Tales From the Terran Republic

Toby was making a fresh pot of Terran green tea when Commander Morgana Farstan walked into the Embassy.

"Excuse me, I am Commander Farstan of Federation Intel-"

"Get lost, porkie," Toby said without even looking at her.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me," Toby replied, keeping his back to her. "Leave before you spoil the tea."

"I am an official of the Galactic Federation, and I have important busi-"

"Dressing an animal in people clothes makes for an amusing galnet video but usually isn't sent on anything resembling 'important business'," Toby said as he calmly poured himself a cup of tea. "Oh, where is my hospitality?" He went to the cabinet, pulled out a bowl, filled it with water, and set it down. "There."

He returned to his desk. Morgana Farstan shook with rage.

"Look, asshole, I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but I demand to speak with Ambassador Wintersmith!"

Toby ignored her and sipped tea as he lounged on his stool. Morgana started to turn red with anger.

"I am here on official business representing the Galactic Federation and will not be treated in this manner!"

Toby just sighed and cocked one eyestalk up at her. He then reached into a desk drawer, pulled out a food bar, flipped it across the room where it landed next to the water and started paging through documents.

"Don't you fucking dare ignore me!! Who the fuck do you think you are!" Morgana shouted.

"I think I am a citizen of the Terran Republic. Unlike you feds, we have standards, and while my position here in the Embassy requires tolerance, I refuse to lower myself to the level where I will deal with something like you. I can't throw you out, but I will be damned if I speak to you any further. Wait if you must but try not to touch anything. I pride myself in keeping the lobby clean."

"The ambassador will hear of this!" Morgana snarled.

Toby quietly laughed.

"Oh dear, please, don't do that," He chuckled and then returned to his work.

Morgana ranted and raved, but Toby didn't even bother to look up at her. Finally, after a few minutes, she trailed off into enraged silence.

About half an hour later, loud human laughter and high-pitched giggling echoed down the hallway outside the entrance.

"We Terrans have a word for that," Jon said as he entered the lobby.

"The Xvli just call it a good weekend," Skippy said as they laughed and giggled, respectively.

Their laughter suddenly stopped as they made eye contact with Commander Farstan.

"Ambassador, Councilor," Morgana said as she stepped forward.

Skippy just raised an eyebrow at her and scrunched her nose distastefully.

"Well, Jon, I don't want to be a witness. Too much paperwork. Later," Skippy said as she booped him on the arm and bounced off.

"Ambassador-"

"Toby, what is this thing doing in the lobby?"

"Not sure, sir. I tried giving it water, but it wouldn't leave."

Jon pointed at the food bar.

"Jesus, Toby, did you feed it?"

"Ambassador! My name is Commander-"

"I don't care what your fucking name is. Get out." Jon said with a snarl as he headed towards his office.

"Goddammit, you are going to listen to me!" Commander Farstan shouted as she followed Jon into his office.

"Sir, do you wish me to contact security?" Toby asked.

"The day I need security to deal with a slice of long-pork is the day I will throw myself out of an airlock. Besides, I want to see where this goes." Jon said as he entered his office, followed by Commander Farstan.

"Ok, porkie, what the fuck do you want?" Jon said as he sat behind his desk.

"First of all, you will address me by my name. I am Commander Farstan.”

"Ok… Commander Farstan," Jon said with a chuckle, "what do you want, porkie."

Morgana tried to suppress her rage. Each time she heard the word "porkie", she wanted to punch someone in the throat.

"We would like the Republic's assistance in the location and apprehension of Sheila Donovan and her associates."

"Oh? Isn't she already in custody?" Jon asked with a smirk.

"I think you already know the answer to that."

"Nope. I have not been officially notified otherwise," Jon said with a grin. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"(Sigh) Sheila Donovan escaped with the assistance from two humans posing as Federation Intelligence agents."

"I'm sorry. I'm a little hard of hearing. Could you repeat that?" Jon asked with a chuckle. "It sounded like you said she escaped… from a secure Federation facility."

Morgana flushed red with embarrassment and anger.

"That is correct." She growled.

"That must be terribly embarrassing for you. Anything else interesting happen around that time?" Jon asked while laughing.

Morgana flinched but remained silent.

"I would love to help. I really would," Jon said with a huge smile, "But we stopped looking for her once we thought her to be in custody and closed our investigation. Any leads we have are beyond stale at this point. Sorry, can't help you."

"Can't or won't?" Morgana asked angrily.

"Same thing," Jon said with a wolfish smile. "We neither have the resources nor the inclination to help you clean up your mess. This is your problem."

"She is a Republic citizen, and it's your responsibility to-"

"You let her escape. You catch her. It was made quite clear the last time you caught her that our involvement wasn't welcome, so fuck you," Jon said with a pleasant smile. Letting this porkie in was a good idea. This was fun.

"I know she is your darling of the week, but she and her crew are dangerous criminals. Their actions can be tied to the deaths of thousands of innocent Federation citizens." Morgana said with righteous indignation in her voice.

"Sounds like we should give her a medal."

"You can't be serious! Those were innocent people, you asshole!"

"A lot of innocent people died when you jerk-offs attacked us. So don't get all high and mighty now. You are in Intelligence, right? You knew exactly what you were doing when you guys planned the strike, so don't talk to me about innocent casualties," Jon said calmly as he typed on his keyboard. "Let's see here… Commander Morgana Farstan… Ah, here you are. Graduated with a 3.85 from Aster University on Kalpha 4, pity what happened to your Alma-mater, by the way," Jon said with a grin.

