The Simulacrum

"Ouch!" My entire upper body jerked back as a hiss escaped my mouth against my will, much to my eternal (or at the very least momentary) shame and embarrassment.

"Sorry," Snowy yanked back her hand as if she just touched a hot stove, nearly dropping the swab of cotton wool in it.

"I'm fine, don't worry about it," I reassured her and gestured for her to continue. She showed me an apologetic smile and, after just a moment of hesitation, she resumed her basic but much-needed treatment of my wounds, which quickly managed to draw another pained hiss out of me.

"No matter how much you play it up, I'm not going to feel sorry for you," Judy grumbled nearby, prompting me to send her an annoyed glance.

At the moment all three of us were in my room, and my dear assistant was sitting on the side of my bed with one of our first aid kits on her lap, and yes, I did use plural there. I bought half a dozen of them the moment I realized we were in a battle-shounen setting, just in case someone inevitably got hurt.

Speaking of getting hurt, while Judy's initial description of my condition painted a grim picture, I actually only suffered small cuts, albeit quite a number of them. Whatever a 'Plasma Disintegrator' was, it apparently turned solid objects into tons of small fragments moving at high speed, but with little penetrative power. Either that, or I made my departure just the nick of time and managed to avoid all but the first wave of the shrapnel sprayed out by the exploding wall.

Speaking of shrapnel… well, I did have a few pieces of sharp concrete fragments stuck in my face and my right shoulder, but they barely pierced past my skin, so it was easy (if not exactly pleasant) to extract them with a pair of tweezers.

Anyway, I sent a reproachful glance at Judy and told her in an especially neutral and in no way whiny voice, "I'm not hissing for attention. When something hurts, it hurts."

"Such cutting insight," she responded sourly while raising a bundle of bandages to her eye level and inspecting it like she hasn't seen one in her life. It was probably her way of showing her dissatisfaction by pointedly refusing to look at me. In the meantime Snowy began disinfecting another scrape on my cheek, so I let out a silent hiss that somehow still didn't escape her notice, prompting my assistant to let out a soft huff that I could easily translate as a snappy 'Serves you right.'

After subtly rolling my eyes I turned in my swivel chair so that I was facing her (which also forced Snowy to move, but she didn't seem to mind), and I grumpily told her, "You know Dormouse, you're being so grouchy, one would think you were the one who almost got blasted by a murderbot."

Judy sent me a sharp look in return, after which she put the bandages back into the box and then put the first aid kit onto the bed beside her, and only then did she answer, "Yes Chief, I'm angry. With you in particular." Her straightforward confirmation took me aback for a moment, but before I could formulate a proper response, she continued, "I thought we agreed that our safety, which incidentally includes yours as well, was very important, yet you went ahead and got yourself injured. Again."

"Hey! I didn't go over there with the express purpose to get injured," I objected with a forceful wave of my hand. Snowy, in the meantime, completely avoided both our argument and my hand and continued to treat the smaller scrapes on my shoulder and chest. My little sister was such a trooper.

Nevertheless, Judy was only giving me the same cold look, so I explained to her, "Listen Dormouse, I told you I only went over to tag the mad scientist guy while the rare window of opportunity presented itself. It was a once in a lifetime deal!"

"You still should've been more cautious about it," she retorted with the same disapproving look on her face… which actually didn't look all that different from her normal expression, but trust me, it was so scathing it could intimidate water into boiling at room temperature.

"I was careful!" I objected maybe a smidgen louder than strictly necessary. "I made sure to hide and I distracted them and everything! How was I supposed to know his android had a buster cannon and that she wasn't three laws compliant?"

"If you didn't know her capabilities, then it should've been all the more reason to be careful and not rush things," she countered. "You should've waited until they were separated."

"But I had no way of knowing if they would! Did you expect me to stake them out for hours just on the off-chance that they might separate for a moment?"

"No, I didn't, because you didn't tell me where you disappeared to."

I had a snappy comeback on the tip of my tongue, but then I thought things over, and settled on, "Well, okay, I admit that's true, but it was a sudden opportunity. If I didn't act right away, then I might've never got another one."

"Or you might have calmed down, thought things through, avoided running headlong into danger, and we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"Oh, please! I told you, I was simply blindsided! It happens to everyone! I was simply a victim of the circumstances."

"If you are a victim, then why do you keep defending yourself so vehemently? Could it be you have a guilty conscience?"

"No, I obviously don't," I fumed. "What about being innocent until proven guilty? Where is my attorney? Can I at least get my phone call before anything else?"

"Stop doing that," Judy grumbled, but then her eyes suddenly sparkled with some kind of realization and she turned to Snowy and told her, "See? Whenever he knows he cannot win an argument, he derails the conversation. You should really keep an eye on that if you plan to live in the same household with him."

"Hey!" I interrupted before Snowy could respond to my assistant's attempt at character assassination. "Don't try to turn my sister against me!"

"I'm not turning her against you; I'm simply delineating some important advice for her which just happens to include her reckless, irresponsible stepbrother."

"No, you're not!" I continued my protests. "You're the one who cannot prove that I was careless and not just a victim of blind chance, so you are trying to get me to back down by using peer pressure!"

"I'm not," Judy denied everything, then she pointed at the hapless girl glancing back and forth between the two of us and proposed, "Why don't you ask her whether she thinks you are a careful person or someone who refuses to take responsibility for his reckless actions?"

"You know what? I will do just that!" I answered defiantly before facing Snowy and asking her, at point-blank range, "So, sis? Do you have anything to add to our discussion?"

Snowy was obviously taken aback by how she was suddenly thrust into the spotlight, but after a short moment of fidgeting she glanced between each of us one more time, and then she told me, "I… I'm sure Leo wanted to be careful and didn't put himself at risk for no reason." At this point I wanted to direct a giddy grin at my grumpy girlfriend, but before it could materialize on my face, Snowy continued by saying, "But… I think you should be even more careful. I mean… um… I really don't want to sound selfish, and I'm sure you are doing your best, but if you made a mistake and something really, really bad happened to you I… I really don't know what I would do, or where I could go. So… um…" she paused again, sent one helpless glance at each of us in turn, and then she blurted out, "So, please take care of yourself?"

For a moment there was a strange silence in the air as Judy and I glanced at each other. I figured Snowy's reaction wasn't exactly what either of us was expecting, but it was my brotherly duty to break the ice, so I carefully placed my hand on my fidgeting sister's head and began to gently rub it.

"If you put it like that, I can't really argue, now can I?" I spoke with an easy smile to put her at ease. "I promise I will be even more careful in the future, all right?"

"O-Okay," Snowy responded by awkwardly nodding, and we were just about to have the inkling of a cozy atmosphere when Judy butted in.

"How come that when I tell you the same thing you argue tooth and nail, but when Neige does it, you immediately fold and agree to the same thing?"

"What can I say? It's the power of a little sister. I'm powerless against it," I replied with a suitably brotherly grin.

Judy's eyes told me she was still pretty peeved with me, but for the moment she remained silent. I considered that as a tacit admission of defeat, a conclusion that was entirely reasonable and in no way a convenient interpretation of the situation. No sir.

Anyhow, I reluctantly stopped petting Snowy, and while drawing back my arm I also limbered up my shoulder a little.

"So, how's my treatment? Are we finished?" I asked in a fairly transparent attempt at directing the conversation into a more neutral direction.

