Tales From the Terran Republic

Humming a happy tune, Gloria skipped into the ship's maintenance area.

"Hi, Chief," she said in a cute cheerful voice.

"Hi, Gloria," the chief replied as he waved one of his wide, leathery, frond-like hands. "Still have no idea what your ship is made out of."

"Me neither," Gloria giggled (giggled!), "But I'm here for something else. Do you have any titanium plate lying around?"

"I have some on the rack," the chief replied as he reached for his plasma cutter. "How much do you need."

"Oh, don't go cutting our stock," she said happily, "Do you have any off-cuts or anything?"

"How big?"

"I'm not picky," Gloria chirped, "Something about like this," she added, gesturing with her hands.

"This work?" the chief said as he rooted around a little and pulled out a dinner tray sized piece of Titanplate.

"That's perfect!" Gloria purred as she accepted the piece of armor plating and tucked it under her arm. "Thanks, Chief!"

She happily skipped away.

After she left, the intercom light switched on.

"You just gave it to her?" Bunny asked dubiously.

"You're goddamn right I did!" the chief replied as he returned to what he was doing, "I'm not feeling especially suicidal at the moment."

He winced. He should NOT have said that.

"Have you been feeling suicidal of late?" Bunny asked.

"No, Bunny," he sighed, "I have NOT been feeling remotely self-harmy at all!"

"I only ask because I care," Bunny replied, "well, that and because—"

"I TOLD you that temporary restriction of a Kalesh's oxygen intake prolongs and increases the intensity of orgasms! I was just harvesting tubers, you invasive FUCK! I was holding a dead man's switch and everything! Would you PLEASE just drop it!"

"Ok," Bunny replied, "but you know that if you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here."

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" the chief exclaimed. "How about you just watch me jerk off like you always do and raise the alarm if my vitals get too low?"

"Deal!" Bunny exclaimed cheerfully, "I'll even help if you want me to!"

"What?!?"

Bunny burst out into laughter.

"Not funny!" the chief laughed because it was, in fact, funny.

"Seriously though," Bunny said, "you could add wireless to that dead man's switch…"

"That actually wouldn't be a bad idea," the chief mused. "Creepy as fuck, but a not a bad idea."

"Just think of it as a (snerk) helping hand."

They both howled with laughter for a moment.

"Hey, Bunny?"

"Yeah, Chief?"

"Do you have any idea what Gloria has planned for that titanium plate?"

"Not a clue," Bunny replied, "but I am recording every second of this!"

"Put up a holo," the Chief said as he pulled out an omni-meter.

***

Sheloran curled up on the deck, paralyzed by shock and misery.

Gloria was so mean…

but she was right. Every horrifying word was absolutely correct

The dead/not dead woman was right.

"I know she's right," Sheloran muttered, "Shut the poop up."

She looked over at the cicadas.

They spent eight years hiding in the soil, safely asleep as they grew, and then took wing, their form whole and complete, their ultimate destiny met in the barest flicker of time.

Then, even more peace.

She envied them.

She envied them so much.

Choose!!!

"Oh, go jump in a pond," she muttered.

***

"Sheloran," Eno said in a compassionate voice as he walked around the corner. "I brought you some food. I thought you might—"

He froze as he saw Sheloran curled up, motionless…

His eyes latched onto the bag.

Cicadas!!!

Eno finally went Yellowstone.

***

Gloria sauntered into the galley where Mike and Lorna were sitting together, as they always did.

Lorna was feeding Mike pudding.

"Aww," Gloria sneered, "here comes the shuttle..."

"Fuck you, Gloria," Mike said as he opened wide.

"Jealous?" Lorna smirked.

"Oh, wherever will I find someone to—"

" Gloria!!!" Eno bellowed as he charged into the room like an enraged gorilla, balled up one of his massive fists…

And unleashed a lethal, bone-crushing—

KaCrunchSplat

He howled in pain as Gloria peeked from behind the titanium slab held between her two hands.

