Tales From the Terran Republic

Gavin put down the welder and stood up, stretching his back.

He triggered the scanner in his welding helmet, surveyed his work, and smiled. It wasn't half bad if he said so himself.

He raised his helmet and stepped back to admire one "120-millimeter rifled flare projector with stabilized vehicular mount".

"I wonder who's into antiques," a voice said behind him.

He turned around and smiled.

"No idea," he replied to the short, stocky Native-American woman behind him. "For what they are paying, they could get real shit."

"Probably some xeno or another," the woman said as she lounged against the one she was working on. "That whole 'Terran mystique' bullshit."

"There are some advantages to these," Gavin said thoughtfully. "They want them pure electro-mechanical, much easier to conceal. Tuck them inside a crawler, and they'd just look like part of the machinery unless someone knew exactly what to look for… And you can't beat the price, at least for the guns."

"Think we're supplying rebels or something?"

"Considering who ordered these," Gavin chuckled, "That would be the cleanest option. Speaking of," he added. "I need to give Esmeralda a call. We're just about done."

"I have some lotion in my purse if you need to borrow it," the woman said with a smirk.

"You admire coral snakes," Gavin snerked, "You don't touch them or yourself when handling one."

Laughing, he turned and walked across the floor of his small "custom manufacturing facility", occasionally pausing to chat with a worker or two.

When he got into his office, he paused at a mirror, pulled out a comb, ran it through his long straight black hair, and put on his trademark cowboy hat.

After he spruced himself up to his satisfaction, he sat down in front of his monitor.

Moments later, he blinked in surprise as the oddest little snake-like xeno appeared.

"Good morning! Welcome to Janustec!" it said, absolutely bursting with enthusiasm, "where our motto is, 'Yellowstone, Yellowstone, Yellowstone!'… Yay!"

Well… shit.

"And good morning to you too!" Gavin replied, a smile starting to creep across his face. "I was hoping to speak with Ms. Martinez, but I suppose she's 'unavailable', isn't she."

"My boss?" the xeno said, glowing with pride. "Yes, she and the rest of the office are busy with the GTFOD. Can I take a message?"

Gavin snorted.

"Yeah, those GTFOD's can get kind of hectic," he smiled. "It probably doesn't matter anymore, but let her know that we are almost finished with her order but, considering recent developments, we aren't going to deliver. If they want them, they are going to have to pick them up… annnnd we will be expecting payment up front."

"… and paymenth up fronth…" the little snek lisped around its tongue as it typed furiously with it. "Goth ith!"

It looked up at Gavin with eyes that almost glowed with happiness.

Esmeralda, you bitch, Gavin thought with irritation.

"So, first day?" Gavin asked with pity in his eyes.

"Yesth!" the snek lisped as it pressed the "Send" icon. "I applied just this morning! First applicant! Ms. Martinez just took one look at me and said, 'Good enough!' and hired me on the spot!"

"Well, your luck is certainly… something," Gavin replied.

"Yes! I'm so blessed!" the snek warbled, "I was starting to think things weren't going to work out for me here in the Republic, but here I am!"

"Yep, there you are… You are most certainly… There… Well, It's been nice chatting with you, but I suddenly have a whole lot of very time-sensitive things to do."

"It was lovely talking to you too!" the snek warbled. "You have a Yellowstone kind of day!"

"Snerk… Oh, I'm pretty sure I will," Gavin snorted as he pulled up his lawyer's contact info on his second monitor. "You too!… snerk."

"Thanks!" the snek warbled happily as Gavin terminated the call…

And immediately called his attorney.

***

Later that day, Jeruzz curled up in a loose coil in the bottom of his box as he chewed on his tail miserably. The warmth from the wonderful blanket he bought at what the Terrans call a "garage sale" provided no comfort today.

He thought that he had a job, a real job.

He thought that, finally, he had found someplace where he was "good enough". They said so! They said those exact words, "good enough".

It had made him so happy…

So… happy…

But it was a lie, a mean lie. He wasn't "good enough". He was just a convenient stupid little xeno who didn't even know what "Yellowstone" meant.

Creators! He was so stupid! How could he not have known? It wasn't as if it was the single biggest defining moment in Terran history or anything.

They even took his "signing bonus". They said that they would give it back when they were done with their investigation, but even he wasn't dumb enough to actually believe that. Back home, when the cops took something, that was it.

You never saw it again.

He had no job and no money. It was just like it was yesterday.

It didn't bother him yesterday, but today it hurt. It hurt really bad. All the happiness and all the pride he felt earlier was just a cruel hoax.

He started to quietly sob, making little coughing, barking noises as he chewed his tail in the darkness.

***

"Thank you for coming in," an older human said as he rose and extended his hand.

"Not a problem," Gavin replied as he stood and shook his interrogator's hand. "I figured I would save you the trip."

"I would like it noted that Mr. Richardson has cooperated fully and of his own free will," a stern-faced raven-haired young woman said.

"Of course," the interrogator said with a smile. "And we appreciate his cooperation and his transparency. We have no further questions at this time, but we would appreciate it if Mr. Richardson was available should we have any additional questions in the future."

"Naturally," Gavin replied. "Janustec was a good customer, but I don't owe them a goddamn thing, especially after what they did to that little xeno dude."

"Yeah, that was pretty shitty," the interrogator said. "poor little guy."

"He have a lawyer?" Gavin asked as he reached for his hat.

"No," the interrogator smiled, "not that he needs one."

"Well, he does now."

"Is my client here?" the woman asked.

"Only until he gets back on his feet, not that he has those," the interrogator replied. "He's hiding in one of the interview rooms until he comes out."

