The Marquis' Lost Mistress

 

The old doctor in the clinic looked straight into Leila’s eyes and opened her mouth, as she had done yesterday.

 

“Impossible.”

 

When the truth, which she had no doubt about until just a moment before, was denied, Leila became very upset.

 

“How come it’s impossible to get rid of a child when there’s a medicine to prevent pregnancy in the first place!”

 

The doctor stared at Leila with her eyes that were framed with wrinkles.

 

Then, around the time Leila was about to scream out of frustration, the doctor came up with an answer.

 

“A drug that prevents childbearing is a strong drug that even doctors do not recommend at all costs. Long-term use can weaken the uterus and eventually lead to infertility.”

 

“Then if one takes a lot of that drug, will they have a miscarriage…?”

 

“The drug that prevents you from having it is already so toxic, how much more severe it is if it’s a drug that gets rid of it?”

 

Leila’s mouth was half-opened, realizing what the doctor was trying to say.

 

“You’ll probably never have children again.”

 

“…It does not matter.”

 

She wasn’t just saying this. It really didn’t matter to her. However, even though she thought so, she was suddenly worried.

 

Just in case she breaks up with Theon and she starts a family with a normal man. And what if Theon breaks up with his current wife and takes Leila as his wife?

 

Will it matter then?

 

“The uterus is one of the organs of the human body. When one organ is damaged by drugs, other organs will be affected as well.”

 

“… …”

 

“The madams who took this kind of drug because they wanted it so badly, just like you right now, became sickly and short-lived.” The doctor’s next words made Leila even more hesitant.

 

She hesitated and pondered for a long time, while the doctor said nothing further.

 

“It’s okay though.”

 

Finally, Leila made a decision. Now that she thought about it, she has no reason to live a life full of regrets again. What is left of her? In this life, her happiness was only Theon.

 

She thought that they would just enjoy this short-lived happiness, and then died without any regrets.

 

She was currently living the life she had wanted to throw away anyway. She was only living because of Theon.

 

“Impossible.”

 

“Why! I already said I’m fine with it!”

 

The doctor’s expression, which had been stagnant, frowned for the first time. The doctor sighed.

 

“In an empire that considers even a fetus to be a life, how does the lady think the law would take this action of yours?”

 

According to the doctor, the drug to get rid of children is made of precious herbs, and the medicinal herbs are also often used as poison, so the country often inspects its distribution.

 

In other words, if used carelessly, it would be easy to get caught.

 

In addition, if the empire that strictly governs the crime of murder found out about this, there was a high probability that not only Leila, but also the doctor, would go to prison.

 

“I don’t want to live in prison for the rest of my life, where I will be implicated for nothing,” The doctor said firmly.

 

“I will keep this fact and your pregnancy a secret, so please go back.”

 

“But…”

 

Even after hearing everything the doctor had to say, Leila could not leave her seat and just sat there foolishly.

 

“If you so desperately want the child to be gone, hope for something natural to happen. Or, secretly give birth to the child and kill them without a word, or send them to an orphanage.”

 

At the doctor’s words, Leila’s face turned pale. The doctor, who was looking at her face, smiled lightly.

 

The wrinkles engraved on the old woman’s face wriggled in disgust.

 

“Will you have that look on your face as you kill the life in your womb, or once the child is born? Like they’re not any different from a radish?” At this remark, Leila’s face turned even paler.

 

She hurriedly got up from her seat and returned to her house, as if she had heard something she shouldn’t have heard.

 

As she entered the room, she immediately touched her stomach with her cold hands.

 

“… It’s very different.”

 

Her stomach was flat. It was no different from usual that she wouldn’t have believed that she was pregnant had she not heard it herself. There was nothing to mark the child’s presence, so she thought it could be easily removed. It’s not really a life until the child is born.

 

How could this non-existence be considered the same as a born child?

 

But it’s the same. It’s the same as a born child.

 

It was then that Leila realized what kind of a terrible act she was about to commit.

 

‘Would it have been worse if Theon found out?’

 

Leila shuddered slightly. The thought of her lover that suddenly came to mind, moved her.

 

‘I have to tell him.’

 

The child couldn’t be removed. This fact wouldn’t change.

 

It was funny to wish for a miscarriage for a child that had been created by one’s carelessness.

 

However, it was impossible to secretly give birth and send them for adoption. Her stomach would only grow bigger, how could she hide it? She had completely given up on getting rid of it at this point. ‘Isn’t this also called a life? Isn’t it the same as a born child? There’s no other way.’ She hurriedly took out ink, quills, and other stationery.

