection, ringback, voice-mail. It was around this time that holding my breath became uncomfortable, so I let it out in the form of a sigh.

"Oh well. As they say, third time's the charm."

After I said that, I immediately dialed again, and one bated breath later… someone actually picked up the phone! I immediately signaled to Judy with my eyes and made sure that my finger was straight as an arrow, and as much as she complained about it, she dutifully raised her maracas high and stayed alert, her eyes glued to my signaling hand.

"I told you not to call this number unless absolutely necessary," the deep, gravely, and still completely unfamiliar voice of a man answered my call with words that were practically dripping with annoyance. I took a deep breath, glanced at my assistant one last time, and then I promptly bent my finger.

"Hello? Are you there? The line is terrible, I can't hear a thing!" I spoke in a strained voice that was just on the verge of shouting, while at the same time Judy provided the background static to complement the illusion.

"What?"

"Did you say something? I can't hear you!"

"I said I'm here!" the impatient voice on the other side yelled into the phone, which signified the fact that he took the bait. It was too early to celebrate though, and so I continued with the information extraction.

"Oh, you're there! Finally! You called me yesterday but I couldn't hear a word!"

"I called you to tell you it's time!"

"Whine? I'm not whining! I'm asking because the reception is absolutely terrible!"

"No, I said it is TIME!" he shouted so loudly it distorted his voice.

"Time? Did you say time?"

"Yes!"

"You want to know the time?"

"NO!"

"Then why did you say time?"

"I said IT. IS. TIME!"

"Oh… Time for what!?"

"For the operation!"

"What? I couldn't hear that! Are you getting a surgery?"

"No, not that kind of operation! It's the attack on the wyrmbloods!"

"Ooooooh! I get it now!"

"Good! Finally!"

"What? Did you say December!?"

"NO! I said FINALLY! How did you even mishear that?!"

"So the attack isn't in December!?"

"NO! It's as planned!"

"What?! I still can't hear you!? Is it in December or not?!"

"I said IT IS AS PLANNED! THE OPERATION IS ON THE THIRD OF NOVEMBER, AS PLANNED!!"

The man on the other side bellowed so furiously I wouldn't have been surprised if his voice damaged the tiny speakers in the phone. That meant that I was probably drawing this out a little too much, so I decided to wrap things up as soon as possible.

"Ah, I think I got it! You wanted to tell me that the attack on the Dracis is on the third of November, right?"

"Yes! That's exactly what I wanted to tell you!"

"Okay, I got it! Thanks! Also, we should change carriers! The reception on this island is shit!"

"I hear you, brother! I'm hanging up now!"

"Wait, did you say you can't hear me?"

"No, I said I'm HANGING UP THE PHONE NOW!"

"Aaaah! Got it!"

And just like that, the line was cut, and for some reason I couldn't help but imagine the guy on the other side slamming the receiver down so hard he not only broke the telephone but even the table it was sitting on, even though I logically knew he was probably using a mobile phone as well. Anyhow, I turned to my girlfriend, who was still steadily (if not exactly enthusiastically) shaking her so-called melons, and after straightening my finger I told her, "You can stop now, he hung up."

"Did it work?" she inquired the moment the sound of the maracas died down, and I responded by giving him a huge nod.

"Waaaay better than expected," I told her with a not at all cocky grin as I put the old phone away and leaned back in my seat.

"You can't be serious."

"But I am! He took it hook, line, and sinker."

"So?" I didn't really get what she was asking, so I responded with an inquisitively raised brow, at which point she clarified, "I couldn't hear the other end of the conversation because you made me shake these. What did you learn?"

"I think it should've been pretty obvious from hearing just my end, but if you insist: apparently there's going to be an attack on the Dracis family next week. In fact, since today is the 26th, it means it will happen the next Monday."

"Did you confirm that it's the knights?"

"I didn't want it to be too blatant, but considering he called them 'wyrmbloods' and what I learned from the Hub, I would say it's about ninety-nine percent certain." I paused for a moment to breathe there, and then I tentatively added, "That said, I think the fact that we discovered the exact date of an attack is the more important detail we must focus on. We should just presume it was the Knights, just to err on the side of caution, and we're going to learn if it was them for sure when the time comes anyway."

"True," Judy nodded as she scrutinized me, apparently waiting for me to breach a certain topic, but since I wasn't in a hurry to do so, she ultimately let out an impatient grunt and said, "Since you refuse to address the elephant in the room, I'll do it in your stead: does this mean that you are related to the Knights?"

"Probably," I answered, followed by an ambiguous shrug. "I mean, I can't say for sure due to my amnesia, but the fact that someone calling me 'brother' conveniently contacted me on my old phone just as I learned about how the Knights are coming to Critias is a bit too much to chalk up to coincidence."

"I agree. It would also explain the lack of a Knight in Joshua's harem."

"Please rephrase that."

"In Joshua's circle of acquaintances," Judy did so right away, much to my appreciation.

"Much better, thank you." After saying that, I let out a shallow breath and attempted to get my thoughts in order, resulting in the words, "I think there is more to it than that though."

"What makes you say that?" Judy inquired, and before I knew it, she already had her phone on the ready.

"Well…" Instead of answering right away, I laboriously roused my aching body off the couch and began my usual routine of walking up and down while thinking, and only then did I say, "For one, while this new revelation tells us that I was probably linked to the Knights, I doubt I was one of them."

"Chief, you're tall, fit, know how to fight with medieval weaponry, and they called you 'brother'," Judy interjected. "All of that makes it fairly obvious you are one."

"True, but at the same time, I have abilities that don't require magical artifacts to work, I can speak Faunish, engage in Dominance to train, and the only available weapon that belonged to the knights not only doesn't give me super-powers, it actively rejects me," I countered. "All that points to the fact that I'm probably not a Knight."

"If so, then why did they contact you?"

"If I wanted to give you an educated guess, it could be that before I lost my memory, I was something like an informant or a sleeper agent; not necessarily clued into everything, but called in for support when the situation demands it."