"Comes out?" the woman asked, raising her eyebrow. "Take me to him."

"Sure," the interrogator said, "I was about to check on him anyway."

***

"We checked with Starshield," the interrogator said as they reached a darkened room. "They said that this is normal for one of them after receiving a shock and that he will come out when he is ready. They are kind of like cats, I guess."

He opened the door.

"You have him in a box?" the lawyer asked accusingly.

"Hey!" the interrogator said defensively, "It's his box! We recovered it along with the rest of his possessions… if you can call them that," he said as he gestured towards a meager pile of rubbish.

"That's it?"

"Yep," the interrogator replied. "Everything he has in this world is right there, poor thing. He was living in a two-bedroom apartment with fourteen other xenos. That landlord has a little bit of explaining to do, by the way."

"So, he's homeless?" the attorney asked.

"Unfortunately," the interrogator replied. "The whole building was one giant fire and health code violation."

"Homeless, and you've taken what little payment he received?" she asked accusingly.

"'What little payment' my ass!" the interrogator laughed.

"And when, exactly, can my client expect the return of his property?"

"Normally, it wouldn't be until we finish our investigation," the interrogator replied.

"Unacceptable."

"I said 'normally'," the man smiled. "Once we finish chewing on the numbers, I'm sure that we won't have a problem transferring the currency. I've already submitted a hardship request on the little guy's behalf."

"I would appreciate it if you cc-ed me on that."

"Not a problem."

As the interrogator and the lawyer droned on, Gavin knelt down beside the box, admiring the intricate patterns of adhesive tape and piercings that adorned the sides.

Hmm... Gavin pondered.

"You in there?" he asked.

"...yes..." came a sad, quiet reply.

"We met earlier today on the com," Gavin said gently. "I don't want to rush you, but I was wondering if you would like to have lunch..."

***

A few hours later, a still somewhat stunned Jeruzz found himself sitting across from Gavin as a huge platter of sushi was placed on the table.

It was so pretty!

"You don't like sushi?" Gavin said a few moments later. "They have other stuff on the menu."

"No, it looks wonderful!" Jeruzz said, his eyes glittering. "I am looking forward to my portion!"

"Your portion?"

"After you're done," Jeruzz said with a happy warble.

"Your portion is right there!" Gavin laughed as he filled his plate. "We eat together here."

Jeruzz's tongue hovered over the platter. Creators! He didn't know what to try first! Eventually, he picked up a piece of salmon nigiri and drew it into his mouth.

His eyes glittered.

It was amazing!

"Here, dip it in this," Gavin said as he poured some soy sauce into a small dish.

It was even better!

"So, I guess you are wondering why I invited you to lunch," Gavin said a little while later.

"I admit I'm confused," Jeruzz replied as he lapped up some tea. "But this whole day has been so Yellowstoned-up that I've given up trying to understand what's going on."

Gavin laughed.

"Fair enough," he replied. "Well, aside from misery loving company, there is a reason."

Jeruzz looked at him quizzically.

"I understand that you are no longer employed by Janustec?"

"If I still am, I quit!!!" Jeruzz said loud enough for nearby diners to turn their heads.

Gavin laughed.

"In that case, I would like to offer you a job."

"You would?!?"

"I like your style. I want you to come to work for me."

Jeruzz's heart soared…

Then it sank.

"I would love to," he said sadly.

"But?"

"… I don't… I don't have my certificate."

"Neither do I," Gavin smiled.

Jeruzz looked at him in complete bewilderment.

"It's true," Gavin chuckled. "I dropped out."

"Wha?" Jeruzz stammered. "Why?!? Why would you refuse such a gift?" he asked, shocked, almost angry at the thought of someone casting aside something as priceless as a Terran education.

"I was losing too much business," Gavin replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "Weaponsmithing is a family art, and I was making more out of my parent's garage than I would with that diploma. I got tired of turning away orders. I promised my folks I'd get my certificate, but I never got around to it—Too busy."

Gavin smiled at Jeruzz.

"Education is great, don't get me wrong," he said, "but certificates and degrees are a fucking dime a dozen here. Certificates are common. Attitude isn't. Neither is ability. I saw your box. That was nice work, very nice work. How did you lay out those patterns? Dividers?"

"I… I used a nail and some string… with knots in it," Jeruzz replied.

"That would work," Gavin replied as he nodded thoughtfully. "There are better ways to do it, though."

"There are?" Jeruzz asked, quite interested.

Gavin leaned forward.

"Would you like to learn them?"

Jeruzz nodded.

"You willing to work?"

Jeruzz nodded rapidly.

"You willing to learn?"

Jeruzz bobbed up and down emphatically.

"You willing to sweep floors and empty trash cans with the same energy you answered those phones this morning while you learn a real trade?"

"YES!!!" Jeruzz warbled, bringing the whole restaurant to a standstill.

"Then you're hired."

***

The next week Jeruzz's new foreman looked down at him and laughed.

"You going to be ok, String-bean?"

Jeruzz looked up as he lay on the floor in a loose tangle.

"This… this is just for the week?" he asked in a stunned warble.

"I know you're disappointed," the foreman grinned, "But you only clocked in for a couple of days. You will get a full paycheck next Friday."

"A full paycheck?!?" Jeruzz gasped.

"Work like a Terran," his foreman said with a smile, "Get paid like one. Be sure to get some rest this weekend," his foreman added. "That Z'uush that dropped by just placed a huge order. Get ready for some serious overtime."

"What's overtime?" Jeruzz asked.

The foreman laughed.

"Good thing you are already laying down..."