 

‘They’re just my guesses. Nothing is accurate yet.’

 

After talking to Theon, she would be able to decide how she’s going to live in the future based on how he reacted.

 

She had been ready to die and had even asked for drugs. What could be more difficult than this? ‘Right, just do it.’

 

Leila dipped the quill in ink and placed it on the paper. Now all she has to do is write a letter. It will be a very simple and concise letter. ‘I have something to tell you, so please come.’

 

“… …”

 

But her hand did not move for long.

 

Ink dripped from the quill and wet the paper, spreading messily.

 

“How should I write…?”

 

Leila’s question was not from not knowing how to write the letter itself. She also took a writing class, and in that class she learned how to write a letter in a cultured way.

 

She had not become so ignorant that, although many years had passed, her education, which she had received for many years, was thwarted.

 

Still, she was so embarrassed because she had never written a letter to her lover. Leila had never written a letter to Theon before.

 

“What is it?”

 

She threw the quill in her grip and grabbed her head with both hands.

 

‘Am I afraid that this letter will trouble him? Is it because this letter will bother him? No, that’s not it. If so, then what is it?’

 

Just in case the Marquis sees the letter.

 

She was unable to write the letter, as she was afraid that her existence itself would bother the Marquis.

 

As she realized one thing, she was able to understand other things.

 

Leila thought she had been staying at home because she didn’t want to hear from other people’s mouths that she was a mistress, as her and Theon’s prestige would be undermined. But apparently, it wasn’t because of those things. There were so many mistresses, and they lived splendidly everywhere.

 

There have even been countless mistresses in history that have carried out all kinds of evil using the power of their lovers.

 

Still, the reason Leila locked herself up in the house for several years was only so as not to offend the Marquis’ wishes.

 

She feared that Marquis Theotron would hate her, his mistress, and eventually force her to break up.

 

It was only now that Leila realized that her child was not the problem.

 

The fact that she was a mistress itself was a problem.

 

Despite knowing that Theotron von Karsha was married, she accepted his heart and became his lover.

 

Leila is the mistress of Marquis Karsha.

 

“No. No. No way. It’s not like that.”

 

As she leaned forward and grabbed her hair, drops of sweat ran down her forehead and down her nose and onto the desk.

 

Looking at the marks made by sweat drops, Leila tried to deny reality again.

 

She couldn’t help it. Theon had only married his present-day wife in order to become a marquis.

 

The one he truly loved was her. Didn’t he say so himself?

 

‘I fell in love with you from the moment I first saw you.’ Leila was the only one who had captured his heart for years.

 

“He, Theon loves me… He loves…”

 

Leila slowly removed her hands from her head.

 

Their meeting had always been a one-sided notice. Either Theon called first or he just visited out of nowhere.

 

And Leila was always waiting. She was alone in this room as she missed and loved him. Is this really a romantic relationship? Is it right to think that he loves her?

 

She used to say that a mistress is said to be the pet of the nobility.

 

If one treats them appropriately, decorates them in moderation, and makes them full, they will be complacent.

 

What makes her life different from a pet now?

 

Leila, who was staring at the paper with a stiff face, picked up the quill.

 

—I have something urgent to tell you. You need to know this.

I hope that you can come as soon as possible, and if the situation makes it impossible for a visit, please reply.

 

The contents of her letter did not look like a first letter for a lover in the slightest bit.

 

Without hesitation, Leila enclosed the letter and went down to the first floor.

 

“Send this to the Marquis.”

 

The maid, who was working on the first floor, received the letter, and Leila went back to her room.

 

After standing and looking around her room, she sat down on the sofa. And immediately broke down.

 

“Huu, heuu…”

 

The reason she is crying now is because she has realized all the reality.

 

Facts will not change whether Theon still accepts her after he knows the truth, or whether he truly loves her.

 

She’s a mistress, and if she doesn’t like it, she should get out of this life.

 

She realized that the reason she’s had a good life so far is because she doesn’t recognize herself as a mistress.

 

This whole time she only thought of herself as a lover.

 

‘If I had more time, I would’ve…’

 

Time was too tight to get ready to stand alone.

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She had a child and had to be ready to live with the child within ten months.

 

‘If only I didn’t get pregnant.’ Leila cried over and over again, feeling pathetic and foolish.