"Kind of like the assets of the Celestial Intelligence Network," Judy noted while typing so furiously I was afraid she would break the screen of her phone.

"Precisely what I was thinking of."

"That would still leave you with a connection to them though, and wouldn't explain any of the other idiosyncrasies you mentioned before," she pointed out, eliciting a slightly flummoxed 'Hrm' from me.

"I can't say much to that. I'm just as lost as you are."

"Noted," she said as she literally committed my words to her notes. "Putting your origins aside for a moment, what do you plan to do about the information about the attack?"

"What to do about that…?" I pondered aloud as my pacing came to a slow halt. "I spent a lot of time thinking about it last night, and I think we don't really have much of a choice in the matter. Unlike the sentai wannabes, the Knights mean business. We must warn Elly's family."

"I'm glad we agree on that," Judy approved without looking up from her notes. "What about Robatto?"

"Right, that," I muttered with no small amount of distaste as I resumed my pacing. "Considering the circumstances, we can't let them be any longer. We not only can't be sure of their motives beyond Lord Grandpa's vague plans, even though I've been observing them a lot, but considering they never used those Gigants against the group, nor did Labcoat Guy or his android participate, we can't even be sure of their true combat potential. In short, they could prove to be a fatal distraction once the Knights also enter the picture, so we should try and sort them out before that."

"In other words, you want to neutralize Robatto before next Monday," Judy posited, and I nodded in agreement.

"Neutralize… that's a very tactful way to put it, but yes, that's the plan. Unfortunately, that means we'll have to confront Lord Grandpa on top of that, which is probably going to be a bit of a pain in the butt considering I still don't have enough demonstrable evidence to pin him down."

"And you want to do all that in the span of a single week?"

"Technically it's eight days, but putting pedantry aside, we don't have much of a choice, do we? I mean, the option of not interfering with the narrative and staying impartial observers has already sailed, so if we are going to meddle, we might as well do it swiftly and decisively."

"Is that your excuse for putting yourself in danger this time?" my dear assistant asked with just a tiiiiiny bit of an edge in her words, so I stopped once again and shook my head.

"Nope. We are going to do things slightly differently this time around."

My comment elicited an interested 'Oh?' from my girlfriend, followed by the obvious question of, "Then what are you going to do?"

"I'll have Josh deal with Labcoat Guy," I told her straight away.

"How?"

"I… didn't quite work out the details yet, but it should be fairly straightforward," I elucidated to her while doing my best to project confidence. "It mainly involves getting Josh and company to storm Labcoat's hideout, catch him, and then bring him in front of Lord Grandpa."

"What if he denies his involvement?"

"Oh, I have a separate plan for that," I told her, this time with genuine confidence and just a little bit of mischief.

"Does it involve doing something dangerous?"

"It shouldn't. In theory, at the very least."

"… If you are trying to reassure me, you are doing a terrible job."

"Come on, Dormouse! I'm serious here. I learned my lesson, and I'm only going to make my move when everything is perfectly safe. Trust me."

My girlfriend looked me in the eye for a second, then stated, "That's slightly better. You're learning."

"Thanks, I think?" I muttered in response to her compliment, but then I shook my head and declared, "Anyhow, it's not something I can do while I still feel like ten pounds of wet socks stuffed into a five-pound bag."

"Ew."

"You're welcome for the mental image," I said as a flashed a grin at my girlfriend, and then I added, "But putting that aside, our primary concern should be warning Abram, and doing so in a way so that it wouldn't raise suspicion. I mean, we can't be sure that I used to be the only sleeper agent on the island."

"That's right. If they notice that the Dracis family is preparing to defend themselves, they might realize that there was a leak, postpone their plans, and then we would be back to square one."

"Precisely. And that's why I'm going to Phase over there and discuss this in person."

"When?"

"As soon as possible."

After hearing my answer, Judy glanced over at the clock (which was probably done for my benefit, as she could have just as easily checked the time on her phone). It was just a little after ten in the morning, so I wasn't exactly late from anywhere, yet once she confirmed the time, she let out a determined huff and put her phone away.

"Be back by lunchtime."

I observed the unnecessarily resolute glint in my dear assistant's eyes, and after comparing it to the last time I have seen her like that, I quickly draw my conclusion.

"… Do you plan to cook?"

"Yes," she confirmed as she stood up. "You're sick, and sick people need home cooking to recover faster."

"I'm not entirely sure that applies to enchantment-tweaking induced exhaustion as well, but I'm not going to stop you."

"Don't even try," she told me on no uncertain terms as she headed towards the kitchen.

I didn't even bother to try and stifle my chuckles, and once she was out of the room, I took out my phone. Before anything else, I quickly checked on Abram using Far Sight, and I found him in his mansion, or to be more precise, his study within the mansion. I had little trouble recognizing the room even though I had never been there, considering the place was stacked almost to the ceiling with boxes upon boxes of music records, including actual honest-to-goodness vinyls.

I only spent a few seconds gawking at the sight before I moved on to my actual target and confirmed that there was no one else around. As such, I quickly returned to my body and dialed the number Papa Dracis gave me a while back. After a few short seconds the line connected, and I was greeted by my self-described father-in-law's usual enthusiasm.

"Hello, son! What do I owe the—"

"Hello, Abram," I cut in before he could start babbling. "Can I ask you a little favor?"

"Depends," he answered. "If you ask for my permission to elope with my daughter, I'm afraid I must say no! Everything else is fair game!"

"I just want you to walk over to the door and stay there for five seconds."

"… I can do that!" he declared, and a quick Far Glance told me he did just that. "I'm here! Hello?"

Instead of answering him, I put my phone away and, after waving at Judy in the kitchen to let her know I was leaving, I immediately Phased over to the other side of the study's door. Once I reoriented myself, I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I could hear shuffling from the other side, though it only lasted for a moment before Abram threw the door open and looked at me as if I was a ghost.