She smiled…

Her arms shot outward, driving the flat plate into Eno's face, followed by a brutal kick to his balls.

He started to double over.

Another kick to his knee sent him to the floor, no longer sure which injury to clutch in agony anymore.

"And that's (kick) why...(kick)… you (kick) don't hit (kick) girls!!!"

Kick… kick… kick… (pause)… kick... brutal kick after brutal kick was precisely applied.

"Um, Gloria?" Lorna said as she cautiously approached.

Gloria looked up happily.

"One sec," she smiled.

She raised her leg, angling the heel of her boot downward…

" Samuels!"

Sheila's voice boomed over the intercom and echoed down the hall.

"Stand. Down."

Gloria shrugged.

She looked at the bloody mess at her feet and sneered.

"You just got lucky," she said.

"And you two just stood there?!?" Sheila demanded.

"What the fuck did you want us to do about it?" Lorna demanded. "I am NOT going up against either of those fuckers unless I got a green light!"

"Jacob!" Sheila's voice echoed across the entire ship, "First aid needed in the galley. Gloria! Go to your quarters and stay there!"

"Jacob, let me know the second that stupid fuck is stable!… Gah!"

The halls fell silent.

"Eno?" Sheloran said as she wandered into the room, clutching a bag of cicadas, "why did you run..."

"Eno!" she cried out as she rushed to him.

She looked around the room in shock and confusion.

"What happened to him?"

"Gloria," Lorna said quietly, "Gloria happened to him."

”Hisssssssssssssss...”

Sheloran crouched over Eno, her eyes starting to glow.

"Well, this should be fun," Gloria smiled happily as she dropped into a fighting stance.

"Oh, for FUCK'S SAKE!" Sheila shouted over the intercom.

***

"I have fucking HAD it!" Sheila shouted as she paced the galley/mess hall in front of the entire ship.

"We haven't been stuck on this ship for that long, and we are at this point?" she snarled.

"To be fair," Jacob said, "It feels like we've been stuck here for months."

"Well, we haven't!" Sheila snapped. "We are falling apart! Insubordination, security breaches..."

She glared at Jessie, who grinned back, not improving Sheila's mood, "and now FIGHTS?"

She glared at Eno and Gloria.

"You were about to kill each other!"

"Payback, bitch!" Gloria sneered.

"Shut up!" Sheila yelled.

She then stared at Sheloran, who wilted under her gaze.

" You are a guest here," she snapped. "I've let you move freely, but one more little display like that, and you will spend the rest of our time together locked in your quarters and will be dumped when we get to MAGA, got it?"

"Yeah,"

"That's 'yes, Captain!'"

"Yes, Captain," Sheloran said meekly.

"Do you have ANY idea what would have happened if you actually made a move on one of my crew for any reason?" Sheila snarled, "I would have given Mike and Lorna the order to open fire on your blue ass!!!"

"Yay, us," Lorna said quietly.

"With the rest of the crew getting the order a second later. A pack of Harkeen is one thing. We are another. Never forget that."

"Yes, Captain," Sheloran squeaked.

"Now go to your quarters while I decide what to fucking do with you," Sheila snapped.

Sheloran meekly got up and left.

After Sheloran left, Sheila glared at her crew.

"Discipline WILL be maintained!" she snarled, "We are in an active operation, and in an active operation, I am the commanding officer. Maybe you have all forgotten that. This ship WILL operate in accordance with both our bylaws AND by the code of the Brethren of the Void! Do NOT test me!"

"Yes, ma'am," the crew said quietly.

"Our MISSION, our SURVIVAL, and quite possibly the REPUBLIC depends on our professionalism, discipline, and bearing. Don't make me the bad guy, please, but don't doubt for a SECOND that I will be that bad guy. Got it?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Dismissed," Sheila barked. "Gloria, Eno, stay where you are."

The rest of the crew gave them a sympathetic glance as they got the FUCK out of there.

Sheila closed the door.

