Restricted Doomsday Syndrome

I am Gao Chuan, a top student, and only Gao Chuan. I do n’t think I can understand everything that ordinary people cannot understand, but I can choose to accept things that others cannot. Because I have encountered something that ordinary people cannot encounter. I know that this is not the illusion of S2, just because the facts I want to accept are more crazy than fiction and fantasy.

I do not deny that something that is imprinted in the body and personality from the "reality" level becomes a core part of the personality of "I", but that is not all. I don't understand what is happening on the "reality" level, at least not every detail, every emotion. My birth and growth are not in reality. My childhood memories. All the decisive factors that promoted me to become what I am today are generated in the illusion of doom. The emotions I have are more derived from this "real" "illusion".

I still remember the blows I had suffered before death, and the things I encountered in order to solve the mists of those masses, which awakened some memories that were sleeping in the core of my personality, but I am not sure whether those memories have been distorted .

I am referring to these here, not to say that those things at the "realistic" level are not important to me. On the contrary, it is because they are very important, so they cannot easily draw conclusions and accept them completely and completely. I always think that when walking in the mist, what can guide you is definitely not something that you cannot be absolutely sure of, but you make yourself what you are today. No matter what was born under the illusion of illusion, but since it already exists, there must be a reason for its existence, then it exists really.

Gao Chuan before me, Gao Chuan who has always lived on the "reality" level, what is his appearance, his personality, and what he is thinking about. I did n’t understand or care about what was done. Because, what constitutes the "Gaochuan" factor is not exactly the factor that constitutes my Gaochuan. Of course, there must be something that is difficult to change to me. However, it cannot be denied that those inherited, plus those given to me by "Doom Fantasy", constitute what I am today.

The actions and thinking mechanisms I follow do not focus on factors in "reality." This is crazy. Isn't it?

Who am I? What is my Gaochuan personality?

In fact, the answer is very simple. After excluding the uncertain "reality" factors, what remains is the "doom illusion" factor that has already been determined.

Walk on trees, climb horizontal bars, walk on narrow corridor guardrails, jump from high stairs and floors, and over high walls. In the age of trying dangerous behaviors such as flying cornices as a children's game, everyone is unrestrained, not afraid of bleeding and bone fractures, nor does it feel disgusting to step on a frog and eat roasted locusts.

Adults certainly disagree, they just feel scared and sick.

"How can you do that, it's too dangerous!"

"Who is your head?"

"Gao Chuan. He is very powerful."

"Don't play with him! Have you heard? I want to find his parents! This child needs to be well educated."

I was badly reprimanded. The companions left one by one.

As they grow older, adults teach children what fear is.

I didn't repent at first, still running on the eaves and walls, but when I was left alone, I couldn't do it in the eyes of everyone, because everyone else found it too boring and a little stupid. Other people's surprised eyes regard me as a playman.

Then, I became a top student, not involved in dangerous behaviors, and did not participate in sports activities. Focus on academics.

But this is just to avoid loneliness.

I'm used to taking care of myself as an example of a top student, combing medium and short hair carefully to reveal an intellectual and delicate face, and sometimes wear plain glasses. The school uniform is meticulous, wraps the shapely body like a film, and joins the student union to actively participate in the learning competition. At the end of each semester, the praise in the personal evaluation report almost overflows the grid.

Nonetheless, those restless factors that are beyond common sense and consensus are still lurking in the body, soul and bloodline.

This is me, pretending to be a top student, no, in fact, it has also become a real top student, but a top student in simple common sense does not describe all of me. I can accept my unbelievable actions and thinking, as well as other people's unimaginable actions and thinking, and everything that seems incredible and crazy.

I can adapt to any "truth" and "environment" that seems to be a novel story, even more outrageous than a novel story. From a long time ago, I thought that the suffering that human beings can encounter has been described by humans with their outrageous imagination as much as possible. Some people will be surprised that the facts will overlap with this imaginary story, and it is difficult to accept, but for me, the idea is-since I have thought of it, this is a kind of "preparation", experience At the time, there is adaptability in itself.

I am constantly adapting to these sudden things, these things look amazing to describe "beyond imagination", but, for me, its essence is already in "imagination". The so-called "beyond imagination" is just a simple and exaggerated modification.

