Restricted Doomsday Syndrome

I had a dream during the night of Valpus.

I'm in a dream at this time.

The background of the dream is full of noise and noise, just like a rustling TV, an old film is shown in front of my eyes, and this film is around another story that happened to me. I am Gao Chuan. I do n’t know whether I am standing or lying down at this time. I ca n’t see the existence of my body, but I feel that the body is imprisoned by my soul. This imprisoned my body is like a rusty shackle. My soul is totally unable to manipulate the movement of this body. Nothing can be done except to see and think.

I remember clearly that I was awake about a minute ago. However, just a normal blink of an eye, I came to this dream. I have seen many dreams and hallucinations. In my life, the most intense time is dealing with those anomalies. The so-called anomalies tend to be unexpected when you think they should be. I am already very keen on this kind of thing. The reason why I judge this is a dream rather than an illusion is not because of the difference between the dream and the illusion, nor the meticulous definition of the two, just because-I think, The dream is the best description of my current situation.

Although the picture is not very clear, I know clearly that things in the dream are happening in another relatively normal world. And the person involved is another me, another Gaochuan, the Gaochuan who was supposed to be the real Gaochuan, and he was just a tumor lodged in the personality of others.

I ca n’t describe my current nature of existence, but calling myself a tumor does n’t make you feel disgusted, because I think this is the most appropriate name. but. If I were to say that I was just another more real fantasy of mine-I had thought about it that way-but it was difficult to accept, but I would not deny it completely because it was difficult.

However, as long as I am still active with my will. I prefer to think of myself as an independent personality, rather than a "phantom of self-doubt".

Me and the other me, in my theory, are still one after all, but in order to maintain my own existence, I often look at "he" from the perspective of a third person.

"Another", "He"-such a title. This is to draw a line between two things. If this boundary is lost, probably, one of me and another one will disappear, or it will merge into one.

I know that unification is an inevitable process. Splitting is a pathology, however. Today, I still need this kind of morbidity, until there is a turning point.

I wandered in the world of consciousness, unable to interfere with the seemingly materialized world, that is another field of me, another Gaochuan. And this dream is his encounter.

Prior to this, I rarely had such an experience-from the perspective of a third party, examining and thinking. A story about synchronization happening around him.

In a certain studio, a beautiful woman came from the perspective of the prosthetic body Gaochuan.

The woman was wearing a scientific white coat with her hands in her pockets. The outline of the coat could be clearly seen, and she was wearing a crimson tie. This woman is very tall, almost 1.8 meters tall, like a model, her body is also mature under the style of a closed coat. Judging from the temperament, white is clearly a feeling of scientific madness. Black-rimmed glasses cannot cover the sharp eye like a scalpel behind the lens. These eyes can almost eclipse other parts of her face, although The facial features outline of this face is also a full beauty, but her eyes are too dazzling.

Although the temperament is very different from the women I know, but in this unclear dream, the outline of her appearance, and from this outline and the most eye-catching eyes, it is particularly revealed Out of her essence. This kind of essence is also extremely strong in my memory.

River--

This woman looks like "Jiang". However, when I think of the name, I feel vaguely that she is abnormal, not a specific "jiang", not a real river, not a rich river, not a left river, not a right river, nor a "virus". This woman is not part of a certain personality in the "Jiang" system-at first, I was not sure, but the intuition told me that.

This woman is not normal.

She has certain qualities that make her existence very ambiguous. From my cognitive point of view, I have never thought that there is such an ambiguous thing in the illusion of doomsday.

Yes, something. She is not a person, similar to "Jiang", it is something. I do n’t know how this kind of thing appears, and what its significance is. I am not very clear about the entire system of doomsday illusions and the project of the "hospital", but the experience of anomalies and the intuition generated by my own particularity are telling myself that this thing is not the nature of doomsday illusions. Born.

I do n’t have any evidence, but that ’s how I feel.

Prostitute Gao Chuan called her "Jianjiang". The name "Jianjiang" is full of a strong sense of "Jiangjiang". Even so, it still cannot erase the abnormal feeling in my heart. I also don't know, what caused this dream, is it because this near river resonates with "Jiang"? Or, the prosthetic body Gaochuan has arrived at a place where it can be connected to the night of Valpus. I have no doubt that all of what I have seen can also be seen by "Jiang". Therefore, another question arises. Can this near river also perceive the existence of "Jiang"?

