The Academy’s Health Teacher Wants to Take a Break

Episode 89. You are my daughter.

Sometimes……. No, often from some moment.

When I woke up, I used to feel a crippling anxiety.

My heart beats wildly at the emotional ups and downs that come without any sign, and I breathe too much because my chest is so stuffy…

There was a time when she couldn’t stand the days of spending hours with her hands shaking without doing anything, so she had no choice but to go to the hospital.

The total score of the 40-point psychological evaluation received at the time was 32 points…….

The person I consulted at the time said that if you scored 24 points or more, you were most likely suffering from severe depression, but the first thing I felt when I heard that was a sense of relief.

The symptoms I have are not something time can ever fix, but I realized that there is a definite solution.

But…

‘This bastard is screaming at his father!?’

The man who blocked my efforts to escape from such a situation, instead, shouted at me with a red-bellied sword and slashed his hand.

It was a time when I didn’t even say the reason properly.

The man who just became a child screamed at his father…….

That one fact only touched his wrath.

‘The worm that just lives in the corner of the house every day, now, without a conscience, it has gone as far as arguing against its father. A bastard who doesn’t do anything right raises his voice in front of his father for doing well?’

‘That, you were prescribed medicine for that. But that…….’

‘Drugs are you asshole, you are not making any progress because you depend on medicines just because it’s a bit difficult. Who am I talking about? If you were born as a man, you should have guts and ambition.’

‘I’m not the only one like that. Other people too…….’

‘The other guys? Yes well spoken Even though all of your friends’ children lived the same way as you, they are living properly, you pig-like bastard. Do you know how much I lose face every time I talk about you in front of them? But now you’re acting like a psychopath and falling asleep… Ugh, why did you give birth to something like this as a child?’

‘…….’

A person who regards refutation as disrespect and does not even hesitate to use violence.

If it weren’t for my family, I would have withdrawn, considering him just a dirty and irritating human being, but ironically, such a person and I were bound by blood thicker than water.

Under his age, he had no choice but to accept the same attitude consistently.

‘Up? On your subject?’

When things don’t go well.

I thought that if the person I saw the most would comfort me, I would have changed my mind a little.

‘Do you know that I didn’t suffer a lot when I was your age? I know because my dad lived through it. If you endure everything, you can endure it. If you can’t stand it, it’s just because you lack the grit. What can’t you do if you’re full and can sleep in a warm place? Do I have to take care of it even more?’

Even such a simple desire to listen to my concerns and share a few good words seemed to be accepted as something pitiful to him.

Is it meaningless to worry if there are no problems with just eating and living?

It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to give me an answer or solve my problem for me.

I just wanted my family to be the one to confide in, the person I see face to face the most in my life.

‘If you don’t like it, get out of my house, you bastard!!’

At the extreme remarks that came back the moment I had even the slightest dissatisfaction, I had no choice but to stay silent and back away without saying anything.

As a boy, he had neither the strength nor the will to become independent.

Even the instability of the ego that inevitably comes during puberty is regarded as the rebellion of a cheeky child, and it has been repeated countless times that I have made him shut up.

When emotions are overheated, they don’t mind even punching to the point of breaking their nose, so the answer was that silence was the only solution to such conflicts.

‘Why is the child so weak? Go around your shoulders and chest a little bit, you guy. Avoid the waist too!’

Is it because love exists even when you treat it with such an angular attitude?

I think these words are comforting in their own way, but ironically, I felt the threatening atmosphere that accompanied those words and thought of them as “Scary.”

Education governed by fear not only teaches self-restraint, but also fear towards educators.

Even if there was no malice towards him, his every move felt fearful.

‘Please understand me. It’s because my dad has had a hard life too.’

And my mother is a person who has been with me for a longer time than me.

If I’ve learned to fear her father, she’s already acclimatized to what comes with my life.

‘Even when you were born, the country was not a real word. A pile of debt has arisen at the national level, so everyone sits on the streets and collects gold to solve it somehow…….’

Anyway, the foreign exchange crisis erupted as soon as the child was born, and it must have been unavoidable.

I was kicked out of a job that had no hope, and I would have tried harder than anyone else to protect my rice bowl by running a business with the money I had left in order to somehow save my family.

Perseveringly, without abandoning the responsibility that should be shouldered.

While using even the curse of the world as a driving force for himself.

‘If you’re an adult now, you should understand.’

I was able to understand it as well.

From noble mtl dot com

The position of the head of the family, especially the one who has nothing, is bound to become that kind of personality.

But wouldn’t it be okay to be kind at home, not in society? Still, wouldn’t it be possible to show off enough space to listen to one’s concerns and give thanks… ….