"Erm… Son? Is this a prank?"

"No," I told him, and he let out a breath of relief right away.

"Good! I'm not good with pranks..." His relief only lasted for a moment though, as his brows soon descended into a curious frown. "But if it's not that, then why did you sneak into our house like this?"

"I'll tell you later. First, let's go get Emese and Elly. Sebastian too," I added after a little hesitation. "What I'm about to tell you concerns all of you."

After the initial confusion over my unannounced arrival died down a little, we decided to change the scenery, as Abram's office was not only stuffy, but I considered the haphazardly piled up boxes a serious health hazard. After considering the dining room and Sebastian's study first, we ultimately decided on a third option in the form of the trophy room where I met with the family head for the first time.

The first one to heed the summons was, surprisingly enough, the mother of the household, and she made quite an entrance at that. Emese was already (or maybe still) partially transformed (as in, there was a conspicuous lack of wings on her back), and unlike her usual modest and dignified appearance, she was currently wearing a low cut blouse and a pair of tiny shorts that left little to the imagination and showed off the flat, light-red scales covering her arms, thighs, and the area between her neck and her cleavage. She also wore her hair in a thick, somewhat loose braid that reached down to the small of her back and it momentarily made me wonder about how Elly would look with the same hairstyle.

The moment she entered the room she locked her eyes on me, and before I could properly react, she dashed over to my side with a beaming smile and glomped me in an embrace that was simultaneously too hard and unnecessarily squishy.

"Leonard! I didn't know you were coming over!"

"It was kind of the point," I tried to object and worm my way out of her hug, but she just clamped down on me even harder, followed by a mirthful giggle that made me feel just a tad embarrassed.

"Mooom!" my girlfriend suddenly burst into the scene and grabbed hold of her mother's shoulder. "Let go of Leo! You are smothering him!"

"Oh my? Could it be that you are jealous of your own mother?" Emese teased her, yet it wasn't Elly who answered first.

"To be fair, darling, even I'm getting a little bit jealous..." Papa Dracis mumbled behind me, at which point Emese finally let go of me with a breathy 'Oh, you!' and she subsequently attached herself to her husband instead.

My un-hugged state lasted for only a split second though, as Elly immediately replaced her. Not only that, she more or less hung from my neck with a defiant expression and rubbed her face against mine like a cat desperately trying to mark its owner after he petted the neighbor's kitten.

"It appears everyone is here already," came a stray comment from the last arrival as Sebastian quietly closed the door behind him.

"Right. Let's get started," I addressed everyone with a slightly raised voice as I simultaneously peeled the princess off my neck. "Please sit down."

The Dracis family shared a few curious glances between each other, but at the end of the day they obediently followed my instructions and formed a small cluster on the nearby canape... except for Sebastian, who defiantly kept standing by them, ramrod straight like a British palace guard.

I didn't take a seat either, but instead I stood before them and, after taking a deep breath, I decided to stop delaying and began by telling them, "First off, there is something important I want all of you to know. Elly is already aware of this, but I suffer from a case of retrograde amnesia."

"Amnesia?" Sebastian repeated after me while raising a single incredulous brow at my expense.

"Yes. I have absolutely no memory about practically anything before the first of September."

For some reason, the Dracis parents seemed absolutely shocked and mortified by this, yet Sebastian only looked at me funny.

"I'm sorry to hear that, but was this truly the reason why you asked us to gather on such short notice?"

"No. It's just something that I wanted to make clear before we move on to the actual reason why we are all here." I paused here for a long moment as I considered how I should breach the topic, and at last I decided to employ the blunt approach. "I'm not going to mince my words here: until last night, I was entirely unaware of my own background. Unfortunately, all evidence points to the fact that I'm related to the Knights of the unnecessarily long name."

Despite my feeble effort to dampen the impact, the atmosphere in the room immediately turned tense like a piano wire.

"You're one of the accursed knights?" Abram promptly broke the developing silence, his voice more incredulous than anything else.

"Maybe, though I find it a little doubtful," I told him honestly and shrugged my shoulder. "The one thing that is certain is that I was contacted by them yesterday."

"That's... Unreal," Lady Emese muttered, and for some odd reason, she seemed to be the one who took the news the hardest. "So... Are you a spy, or an infiltrator, or something?"

"I'll be damned if I knew. I had more important things to focus on, so I didn't bother to ask."

"What could be more important than learning your own history, my boy?" Sebastian asked me with an unexpectedly concerned look in his eyes.

"Thank you for asking," I replied with a bit of forced enthusiasm, and then I cleared my throat and explained, "My background also wasn't the main reason why I came over to talk to all of you, just another detail I wanted you to know in order to explain from where I got the following information: the Knights are coming to Critias, and they are planning an attack on you."

"When?" Sebastian leveled the question at me right away, and I answered on the spot.

"On the third of next month. I couldn't narrow it down any further without raising suspicion."

"We need to prepare then!" Abram declared without a hint of hesitation, and it was my turn to feel a little odd. I mean, even knowing their respective personalities, considering this incident was related to the Knights, I expected at least a little bit of suspicion.

"Actually, could you not?" That comment earned me an almost comically baffled expression from Papa Dracis, so I hastily clarified, "What I meant to say was; please make sure to be subtle, so that they wouldn't know that you are expecting the attack."

"Oh, I get it!" the Dracis patriarch exclaimed with an excited grin. "We are going to ambush them! Give them a good taste of their own medicine!" He paused there, only for as long as it took to give me a thumbs-up, and then he added, "I approve!"

I gave my self-imposed father-in-law a wry look, but since he didn't respond to it, I noted, "To be perfectly honest with you, after telling you about my connection to the Knights, I expected slightly more apprehension than none at all."

"Oh please, son!" Abram scoffed at my comment, and he even emphasized his words with a dismissive wave of the hand. "If you can't trust family, then who can you trust?"