Or maybe, I think--

The dream suddenly ended.

My mind hasn't stopped jumping, but it was interrupted like a wake up halfway. I suddenly opened my eyes, but I didn't see the night view of Valpus. The eyes were dark, and I felt like I was falling. Me, did not wake up. It just fell from one dream to another, and this dream is clearer and more familiar than the previous dream. This darkness is filled with a strong trembling and fearful atmosphere, and the feeling of falling is again So nostalgic.

next moment. I seem to have fallen into a lake. It was still dark around me. Even when I raised my hand, I couldn't see my fingers. However, the water beat the body. The sound of splashing, soft and cold wrapped the skin, the feeling of buoyancy dragging the body, but so realistic. This is an invisible lake.

I'm still falling, this lake seems to be bottomless.

I want to turn around and take the initiative to move downstream. It is difficult for me to describe exactly where this is. But I generally understand what is here, what is the deepest here, what is lurking. Probably, this is the "existence" constituted by the material and consciousness of Gao Chuan, the deepest of its essence, and the things lurking in this deepest, no. Bining said it was more "monster", this monster. It's called "Jiang".

In the past, this dream was just a taste of it, and it made me realize what is called instinctive fear. I was very scared, and that kind of fear seemed to have a deep outline imprinted in my soul since it was born. Even if it seems to be forgotten, as soon as I return to this place, it will be exposed again, lashing my soul. This kind of hurt is like a person with painful experience. The pain of phantom pain when he returned to the place where he was suffering.

Phantom pain, phantom pain, by definition, does not exactly fit the fear I felt at this time. However, I can only describe it that way, because I lack the vocabulary, I can no longer find out to describe this strong regenerative fear.

However, I have not panicked because I have encountered this fear more than once, and know more clearly the origin of this fear.

That is, the monster named "Jiang", which is born with an aggressive sense of existence.

I have been with it for a long, long time. Not physical time, not physiological time, but time of will and soul.

It cannot be said that these times make me used to this kind of fear. Because, this is a fear that I think I will never get used to. However, once again returning to this dark depth, surrounded by this sense of lake that seems to be condensed by fear, there is a sense of nostalgia that is incompatible with fear.

Yes, a contradictory statement, but, I do, have a deep memory of this fear.

I want to turn around and take the initiative to sink to the deepest part of this rich fear, go and see, and bring me all this monster-"Jiang".

Until today, I have never really seen the "Jiang" form. What I am saying is that it looks the most essential. Just like, the shape and structure of human beings, even in consciousness, have inherent contours, but "Jiang" has always been a concept in my mind, either true Jiang, Fujiang or Zuojiang. Well, it's just a representation of it. It ’s not that they are unreal, but just like standing at the foot of the mountain, from each side, you can only see the image of this side, and like the blind man touching the image, the "real" that can be seen is just a kind of The incomplete "truth" filled in my mind.

I want to see what the real "Jiang" is.

I tried to turn my body hard, however, there was a force that allowed me to sway left and right slightly with my back to the bottom of the lake. As long as I face up, no matter what action I take, but once I have the idea of ​​turning around, that power becomes very obvious.

"Jiang!" I yelled. I didn't hear my own voice, this shout, only sounded in my heart.

Pooh-

Another kind of sound only from the heart, I seem to be out of the water. In my mind, this picture is drawn-this dark, invisible lake is suspended in mid-air, falling down from above and coming out from below.

Falling, falling, falling-as if never falling, weightless emptiness, full of fear, like cold water, instead of burning blood flowing in the blood vessels, and finally condensed in the heart.

Pooh-

I heard the sound of my heart beating.

I suddenly noticed that, not far away, something was falling with me in this darkness. I can't see that thing, but, I believe, there must be something.

Like ... human?

I opened my eyes, clearly opened my eyes, but there was a feeling to open my eyes again, just like, my eyes, there are two layers of eye curtains, the inside is always open, and the outside is not aware until it is opened To its existence.

The light and the time filled my vision. The sudden light made goose bumps all over my body. Then, I saw myself—in the deep glassy ball. I was shocked and awakened, synchronously mapped there.