"I think I did what I could," Snowy began, but then immediately stopped in surprise when Judy sidled closer to her and began stroking her head in turn, probably as a show of her competitive spirit. Either that, or maybe seeing me doing the same simply got her into the mood. Either way, after a brief spell of confusion my sister continued, "None of your wounds were deep, but you should have Angie take a look at you tomorrow."

"I'll do just that. Thanks," I told her with a smile before I rose to my feet and checked out my band-aid-covered right side. All in all, while my fresh new collection of scrapes and cuts stung quite a bit every now and then, they didn't actually hinder my movements. Bearing in mind our unpredictable and oftentimes dangerous circumstances, my mobility was a vital thing to consider, especially since I just promised Snowy that I'd be really careful. If nothing else, now I felt reasonably certain I would still be able to get out of the way of another stray Plasma Disintegrator blast coming my way.

"Before that, you should try avoiding getting attacked in the first place," Judy warned me with a strained frown, which she no doubt found hard to maintain due to the amazing soul-mending effects of petting a little sister. I tell you, if they didn't exist, we'd have to invent them… which, now that I thought about it (and considering our unusual familiar circumstances) I kind of did.

Anyhow, I gave my assistant an odd look and asked, "Did you just read my mind?"

"No, I simply extrapolated from the 'I feel tubular! I'm gunna totes avoid any gnarly men in grey suits next time! Mondo cool!' look on your face."

At first I wanted to outright deny her words, but instead all I could say was, "Wait, why does my inner monologue sound like surfer lingo!?"

My dearest assistant only shrugged her shoulder, as if I was the silly one for even asking, and I felt that if I continued with my questions, we would either get bogged down in another argument, or we would end up with one of Judy's skits. I wasn't in the mood for either, so I simply ignored her and addressed Snowy again.

"Thanks for dressing my wounds sis, I owe you one. That said, if I don't need any more treatment, I think you should go and finish your homework. It's getting late."

My stepsister hesitated for a moment, but when Judy finally removed her hand from her head, she ultimately yielded and stood up as well.

"You're right. I have a lot of catching up to do." Saying so, she made her way over to the door, but then after opening it she glanced back and quietly said, "Don't fight," before quickly walking out and closing it behind herself.

After the first moment of surprise passed, I couldn't help but let out a mirthful little chuckle. I sat back down on my chair and told my still sulky assistant, "You know, I think adopting Snowy was easily the second-best decision I've ever made."

"What was the first?" she asked back without batting an eye.

"I'm not telling," I replied with a positively impudent grin.

"That does it," Judy responded as she crossed her arms. "If only you said it outright, I would've let you sweep your previous faux pa under the rug. Now I'll have to—"

"Later, Dormouse. Later," I cut her off in a considerably more serious voice. "We have more important things to discuss first."

She gave me a long, hard, critical look, but at last she sighed in resignation and said, "I'm listening."

"You do that," I replied as I moved to a more comfortable position in my seat, after which I began by explaining, "Since I didn't have the chance to clarify what just happened while I was away, I think I'm going to start with that. I don't want to bore you with the nitty-gritty details so, in a nutshell: The nurse works with the guy who ambushed you. Using him as an anchor point, I teleported over to their base. The guy had a hilariously dressed fembot. I overheard that they are working with Lord Grandpa, that they are planning further ambushes, and that they are wary of me and Snowy. After learning all of this I set up some diversion and managed to mark the guy, but after that, his fembot blew up a wall and I got hit by the debris. You know the rest. Any questions?"

"Where is their base?" came the first one right away.

"Somewhere underground. I don't know its exact location yet, but I should be able to figure it out soon enough."

"How exactly is Mr. Peabody related to Dr. Robatto?"

"He called the nurse uncle, so probably familial, though I can't be sure yet. Also, stop calling him Robatto, it's obviously a fake name."

"Do you know his real name then?"

"No, I still don't know, but I should learn it any time now."

"In that case, since the only name by which we know Dr. Robatto is Dr. Robatto, I will keep calling Dr. Robatto Dr. Robatto until we learn the alleged true name of Dr. Robatto."

Initially I wondered if she was serious, and since it seemed like she was, I let out a tiny little groan.

"... You know, I think I won't even ask if you are doing it on purpose, because you didn't even bother to be subtle about it. Instead will just ask you to stop it."

"I'll stop it if you stop being reckless," Judy responded sharply.

"Ugh, not this again…" I groaned, this time aloud, after which I stressed, "I wasn't reckless. Everything was perfectly under control."

"Until a wall exploded."

"Well, yes, I admit that wasn't in my calculations, but only because it is hard to account for something so randomly over the top. By the same logic, you might as well say that walking outside is reckless because a random, unexpected thunderbolt could hit me at any time."

"No, Chief," Judy shook her head hard as her expression was getting frostier by the second. "The reckless part would be going out in a thunderstorm while yelling at the sky and calling Zeus a pansy who couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

"... Ooookay, I kinda lost the tail end of this analogy, but I am pretty sure I didn't do that." I responded a little awkwardly, but then I forcefully inhaled and firmly stated, "We are getting so off-topic I'm afraid soon we will make a full circle and get on topic again by accident."

Judy's expression was still colder than the tundras, so I let out an exasperated breath and decided to try a slightly less confrontational approach by softly pleading, "Come on Dormouse, cut me some slack already. If you want me to apologize for scaring you, then will. I'll even apologize for leaving without telling you where I was teleporting to. However, I still think that I did the objectively right thing in the situation. I've successfully infiltrated an enemy base, gained critical intel, and marked the leader for surveillance. Was a few scratches really such a bad deal in exchange for all of that?"

"There was a four centimeters long piece of jagged concrete in your shoulder," Judy countered with a flat voice that told me she was slowly getting fed up with the argument. She wasn't alone, but I tried my best to keep things civil.

"Yes, but it was only one centimeter deep in. You are making it sound like a bigger deal than it actually was."

My assistant was still giving me a disapproving look, but after a short while the tension seemed to slowly seep out of her shoulder, followed by a small sigh.

"Listen, Leo," she began, and I'm not going to lie, just the fact that she was suddenly using my actual name made me twitch in apprehension. "Since you are incredibly dense about this, I'm going to spell it out for you so that there could be no way you can misunderstand or make a joke out of this." Once she raised the tension of the room like that, she took a deep breath and told me, "Neige is not the only one who is relying on you. If something were to happen to you, I would be just as lost. Actually, no, I would be even worse off. She's a major part of this world. Even if you disappeared, she would have Joshua and her own importance in the narrative to fall back to. Me? Chief, if it wasn't for your influence, the 'me' you are talking to right now wouldn't even exist." She looked me in the eyes for a second at this point, probably to gauge my reaction, and she must have found it lacking, as she soon added, "You have to understand I'm not worried about you just because I love you. I am also worried because if something were to happen to you, I would lose the literal reason for my existence."

"Oh please, Dormouse," I cajoled her as I rose from my seat again and sat by her side instead. "I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel unduly flattered by the fact that you find me so important in your life, even if the way you express your concern is a little naggy, but we both know that's a straight-up hyperbole." She wasn't too receptive to my words, so I immediately changed my approach. "Okay then, how about we put all that aside for a moment and instead we address the proverbial elephant in this room?"

"Which is?" Judy obediently prompted me.

"It's obviously the fact that you are laboring under the false impression that I'm some kind of daredevil taking risks left and right," I clarified with just a hint of indignation. "It's almost like you think I'm seeking dangerous situations on purpose, but it's the exact opposite! Everything I do is to reduce the amount of danger all of us, including myself, are exposed to. I scouted out the enemy, discovered some of their plans, and I successfully marked my target so that I could find out their future plans as well, and best of all, they are none the wiser about my involvement. No matter how we look at this, it was a rousing success that will ensure that we can stay one step ahead and avoid any future dangers from that front."