At one time, I hated my father for thinking like that, but as she got older, she gradually realized one thing.

No matter how much miasma you have, you’re still a person after all, and you can’t be free from your desires.

I wonder if it’s a contradictory story for those who have lived with poison alone, but the desire I’ve just mentioned was closer to rewarding psychology than fragmented pleasure.

Because people are animals of learning.

Just as solutions to current problems and preparations for the future are sought through one’s own learning and experience, the basis of one’s desire to achieve must also come from the past.

I hope that the grades I have studied will be guaranteed, I hope that I will enter a suitable university and enter the workplace.

If even the beginning of such a plan does not go well, I hope that by luck, I will be rewarded for the hardships I have been through.

Not only the route everyone calls the standard, but also continuing to challenge even after failing the civil service exam for more than 10 years, a person who lost money through investment or gambling cannot forget the experience of winning money. The same goes for the psychology of trying to make money with means.

At least, it is a logic that is also applicable to the so-called rice-eating act of making money playing games.

If the time I spent dissolutely and wandering could be converted into money, what else could be more valuable than that?

Besides that, whatever kind, no matter how great or filthy, the motive force of action is invariably rooted in the past.

Since the time that has already passed will not come back, the fact that I can now afford myself will not be an opportunity to suppress my desire.

I have lived a life of no leisure, and now I can be reciprocated. It’s okay to enjoy many things, it’s okay to be lenient with myself in this harsh world…

As I get older, such thoughts go beyond learning and become fixed as a philosophy of life, so it might be unreasonable to expect my father to be kind even after a lifetime.

It is inevitable.

Children raised by those who went through a generation that could not afford to afford it.

To fall into the wrong path, considering the attitude derived from already completed values as sadism.

‘You’ll understand when you grow up.’

Yes, adults do not explain.

He already regards the path he is moving on as not only the right but also the truth, so he has no doubts that if he emphasizes the answer he finds, the child who will follow him will live a better life.

Without even realizing that the method is to just throw out an answer sheet without explaining the formula.

Without realizing that he is an insincere teacher who tells a student who asks why such an answer comes out, ‘just memorize it’.

‘You should give birth to a child like yourself and suffer like me.’

To a child who still does not listen, adults often express their frustration while reading about the future that they will regret.

As if he felt a sense of crisis from him and hoped it would be corrected.

Unfortunately, however, the world progresses faster than they thought, and individual experiences spread to many people, creating empathy and instilling strong persuasion in their own injustice.

And the atmosphere formed from it comes as a fear of the future that has yet to come.

They give birth to a child like me, and that child is also swayed by the same feelings as mine, and that process is endlessly passed down afterward…….

The moment comes when the thought that it would be better to end such suffering in my generation goes beyond personal experiences and is revealed as a meaningful figure in the statistical data presented by society.

Yes, if we go that far, we can no longer define just one person as the perpetrator.

Because people cannot go against the environment and are bound to be swayed by the harshness of the world.

I was a person living in an era where such a trend was established.

A generation whose ego is suppressed by the previous generation lacking kindness.

Through informatization, the perceived world is expanding and the ceiling is getting higher and higher, but those who stand at the top are always a very limited generation.

An age in which one’s dependence on one-dimensional pleasures increases, failing to shake off the basis of desire to hope for compensation.

If it’s a life that leaves nothing behind anyway, isn’t it better to enjoy it? Tired of thinking, I spend every day in regret looking back at my old self…….

Nevertheless, he feels a sense of self-torture because he doesn’t know where to correct it.

Even an attempt to break such a vicious cycle is banned for lack of grit and passion, and the impoverished mind is never understood by anyone, and gives up on being understood.

And if you go that far, the desire you desire for yourself will deny even reality, and you will gradually enter the stage of delusion.

If only I could go back and change the things I regret.

If there comes a time when the entertainment I enjoy gives meaning or resonates with my life. If someone who hurt me feels the void I’ve left and regrets it…….

And if at all possible, a completely different life than before, if I were to be born as a different gender.

Still, I wonder if I will be able to live a better life than I do now… By having such funny imaginations and alleviating the pain in my heart.

‘Honey, look at this kid. She’s our daughter.’

Maybe that was it?

It wasn’t enough that I was drawn into the game I was playing without thinking, the reason I didn’t feel much resistance to becoming a woman.

‘Yes, you are my daughter.’

And that was it.

‘Thank you so much for holding me in my arms, Seine.’

The kindness shown by the person who became my second father.

The thing that particularly touched my impoverished heart.