When the ball was pulled away, I realized that it was a pair of pupils. A little further away, I finally saw clearly, that was Zhen Jiang's face.

Zhenjiang straddled my waist. Before, it was supposed to lie on my body and stare at me at close range. At this time, I was slowly sitting upright. Even so, I can still feel the wriggling sense of the key point, we, I don't know when, have been closely together.

I gasped and my head hurt. It's cold. Feelings of fear and emptiness seem to still flow through the blood vessels. What did I see that Zhenjiang showed me? What is the significance of the existence of Omi? I thought so, but was interrupted by a surging thrill, and Zhenjiang, who was riding on me, leaned back, like a fisherman pulling back. The fish hook was thrown up. Her long hair floated in mid-air. And I feel that my soul seems to be pulled out by her.

I still remember that before falling into a dream, the two of them were not doing this kind of thing, then. What happened when I fell into a dream? I do n’t know, the reason I want to maintain is like a candlelight, crumbling in a huge erosion force. Zhenjiang. It seems to have changed back again, that night, Zhenjiang who digs out my eyeballs.

When she stopped moving, the deep darkness seemed to be able to swallow all eyes, and faced me again. Those are eyes that can't see any thoughts and emotions, pure as if all impurities are invisible. Just as my mind was breathing, there was severe pain in my chest.

My eyes couldn't help but turned down, only to see that Zhen Jiang's hands on my chest had almost reached the elbow.

My chest is penetrated--

I felt that her hand, moving in the chest cavity, grabbed my heart, and then fell deeply into it.

The thickness of the human body has a limit, but the insertion of Zhenjiang seems to have no limit at all. She not only enters my body, but spreads in my body. I ca n’t see the scene in my body, but this feeling outlines the scene in my mind: Zhen Jiang ’s hands are becoming mycelium-like, covering every cell little by little. , Every blood vessel, nerve and muscle, and every organ.

I can only describe it this way-she is entering me.

When I entered her body, she also entered my body.

We are more deeply, completely, intensely, and irresistibly, than any combination of life!

Zhen Jiang's arm has completely sunk into my chest. Her sensual **** pressed tightly against me. She is sinking into my body.

This process made me feel extremely painful, extremely fearful, and at the same time, there was the same quality of pleasure. However, I still did not shout, in my heart, just like the night when she dug my eyes that day, there was no resisting thought. I accepted all this with ease, because, as usual, she said to me:

——We will be together forever, Achuan.

After she fully entered my body, a huge force, like an arrow, pierced the deepest part of "I".

I suddenly realized that this was a ritual, a signal.

It is both a return and a awakening.

"Jiang", I will wake up from my body.

Blood, I do n’t know when, has drained a lot from the hole in my chest. I lay in the pool of blood, the thick texture, gently licking every inch of my skin. This blood does not seem to stop, as if to have life, to spread continuously and actively, in all directions. I suddenly felt that it was intended to cover the entire night of Valpus.

There were footsteps in the distance, and I looked up.

The loss of blood and the hole in my chest made me feel that my life was dying. On the contrary, I felt that unprecedented power is pouring from the deepest point of the essence.

I didn't get up, still lying in this corner, in this pool of blood, looking at the coming person.

It was a man in a wheelchair. He stared at me ~ www.readwn.com ~ No, in his pupils, the stronger image was the blood red. He seems to know that this piece of blood is not just blood. And among me, not only me.

His face was pale, his pupils were loose, and he looked lost. For a long while, he asked: "What did you do?"

Then the second sentence was asked: "What are you?"

I know, that's not asking me.

I didn't speak, he continued to stalemate, the thick pool of blood over his ankles, he did not realize it. I realize that this wheelchair person is not aware of the dangers here, but his horror and doubt are beyond this fear. All he wanted was an answer.

Even at the cost of paying his own life, he still wants this answer. Fear, as if tightly wrapped around his soul, made it difficult for him to breathe.

However, I did not say anything. My silence made him push the wheelchair frantically, and wanted to come up and grab my collar, completely ignoring my chest wound, he didn't care at all, and I looked like a dying wounded. He was so excited that he had completely lost his elegance. (To be continued ...)