"And that is your excuse for willingly putting yourself in harm's way," Judy stated with an edge of vitriol in her voice, but I could still feel that I already had a foot in the door.

"No," I responded while putting an arm around her waist. "I feel like a broken record, but it seems like I have to repeat this again: This was a covert operation. I didn't go there to pick a fight, and the only reason things got even remotely dangerous was because the fembot decided to blow up a wall for practically no reason. However, even if we say that my injuries weren't just the result of an unreasonable reaction by an unpredictable android-person-thing but a risk I took, I'd still say it was better to expose myself to a small risk now than to be in the dark about a much bigger danger in the future."

"Fine, I understand," It appeared Judy finally threw up the white flag, and she leaned against me a little before she continued. "I think… I know that I'm irrational right now, but—"

"I get it," I interrupted her as I squeezed her a little closer. "You were scared when I showed up covered in blood and bits of concrete, it turned into anxiety, and then you pestered me out of frustration. You just explained that to me."

My girlfriend glanced up at me and her previously thawing expression froze over once again.

"Chief, are you picking a fight with me?"

"No, I'm not. I'm just summing things up on no uncertain terms so that we can both move on and can have make-up-snuggles," I responded. After a short but intense standoff, Judy sighed and rested her head against my shoulder, and my hand automatically reached around her waist to hold her even closer.

"I understand that you can't help taking some risks. I also understand that you don't do it on purpose. However, I want you to understand something as well. If something like this were to happen again, and you return covered in blood, I'm going to get Elly, Neige, and everyone else, and we are going to do an intervention so traumatic you won't even dare to think about being reckless for the rest of your life. Are we clear on that?"

"Crystal," I told her with a small chuckle that she didn't seem to appreciate at the moment, as she immediately slipped out of my embrace and put a nominal distance between us.

"Very well. So, since we buried the hatchet for the time being, could you put on some clothes?"

"What?" the question fell out of my mouth in surprise and I looked myself over. "Is there a problem?"

My dear assistant gave me an 'Is this guy serious?' look (which was admittedly still vastly preferable compared to her sub-zero frowns from before), but since I still couldn't decipher her precise meaning, she slowly explained to me, "While I don't feel strongly for or against bandages, I have to admit that they give you a rugged look that is somewhat… distracting."

Even after that, it took me several long seconds to figure out what she was getting at, but when I did, I couldn't help but grin like a well-fed cat.

"Oooooh? I get it now," I spoke between two chuckles, and while my instincts told me to tease her for a while, I figured that since we just reached a common ground, doing so would've been counter-productive. Instead, I stood up and proceeded to put on a clean t-shirt and a sweater before I sat down by her side again. The atmosphere was a little tense, in a different way from just a few minutes ago, but I decided to simply ignore it.

"So, where were we before you got distracted by me?"

"We were discussing your recklessness," Judy supplied the wrong answer with a straight face.

"No, I meant before that," I clarified.

"Marking Dr. Robatto."

"Right, that," I said with a shallow nod, then after a moment of thinking I continued by telling her, "So, the plan, for the time being, is fairly simple: I keep an eye on the guy and foil future ambushes. I also have a bit of a side-plan, so to speak, inspired by our discussion on the rooftop."

"About avoiding being a protagonist?"

"Precisely," I answered with an over-exaggerated nod. "I plan to set Josh up to capture the guy. This way we can hit kill two birds with one stone; we can put an end to the sentai shenanigans, and at the same time we can have Josh take a more active role and reassert himself as the protagonist."

Judy looked at me oddly for a while, then she eventually asked me, "Chief, just why are you so against sentai?"

"… Was that a serious question?" I asked back with a suspiciously raised brow.

"Yes. I did a little research while you were gone, and to be honest with you, if we really are experiencing a genre shift, we could do a lot worse than that." She quickly realized I was far from convinced, so she clarified, "According to what I found, sentai appears to be less bloody and has less competent antagonists than any form of harem battle or shounen narrative. Their main plots are also simpler and more predictable, which would help with setting up controlled scenarios for testing narrative hypotheses."

"Is that all?" I inquired after waiting for a few seconds to see if she wanted to add anything else.

"Actually," she suddenly perked up and added, "Mentors seem to have a very high survival rate in sentai, so you might want to consider that for the future."

I sneakily rolled my eyes at her remark and reiterated my previous question.

"Anything else?"

"I only had a few minutes to look it up, so that's all I have for now," my assistant admitted a little uncomfortably. Whether that was because she felt bashful about her lack of knowledge or because of my blunt mannerisms, I didn't know.

"I see," I muttered under my breath with a sagely nod before I raised my right hand (ignoring the stinging pain in my shoulder) and showed her three fingers. "I can give you exactly three reasons why genre-shifting into a sentai would be absolutely horrible." I halted for a moment as I curled two of my fingers and shook the remaining one for emphasis. "First and foremost, it's this little thing called 'villain of the week'. I think you should be familiar with the term." Judy gave me a nod in confirmation, so I didn't bother to explain it, instead I immediately went into what it implied. "Imagine that we collectively would have to deal with a new mustache-twirling villain or monster showing up at regular intervals, only for them to get defeated and never to be mentioned again. And then another. And then another. Rinse and repeat ad nauseum."

"I don't think our current situation is dissimilar," she offered a counter-point without missing a beat. "A week after Noire, we had the monster hunter and Dr. Robatto appear in quick succession."

"Precisely," I nodded in agreement. "Imagine if this kept happening all the time, except with mostly unremarkable fodder opponents. It would be one unremarkable fight after another, day in, day out."

"Wouldn't it be a good way to train Joshua and the others?" Judy suddenly proposed.

"That's…" I wanted to dismiss the idea out of hand, but at the end of the day, I closed my mouth and thought about the option with maybe a bit more seriousness than it deserved. "I mean, it's not a horrible idea, especially now that I can track our 'villain' and make arrangements before his ambushes to make sure they would turn out well for us, but I feel it would be simply too much work."

"You're probably right," Judy readily conceded the point, much to my surprise. "We already spend too much time dealing with these diversions, and we are behind on our experimentation schedule by a country mile."

"That's true; we didn't really have the time and opportunity to focus on further studying the world as of late," I mused for a moment, but then I quickly added, "Although, now that I think about it, trying to prevent a genre shift would certainly qualify as a grand experiment, wouldn't it?"

"I suppose," Judy shrugged her shoulders in a decidedly non-committed way. Somewhere along the line she also took out her phone and began taking notes and she encouraged me to continue by stating, "You said you had two more reasons to stop the genre shift."

"Yes, I had," I confirmed as I raised my hand again, this time with two fingers extended. "The second serious problem is about secret identities. In a sentai series, the main characters, which would be us in this context, would always fight the big evil doughnut monster in space or whatever while keeping incognito. That, of course, means silly costumes and even sillier transformation sequences. I think we have our hands full with the already existing masquerade and keeping Josh's status as the prophesized chosen one of everyone a secret, we don't need alternate superhero identities to further complicate things on top of that."

My dear assistant faithfully typed what I said into her notes.

"I suppose that is a valid concern after all. What was your third point?"

"It's silly," I answered right away.

"Your point?"

"No!" I answered with a huff. "Sentai. It's silly."

My girlfriend's fingers stopped mid-tap and she glanced up at me with an extra-deadpan expression.

