Tales From the Terran Republic

Jeruzz "stood" in the office with his nose pointed downward.

"Four days, Jeruzz," Gavin said gravely. "Four days."

"I'm thorry," Jeruzz said meekly.

"I'm thorry isn't going to cut it this time," Gavin said with a sigh and a shake of his head. "Do the words 'No call. No show.' mean anything to you?"

"No..."

"It means you abandoned your job, Jeruzz. You, for all intents and purposes, quit." Gavin said with a very serious voice, "Goddamnit, Jeruzz. This…”

"Are you firing meeee?!?" Jeruzz asked with true desperation in his voice.

"To be perfectly honest," Gavin said, "I should."

Jeruzz started to weep. It was over. He blew it.

"But, I told you when you signed up that I give everyone one fuck up," Gavin said. "This is your fuck up. You aren't fired, but Jeruzz, I have a business to run here and dozens of employees on the floor right now. If I keep cutting you slack, everyone will expect the same. I can't have that. I have hundreds of orders I'm trying to fill, and I need you at your desk. Linda had to cover your slack, pulling her off the floor where I needed her..."

Gavin looked at Jeruzz gravely.

"I counted on you, Jeruzz, and you let me down."

Jeruzz felt like he couldn't breathe.

"And over what," Gavin continued relentlessly, "a fucking chipmunk?"

"I'm not sure whath it wasth..." Jeruzz said, looking back at a lump in his body.

"You climbed out of your bedroom window, had Linda scouring the yard looking for you… then had her looking for her dog… her cat..."

"I wouldth never!" Jeruzz exclaimed.

"You were willing to endanger your job," Gavin said, "With your mom and family back home… If you were willing to do that, you understand her concern, right?"

Jeruzz nodded, feeling like an inchworm.

"I know you are 'different'," Gavin said with a sigh, "but if you were a human, do you know what I would think?"

"No..."

"I would think you were on something," Gavin said, "That you had a problem."

"Drugsth?" Jeruzz asked in horror.

"Skipping out of work, passed out for days?" Gavin said, "That's what it has always been in the past. In your case, it might be different because you are so malnourished. You might just have finally found real food or something. All I know is that your people say what you are doing is a bad idea, and maybe I'm seeing why."

"I'll stopth!" Jeruzz cried desperately, "I promiseth!"

"I've heard all sorts of promises before, Jeruzz," Gavin replied.

He facepalmed.

"This is all new territory," he sighed, "I've never hired a xeno before, and I'm starting to see why so many people refuse to do it. Jeruzz… I..."

"Pleaseth don'th judge othersth because of meeee!" Jeruzz cried, “I’m just a… a… a thupid fuck-upth… a dumb snaketh…”

“No," Gavin replied, "You aren't. You're a bright kid with a lot to offer. This is just some weird xeno shit we have to figure out..."

They both fell silent.

"I'm going to get you back on disability," Gavin said after a moment. "You tried to come back to work, and you just weren't able to do it. I'll… I'll sort it out with the Nation and the insurance... somehow... I think Littlegull can help. She likes you. You go and sort yourself out, eat some squirrels or some shit until your tongue grows back. If you still have an 'issue' then we will get you some help. You aren't the first employee I've had with a little 'problem'. It will give me time to figure out what I'm going to do with you, and it will keep the credits going to your family."

"You woudth do thath for me?"

"I've done more for less promising people," Gavin replied. "If nothing else, we can adjust your employment status and workdays so you can both eat and work. You wouldn't make as much, but you could still send home money and probably live ok. You would be saving a bundle on groceries, right?"

Jeruzz laughed weakly.

"You know what?" Gavin replied, "Hang on."

He pulled out his phone.

"Hi grandmother," he said, "… oh pretty good… Yeah, still getting my ass kicked. How about you?… Hey, could you do me a favor? I would like you to meet someone… Heh, not like that. I have an employee, a non-human one… Yes, the snake. Look, here's the deal. He's on disability, so he can't 'work,' but there is no rule that says he can't get training. Do you think you could teach him some stuff, maybe see what he's good at? I just know he's good at something, but… Yes. I am familiar with 'The Old Woman and the Snake'. He's not venomous, and you do have a problem with rats… Yes, he… well, it's complicated… Would you at least meet him?… Thanks, grandmother. See you soon. Bye."

Gavin put his phone back in his pocket and looked at Jeruzz, who was looking up at him hopefully.