Whether it is normal or abnormal, I can adapt. Even if I wake up and find that I am just a mental patient with a tragic fate detained in a hospital, I will not be at a loss. This adaptability is precisely the result of the factors in the "doom illusion". Doomsday illusions, for me, are so important, and they are the basis for my existence and continued existence. I am no longer confused about how to treat "reality" and "doom illusion". Because comparing the two together to find a single truth is simply a wrong and ridiculous thing.

Even if the doomsday illusion no longer exists, the factors that make up this me from the doomsday illusion will not disappear. Now, the doomsday illusion that gave birth to me has really disappeared, but I am still alive, and this represents The "truth" of the illusion of doomsday.

I exist, so the factors that gave birth to me have always existed, and I am real, so. Those factors are real.

This is a very simple, simple reasoning, isn't it? Under this inference, "reality" and "doom illusion", but only the difference of the environment, just like walking from the natural forest into the city, it is wrong to simply take the natural forest as all the real nature. However, it is also incorrect to deny the existence of natural forests because of the existence of cities.

For the same reason, it is impossible to use the excuses of "abnormal" and "beyond imagination" to exclude their existence, authenticity and possible correctness.

and so. I will not doubt my authenticity, existence, and correctness because others will scold and question my extraordinary behavior and look at it with an incomprehensible eye. I don't think that the guy I love and the guy who loves me is not human at all, and it's a big deal.

I don't need others' understanding. I just silently chasing the madness in the shadow of the corner. I can always hear the arrogant and fearless shouting.

I will not conceal my love for "Jiang", nor will I worry about any rewards because of the madness and danger of this "love". My "love" is pure, maybe not so pure at first, but I always wanted to have this purity. So, I did this to make myself love like a madman, like a fool, to discard all assumptions about the consequences, and not to think about it in case.

I am not crazy, I know what I am doing. If others can't understand it, what does it matter? I can understand myself, this is enough. Everyone calls "understanding others, changing themselves according to others' understanding" as maturity. And, there are always many examples to prove that if you don't do this, you will definitely regret it one day in the future and feel ashamed of this "immature" at that time.

I understand, I understand that what they say and what they prove is indeed the truth, but--

I also understand that that is not the only truth.

I stubborn myself and pay the price for it. In the eyes of many people, it must be a very painful price. Only immature children and lunatics with faulty brains can persevere this way. It is also unnecessary and worthless.

I understand, I understand, I know why they think so, and I do not deny the correctness of this idea.

However, that is not the only correctness.

At least, when I died, I did not feel sorry for my life, and I never felt that I had made many wrong decisions. I remember very clearly, even in the process of death, with what kind of heartfelt mood, even if there are many things that could not be completed, I regret it, but do not regret it. In my opinion, this is the fruit that can be harvested because of "walking on the right path of life".

I am very strong, my life is full, I do what the average person can't do all his life, I burned myself to death, instead of lying on the bed and waiting for life At the end.

And now, since death can't knock me down, then, I don't know what else can stop me from becoming stronger, or what else can deny the correctness of my thinking and behavior.

I walked on a dead street, holding a nervous lover. I walked in a crazy dream, chewing on my past. I looked at the glass window of the store. In the light, the figure was imprinted on it. It looked so miserable, as if it were a terrible monster, and it would jump out and attack itself at any time. In this regard, I just smiled disdainfully, because, nowadays, I will not use this kind of thing to evaluate myself. Many people like to look in the mirror, and all kinds of fears come into being, because the figure in the mirror is like describing a real self-but, in fact, it is just a fake, not ? Only one's own thought can truly confirm one's authenticity.

No matter how real it looks, the fake is fake. It does not imply the truth, nor does it predict the future, nor can it represent me. If it jumps out and attacks, it only means that it is a monster, not that I am a monster. . Therefore, I will not feel fear and panic because of its "miserable but always jumping out attack". It is it, I am still me.

I glanced around, and I heard the voice of Suo Suo from behind. It seemed that something was always behind me. From time to time, there were loud collisions and cracking sounds. There seemed to be something rushing up. I didn't even look back, because, I knew it was just sound. then. The smell also appeared. This smell is mixed with a breath. It makes people feel that there are some terrible creatures hovering near the side. When the light is dark, there is something that is not clearly visible from the corner of the eye, something is rushing to another corner.