"Is that really your capstone argument?"

"Actually, yes, yes it is," I doubled down without a moment of hesitation. "If you want to know why, just take my previous two points, and add the fact that instead of not-demons and shape-shifting monsters, we would be dealing with ridiculous looking robots and stuff like bulky, mechanical, half-aardvark-half-elephant-half-octopus creatures with giant stop-signs on their backs doing martial arts and ninja flips."

"That would be certainly weird," Judy concurred, and I immediately nodded for emphasis.

"Precisely. And, in the immortal words of a certain spiky-haired person whose name eludes me at the moment, 'If everything is bloody weird, nothing is bloody weird.'"

"Was that a real quote?"

"I might've been paraphrasing a little but the sentiment is the same," I responded along with a confident nod. "We've been trying to catch the coattails of the rules that run this world by picking at things that conflict with our common sense. If we genre shift into a sentai, it follows that space alien invasions that no one notices and apocalyptic kaijuu battles that somehow cause zero collateral damage are going to become a norm. If that becomes the norm, then common sense goes out the window. If it goes out the window, our research is screwed. It's like when we discovered the supernatural, but ten times worse."

"That objection was actually considerably more nuanced than I expected from the initial premise. Good job, Chief."

"Thank you, I'm trying," I answered with a modest smile. "So, as I said, we really need to avoid this scenario. I'm personally in favor of setting things up so that Josh could deal with Labcoat Guy himself while we are still in the battle-harem genre, and then quickly disassemble his operation to prevent any resurgence of the sentai shenanigans."

My dear assistant remained silent for a second, not even typing, and ultimately asked, "How is calling him Labcoat Guy better than Dr. Robatto?"

"It's in the principle, my dear," I told her with fake condescension before switching back to normal and asking, "Do you have anything else to add?"

"I still think we should consider exploiting them at first," Judy proposed. "If Dr. Robatto and his group really serve as ineffectual introductory villains who exist to give free group combat experience to Joshua and his love interests, then it logically follows that such experience would be required by the narrative for later events and antagonists. Depriving them of it might cause more harm than good in the long run."

"That's true, but only if we presume that it is their Doylist 'purpose'," I countered. "If we consider them in the Watsonian context, they could easily be just a cog in a bigger plan."

"Are you still convinced that the Arch-mage is behind everything?"

"More or less, yes. Now we know the Masked Science Bandit is working with him, and since I have him marked, it's only a question of time before I'll catch him red-handed and we learn all the juicy details."

Judy sent me a flat look and then she, unexpectedly enough, began to straight-up plead with me.

"Chief, could you please just call him Dr. Robatto?"

"No, never, not a chance," I answered her firmly. "Seriously though, based on what they said, I think they might serve as some kind of distraction."

"For what?"

"I'll be damned if I knew, but that's also something I should be able to find out soon-ish," I paused here and gave my assistant a cocky little grin. "You see? Marking Mr. Panda-eyes McSpikyhair opened up so many new avenues to approach the current situation."

"I'm not even going to comment on the new name," Judy grumbled quietly, yet loud enough for me to hear.

I stifled a chuckle and absent-minded added, "I should try and mark Lord Grandpa next. The moment I did that, we should be able to unravel this whole plot like a tasteless knit Christmas sweater."

"You should also mark the huntress," my assistant added. "Preferably without any flirting in the process."

"I know, I know," I muttered, but then I had a sudden idea. "Now that we are talking about this, give me a second to check my marks."

Judy shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, but at the same time she was obviously a little apprehensive after what happened last time.

"So, let's start with Crowey. ... He is staring at the ceiling, not particularly riveting. Nothing with Josh. Nothing is going on over at Angie's place either. Ammy is still doing paperwork, so same old, same old. The sentai wannabes are currently... filing for insurance over the wall. How oddly mundane. The Fauns are currently..." I was just about to describe the situation, but then my words trailed off and I simultaneously jumped to my feet.

"Don't you dare...!" Judy hissed as she hastily rose from the side of the bed as well.

"They found her," I told her curtly while I untangled my slightly damaged coat from the back of my swivel chair.

"You are injured," she insisted and tried to take my coat away, but I didn't let her.

"Only a little, and this is important," I argued back. "I'm not going there to fight anyone. I'll just get in, mark her, and get out."

Judy didn't say anything right away, only glared at me, but at last she let out a shallow sigh and told me, "If there is even the slightest hint of danger, you are coming home right away."

"I promise," I responded with a smile.

"I'm serious. If there's a single new scratch on you when you return, I can't promise I won't strangle you."

"Then I better return unscratched," I told her, and then I quickly followed it up by leaned over and planting a small kiss on her mouth. "I'll be super safe. Love you, xoxo."

And with that, I immediately teleported away.

This time I had to be very thorough, both in terms of safety and anti-harem countermeasures, lest Judy would declare a cold war on me right after we made up. But then again, with my recent track record, it might happen anyway no matter how well-prepared I was. Oh well, I decided I'd swim under that bridge when I got there, and instead I focused on accomplishing my new self-imposed mission while staying safe. I had a feeling it was easier said than done, but such was my life.

I appeared on a rooftop somewhere in the urban center of Timaeus. It was a cold, cloudy evening, so I was definitely glad I brought my coat. It was only when I buttoned up that I realized I forgot to bring my phone with me. I didn't plan to stay for long, so I decided it wasn't worth going back just to pick it up.

I glanced to my right, toward the edge rooftop, and after making sure my footing was secure, I slowly made my way over to the Faun crouching nearby like a certain flying mammal-themed superhero. He was covered in a thin layer of rippling orange light, which meant he was magically camouflaged. That meant he couldn't be seen even though he was leaning over the edge, but since I wasn't stealthed, I stopped well out of sight from the ground and softly called out to him.

[Hrul.]

Despite my best efforts to stay low-key, the ram-headed muscleman let out a startled gasp and spun around on the spot so hard I was afraid he would slip and fall. Luckily his sense of balance proved unexpectedly impeccable, and so he managed to face me without any complications.

It was a small mercy, but our awkward surprise-standoff only lasted slightly longer than strictly necessary. After he finally recognized me, the Faun's ears drooped in a mixture of relief and perplexity.

"[Oh, it's you... sir.]" Hrul muttered with polite embarrassment (or embarrassed politeness, one or the other) while scratching the base of his neck.

"[Disperse your pleasantries,]" I dismissed him while gesturing towards the spot he was staring at until now. "[I was made aware that your path intersected with the slayer of phantasmal beasts. Am I correct?]"

"[Yes, sir,]" he responded with an enormous nod, after which he sneakily glanced over his shoulder, as if to make sure that she was still where she left her. He let out a relieved breath and told me, "[I encountered her only a few minutes ago, after I broke off from the main group in the suburbs. She was tracking something, so I kept my distance and observed her, as per the orders.]"

"[I acknowledge your words,]" I grunted in response. At the same time, I slowly inched towards the edge and took a peek down the street, and sure enough, Rinne was crouching in an alley behind a restaurant, exactly where I spotted her while making the Far Sight roll call.

On a side note, I was in an unfamiliar corner of the city, which wasn't that surprising considering it was pretty big, and I rarely had the time to just stroll around the place outside of our usual commute- and hangout-routes. What actually was surprising was the fact that the architecture and décor dominating the surrounding streets were all stereotypically Chinese. I mean it; colorful tiled roofs with those odd ornaments at the corners, pagoda-style multi-story buildings, and large, lavishly decorated pavilion gates. Also, if that didn't make things blatant enough, the bright, colorful neon signs of the storefronts and eateries on both sides of the road made perfectly clear the cultural heritage of the inhabitants with their complex, often stylized logograms. Did this mean Timaeus had its very own Chinatown, I wondered?