"While I would like to object under normal circumstances," Sebastian cut in after letting out a shallow sigh, "It is an undeniable fact that you have already proved your loyalty without a shadow of a doubt. It's to such a degree that I can't help but wonder why you found it necessary to preface this discussion with the reveal of your background." I must have looked either really curious or really confused at this moment, because after taking a single glance at my face, the old butler's shoulders drooped in resignation, and he clarified, "What I'm trying to tell you is that, as much as I loathe to admit it, if you came to us by saying that your alleged information network warned you about an incoming attack, I would have believed your words just as readily as I do them now."

I stayed silent for a moment as I let Sebastian's comment sink in, then eventually I told him, "I'm not going to lie, I'm flattered by the amount of trust that you place in me, yet I think you're all misunderstanding something."

"How so?" Emese poked the conversation ball to keep it rolling, and so I told them:

"I told you all that mainly to forestall any predictable complications in the future. For example, imagine that the Knights show up, with all their shiny armor and swords and all, and everyone is squaring up against each other, and just then… Bam! One of the knights looks at me, and then yells something like 'Let's go, brother! Stab them in the back, for great justice!'"

"That… was certainly something they would say," Emese commented, putting me off my original train of thought right away.

"They would? I thought I was lampooning them… Anyhow, let's say I didn't tell you about my background and you heard that. You would probably get surprised, maybe even stunned for a second, and then you actually get stabbed in the back while you are paying attention to me, and let me tell you, fixing you up once was hard enough, so I would prefer if that wouldn't happen."

For some reason Abram found my description of a possible life-or-death battle amusing, as he could barely contain his chuckles. Meanwhile, Sebastian raised his hand to his chin in one of those ever-so-slightly insufferable 'sophisticated intellectual' poses and stated, "That is a possible situation that slipped my mind. I shall grant you the point."

"You better," I told the old man with a smirk, but even while I was doing that, my attention was being drawn to something else, or rather, the lack of something. While we were having this whole conversation, Elly stayed suspiciously silent, so I sent a questioning glance at her and quickly noticed that she seemed to be straining herself quite a bit. "Is there… a problem?"

Mama Dracis followed the direction of my eyes, and a moment later she giggled out loud and told me, "Oh, you mean her? I'm holding her back right now."

"… I can't decide whether I'm more curious about the 'how' or the 'why'…"

"It's just bloodline suppression. Anyone with a pure enough draconic heritage can do it," Sebastian supplied the answer, which somehow only made me more confused.

"Okay, I bite: why did you use this suppression thing on her?"

"Because if I didn't, she would've jumped on you the moment you told us about your connection to the Knights, and then we couldn't have had a proper discussion," Mama Dracis explained to me as dryly and straightforwardly as if she was talking about the weather.

"So… can you please stop that? She looks really uncomfortable."

"Are you sure you want that?" she asked, and I immediately nodded.

Without further ado, my girlfriend twitched and then she practically flew off the canapé (which, incidentally, was also the point when Abram was no longer able to stifle his laughter and he began heartily chuckling at… something), and then she turned on her heel and glared at her mother.

"Mom, you are an idiot! A meanie! A nincompoop!"

Oh, that was her rule of three of silly insults! I haven't heard that in a while… I might've even felt nostalgic, if not for the fact that in the blink of an eye the princess put me in her crosshairs and she leaped at me with such gusto I was afraid she wanted to tackle me off my feet. My first instinct told me to do that thing where I casually step out of her way the last moment and watch her fall flat on her face as she missed her lunge, but then a more rational part of me concluded that doing that would've been mean, so instead I decided to dust off my slightly rusty girl-catching reflexes.

Just like that, I managed to slip my hands under her armpits and, by turning a full 360 degrees on my feet, I managed to disperse all the momentum so that in the end I could simply set her down onto the ground in front of me. Hm? That actually sounded a little familiar.

"Hey, princess? Didn't we already do something like this in the—?"

I got that far with my question before Elly grabbed hold of my clothes and began shaking me.

"Leo, you jerk! Why didn't you tell me!?"

"Easy there!" I rebuked her as I hastily unclamped her fingers and, after a brief consideration, I decided to keep holding onto her hands, just in case she wanted to grab onto me again in the future. "If you mean about me being related to the Knights, even I only learned about that yesterday."

"That's no excuse! You should've told me right away!"

"Yes, and that's why I came over to tell all of you about it today," I spoke in a level, soft voice while looking Elly right in the eye, and it didn't take long for her to avert hers.

"Yes, but…" she began to grumble, only to ultimately lean her head against my chest… or so I have thought, but instead she headbutted me! It was probably since I was still holding onto her hands, but it was still harsh. She repeated the process a couple more times and then she burst out, "Argh! This is so weird! Why does everything have to be so complicated!?"

"I don't know about weird," I mused as I tried to position myself to be out of the way of her headbutts. "I mean, isn't everyone and everything around us pretty weird already? This doesn't seem particularly special."

"Maybe… I mean, I get your point, but… Argh!"

Just like that, we were back to head-inflicted trauma county. Lovely. Not to mention, as if that wasn't enough, I couldn't help but notice the parents of the household sharing a laugh at my expense, and while their harmonious little huddle was cute and all, I was way past the point where I could appreciate it.

"Lady Emese? Can you please teach me that bloodline suppression thing? I could really use it right now..."

"Call me mom," my previously taciturn alleged mother-in-law demanded, but then she amended her words with an impish smile. "Not to mention, you're doing fine without it."

"If that's what this looks like from there, you should—" I began, only for my words to get cut short by Elly suddenly crying out.

"Ouu! I don't care! Knight or not, I still love you!"

I was almost relieved by that remarkably quick turn-around on her dilemma, but my happiness was short-lived, as she quickly yanked her hands out of mine and proceeded to catch me in a hug that would have made a fully grown Siberian bear skulk away in shame and embarrassment. To be fair, I would've loved to join said theoretical bear, as spending time in the corner in the company of a vicious predator felt vastly preferable to standing in the crossfire of the sickeningly affectionate gazes directed at me.

