70 – ego (2)

‘Ummm…’

What should I say…?

I was full of desire to have a conversation, but now that I have a chance to have a conversation, I don’t know what to say first.

I kept clamoring for a conversation with them, but as soon as I came out, I shut my mouth shut.

[…Yes, that’s absurd.]

At that moment, the same voice resounded in my heart, the same voice as when I spoke with Faust’s body.

oh

You can hear my words, no, my thoughts.

‘…why did you keep your mouth shut until now?’

[Because I didn’t have to go out.]

Faust says it as if it were all too obvious.

To be precise, it would be correct to say that emotions are shared.

I can perfectly feel what Faust is feeling, and Faust can also perfectly feel what I am feeling.

‘There’s no need to step out… Looking at my actions so far, I must have died of frustration?’

[Yes, it was frustrating. It was very frustrating.]

Like a kaleidoscope passing by, like a train passing through a station without stopping, innumerable scenes of memories pass through my consciousness.

Starting with the soldiers who attacked me in Leone, the exorcist priests who attacked Montpellio, the bastards who made strange wishes that didn’t sound like words, the elves of the Great Forest, the Church of the Islands, and so on.

Moving everywhere to raise Lucia, not staying in the city to avoid harming people, taking care of Iris.

And the scenes that [Faust] felt dissatisfied with, even the last thing that saved those who died as much as possible, are overflowing in my mind.

‘Then why didn’t he come forward?’

[I remember that I already went as far as I could, right? Didn’t you resist because you hated it?]

Faust is right.

Certainly, he did a lot, such as killing the exorcists who attacked Montpellio at will, and stealing people’s wishes to prevent demons from appearing.

But that’s not what I mean.

‘…Yeah, but since you’re the original owner of the body, you could have gotten it back if you wanted to regain control.’

In this way, as can be seen from the fact that the right hand cannot resist moving freely, if [Faust] makes up his mind, the control of the body will pass over at any time.

I have never been able to resist Faust’s unbridled wishes.

The wish I had made during the day was canceled because Faust saw my will, so I didn’t resist, it was just Faust’s mercy.

In other words, since Faust’s will was so strong that I couldn’t resist, it wouldn’t be a task for him to completely regain control of his body, rather than just making certain actions while laughing beside him.

[No, it is impossible. There is no need for that.]

‘Why?’

[Ask the opposite.]

Faust’s will, which had been concentrated only on his right hand, rises to his head through his right arm.

However, since I don’t feel any hostility towards that will, I don’t dare to resist.

“If you can easily cut out the ugly parts of your self, wouldn’t that mean you weren’t yourself in the first place?”

Faust borrows my mouth, no, answers my question through his own mouth.

…What is he saying now?

So now, are you seeing my ego as part of my personality?

Apparently Aigo had said that before. If demons have the same structure, they are considered the same demon no matter how much their egos are transformed.

Does Faust judge me that way too?

Originally, he was a human, but now that he has fallen into a demon, his way of thinking is completely different… Tsk…

‘…Well, that’s okay, the reason I called you in the end is—-‘

“Are you asking me to hand over full control over my body?”

Even though I didn’t say anything, Faust immediately knows what I’m about to say.

No, rather than noticing, it would be more correct to just call it knowing.

‘yes. It’s dangerous if I can’t continue to act according to my will even though I have Serafia as my enemy.’

The free movement of the body has been dangerous until now, but it will be especially dangerous in the future.

It wasn’t that I desperately resisted responding to your wishes during the daytime. If Cerapia intervened in the underworld again at the moment she went to grant her wish, the remaining children would not be able to handle it.

[Seraphia must be difficult because she can’t be killed forever if she doesn’t grow up.]

‘…Did you read my thoughts?’

[I must have been very bored for 16 years.]

Considering that I even knew Noah’s story, Faust, who had been immersed in my subconscious, seems to have read all of my memories.

…Then, you know that Faust’s terrible past is the cause of me.

Although I’m not the only one who made up the story.

‘Aren’t you resentful?’

[Not at all, my life is not light enough to be swayed by a few lines of script.]

It is the truth without any lies.

Faust believes that the terrible past he experienced was not created by others, but was just his own destiny.

This is just a guess, but at the time I possessed Faust’s body, Faust’s story hadn’t been fleshed out, no, before the skeleton was built, so Faust doesn’t seem to feel much responsibility to me.

That’s right… Even if you’re hairy, you’re too hairy.

[Think whatever you like. Anyway, as long as the conditions allow, if you grant people’s wishes as much as possible, I will hand over control of your body.]

‘As long as the conditions allow…’

[Okay, if you’re going nearby, it won’t matter what you’re worried about, right?]

…that makes sense.

No matter how much Cerapia interfered with the underworld, it couldn’t interfere right away.

Even if the portal becomes unusable, as long as you’re in the vicinity where you can get there in seconds, it shouldn’t be a big deal, as Faust points out.

[Accept the wishes of the poor except in cases like this, such as before a fight, too far away, or at an important moment.]

This is definitely a good condition.

Isn’t it possible to have complete control over your body just by granting your wish?

In the first place, up until now, I was forced to grant a wish and even got a choice, but if you see this as bad, it’s just a thief. In fact, it can be seen that there are no conditions.

Above all, to hand over what was once one’s own body to an outsider without receiving any payment is an act of mercy that is hard to explain.

I don’t know why you listen so calmly.

“I’m exhausted. I want to stop resting.”

‘…is it.’

Faust, who read my thoughts, says so.

The reason was surprisingly empty, and highly persuasive.

Faust never lies.

The emotions Faust is feeling are conveyed to me completely without filtering. Sadness, remorse, helplessness, frustration, guilt, disillusionment, literally every emotion.

Of course, not only negative emotions are felt.

I also feel the trust that Faust, who has seen all of my actions since being possessed, and who has read my memories and found out all of Noah’s story, will be able to move forward correctly.

“Rest in peace.”

[Please back. See you later.]

From the tip of his right hand to the area around his mouth, the parts that belonged to [Faust] suddenly lose their strength.

And that’s not all. I feel as if power has suddenly leaked into my body, which has only been borrowed until now, and has become completely mine.

No, it’s not what I feel like. Now it’s completely my body.

I tried turning my wrist just in case, and it moves very smoothly without any jamming.

Hey, I have full control now. Then once—-… Huh?

‘…what is this.’

doesn’t move

Now that [Faust]’s will is gone, I tried to do the jump jump, which I could never do when I had the will to try it once, but my body won’t listen.

Faust’s will is not forcibly suppressed as it was when it remained.

It is as if someone who has never torn a leg in his life is trying to tear it.

“…Still like this.”

It is not only the body that is not different from before, but also the way of speaking.

Unlike before, when the meaning was completely twisted and the meaning was twisted, I speak as I intended, but the tone of speech is still the same.

No, you said you completely surrendered control over your body?! what’s this!!

‘…It’s true that Faust’s will has definitely disappeared.’

There are a lot of uncertainties all over, but this is certain.

I don’t know what will happen later, but at this point, Faust’s will completely faded beneath the surface, as if he were sleeping.

But what the hell… Maybe, is it because I’m used to it as I’m already used to it?

“I’ll have to get used to it gradually.”

Apparently, that guess is correct.

Since possessing Faust’s body, he has never acted or spoken the way he wanted to, so it seems that he is unable to speak or act outside of that category.

…Fuck.

I got freedom at best, but what is this?

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