This, of course, also meant that the target of my attention was skulking in an alley behind a reasonably high-class Chinese restaurant. She was wearing the exact same clothes as she did the last time I saw her. I wondered; did she even have another outfit? Or maybe she was one of those boring people who had several sets of the same clothes and wore them in a rotation?

My somewhat unnecessary pondering about the huntress's wardrobe was soon interrupted when I noticed the Faun closely inspecting me. We made eye contact, and he must have felt that I was urging him to speak his mind, as he hastily cleared his throat in response.

"[Sir Blackcloak... Are you injured?]"

I sneakily rolled my eyes at the question and explained to him, "[My flesh was lightly cut upon the volatile dispersal of an internal partition.]"

"[The vola… did you mean 'exploding'? As in, an exploding wall?]" he paraphrased after me. "[How did that happen?]"

"[I discovered and intruded upon the lair of my kin's ambushers, after which excrement occurred, and a partition of man-made stone shattered due to a collision with a crumbler of matter composed of lightning-infused gaseous substances. It was nothing spectacular.]" I told him a little impatiently.

In response to my words, the Faun quietly mumbled to himself for a few seconds, his expression becoming more and more befuddled as he went on, until his ears drooped in resignation and he hesitantly asked, "[Erm… Sir, I'm afraid I couldn't understand most of what you just said.]"

I sent the ram-man a long, slightly withering glance, but I ultimately let out a shallow sigh and whispered, "I said I found the bad guy's base, and when I infiltrated it, a nearby wall was hit by something called a plasma disintegrator and I got hit by the debris."

"[Ooooh!]" Hrul's eyes lit up with belated understanding, but I couldn't help but shake my head at him.

"You know, I was speaking in Faunish precisely so that we can avoid miscommunication, but it seems like my efforts were in vain," I grumbled while absent-mindedly glancing over the edge of the roof. Rinne didn't move an inch, so I turned back to the Faun at my side, and to my surprise, I found him awkwardly fidgeting like a schoolboy who just got scolded by the principal.

"[I'm sorry, sir,]" Hrul apologized in earnest the moment our eyes met. "[It's not your fault. It's simply that your words are…]" At this point he paused for a moment, obviously looking for the word, and then he muttered, "[Old?]" somewhat uncertainly.

"Old," I repeated after him. "Do you mean old-fashioned?"

"[No, no,]" he denied on the spot, but then after a moment of thinking he told me, "[Or maybe yes? Your words are very…]" He paused, again, and after a few seconds of intense pondering his eyes lit up once again and he exclaimed, "[Archaic! That's the word I was looking for!]"

"I'm glad you found it, but keep it down before she notices us," I warned him, and he immediately fell silent. Thankfully our target of observation was none the wiser, as she was still crouching in the alleyway while occasionally hitting her wrapped up sword against the nearby wall. I had no idea what that was about, but for the moment I was a bit more curious about the interesting little morsel my current companion just dropped.

"Just for the record, how archaic are we talking about?"

The Faun warrior gave me an odd look for a moment, but he still answered, "[It's hard to say. The words that you use and the way you string them together are both very, very old.]"

"Older than Brang?" I asked absent-mindedly while keeping one eye on the irrational huntress seemingly arguing with her sword.

"[The general is from the sixth generation,]" Hrul replied while rubbing his nose with one oversized thumb. "[I never asked him about his age, and I don't think he's keeping track of it anymore, but he should be over nine hundred years old.]"

"What? Really?" I whispered in surprise, and the Faun nodded in response.

"[Yes. He is one of the oldest Faun in the entire Abyss. Compared to us of the fourteenth generation, he is a living ancestor.]"

"Wow… Nine hundred years? Really?" I muttered in disbelief. It was really hard to wrap my head around such a huge number. Wouldn't that mean that Snowy's somewhat goofy Faun 'uncle' predated the modern English language? Hell, maybe even Middle English! No wonder he spoke funny. But more importantly… "Wait, you say that the Faun dialect that I use is actually older than nine hundred years? Seriously?"

"[I think so,]" he confirmed with a nod. "[I recommend you ask the general. He could probably tell you more.]"

"I think I'll do that. Thanks," I concluded the discussion, and then I turned around and continued to study the erratic huntress in the alleyway.

Hrul also joined me, and the two of us proceeded to spend the next couple of minutes wordlessly staring at a grown woman muttering to herself while occasionally sending angry glances at her sword. It wasn't exactly the most riveting thing to watch, but I didn't really have much choice in the matter.

"[So… are we just going to watch her?]" Hrul suddenly inquired in a low voice. I glanced at him, and after some thinking, I lightly shook my head.

"No. I actually plan to get close enough to touch her."

"[… Touch her?]" the Faun wondered.

"I meant that literally," I told him to quench his curiosity. "It's a trick that lets me track people."

"[I see,]" my companion stated with a knowing nod, after which we both fell silent once again. The silence didn't last long though, as a couple of short seconds later he asked, "[So… why aren't you going down to lay your hand her?]"

I decided to ignore his random (and probably unintentional) innuendo and told him, "I'm thinking about how to approach her as safely as possible." Seeing that Hrul was giving me a peculiar look, I amended, "I just got a tiny bit injured, and Judy got angry at me about it. I might've left in a hurry as well, so if I return with even just a scratch on me, I'm afraid she would strangle me."

"[She would? I didn't think she was the violent type.]"

"Not literally," I grumbled under my breath before deciding to continue my observations. "What do you think she's doing now?" I asked absent-mindedly while subtly nodding towards the alley.

Hrul followed the direction of my gesture and, after a bit of consideration, he guessed, "[Maybe she's waiting for something? When I first saw her, she acted like she was tracking something. Maybe she found where the trail ended and now she is waiting for her game to come out of its nest?]"

"Maybe…" I granted him an ambivalent response and then fell silent again.

All things considered, it appeared Rinne wasn't going anywhere. At least not for the time being. As such, I went through my options.

First, I could use some distraction tactics again. For example, I could ask Hrul to jump down and scare her a little, then while she was focusing on him, I would use the Faun as an anchor to teleport behind her and… well, maybe not karate-chop her, but at least mark her in some way. Maybe a light tap on the top of her head?

The more I thought about that, the less confident I became about this idea. I mean, while I arguably made an unnecessary deep impression on her, it didn't mean that she wouldn't cut my hand off if I startled her, and if I came hoe with an arm missing, Judy might just literally strangle me after all. What other options did I have?

Well, I could try to kidnap her... which sounded really creepy, but it wasn't, I swear! It would be similar to my B-plan with Labcoat Guy. Jump in, grab her, jump next to a Brang and company, and then subdue her, tie her up, gag her and… okay, screw it, even I am starting to think this is creepy, never mind.

On a more serious note, the reason why it wouldn't have worked was fairly prosaic: since I told them to scout the city, the Fauns were literally all over the place, so even if I teleported her away, we would be in the exact same scenario with one me, one creepy huntress and one Faun. In short, ambush strategies were out of the question.

So, what options did I have left? I could always just shadow her from a distance, I supposed. Maybe I could follow her to where she was staying, wait until she fell asleep, and then teleport into her room and touch her. I mean, that still sounded super creepy, but it was definitely the safest method at my disposal, and today 'safety' was my middle name. Leonard S. Dunning. It didn't even sound bad.