The world of boundaries. It has become more and more fulfilling, supplementing every element that can cause fear, and even the wind has been generated. When it blows across the skin, it brings a strange coolness, and also brings the indescribable distance . The extremely chaotic voice, as if he has nowhere to escape, dangerous and malicious, has surrounded himself from all sides.

In my heart, there was still no ripples, and with Zhenjiang, I strode forward blindly. Zhenjiang suddenly made a giggling laugh. In the empty and lonely streets, this horror atmosphere adds a kind of infiltrating taste, as if she will become a monster and take my life in the next moment. But I just calmly and tightly grabbed her hand and held her forward.

I will not hesitate, nor be afraid, nor will I think about questions such as "if those terrible ideas become true." I trust the lover beside me with all my heart. There will be no thoughts of shock, abandonment and rejection because it has really deformed.

That's how I loved it, accepted it, trusted it, devoted myself wholeheartedly, and never looked back even if I fell into hell.

Zhen Jiang's laughter became louder and louder and more mad. It was like a lunatic who laughed madly and totally meaningless, and I responded to her with silence, taking every step firmly. I suddenly felt it. My own silence, and the laughter echoed in the atmosphere of terror, are mixed in a subtle and harmonious form, becoming extremely harmonious. In this strange harmony, all the fear factors are like the first snow. Melts quickly.

I couldn't help but feel the feeling that the world of the boundary line gradually became like a back garden that belonged to only us. The intuitive sense of its dead silence, sound, taste, etc., is fading away from my feelings. So, dead silence becomes tranquility, sound becomes rhythm, smell becomes vitality, and even disappears. Streetlights and creeping shadows have also become fun to cater to the rhythm. The perceptual changes of these factors suddenly brightened the gloomy boundary line-not really bright and stable light appeared, but a kind of sensual brightness.

My mood became brisk. When I looked at Zhenjiang, I found that she had stopped laughing, and was also looking at me. Now, she is completely inseparable from the neurotic mental patient. She is so quiet and beautiful, as described in the story. She is weak and pale, but has a tough and beautiful quality. She likes to play elegant piano music by the sunlit house windows.

The scenery in the boundary line began to be distorted again. The road ahead, the street lights beside the road, and even the tall buildings began to be distorted, as if reflected in the reflection in the water, because they were stirred up by ripples, repeatedly broken and joined together, as if Each fragment is mixed with other non-compliant fragments. Again, the towel embroidered with this landscape pattern was forcibly twisted.

However, there is a thin and long road in these broken and mixed scenes that seem to be twisted together, because this twist is clearly shown at the feet. Although it is not straight, it has no breaks and differences. , Is a "shortcut" that makes people feel that they can set foot and reach their destination as long as they reach the end.

This time, Zhenjiang suddenly took the initiative and took me to run on this "shortcut". I soon discovered that when I stepped on this road, it was not a step by step distance. Every step of landing ~ www.readwn.com ~ Withdrawing, when I turned around and wanted to see where I had originally settled, I found that the way I had passed was very different from the way I had originally observed. It's like, every step is actually from one "shortcut" to another "shortcut".

When Zhenjiang stopped, the distorted scenery gradually calmed down like ripples. When it was completely stabilized, I had reached the other end of the city. This location is at least half an hour's drive from where we started.

"Damn it, why is it so quiet tonight." Someone was talking. This time, it was really vocal, not something weird. The man came out of the shadow of an alleyway when I looked around. He was surprised and uneasy about the environmental elements in the boundary line, "Are I dreaming?" Because Zhenjiang and I were not far away from him, and only three of us can now be in this place, the only one that can confirm each other Character, so he saw us naturally, and hesitated for a moment before approaching us cautiously.

"Hey! Dude, what the **** happened?" His voice was rude, and he was not at all kind, there was a toughness that people had to answer. (To be continued. If you like this work, you are welcome to come to the starting point (m) to vote for recommendation and monthly tickets. Your support is my biggest motivation. For mobile phone users, please read at m.)