The Bittersweet Days of Our Youth

I first thought that the third yitai would be swept away and was considering whether to go and intercede for her when I saw Yujie coming out of Father’s study. She must have been there for third yitai. She came out and said that Father was in a rage and said he would break her legs. I simply didn’t go in either. Bringing up Ling Yue’s name again must be adding fuel to the fire.

Mother just nagged to the second yitai over and over again, “Master is so good to her, how could she do something like that to degrade the family?”

The second yitai‘s face was a bit more comfortable, sneering and fiddling with her freshly done hair, saying, “She was obviously a girl in love and that Yu Zifan was also a handsome childe at that time. The two of them cottoned to each other. How could it be that there is no affair between them?”

“I was wrong about her.” Mother said dejectedly, “I persuaded Master to marry her, but I didn’t know that Ling Yue already had someone else’s seed in her belly when she married him. I thought Tao Tao was born prematurely, I didn’t expect…”

“Forget it, her life is too hard to enjoy the blessings.” The second yitai pursed her mouth in contempt. “I don’t know what Master will do to her yet. But knowing that Taotao is a wild child, and has to be buried in our Ye family’s ancestral grave, what kind of reasoning is this?”

“How can such a scandal be publicized? Where would we put our Ye family’s face if this matter is revealed? The child is already dead. Don’t be so full of nonsense. Her surname is Ye, so she is our Ye family’s child. Of course, she should be buried in the ancestral tomb!”

The second yitai sneered, “However, Master was still cuckold. Bury it, it’s none of my business. It’s not that Master will feel aggrieved when he thinks about it? Sister is the backbone of the family. You still have to take care of everything yourself, who are you upset with?”

The words were unpleasant, but Mother saw that it was a way to scold her for being a coward, for being bullied at the doorstep of the house and having to wipe someone else’s ass. She was so angry that her face turned blue. She turned around and went upstairs, throwing out the words at the entrance of the stairs. “No wonder Master doesn’t treat you well, you deserve it!”

Although the second yitai did not move on the surface, her fingertips trembled slightly, and she almost could not even squeeze the sunflower seeds.

The housekeeper said that Mr. Qin was outside the gate and asked the second young lady to go out. Yujie heard it and giggled: “Bingqing, you are an engaged person. Is it proper for you to go to Mr. Qin’s house for tutoring?”

“What do you care about?” My face turned red as I ran out of the back garden as if fleeing.

Qin Shiyue didn’t look so happy. His plaid shirt was covered with dust. When he saw me, he said, “I went to Liangqiao Hutong again. I suspect Tao Tao wasn’t killed by Yu Zifan. The handprint on Tao Tao’s neck is smaller than Yu Zifan’s hand and bigger than his wife’s hand.

I gave him a blank look and said, “Who do you suspect with the evidence?”

Qin Shiyue was also deflated. We walked slowly along the street. He kicked the stones on the bluestone street, his hair slightly covered his eyes, and the fine light spread into his deep pool-like eyes. The young girl in his eyes wore a white dress, her long hair blowing in the wind, her pale lips slightly open, like a lily in its first bloom.

I was so focused on looking at him that I didn’t notice the car with its horn blaring. Qin Shiyue almost held me in his arms, only to hear the sound of the strong wind. The car driver rained curses at us about our not wanting to live anymore.

It was so warm, his heart beating powerfully in his chest. As if it was the world’s most beautiful melody.

I could not stop smiling.

“Ye Bingqing, a car has scared you silly?”

“Huh?” When I came back to my senses, he was already laughing, laughing so much that I vainly bowed my head embarrassedly. My heart kept beating wildly. “I’m not stupid, it’s you who’s stupid.”

“I’m not stupid.” Qin Shiyue narrowed his eyes and fiercely came to my face. I was so scared that I closed my eyes, thinking he was going to kiss me. My heart was in turmoil and I was at a loss for words as I bit my lip. I didn’t expect him to just blow on my face and say, “Why are you engaged if you don’t like that little white boy? Is it because of the power of their family?”

He did say this in a joking tone and had a cynical smile on his face.

My heart seemed to be torn open. The wound was bleeding, and it hurt so much that I had tears running down my face. “Power? I don’t care about power! Isn’t all of this because of you? I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to save you if I refused him. Who knows you were rescued by the consulate people without even a grunt. It was all so unworthy! I really hate myself. After reading the secret letter, I thought you were a secret agent, but I still couldn’t hate you. I really hate this feeling. I really hate myself for liking you–”

“Bingqing…” Qin Shiyue hesitantly stretched out his hand, a hidden struggle in his eyes.

I took a big step back and lowered my head and said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that to you, I should go…” I turned around but Qin Shiyue grabbed my hand. “Bingqing, your appearance is really disrupting all my plans, what do I do with you?”

I broke away from his hand and ran up along the street, tears spreading to the corners of my skirt, fainting into the shadows.

If love is God’s way of giving me sin, I have sinned beyond forgiveness.

Qin Shiyue, if you are the only one who can save me. Are you willing to take my hand? Loving someone is so hard, it’s all a sin given to us by God.

Just walking aimlessly like this, suddenly, I remembered there was an important thing I had not done. I, Ye Bingqing, must be brain burnt out to be sad here for a man.

No matter.

On the left of Xi Lai teahouse was an opened bookstore. Wearing a green cloth coat was a girl sitting at the door reading a book. This was a very ordinary bookstore. I really didn’t know what it had to do with that strange letter.

“Miss, do you want to buy books? The small store has a new batch of books. Do you want to see them?” The girl in the green cloth smiled back at me. “Miss, if you have a book you want to buy, just look for it on the shelves. Each type of book is on a different numbered shelf, the shelves are labeled.”

The bookshelves were indeed labeled with numbers, and upon closer inspection, each book was also labeled with a number.

“What’s this number on the book for?” I asked curiously, “It looks so chic.”

A shy pear swirl appeared on the girl’s face: “There are too many kinds of books, so customers can’t find them. It’s easier to find them in separate categories. The number on the book is to prevent mistakes with a number. It was my grandfather’s idea, he is a gentleman who teaches arithmetic.”

I was so happy that I took out the letter and checked it carefully. That’s right, it was a simple numbers game. On the 5th shelf, the number 275 book. I pulled out the book, and just reading the title took me by surprise.

The Tengu.

It’s a mythology book about a heavenly dog eating the moon. I found the book, but I didn’t know how to find the rest of the numbers. A letter full of numbers, it would really take some work to find the answer.

Did the revolutionaries, codenamed Tengu, want to tell me something?

I bought the book and hurried home, hoping to find what I was looking for in the book. I stopped a yellow cab and just got in it when I saw a handsome man in military uniform and a slender woman in a white cheongsam walking down from the car. The man was familiar to me, it was Ye Yujie’s fiancé, Du Ai, and the woman wasn’t new either, it was the eight-faced Jin Ruyi of the Nine Fragrance House.

Du Ai and Jin Ruyi consciously looked very intimate, talking and laughing, and disappeared in a flash at the entrance of the ballroom.

I felt so strange in my heart, but I had no reason to follow. According to Yujie’s words, that Jin girl had tried seducing  Du Ai, but Du Ai did not even glance at that dusty woman.

I gritted my teeth and cursed at men for not being good things.

This was just to think about it. Should I tell Yujie or not? I’m afraid that she’s so immersed in the ideal love that she may accidentally break her heart, but this is not what I want to see. Perhaps she might not believe it. She may think that I was dazzled.

Women always like to deceive themselves.