I also had one more option, which was the simplest but at the same time the least predictable: I could always just hop down into that alleyway and have a friendly chat with her. As in, walk up to her, have some small talk about the weather or something, and then when I got her guard sufficiently lowered, bam! I sneakily poke her to make my mark and then make a hasty retreat. Simple, and still 'reasonably safe'. Unfortunately, Leonard R. S. Dunning didn't have the same ring to it. Maybe L. R. S. Dunning? That kind of made me sound like some big-shot author. Okay, I'm sold; 'reasonably safe' it is!

Jokes aside, it was pretty much my best bet for placing a mark in a reasonable time frame and then actually get back home to Judy before she'd get work herself up in worry again. As such, I steeled my nerves, took a deep breath, and told my Faun companion, "I'm going in. Be on the lookout."

"[Understood,]" Hrul solemnly nodded and gave me a short salute. He actually looked pretty reliable like that.

Anyhow, I looked at the irritating huntress and put together a path of approach in my mind. The ground was too far down, so instead I Phased over to a nearby rooftop, slightly startling Hrul in the process. By the way, I was thinking a lot about this recently, and I decided that I would officially christen my teleportation ability as 'Phasing'. It was technically inaccurate to call it that, but since it was my cover name for it anyway, it never hurt to keep my terminology consistent so that I wouldn't trip up during a conversation with the others. Also, it just sounded nicer.

In the meantime I Phased over to another roof on the other side of the street, then to an elaborately ornamented balcony covered with numerous bright neon signs on the outside, then from there I managed to reach one of those external fire escape stairways, and only then did I manage to finally land on the ground.

Now, there was a funny little thing I had to admit here: if I really wanted to, I could've probably phased down to the ground from my initial vantage point, as the maximum range of my ability seemed to be about ten meters. However, the farther I moved, the more disoriented and nauseous I would be after arrival, so the 'practical' range was closer to five meters. During the recent training sessions with the Faun I've discovered that if I kept the jumping distance under that, it would greatly reduce the vertigo and other annoying side effects of Phasing. Due to this, covering the same distance over five short Phase jumps actually left me in much better shape than doing it in one long one. As for why, I had no idea whatsoever, but when life gives you a broken ability like that, it's common courtesy not to complain about its drawbacks too much.

Either way, I finally arrived at my chosen destination, which was near the entrance of the alley where Rinne was still on a stakeout. I limbered up my everything, took a deep breath to calm myself, pocketed my hands, and then I casually rounded the corner and headed right towards my target with a friendly (but in no way flirty) smile on my face.

"Oh? Good evening," I casually greeted the woman skulking in the shadows, followed by a strategically deployed, laid-back wave of my hand. I was going for a 'jovial, good-natured neighbor' kind of air, but the creepy huntress was still looking at me like I was some kind of scary wraith that unexpectedly materialized in front of her. Quite rude, I must say!

After a couple long seconds of heavy silence, she finally jolted out of her stupor and she exclaimed. "What are you...?! We mean, good eve-- No, we mean, why are you here!?"

I gave her a shrug while simultaneously spreading my arms and showing my palm in the universal gesture of 'I mean no harm, please don't freak out.'

It didn't seem to work so well, so I let out a shallow sigh and told her, "I was just taking a stroll and noticed you were in there, so I thought I'd say hi."

"Really?" her guarded expression eased for a second, but then she glanced down at the wrapped-up sword in her hands and she forcefully shook her head. "Right, that's too convenient! You must have been stalking us!" she exclaimed. She looked me in the eye, and after a second or two her lips slowly stretched into a familiar, but no less disturbing, slasher smile... except not really. Her grin was a bit strained, and on top of that, her face was visibly flushed.

"Usually we are the one doing the stalking," she began with an equally familiar, unsettling voice... except it was also off-key and a bit stuttery. "It's a... new experience."

"No, I'm not stalking you," I told her while hiding my rapidly rising exasperation as well as I could. "This meeting is entirely coincidental, and I thought that since we ran into each other like this, I'd say hi and ask about how you're doing. Not a shred of stalking was involved."

"Can we believe you?" she suddenly asked in a considerably more normal voice, then after a brief moment of deliberation, she shook her head. "No, Onikiri says we can't trust you."

"She said that?" I asked with only partially feigned interest as I sneakily took one step closer to her. "What else is your sword saying about me?"

She gave me a strange look, almost as if she didn't expect I would take her comments about her talking weapon seriously, but since I looked earnest enough (or at least I hoped I did, as I was doing my best to do so), she decided to tell me.

"Onikiri says you're the kind of man who uses all sorts of dirty tricks to get ahead in the hunt."

"Really?"

She gave me a firm nod and continued, "She says you would deceive us, trample on our innocent maidenly heart, and then discard us and revel in the catharsis of the slaughter all by yourself. She also says you are a male vixen and a female dog." She abruptly paused here, as if she herself couldn't understand what she just said and she asked me," Are you really a female dog?"

I gave her a skeptical look in return, but since she turned out to be entirely serious, I pointedly glared at the bundled up blade in her hand and told her/them, in the company of a groan, "No, I'm not, but you are one rude ass sword."

"So you're not," she (Rinne, not her foul-mouthed sword) stated. "Nevertheless, we cannot trust you. We are hunters in kind, so you should know that the only pleasure of the flesh we seek is the parting the viscera of a worthy foe and the sight of their crimson lifeblood—"

"Yes, yes, I get it," I interrupted her before she could accumulate any more momentum. "I'm not lying though. I swear," I lied to her like a champ.

"You do?" she suddenly perked up. "That changes things," she declared as she switched her grip on her sword so that she held it by the cloth covering it just below the guard and she held it out horizontally between the two of us.

For a while we silently stared at each other without moving a finger, right until I couldn't take it any longer and asked, "So… now what?"

"You said you would swear," she told me matter-of-factly. "If you swear on Onikiri, she will immediately know if you are lying."

"Seriously?" I responded to her claim with a skeptically raised brow.

"Yes," she nodded with complete conviction. "Any oath sworn on Onikiri cannot be broken."

For a moment I wanted to ask, 'Wait, isn't it Odin's Gungnir that does all that?', but I decided against it. In fact, I was a little wary of the whole 'unbreakable vow' thing, so I immediately inquired about it.

"How exactly does that work?"

Rinne gave me an 'Is this guy messing with me or is he really a natural-born simpleton?' kind of look and explained, "It's simple. You will touch the shroud of Onikiri, then swear upon Onikiri that you will only tell the truth, and then so long as you hold onto Onikiri, you won't be able to tell a lie. Even a child could do it."

"After you explain it to them, sure," I quipped back before asking for clarification. "So, does that mean that the whole 'unbreakable oath' thing only works so long as I'm touching the sword?"

"The shroud of Onikiri," she corrected me quite insistently, "but yes."

"So… once I let go, I would be able to break an oath that was made on your sword," I concluded.

"Yes," she nodded like it made perfect sense.

"But then it's not an 'unbreakable' oath," I told her a little flatly, at which point she gave me another 'Is this guy dense or what?' glance.

"It is unbreakable because if you break it, we will cut you down with Onikiri," she clarified with a foreboding smile.

"That… still doesn't make it unbreakable, it just means you would punish the person breaking the oath, and frankly speaking, you're not giving me a lot of incentives to do this."

"Incentive?" she muttered while tilting her head to the side a little. "Doing it would earn our trust. Is that not an incentive?"

"Yeah, but… to be honest, I think the possibility of getting cut down is a little disproportionate in comparison."