Morgana twitched. Kalpha 4, her home, was one of the planets visited by the Republic during the war. The planet was methodically and systematically destroyed by Republic forces. It was going to take decades to rebuild the damage. There was nothing of value left standing when they were done. They even burned down the elementary schools and local libraries. They burned everything.

"Entered Federation service on your twenty-third birthday. You have been in Intelligence ever since," Jon looked up at her as he spoke, "You've had a pretty decent career racking up commendations and flying up the ranks. Says here you are currently working as a handler for covert agents working in the Republic," Jon chortled as he casually placed his hand on his pistol, hidden from view under the desk. "Well, that explains all of the free time you have these days. Is that your motive for trying to arrest Ms. Donovan, trying to come up with a new job?" Jon asked with a smile. "They are dead, by the way, all of them," Jon said as he laughed at her.

Morgana choked back a scream and kept herself from drawing her sidearm and shooting Jon in the face. It wasn't a surprise that they were dead, but hearing him say it with such pleasure enraged her. Those were good people, and he was laughing about it.

"Yes, we know that you got your hands on our files, even mine," Morgana said coolly. "If you are fishing for a reaction, you will have to do much better than that."

"How about this then?" Jon typed on his keyboard again, and the holo-projector in his desk activated. It started playing the executions of her spies, one after another. Morgana leaped to her feet and snarled.

"You fucking asshole! You think this is funny?" It was all she could do to keep from leaping over his desk and strangling him. Those were her people on that holo.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Fine. We will catch her, and when we do, we will find out where she gets her weapons, where she gets her nukes, and then there will be hell to pay," Morgana said as calmly as she could with only the faintest quiver in her voice.

"The weapons come from any of hundreds of dealers, all of them unaffiliated with the Republic. As far as the nukes go, she probably gets them from Novae, an illegal storage and production facility whose location is unknown. Those assholes collect, refurbish, and even produce nukes. Now that facility is something that we are looking for and will destroy along with the people responsible for its operation if we find them. We want them gone, trust me. You officially finding that out won't blow back on us in the slightest," Jon said with a smirk. "Even if she was signing them out of the Republic Arsenal, what the fuck are you do about it?"

"Might I remind you that we are over one hundred times bigger than your pip-squeak Republic? We can turn your entire Republic into vapor!" Morgana said as she put her hands on Jon's desk and leaned forward.

"Didn't you assholes already try that? You think it was bad last time? Pull that shit again and see what happens," Jon said as he leaned forward in his chair, his hand loitering near his sidearm. "We are steadily rebuilding our military, and with each passing month, we are stronger than the Republic that kicked your ass. Bring it," he said with a pleasant smile. "It's a moot point anyway," Jon continued, "The people of the Galactic Federation and the Council they appoint have absolutely no interest in a rematch, especially after some rather interesting information that has recently come to light. It will be exceedingly difficult to justify another war. In fact, I am willing to bet that it will be impossible for a very long time," Jon said pleasantly.

Morgana started to shake with rage. He was right. The people of the Federation felt very deceived concerning the war with the Republic, and any new accusations, no matter how well proven, would likely fall flat. Any councilors that supported the last war are either already out of office or desperately trying to distance themselves from the mess. Pushing for a new war with the Republic was political suicide.

"You might be a hundred times bigger, but you can't catch a common criminal? One hundred times bigger, a huge fleet, a gigantic police force, all of you guys in Intelligence, all of that, and you still can't catch one little brigand? Christ, that must really sting," Jon said pleasantly. "You want to catch her? Just wait a little bit. She will be returning to the Federation soon to play with you guys some more. I guarantee it."

"I wonder what she will do next," Jon said as he looked into space thoughtfully. "I bet it will be fucked up. Better catch her before she does it."

Morgana just stood there in silence as the holo tapes of executions continued to play in front of her.

"You had better catch her," Jon said with a chuckle, "because whatever she does next won't be blamed on the Republic. Instead, it will be blamed on humans, and guess which humans are the most convenient? The same ones that are already being blamed for the war," Jon said with that same infuriatingly pleasant smile.

Jon let the silence build as one of the condemned begged for mercy on the video.

Morgana turned and walked towards the exit. As she reached his door, she paused.

"You had better hope that there isn't a God," she said quietly as she laid her hand on the doorknob.

"The only God that matters to me is the Republic and her people. Everything else can fucking burn, including myself. That belief is why we won. That belief is what drives Sheila, and that belief is why I won't lift a finger to stop her."

"Fuck you," Morgana said quietly as she left. She kept herself ramrod straight as she walked away. As soon as she thought she was clear, she slumped against the wall and held her face in her hands, covering the tears. The images of those executions burned in her mind. What kind of sick fuck would play that tape in front of her? Those were her people. Sheila killed them, along with countless others. She had to be stopped. No matter the cost, by any means, legal or illegal, she had to be stopped. Regardless if she lost her career or even ended up in prison herself, Sheila Donovan had to be stopped, and when she did catch that bitch she would send Ambassador Wintersmith her head in a box. She dried her eyes and stood up straight. This is the way they wanted to play it? Cool. She would play their game. Why the fuck not?

"So this is what being a Terran feels like," She said as she walked off.