"Awww. Look, honey! Elly is having a forbidden romance right in front of our eyes," Mama Dracis commented while snuggling up to her husband, careful so that she wouldn't poke his eyes out with the tip of her horns.

"It's nice, isn't it?! Oh, the fire of youth!"

I really wondered what Papa Dracis considered 'fiery youth', considering the way he was hugging and flirting with his wife was pretty much the dictionary definition of hormone-addled lovebirds, but instead I exclaimed, "Could I humbly ask the peanut gallery to at least pretend that we are having a serious discussion about an impending threat to the lives of everyone in the room?"

"That definitely sounds rich coming from you, my boy, considering your current situation," Sebastian commented with his usual, unflappable voice, after which he quickly added, "However, I do find your choice of words curious. Bearing in mind you said 'everyone in the room', could it be that you are already considering yourself part of the family after all?"

The look which I gave the old man at this point had its exasperatedness-levels measured in giga-class-reps (a novel metric I was still developing, patent pending), then I sent a considerably softer and maybe just a teensy bit defeated glance at the girl still trying to crush my chest, and at last I said, "It's not like I have much of a choice in the matter at this point, do I?"

"Did you hear that, honey?!" Papa Dracis suddenly exclaimed, followed by a mirthful giggle from her wife.

"I sure did! Leonard is finally willing to be accepted into the family!"

"We must toast to this!"

"I advise against drinking just before lunchtime," the incognito butler intervened, earning him a thoughtful huff from the patriarch.

"You're right, grandpa! Let's have lunch, and then a toast!" Abram beamed at Sebastian first, then at me, which I considered his own way of asking if that was a good idea.

"I can't stay for lunch, I already have an appointment," I stated without any reservations, but instead of its intended effect, it only made Emese jump to her feet (she really, really enjoyed being able to walk again, I supposed).

"In that case, I'll go and tell the staff to arrange a cold cuts buffet."

"How is that better than…" I began, but then my words got overwhelmed by Abram also rising to his feet with a merry bellow.

"I'm going to the cellar and pick a great vintage for the occasion! See you kids in the dining room!"

And just like that, both parents rushed out of the trophy room, leaving me with the slightly-less-grouchy-than-usual butler and the involuntary lung-compressor I affectionately call my girlfriend. After the dust settled, I decided to ask a question that had been on my mind for a while, and I directed it to Sebastian.

"How the hell did these happy-go-lucky people manage to survive being hunted by a whole knighthood of angry dragon hunters for so long?"

"Listen, my boy," Sebastian raised his voice, apparently by reflex, then he fell silent for a long beat before finally admitting, "That… is a question I often asked myself in the past, yet I am no closer to an answer than you are."

"Aaaaand I'm back," I announced my arrival and immediately plopped myself into one of the spare chairs in my kitchen.

"Oh." Judy froze up for a moment to process my sudden appearance, but then she casually picked up the ladle at her side and greeted me with a cautious, "Welcome back. How did they take the news?"

"Too well," I much less told than groaned the answer, which earned me a skeptical look from her.

"How can someone take bad news too well?" she asked the obvious question, and all I could provide in place of an answer was raising my hands and shrugging my shoulders.

"I have no idea, but they managed," I clarified as I let my hands down, only to change my mind halfway through and raise one to rub my temple instead. "They didn't care one bit about my connection to the Knights, didn't seem particularly bothered about the coming attack, and then they instead threw a small party to welcome me into the family."

"How did the first two points relate to the third one?"

"I'll be damned if I knew," I grumbled in a soft voice before shaking my head. "Anyhow, as odd as their reaction to the news was, telling it to them hopefully got ahead of any future complications. I can only hope that Sebastian's going to keep them alert and safe."

There was a lull in the conversation after I said that, so I used the opportunity to take a deep breath to reorient myself. When I did that, my nose was immediately tickled by the rich scent of whatever Judy was cooking on the stove, and before I knew it, my stomach was already rumbling. It was actually a little surprising, considering that as much as I tried to hold back, I somehow still ended up eating about half a plate of cold cuts at Elly's place, so I didn't feel particularly hungry until now. It must've been the magic of home cooking.

"What are we going to have for lunch?" I asked while I craned my neck to take a better look at the pots, but Judy immediately moved in to block my line of sight.

"It's a surprise," she stated in an unusually firm tone, and since insistently looking her in the eye wasn't effective at getting her to elaborate, I ultimately shook my head and rose to my feet instead.

"Oh well. I suppose I'll be just looking forward to it then."

"No peeking," she warned me while pointing the ladle at me, only for her ears to abruptly get flushed. She quickly put the ladle down and repeated the motion, this time with only her finger, and added, "I'm serious. If you peek, I promise that I'm going to hate you for at least an hour. No, make it an hour and a half."

"Then I better not peek," I placated her with my best attempt at a smile, and after a moment of hesitation I decided to tease her a little by saying, "You know, you looked just like your mother for a moment there."

"Erase that idea from your mind," she commanded me with a frown. "In fact, erase the memory altogether."

"I'm sorry, but that's something no man or god could do," I replied with a slightly easier smirk this time and walked out of the kitchen.

Once I was inside the living room, I stretched my back first, after which I checked the time. It was still a while until lunchtime, so I decided to wash up a little and check the Hub before coming back to see how Judy's doing. However, just as I was about to take the first step towards the upper floor, I froze mid-motion and put my foot down again, and checked the time once again.

"Hey, Judy?"

"Yes, Chief?"

"Is Snowy home yet?"

There was a moment of odd silence, then my dear assistant asked, "Couldn't you just use Far Sight to find out?"

"Yes, but I'm asking you first," I replied a tad impatiently.

"No, she's not home yet."

Once Judy told me that, I immediately entered into Far Sight and looked for my sister's 'dot', and once I found it, I let out a relieved sigh.

"Judy?"

"Yes? Is there a problem?" she responded by coming over and poking her head through the doorway.