"Ok," she said, leveling her gaze at the pair, making them both cringe a bit. "That's twice now. Two times you two have tried to kill each other."

"I wasn't going to kill him," Gloria replied, "not all the way."

"You're one and one now," she said to Gloria. "Are you satisfied, or do I have to lock you in your quarters until it's time to unleash you."

"I'm good," Gloria said with a cute little smile.

"Get out," Sheila said with a weary tone. "and you are on thin ice. One more fuck up, and it won't be the frog that gets locked in her room."

"You got it… Major!" Gloria said cheerfully as she bounced up from her chair and sauntered to the door.

"Major!" Eno exclaimed, "you are just going to let her go?!? After what she did to Sheloran?!?"

"Close the door on your way out, would you, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

She turned to Eno, the last person in the room.

"What, exactly, did she do to Sheloran, Eno?" Sheila said in the 'you are in the deepest of shit' tone.

"She… she..." Eno spluttered, "She hit her or something!"

"Did she?" Sheila smiled grimly, "Bunny, would you play the appropriate log, starting when Gloria first approached Sheloran?"

"You got it, boss lady!..."

After the recording, Eno sat there, spluttering.

"Not the kindest of chats," Sheila said, looming over the giant, "but did it really justify you attacking her?"

Eno looked down.

" Twice, Eno," Sheila said in a terrifyingly dispassionate voice, "That's two times you have attacked, seriously attacked, a fellow crew member. Oh, we roughhouse, tussle, occasionally prank… even stun each other from time to time..."

She looked at him with 'officer' eyes.

"But you sought to do real bodily harm to a fellow member of this company on two separate occasions. Now, the first time," Sheila said with a grim face, "I let that slide. To be honest, I wanted to strangle her myself."

Eno just sat there, quiet and completely terrified.

"You inflicted actual injuries on her to the point that she required medical treatment beyond what we could provide here. You are lucky that either she or her family didn't come after you for that. It could have torn this company apart. With everyone taking sides, it almost did tear this company apart. A lot of people were calling for your dismissal, or worse."

Eno looked up, shocked.

"I won't tell you who said what," Sheila replied, "But your… history… was discussed, a history that I had some real reservations about when you were voted in."

"Ma'am..." Eno said as if he couldn't breathe.

She pulled out her communicator.

"Quartermaster," she said calmly, "Would you please report to the galley?"

"Yes, Captain," Gregg replied with a sigh. He was afraid of this.

"Sheila!" Eno gasped, "Major… Captain… Please..."

"What, exactly, is our current mission, Eno?" Sheila asked with a slight snarl.

“We… we…”

"We are supporting Lieutenant Samuels as she strikes targets vital to the Republic itself, deep in Republic space..."

She leaned down inches away from Eno's face.

"Gloria IS the fucking mission!!!"

Eno flinched, closing his eyes.

"And you went off half cocked and jeopardized that mission OVER A FUCKING XENO! YOU PICKED YOUR GIRLFRIEND OVER THE MOTHERFUCKING REPUBLIC!!!"

"She's… She's not..."

"She is your girlfriend," Sheila snarled," You just aren't getting any."

Eno started to protest but fell silent.

"If Gloria hadn't kicked your ass so bad, I had to save your life, you could have very well thrown away the only reason we are all going to be fugitives for life and the only chance we have of making that sacrifice worthwhile. I now have to make a very difficult decision, and you are lucky that we are making port soon, or that decision would be much harder."

"Ma'am..." Eno said, unsure of exactly which title to use (it gets really confusing). "I… I didn't 'pick' Sheloran over the Republic… I never would… I… I just saw her laying there and… and..."

"And lost your fucking mind," Sheila said, "Just like you lost your mind the last time and the times before you joined our crew."

He looked down at the floor.

"You know," Sheila said as Greg entered the room, "you are a lot more of a danger than Gloria. With Gloria, we know what she is. She's honest. She doesn't pretend to be anything other than what she is, fucked up as that might be. You, you're different. You lie. You cover it up. And we fell for it. The only one who didn't was Gloria, and you had better thank her the next time you see her."