The creepy huntress gave me a curious look, and after some vacillation, she ultimately stated, "Onikiri is now curious about you. If you cooperate with the oath, and you are not found wanting, we'll grant you a request." A second after saying that, her face suddenly flushed, and she hastily added, "Onikiri wants you to know that if you make a lecherous request, she would cut you anyway."

"Good to know," I muttered in exasperation, but at the same time the gears in my head already began to turn in earnest. Sure, there was a tiny bit of risk involved, but if I played my cards right, I could potentially ask her to let me touch her, and… that would get me cut down. Okay, so I'll have to be careful about how I word it, but it would still be doable, and it would be much less awkward and weird than some kind of convoluted plot for sneakily poking her.

As such, after much deliberation, I decided to say, "All right. I'll swear upon Onikiri if you agree to shake my hand afterward." Since she didn't answer and only blinked at me in confusion, I clarified, "I mean, a proper handshake to signify that we acknowledge each other. Without gloves."

For a short while she still looked befuddled, but then her eyes cleared up and she asked me, "Onikiri is curious if you are a degenerate manswine who derives carnal excitement from vulgarly fondling a pure young woman's delicate hands?"

For a second or five, all I could muster in response was a look flatter than a roadkill skunk after a steamroller parade, but at last I gathered my wits and angrily replied, "No, and now you are only the second most insufferable person in this alleyway. Congratulations."

"Thank you," she responded with perfect seriousness before she lightly waved her still horizontal sword in my direction. I only hesitated for a moment before I decided to just go with the flow and lightly grab onto it. "Now what?"

"Make the oath," she told me like it was absolutely obvious.

I let out a tiny little groan on disciple and said, "Okay, let's try it. How about, I solemnly swear that I will not lie while I am holding this sword? That shou—"

I got cut off by a strange, slightly numbing sensation around my nape. It was a little disconcerting, but it wasn't bad enough to warrant running away while screaming like a little girl, so I decided to bear with it for the time being.

"Did it work?" I asked tentatively, and Rinne nodded in confirmation. "Okay, so let me try this first. 'My name is Leonard Dunning'." Nothing happened. "Okay, so I'm in the green with that one. How about, 'I did not follow after you'." There was still no reaction, which told me that technical truths were also fine. That actually took a pretty big load off my mind. After all, technical, half, and metaphorical truths were my bread and butter. Still, just to be on the safe side, I also tried a full-out, context-appropriate lie. "'I fought against a group of Faun and got injured'." To my surprise, that also didn't trigger anything, though the numbing sensation became considerably more unpleasant. Maybe it was all about context? Or in this case, the lack thereof? I mean, I did fight against Karukk and the rest during training, and I did get injured today, so the two parts of the statement weren't categorically false per se. At last, I decided to go balls to the wall and said, "Okay, how about this: 'I ate a—"

I wanted to say 'a whole semi-truck for dinner', but when I tried to do that, the previous slight numbness at the back of my neck became… well, not exactly painful, but kind of uncomfortable. It also somehow suppressed my ability to say the words in my head, which was even more uncomfortable. It didn't last long though, as after a split second something sparked in my mind, a strong sense of indignation about something trying to restrict what I could do or say. It might've been a pre-conditioned reflex that came to be because of all the 'narrative influence' discussions I had with Judy in the past week, and the moment I let it loose, it was like a torrent of raging water that completely washed away whatever mental binds tried to hold me down, and I uttered, "—truck for dinner," managing to completely surprise myself.

The shock I felt probably couldn't even compare to what the woman in front of me felt, as her jaw pretty much hit the floor.

"You broke the oath," she stated with a slight stutter. "Why did you break the oath? How did you break the oath?"

"It's… kind of hard to explain," I told her tentatively. "Though in my defense, I didn't really break the actual oath, just the magical binding thingie that came with the oath," I argued while reaffirming my grip on the sword. "Let's try again. This time I promise I won't accidentally break anything."

She remained silent for a little while, apparently listening to her sword, but at last she said, "Onikiri says something is weird about you, and we should cut you into tiny ribbons of flesh writhing in agony… but we're okay with giving it another try first."

"How gracious of you," I muttered under my breath before flashing a totally genuine smile and reiterating, "So, again, I swear upon this here sword that I will not speak a single lie while I hold it." After a second or so, I could once again feel the uncanny numbness, meaning that the oath had taken hold again. I let out a shallow breath and told her, "Okay, let me get started. As I said, I didn't stalk you. I only tracked a Faun, and we met after I left him behind."

"I see. So you fought one of the lesser creatures of the underworld?"

"I've been fighting Fauns a lot as of late," I gave her an out-of-context truth, but she didn't seem to mind or notice.

"So the creatures of the underworld are your sworn enemies as well."

I paused for a second. Technically speaking, the 'creatures of the underworld' would probably cover both the Faun and the Chimera. Since Crowey and I obviously had bad blood between us, and he commanded way more Fauns than our ragtag group of dissenters, it was accurate to say that the vast majority of them were my sworn enemies, so I responded, "Yes, they indeed are."

"Did you get injured during your battle against the lesser creature?" came the next question as she gestured at the band-aid on my face.

"No, I was injured when I infiltrated the secret hideout of the enemy," I replied confidently.

"The creatures of the underworld have a secret hideout?"

"Yes, they do," I answered her, this time one hundred percent honestly.

"We didn't know that," she muttered, but then she paused and hastily added, "Onikiri says we are getting side-tracked. She says you are a duplicitous shark and we shouldn't let you lead the conversation or you will trap us in a web of false truths until you can ravage my body and mind."

This time I directed my disapproving look at the sword, but since it didn't react (not that it could), I glanced back to Rinne and told her, "I'm not going to ravage you."

"You won't?" she responded in surprise, as if what I said was some kind of shocking revelation, then after another brief pause she said, "Onikiri told me we should ask you if you want to play with my maidenly heart, wring us dry and then laugh at our misery."

"… Your sword has issues, but no, I don't want to do that," I told her between two grimaces.

"You don't?" she once again seemed shocked to the core. "She also told us to ask if you are only after our body."

"I'm…" I wanted to say 'no' right away, but then I could once again feel the magical restriction stopping me from continuing. I took a deep breath and calmed my nerves before I would accidentally undo the bindings again and instead I thought about my options. Since I wanted to mark her, and I needed to touch her skin for that, I supposed it was true that I was after her body in a sense, just not the one she was thinking of. However, that meant I wasn't after her whole body, only her skin. Meaning that, if I focus just on the exact words… "I'm… not really after your body per se?"

"Not even that?" she acted shocked for the third time in a row.

"No, not even that," I stressed, feeling a little awkward. "Is there anything else you wanted to ask, or are your doubts cleared up?"

She didn't answer for a long time, and I didn't know if it was because she was silently arguing with her sword, but when she did speak up, it was almost like she deflated.

"Yes, we trust you now," she told me in a dour, almost dejected voice.

I didn't really care though, as I immediately let go of her weapon and used the same hand to quickly scratch the back of my neck until the numbness went away.

"Okay then, so now that we are trusting each other in earnest and all that jazz, can we get on with the handshake? It's getting cold, and I'm not dressed for staying out in the open."

"Oh, right. There was that," she muttered as she offered a hand.

"Without the glove," I warned her, and after some hesitation she began to grudgingly take it off… only to freeze mid-way as her eyes opened wide as saucers.