"Depends. How many portions are you making?"

My girlfriend's visage turned unusually serious for a moment, and then she asked, "Are we going to have guests?"

"Yup," I confirmed without beating around the bush. "Snowy is on her way home, and it seems Josh and Angie tagged along."

When she heard that, my dearest of all assistants let out a shallow groan and mumbled something along the lines of, "I have to check if we have any more penne pasta…" and then she disappeared back into the kitchen. I didn't even attempt to stifle my chuckles at her expense, but once I was done with that, I did a quick roll call on the rest of the gang.

Amelia was, for a change, relaxing and reading a book in her room. Good for her, I thought, and I quickly moved on while trying to pretend that I didn't see that she was perusing a textbook on accounting. I just said goodbye to the princess, but I decided to check on her, just to be on the safe side, and she was currently receiving terrible relationship advice from her mother. Okay, so that was another thing I better pretended I didn't see.

Moving on, I glanced at Labcoat Guy, and I found him in his hidden evil lair where he was evilly welding what looked like the evil arm of an evil mecha or something. That was at least mildly interesting, but not enough to actually linger at the scene, though I made a quick mental note about the giant arm-thing. Maybe it was part of a second-generation biomechanical whatchamacallit? Anyhow, for the moment I was satisfied with knowing that he wasn't out prowling the streets looking for a chance to ambush us.

Speaking of prowlers, I checked on Rinne next, and at the moment she was in the process of devouring an entire grilled duck. My stomach was grumbling a lot already, so I really didn't need to see that. As such, I quickly moved on to the next target: Armband Guy. He was… patrolling the school. On a Sunday. That was just sad.

Last, but not least, I decided to see how Mike was doing, and once my vision stabilized, I found him inside a fairly puritan yet oddly welcoming apartment, and on closer inspection, I found him in front of his computer and playing some kind of hack-and-slash game… with his character looking suspiciously like the class rep. Should I consider that a coincidence or creepy, I wondered, and in the end I realized I didn't care enough, so I just stopped my observation and returned to my home.

I was momentarily tempted to see what Judy was cooking, but I decided that if she was so insistent on me not looking, it might've been an attempt at reverse-psychology to make sure I would be looking, and I didn't want to play into her hand. But then again, she knew me well enough to know that I would be thinking that, so maybe it's a reverse reverse-psychology, and by not looking I would do exactly what she wanted. But then again… I was too tired to follow this train of thought, so I decided to just ignore it and go and freshen up a little. I reckoned Snowy and company should be home in about five minutes or so, and by then I wanted to welcome them in a presentable condition.

Predictably enough, it took me roughly four minutes and fifty-nine seconds to clean up, change my clothes, and dash (read: shuffle like an old man with full-body arthritis) back to the living room. I was almost by the entryway when I noticed the characteristic sound of jingling keys coming from the front, and not a moment later the door opened wide.

"I'm home," Snowy announced in high spirits, and she was followed up by Josh.

"Pardon the intrusion… oh, hi Leo. You look like shit."

I gave my cheeky friend a withering look and told him, "You're lucky I also feel like shit, or I'd kick you out this door with my own feet."

"Nah, you wouldn't. You're too nice for that," came the next comment from Angie as she pushed her childhood friend through the threshold, and once she closed the door behind her, she took a good look at me and stated, "Wow, you really do look sick."

"Don't worry about it; I just overworked myself a little. Again."

The Celestial girl completely disregarded my words and walked over to me without bothering to take her coat off first, and before I could say anything more, she rose to her tippy-toes (even though she really didn't have to; I wasn't that tall) and put her palm on my forehead.

"Oh no! You're burning up!"

"No, it's just that your hand is cold," I corrected her.

"Really?" Saying so, she removed her hand and placed it on her own forehead, then after a long moment she walked over to Snowy and did the same thing to my hapless sister, and only then did she declare, "I guess you're right."

In the meantime, Josh peeled himself out of his coat and took a few obvious sniffs from the air.

"What are you cooking?"

"I'm not cooking anything, it's Judy."

"Oh, okay then. So, what is she cooking?"

"I have no idea," I told him with a small grimace. "It's apparently supposed to be a secret."

"I'll go and help," Snowy proposed on the spot and she immediately walked away in the direction of the kitchen.

"Hey! Don't leave me out!" the Celestial girl called out after my little sister as she hastily shed her outerwear and then rushed after her, leaving me alone with Josh.

I gestured for him to follow after me, thus we wordlessly entered the living room and both took a seat in our usual spots.

My butt barely even touched the cushions when Josh abruptly cleared his throat to get my attention, and then he asked, "So? What's going on this time?"

"What do you mean?" I answered his question with one of my own, since I had no idea what he was getting at.

"You look like crap and you said you overworked yourself. That means something must have happened to get you into that state. What is it?"

Well, I had to give credit where credit is due; Josh didn't beat around the bush. After a brief moment of deliberation, I took a deep breath and told him, "Okay, so just to be clear, something did happen, but it is mostly unrelated to my current condition. First, a quick question: do you remember when we discussed the big players in the supernatural politics?" Josh immediately nodded. "Good. Then I presume you remember the Knights with the pointlessly elaborate name?"

"You mean The Knightly Brotherhood of the Most Heroic Bloodlines?"

"… You seriously remembered their full name?"

Josh honest to goodness scoffed at my question as he crossed his arms and stated, "Unlike some of us, I don't have to luxury not to pay full attention to these things."

"That's… um… commendable. Anyhow, the reason I brought up the Knights is that they are coming here to cause some trouble for Elly's family."

"Did you tell them?"

"Of course. Not that they were particularly worried about the prospect, but they definitely know."

"Oh. Good."

I expected him to keep talking, but instead he just fell silent, followed by a drawn-out sigh. That was ever so slightly suspicious.

"Time out," I said and raised my hands in the standard T-position. "What's eating you? Is there a problem?"

"No, it's just… well, maybe."