"I've just cut you the solid of all solids," Gavin said with a smile, "My grandmother is a master… well… master everything, and she has agreed to maybe, just maybe, let you train with her until you heal."

"She will?" Jeruzz asked, wide-eyed.

"You have no idea how big a deal this is," Gavin said. "There are a LOT of people who would give anything for this opportunity. Don't fuck it up. We are heading there now. If she likes the looks of you, she will let you tail her, and she might show you a thing or two. It won't be paid, because of disability. It will be considered 'training', but it's legit. Even Littlegull won't object to this."

Gavin headed to the door.

"Come on," he said, "We're going now before she changes her mind."

***

Less than an hour later, Gavin was landing his grav-truck in front of a small timber-framed cottage out in the woods with a large concrete block building behind it.

An old woman with long hair, wearing a fleece-lined denim shirt and jeans, stepped out to meet them.

"Now just be yourself," Gavin said reassuringly, "and don't lie about anything. She'll know and that will be that, understand."

"Yesth, thir."

"Let's go," Gavin said with a smile, "Oh, and Jeruzz?"

"Yesth?"

"Try not to break anything."

***

Jeruzz sat curled around a bowl of tea while Gavin and his grandmother talked in another room…

...about him.

He dipped his mouth into the bowl and took a bite of tea.

Something sparkly caught his eye.

On the shelf was a beautiful crystal… thingy.

He was captivated. He simply had to get a better look…

crash

"Goddammit, Jeruzz!" Gavin shouted as he rushed into the room, his grandmother following. "What are you doing?"

"Nothingth?" Jeruzz said innocently as he laid on his back in the middle of the floor, his tea bowl upside down beside him. However, the crystal figurine was untouched.

He never got that far.

"And you let this into your shop?" the old woman laughed. "What were you thinking?"

"Look, he's a good guy," Gavin said, "And he really needed a job."

"Needing a job and deserving one are two different things, boy."

"Just give him a chance," Gavin said imploringly, "for me? You will see what I'm talking about. I'm telling you, gran, there is something there."

The old woman just chuckled and shook her head.

"Ok," she said.

"Yay!" Jeruzz cheered as he rolled over onto his belly. "You won'th be thorry!"

"Oh I will," the old woman laughed, "and more than once but let's see if this damn fool grandson of mine is right or not."

She knelt down to look Jeruzz in the eye.

"Alright, here's the deal," she said. "You can hang out here and help out if you want. If you aren't a complete waste of time, I might show you a thing or two if I feel like it. If you clean up after yourself and look after the place, you can stay in my spare room. I understand you've developed a little wild game problem. I don't care. Come and go as you please but when you are here, you will stay out of the way, out of trouble, and do what I tell you. Understand?"

"Yesth, ma'am."

"And don't go pestering me for lessons or any of that shit," the old woman growled, "I'll show you stuff if I feel like it when I feel like it. This ain't trade school, boy. Got it?"

She called me 'boy'! Jeruzz thought with pure joy, Just like a human!

"Ok," she said, rising to her feet and turning to Gavin, "I've agreed to look after the thing. If this turns out like that story, it's your ass."

"Yes, grandmother," Gavin said with a smile.

"Don't you have a shop that you dropped out of school to run?" the old woman said gruffly.

"Not going to let that one go, are you?" Gavin chuckled.

"Get going, you fucking dropout," the old woman smiled as she hugged him. "I'll take good care of the snake."

"Thanks, grandmother," Gavin said as he put on his hat.

He turned to Jeruzz.

"Now, what aren't you going to do?"

"Fuck this upth?" Jeruzz replied.

"Remember that," Gavin smiled as he walked out the door.

After he left, the old woman turned to Jeruzz.

"Name's Doreen," she said. "Clean up your tea and then come out to the shop. I'm working on a custom hunting rifle. You might find it interesting."

"Yesth, ma'am!"

***

Two days passed quite pleasantly and with no incidents aside from knocked-over materials and a container of screws flying across the floor.

The next morning Doreen walked into Jeruzz's room.

"Alright, you goddamn menace," she said cheerfully, "Coffee's brewed, and I made eggs. Daylight's wast—"

She chuckled.

Jeruzz was gone, and the window was open.

"That's going to really piss me off come winter," she smirked as she pulled the window closed. "Maybe I should put in a pet door or something."

She paused and smiled as she realized she was already planning on not giving Jeruzz back.

***

In the woods, not far from her home, something slithered silently through the forest, its feral eyes gleaming in the light...

...and it was hungry.