She turned to her quartermaster (and sergeant-major and second in command… like I said, confusing).

"Greg?"

"I talked to Gloria, and she says she's comfortable with Eno remaining if we are comfortable with her killing him next time. She also said that we should consider how the situation appeared if we were a 'fucking moron who hasn't gotten laid for so long he is sniffing a frog's asshole'..."

Greg smirked,

"and entered that exact statement in our official log."

Sheila chuckled.

"Have you prepared Eno's dishonorable payout?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Keep it on file, locked in at today's valuation."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Eno," she said, "you are hereby disenrolled from this crew for actions against the ship and crew suspended for a period of two years, after which it will be reviewed, and your continued membership will be put to a general vote. Should you be invited to remain, you will receive your full share and any back revenue due. Do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am… Thank you, ma'am."

"Don't thank me," Sheila said, "Thank Gloria. You are only still here because she allowed you."

He nodded, saying nothing.

"I would do some other punishment bullshit, but what the fuck am I going to do, confine you to the ship? Have you flogged and be a man down? Extra duty? I don't feel like choking on fresh paint fumes, and having you sweep robotically cleaned floors is just stupid... Just… just get back to work."

"Yes, ma'am… thank… thank you, ma'am."

"Fuck up one more time, even a little bit, and you are confined to quarters until we replace you. Fuck up like you did today, and you will LEAVE this ship IMMEDIATELY whether we are docked or not. Don't test me on this. We didn't have court martials on Corvux."

"I… I understand."

"Get out of my sight."

Eno slunk out of the room like a freshly castrated dog.

"I fucking HATE this," Sheila sighed as she reached into the fridge and pulled out two beers, handing one to Greg. "It was bad enough in the service but here…"

She turned up the bottle.

"For the record," he said as he opened his, "I think you handled it perfectly."

"For the record," Sheila said as she wiped her mouth, "This company has been going downhill ever since the fucking White Star."

She finished the bottle.

"I wish I never even looked at that goddamn ship," she muttered.

***

That evening Sheloran lay in her bunk staring at the ceiling.

She couldn't sleep.

Everything, every truth that Gloria had told her just played over and over…

Over and over…

She wondered if this was what Gloria's life was like, just fifty million times worse.

She couldn't imagine what that would be like.

You will find out soon enough...

"Now you are just trying to be mean," Sheloran replied, "and I'm too tired to give a poop."

The intrusive thought evaporated… for all the good it did.

She rolled around and clutched at one of her pillows.

I wish Craxina was here, she thought.

She chuckled. Who would have thought she would desperately want someone to cling to, some warmth, some contact, just the simple basic comfort of someone nearby to ease her into much needed slumber.

She hugged her pillow tightly. It helped…

But nowhere near enough.

***

An hour later, Eno was also staring at the ceiling.

Disenrolled…

He felt a lump in his throat.

Dishonorable Discharge...

He'd been here before… and it didn't feel any better the second time around. He had finally found a unit… found honor… found pride…

He could hold his head high, once again a member of something special, something elite…

Something better than himself, what he really was…

A tear trickled down his cheek.

Why didn't he just… ask. He could have just asked Sheloran. He could have asked Bunny! She would have known… and would have raised the alarm if anything close to what he thought happened actually did.

He should have known it wasn't what he thought, but once again, he didn't think.

He stopped 'thinking' years ago when the bug were cutting down people, soldiers and xeno alike. He didn't have time, and if he did, there was no way he could charge out there again and again…

And when he got his hands on one of those… things…

He didn't have to think about that either…

He let out a strangled sob.

He couldn't lose everything again! He couldn't lose another unit, another team… Not again…

He would rather die! He could…

There was a quiet knock at the door, interrupting a very dangerous line of thought.

He opened the door to reveal Sheloran, still clutching her pillow, clad in one of Gloria's t-shirts, now pressed into service as a nightgown.