At the same time, my danger sense suddenly spiked and, with little conscious input, my body immediately hunched over and I literally rolled to the side, and not a millisecond too soon, as even from my tumbling point of view, I could see the creepy huntress swinging her rapidly unwrapping sword towards the exact spot where my head used to be.

Then there was a strange, squelching sound followed by a high-pitched screech, and the moment I landed on my feet, my entire right side was suddenly sprinkled with a warm, slightly viscous liquid, forcing me to stagger even further back in surprise. When I finally came to a halt, I also registered the fact that something, or rather, two somethings landed close by.

I exhaled hard and quickly took in the scenery. Rinne was, for some reason, maintaining the exact same position, with her blade held in both hands, its swing stopped right at the zenith of its arc, with the purple cloth billowing behind her in a non-existent windstorm. More importantly, on the ground beside her, I saw a rapidly bleeding out 'animal', in two parts.

"Is that what I think it is?" I asked her while pointing at the creature.

"It's the spawn of the creature of the underworld," she stated as she finally stopped striking her pose and, after getting the blood off the blade by doing a few swings, her sword re-wrapped itself in the blink of an eye. "Your reflexes are great as expected from a fellow hunter of the dark corners of this earth," she complimented me, but I summarily ignored her, and instead I focused on the bisected thing on the ground.

At first glance, it looked a lot like the second, four-legged version of the Chimera I encountered in the school. The two biggest differences were its uncannily long hind legs, which kind of reminded me of a frog's, and the fact that, if I put the two halves back together, the whole creature would be roughly the size of a pug.

"Did you say 'spawn'?" I questioned her while still observing the twitching remains in front of me.

"Yes," she responded with disinterest. "This creature is cunning, sending its spawn out to forage food while the true body stays hidden. As devious as it is irritating. These small ones provide no challenge."

"I think I get it," I responded as I faced her. "You staked out the back of the restaurant to see if one of these spawns showed up, and then you wanted to follow it back to the main body."

"Precisely," she confirmed my ad hoc conjecture. "Except your presence foiled my plans."

"To be fair, I think we both got a little carried away with the whole oath business, so I'm not taking full responsibility for this."

Rinne gave me a peeved look, but at last she said, "Onikiri wants us to tell you that this is the first time the spawned attacked someone first, which just confirms that your very presence is so aggravating that even mindless beasts cannot tolerate you."

I rolled my eyes at her comment and replied, "Your sword is the most obnoxious thing I've met in a while. How do you even live with something like that?"

The usually creepy huntress suddenly gave me a startlingly vulnerable, almost helpless look and she whispered, "Not by choice." However, just after that she suddenly shook her head and added, in a much more forceful tone, "Onikiri is right. Your presence seems to drive the spawns into a frenzy. It's a good thing."

"I'm a little afraid to ask, but how so?"

My mostly unwanted conversationalist gave me another of those rude looks that I didn't even want to decipher, after which she told me, "Our plan was as you said. However, your presence creates a new possibility. Were you to patrol with us, we could draw out the spawns of the creature. Once enough of them perish, it would have no chance but to come into the open and face us in battle!"

"So you want me to be your bait?" I asked, and she shamelessly nodded. "Ooookay, but didn't you want to make this into a contest or something?"

"Contest?" she asked back with an expression that said that this was the first time she heard of it, but then her eyes lit up and she repeatedly shook her head. "Nonsense! We trust each other now, so there is no need for the contest anymore! Since we trust each other, it is time that we join hands in our efforts to eradicate the creatures of the underworld! As hunters who trust each other! We should not ignore the call to slaughter for such a petty thing as a contest!"

This time I let out a low-key, drawn-out groan and, after a considerable amount of hesitation, I told her, "Let's say I agreed. What's your exact plan?"

"We'll hunt the spawn of the creature night after night by visiting various parts of the city. We should focus on areas where discarded food is readily available, such as the malls, shopping streets, restaurants, and the parks."

"… So let me see if you if I get this straight," I spoke up while gently massaging my temple. "You want us to meet every evening, and then stroll around the various recreational areas of the city, just the two of us, and wait for these spawn things to attack me?"

"Yes."

"Okay… but what if they don't attack me? What if this was just a fluke?"

"We must still try. It's of the utmost importance," she told me with such conviction I was tempted to nod along.

I pondered on my options for a while, but at long last I decided that I might as well play along for the moment.

"All right, it's worth a try," I acquiesced.

"Great!" Rinne suddenly flashed me a surprisingly normal smile, which honestly took me aback for a moment. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately, depending on one's point of view), said smile quickly warped into a much more typical slasher one as she continued to mutter, "We shall walk the twilight, slay the insulting brood of the cunning beast hiding the shadows, and once it shows itself, only then will the true slaughter begin! The blood and viscera will—"

"Sorry to interrupt," I interrupted without being sorry at all, "but could we get on with things? I'm feeling really cold, and I still have some things to do tonight."

"Get on with what?"

"You still owe me a handshake," I pointed out, and for some reason the annoying huntress's face got flushed again. Normally I would have considered this a warning sign and might have even deployed some anti-harem countermeasures, but to be frank, I just wanted to get things over with and finally mark her before something other gets in the way.

At last she took a deep breath and she removed her right glove with timid motions, then after some further unspoken qualms, she finally offered her hand to me.

"Finally," I whispered under my breath, and without further ado, I grabbed hold of her hand, eliciting a surprised asp from her. As I did so, I quickly checked with Far Sight, and I noted with no small amount of satisfaction that I had a brand new red dot on my radar.

"Onikiri is curious," Rinne suddenly interrupted my happy moment. "She told us to ask you how you can live with yourself as a lecherous freak with a nonsensical fetish like that."

I took a deep breath, glanced down at the sword in question, and simply said, "I will tell if she can explain to me how a piece of metal can become such an insufferable wanker."

"She says you are a son of a female dog," Rinne replied, slightly confused by the words coming out of her own mouth again.

"Still better than being a chunk of sharpened pig iron with illusions of grandeur," I snapped back.

She fell silent for a long moment, during which her expression repeatedly clouded and then cleared up.

"Onikiri doesn't make any sense. She's saying something about your mother, but I can't make heads or tails of it."

"It's best you don't even try," I told her and finally let go of her hand. "Also, I think this is a good spot to close this meeting. I'm already getting pretty chilled."

"A true hunter shouldn't feel the cold," she told me like it was self-evident.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I dismissed her as I quickly turned on my heels and strode out of the alleyway before her sword regained her composure.

… Did I really just use 'her sword regained her composure' in a sentence, and it actually made sense in context? Damn, my life is weird.

Anyhow, I gave her a small wave when I reached the corner of the alley, and she actually returned the gesture in an uncharacteristically subdued fashion, but I couldn't say I cared much, and the moment I was out of sight, I immediately focused my Far Sight on Judy and I found her in Snowy's room. The two of them were diligently going through her homework and what she missed over the week we were absent from school. I didn't really want to disturb their study session, but I didn't really have any other choice, and I really did feel a little cold, so after picking a spot beside the bed, I promptly phased right back into my house.

"I'm back," I declared a little wearily, feeling drained after interacting with Rinne for so long.

Unexpectedly enough, there was little to no reaction upon my arrival. I glanced over to Judy, and I found both her and my sister staring at me with eyes wide open. For a moment I had no idea why they were so mortified, but then I glanced over myself and noticed that I was still covered in the aftermath of the dissection of the Chimera spawn.

"Um…" I muttered, and then quickly raised my palms and told them, "It's not my blood!"

In retrospect, I should've probably said something along the lines of 'Please don't strangle me!', but hindsight is always 20/20.