He apparently didn't really want to say whatever was on his mind, but since we came so far, leaving the topic at that would've been unsatisfying, so I looked him in the eye and prompted him with a firm, "So?"

"You're going to make fun of me if I tell you."

Josh looked unusually timid, so I reassured him by saying, "I promise I won't make fun of you. Just get it off your chest, will you? It will probably make things easier for the both of us."

Just like that, the last of his reservations melted off my friend like snow off a rooftop in an early spring heatwave. He slouched his shoulders and then, at last, he told me, "I'm just sick and tired of it all."

"Of what? Life?"

"Nah. I'm talking about Doctor Robatto," he finally spat it out. "I had enough with always being on edge whenever I step outside with the others. Like, normally when coming over, we would go through the shopping district to do some window shopping or buy some snacks on the way. You know? Hang out, have fun, that sort of thing? Instead of that, we were just hurrying along while constantly on guard."

"Wait a moment. Are you telling me that it's been just a week, and your nerves are already fraying?"

"Well, excuse me for not having your nerves of reinforced titanium," Josh huffed quite indignantly, and I quickly raised my hands to placate him.

"Sorry, that came out wrong. I didn't mean it like that. I just thought the rush of being able to use your new abilities to whack some inconsequential robots would last a little longer."

"I mean, yeah, it was a rush, but…" he stammered for a moment, then in the end he told me, "It's like… we are high-schoolers, man. We're supposed to have fun, hanging out in town and stuff, right? Living in constant fear of an attack is no way to spend one's youth."

There was a long, deafeningly loud silence as I stared at Josh with a mixture of skepticism and bafflement, and at long last, I simply covered my face with my palm and uttered, "I honestly can't decide if that was deep or just needlessly melodramatic."

"Hey! You said you wouldn't make fun of me!"

"I'm not making fun of you, I'm just making an observation," I corrected him while restoring my posture. "So your point is that you don't want to play around with Labcoat Guy anymore. Well, it's your lucky day then, because soon we are going to put an end to his shenanigans."

"Really?" Josh looked almost comically surprised by my words, but he quickly shook it off and inquired, "Does that mean you collected enough incriminating on Ammy's grandpa?"

"Regrettably, no," I admitted, followed by a shallow sigh. "I'm not planning to let the old coot get away with this, but the Knights are coming in a little more than a week, so I want to prioritize taking Labcoat Guy and his ambushes out of the picture before that happens. Preferably in the next couple of days."

"That's… soon. So, how are you going to do it?"

"That's the best part!" I exclaimed with a toothy grin. "I won't need to do anything, because it's your job."

"… You can't be serious."

"And yet I am," I replied, this time much more seriously. "Listen, Josh, I still have the whole creepy Chimera hunter lady business on my hands along with trying to pin this whole circus on Lord Grandpa, and now I'll have to do something about the Knights as well. I can't be at every place at the same time."

"Why do you have to deal with The Knightly Brotherhood of the Most Heroic Bloodlines? Just let Elly's scary butler handle them or something," Josh argued, and I immediately shook my head.

"Can't do. You see, I'm actually related to the Knights. Or at least I was before the… you know?" I hinted while tapping my forehead, and Josh immediately got the memo. Unfortunately, he wasn't the only one.

"You're a Knight?!" came the astonished exclamation from the direction of the kitchen, and when I glanced over, Angie was already skipping towards us. She practically jumped over the couch and landed just beside my startled friend, and the moment she did so, she instantly began to inundate me with questions, such as, "Seriously? Why didn't you tell us? Did you tell Elly? How did she take it? What about her parents? Do you have a cool sword? Can I see it? Pretty please?"

It took me a moment to process the torrent of questions coming my way, so I raised a palm to quiet the overly excited girl.

"In order: Yes, because of certain circumstances, yes, pretty well, they didn't mind, I don't, and so you can't."

Now it was Angie's turn to think hard for a moment while she paired her questions up with my answers. In the meantime, there was more movement from the direction of the kitchen and soon Snowy also joined us.

"Um… Did I hear that right? Are you really one of the Knights?"

Her question was naturally addressed to me, so I gave her my perfected big brotherly smile and answered, "It's a tiny bit more complicated than that, but for the time being, let's just say that I'm very closely tied to them."

Meanwhile, Angie untangled the answers ad suddenly declared, "That's great!"

"Is it?" Josh muttered under his breath, but since she was right next to her, his childhood friend naturally overheard him.

"Of course it is!" she began to explain with her usual gusto. "Think about it: Leo is a Knight, right?"

"He just said that it's more complicated, but yeah, let's go with that," my friend agreed, if a bit tentatively.

"And he is going out with Elly, right?"

"Along with Judy." This time it was Snowy who added to the conversation as she made her way over to their side and sat down next to Angie.

"Yes, but now it's Elly who is important! It's a Knight and a Draconian going out! It's amazing! This could be the first step to end a thousand years old conflict!"

"It's not a thousand years old, and to be honest, I doubt it," I told her in a level voice.

"Come on, Leo! With your track record of fighting discrimination, you are going to break through this millennia-old feud in a jiffy!"

"Millennia means a thousand years too, and I told you that… Bah, forget it. I'm more curious about when I ever fought about discrimination?"

"Are you serious?" she asked me with her eyes wide as saucers before she pointed at her face with both of her index fingers. "Look! It's a Celestial! And she can walk in the open without having to fear the mages! Oh, and look!" Suddenly she threw her arm around the shoulders of my surprised sister and directed her free finger at her. "It's an Abyssal who is completely free to live on the surface without anyone harassing her! And we are besties to boot! Isn't that right?"

"Uuu… R-Right," Snowy meekly agreed while repeatedly nodding her head, which made Angie giggle with satisfaction.

"It's absolutely crazy! Celestials and Abyssals are never supposed to get along, and yet here we are!" After saying that she sent a stealth glance at the silent guy by her side and she added, "I mean, we are not in perfect agreement about everything, but still! Besties!"