"Sheloran?" he asked, "What are… Do… Do you need something? Are you feeling ill?"

"No," she said, looking down and twisting her foot, "It's… I can't sleep."

"Welcome to the club," he said, "But I'm not sure if I have anything that would work or work safely. I could check."

"No, it's..." Sheloran stammered, "It's stupid, never mind."

She turned to leave.

"What is it?" Eno asked, "If I can help, please, let me help at least someone today."

"I'm..." Sheloran said, clearly embarrassed, "I'm not used to sleeping alone anymore… Not like that!" she squeaked at Eno's shocked expression, "I mean sleep. I've had Craxina living with me for so long, and keeping her out of your bed is impossible… I guess I sort of got used to it? And today was so rough I just… I need… want I mean..."

Eno just shrugged. Maybe it would help. It's not like he was actually simping for her, not physically.

He just smiled.

"Sure," he shrugged, "I had a custom bed installed. There is plenty of room."

They climbed into bed together and Sheloran nestled in close, clutching his arm.

It wasn't long before she fell asleep.

He looked over at her and smiled.

You know, he thought, This isn't that bad. It's kind of nice.

There was something about her that was just… soothing.

As he rapidly started to join her in much needed rest, he thought about what the crew would say if/when they saw her leave his quarters.

It didn't matter. He was already so deep in the shit he couldn't really get any deeper without getting thrown out of an airlock.

I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

***

The next morning Sheloran awoke happier and more rested than she had been since the morning before the Drop of Oil burned.

She felt wonderful.

She pulled herself in closer and laid her arm over Eno…

And touched something…

something big…

something where it definitely was not supposed to be!

Her eyes flew open.

Eno had a massive erection, bigger than any she had the misfortune of accidentally witnessing back at the Drop.

Squeaksquealing in horror, she leaped from the bed, clutching the sheets around her.

"Wha?" Eno said as he awoke, "What?"

"You… want that..." Sheloran squeaked, "With me?!?"

"What?" Eno said, now fully awake and trying to process. "What do you mean wan—"

He looked down.

"Oh no!" he exclaimed, "No! It's not like that. It's just something that happens when—"

"I know exactly when it happens!!!" Sheloran squeaked, flailing at the door, which started to open.

Squeezing through the still opening door, Sheloran fled into the hall, clutching the sheets around her, completely obscuring her improvised nightgown.

"Sheloran!" Eno called out, putting his pillow over his erection as he stepped into the hall, "Wait!"

***

Mike and Lorna were, once again, in the galley.

Lorna was cooking breakfast.

"Something smells good," Gloria said as she walked in wearing a pair of shorts and a halter top.

Mike and Lorna looked at each other dubiously.

"Make me some?"

"I don't know," Lorna replied, "You gonna earn these eggs the same way Mike did?"

"Sure," Gloria said as she plopped down next to Mike, "you wanna spread them right here, or you wanna—"

Sheloran sprinted past the open doorway, clutching a sheet around her…

The trio fell silent, looking at each other.

"Sheloran!" Eno's voice echoed down the hall.

"Did..." Mike said after a moment, "Did we all just see that?"

"Yep," Lorna replied.

"Sheila is right," Gloria said with pure delight, "this ship is going straight to hell… or at least Eno is."

She looked up.

"Hey, Bunny."

All Bunny could do was laugh over the intercom.

***

Sheila, in her grey boxers and "Army" t-shirt, opened the door to her quarters with a bit of reluctance.

Yesterday sucked.

Yesterday sucked bad… but…

Some weird fucked up dynamics finally broke and did so with minimal damage.

Gloria had even been surprisingly merciful. She was expecting far, far worse.

She also was able to address some rather disturbing and potentially dangerous trends with the crew.

Maybe, just maybe… things might—

Sheloran, appearing to be clad only in a sheet, bolted past.

Sheila stood there for a moment.

"Nope!" she shouted, turned around, closed the door behind her, and went back to bed.