"I'm happy to hear that, but that still doesn't mean that just by being in a relationship with the princess I would magically make the Knights and Draconians get along."

"Oh please, don't be so pessimistic. Aim for the stars! Even if you miss, you can still go for a stable orbit!"

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Josh enquired with one of his masterful, incredulous single eyebrow raises.

"I… don't really know, to be honest. It sounded way cooler in my head," the Celestial girl admitted.

Meanwhile, I used the momentary lull in the conversation to think a little. While Angie's proposal sounded simple and naïve, was it actually a bad idea? Even since the possibility of the Knights showing up on my doorstep reared its ugly head, I have considered them a threat and have been thinking of methods to stop and eliminate them, but what if I could reason with them? It couldn't hurt to try. Even if I couldn't ensure a fairytale ending where everyone would be living in perfect harmony, maybe I could avoid a fight, or even the whole conflict altogether. It was food for thought, is all I'm saying.

Anyhow, while I was having these thoughts, Snowy suddenly raised her voice and asked Angie, "Did you tell them the thing Judy asked you to tell them?"

The slightly circular question drew everyone's attention, and in a moment the Celestial girl let out a slightly embarrassed 'Ooooh!', followed by, "Thanks for reminding me, I totally forgot! Listen, guys, since Judy originally only made enough casserole for three, she had to modify the recipe on the fly to increase the number of portions. Because she wasn't sure how that would turn out, she told me to come over here and sneakily dampen your expectations a little."

"… Is that how you do that? By telling us outright?" Josh asked in the company of another skeptical look, but Angie instantly shook her head.

"Nah. I'm going to do that now." Saying so, she straightened her back, cleared her throat, and solemnly announced, "Judy's custom casserole is nearing completion. Soon, the living shall envy the dead."

There was a very, very long beat of silence following her words, but then a certain assistant of mine abruptly called out from the kitchen, her voice soft yet chilling at the same time.

"Angeline, could I ask you to come here for a moment. I'm afraid I can't leave the pan alone, but I need you in arm's reach so that I can strangle you."

Angie let out a hearty chuckle that would have made Abram proud and responded with, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding! I told you it's going to be amazing! You're like ten times better at cooking than I am, it will be fine!"

"That doesn't say much," Josh mumbled on the side. "Ten times zero is still zero."

"Oh, now you did it, mister!" Angie suddenly turned on her childhood friend and the two began playfully tussling with each other on the couch. Snowy, wisely, chose to leave the vicinity at this time and she sidled over to my side.

"Is everything going to be okay?"

"With those two? They should run out of steam soon enough."

"No, I mean… with the Knights," my sister clarified with a voice that was walking on eggshells.

"Ah, that… I can't guarantee anything, but you shouldn't worry," I reassured her by patting her back without standing up from my chair. "I know that they dislike Abyssals about as bad as they do Draconians, but even if push comes to shove, I'll make sure to keep you out of the crossfire."

"I didn't mean that," she shook her head. "I'm more worried about you."

"Awww, that's sweet of you," I said with a genuinely delighted smile and I redoubled my back-patting efforts. "Don't worry, I'll be fine. I mean, I don't want Judy to kill me, so I have all the incentive in the world to avoid danger."

"That's true," she muttered in a considerably more relieved voice. In the meantime, the childhood friend duo ran out of steam, just as I predicted, and after a few exaggerated heaves, it was Josh who spoke up first.

"Can we go back to the previous discussion for a moment?"

"Sure," I granted him, though I wasn't sure which part he was referring to.

"Can you tell me how I am supposed to deal with Robatto?"

"You are going to 'deal' with him?" Angie interjected, resulting in me shaking my head.

"No, it would be more accurate to say that you are going to 'neutralize' him. Plural. As in, the group, minus me and Judy."

"Yes, but how?" Josh pressed on, and after a second of thinking, I shook my head again.

"You know what? How about we hold a big meeting tomorrow in the secret hideout and we discuss this with everyone? I mean, I'm sick, you are tired and on edge, Angie is going be strangled by Judy… it's best we do this when everyone is in better condition."

"That… makes sense, I suppose," my friend agreed somewhat hesitantly. "So, what are we going to do today?"

"Idunno," I responded with shrug. "What were you planning to do when you came over?"

"I mostly wanted to come here to talk to you about Robatto, but we already postponed that, so… I have nothing else."

"Well, we still have Elly's spare poker set. We could…" I proposed, only to get shot down immediately.

"Let's not," Josh said with a completely deadpan expression. "Don't you have anything else?"

"I don't have a gaming console, so that's out of the equation. No board games either," I counted off the things that we couldn't do, only for Angie to suddenly exclaim:

"Well then, I suppose we have no choice! We must continue our Trucy the Werewolf Huntress marathon!"

"Must we?" I asked back.

"Definitely," came the enthusiastic confirmation from the Celestial girl. I sent a questioning glance at Josh in turn, and his expression said 'Whatever, we might as well', so I turned to Snowy next.

"Is that the show you talked about last night? I'm actually a little curious about it," she spoke while looking at Angie, and our friendly neighborhood Celestial asset's face immediately lit up like a Christmas tree.

"That's right! Neige wasn't around when we had our last marathoning! This is a grievous mistake we must rectify right away!"

"Okay then, that's four out of four so far. Who's going to ask Judy?"

"Not it," Angie immediately raised her hand, then she sheepishly added, "I don't want to be strangled."

"I'll ask," my sister proposed on her stead right away and she swiftly walked over to the kitchen door.

In the meantime, I leaned back in my comfy chair and exhaled a shallow sigh. Things were bound the get more hectic… or rather, even more hectic than usual, so I figured having one last lazy afternoon during the calm before the storm wouldn't hurt anyone. The fact that Amelia was excluded this time around felt a little off-putting, but then again, if I called her over now and we had one more mouth to feed, Judy would probably strangle me too. Sorry class rep, but that's just how the casserole crumbles.