Restricted Doomsday Syndrome

Through the light, there is the universe at his feet—Dr. Ander stunned and looked around in all directions, and the deep starry sky stretched in his eyes to the infinite distance. Planets, stars, satellites, meteors, supernovas, white dwarfs, giant red stars ... The stars he knew were dotted in the darkness like sesame seeds, and the light and heat released were swallowed by the deep background before reaching him. He also saw that black holes were eating into galaxies, and saw giant cantilevers that were like the Milky Way slowly turning, and those extragalactic clusters that could not tell exactly what galaxy was exactly the size of a plate.

Yes, although it is a universe that extends infinitely far away, everything here seems to be miniaturized. In comparison, Dr. Ander is like a giant that has crossed many galaxies. He subconsciously held his breath, but he can actually breathe. In his sense, this universe is not a vacuum, and the necessary material for him to survive is everywhere here, just like breathing air in a normal environment. . Even so, he was shocked to the point that he could not breathe.

Dr. Ande simply did not understand why he saw such a scene. His last second of self-knowledge is still in the tower, in the thick darkness, even though the darkness is also strange, at the same time, the scene of the tower that he recognized at the same time, and he The scene inside the tower I have seen in the past is completely different. Compared with logic, he is thinking, judging and acting according to his own feelings. But no matter what, the anomalous experience before seeing this universe makes people feel more real.

Dr. Ander watched the universe, feeling the trembling of his nerves, his imagination solidified, and the thoughts once mixed in his brain, as if he had been severely grasped by an invisible hand and thrown in this infinite In the universe, he knew his insignificance-even if his body spanned dozens of stars, each star was as small as sesame seeds compared to himself, but he was permeating towards infinity In front of the starry sky, it is equally small.

His own hugeness and his own smallness are contradictory and identical, giving him an indescribable impact. Doctor Ande almost forgot what he wanted to do. Unable to think, he gradually felt a relief, as if it continued like this, melting in this universe-a melting at a higher level than the sensory state-only Is the right choice.

In this strange and beautiful experience full of contradictions but irresistible, he suddenly realized something. He could n’t explain clearly what he realized, it was not to see, not to recognize with the five senses, it seems that from a perspective beyond the human senses, he could perceive something vague-that is expanding indefinitely, Embellished by countless bright spots, but engulfed in light, the dark background that even black holes can accommodate, there is a shadow of different color texture creeping. Although it is indescribable, it must be described by his own life's cognition. It is like a thin, almost transparent film has been exposed in the background of the universe. Afterwards, Dr. Ande saw nothing, but he could not explain it at all, nor could he describe what he saw, or, when he was awake again, he just felt what he saw and was determined and fanatical. He insisted on what he saw, and the determination and fanaticism were so unfounded and illogical that he was surprised.

Even so, Dr. Ende could n’t explain what happened to him, from the beginning to the end of the time he did n’t know how long he was looking at the universe—he was sure he had changed and was alive to himself There is a heartfelt and inflated joy, he has been in a kind of difficult thinking for a long time, but it seems that he is thinking too much in silence, as if in such a quiet time, he can taste the joy of being alive.

Even when he was awake, Dr. Ande could not incorporate the observation and thinking of "what environment he is in" into his own cognition. He couldn't think, he couldn't think about it, he couldn't think about it when he thought about it, It is like there is an invisible and terrible force, gnawing at his non-physical structure of consciousness, thinking, spirit or soul, and finally will worm all through, leaving only a material empty shell.

In this process, even if he felt fear and despair, he couldn't tell--

Dr. Ende struggled to open his eyes suddenly, he saw that he was sitting at the table, holding a pen on the heritage note of "Gao Chuan", writing a story about himself as the main point of view-this is his own walking in the dark , Into the mysterious miniature universe, and in a wonderful experience, the whole person ’s consciousness and will are completely disintegrated by the terrible and indescribable existence-just because it is written in notes, so you can realize that all this They are not "facts", however, even if he is puzzled about why he wrote such content, and when he started writing, there is a fragment of memory, but this wonderful story for him is like It's the same as writing after really experiencing it.

From his own experience, Dr. Ande once again deeply felt the situation when "Gao Chuan" wrote his notes, or that there was an in-depth feeling of empathy: writing the personal experience that he recognized in a modified style. When I came down, I was clearly not a person in the book, but wandered in the story I wrote like a ghost. The characters in the book with the same name as him are not completely themselves, but they are still themselves. It was a shadow, a wandering of consciousness, a real illusion, and the existence of real things in the illusion, which was even a nightmare.

But why?

Why didn't I sit on the way to the light in the dark, but still sitting in the dark, writing on the table with the light? At some point in the memory, there was a terrible confusion in the cognition of the self-state. Even if Dr. Ander himself had rich theoretical knowledge, he could not rely on this knowledge alone to give him a completely convincing explanation.

Now, he has a deep heartfelt fear of actions such as "stop the pen, close the notes, and stand up to the depths of darkness", he can't help but think about it, if he really did, It will become the story he wrote, falling into an incomprehensible state, and what other people have encountered in a similar situation. He does n’t know, but that ’s not death, only for himself, More terrible than death.

Dr. Ander couldn't accept that he would end up as "Dr. Ander" in the story. Relatively speaking, although he didn't know why he was still in this darkness, "writing a story at the table" Behavior, but also behavior that he feels understandable and acceptable, because everyone can pick up a pen to write something, as long as they know the word, they can write a bad poem or a lame novel, it does n’t matter, maybe the content is terrible, but this is the case The behavior is normal for human beings.

"Out of the darkness, into the universe, and dissolve in the universe" ... If this is only the plot in the story I wrote, it is acceptable, even though it looks like a third-rate plot. Yes, no matter how crappy, or how weird, wonderful, and incredible, even unintelligible, as long as the stories written by myself are just using "strange", "wonderful", "incredible", and "incomprehensible" It ’s perfectly acceptable to describe it in a similar vocabulary. On the contrary, to truly experience the deep meaning contained in these words, even the deep meaning that has exceeded the meaning of these words ... that is really unimaginable.

Dr. Ende was trembling, and he found that he could no longer stop the pen, and got up from this chair. An instinctive resistance and deep fear were restricting his movements, only allowing his brain to work, even, to compare Work in a more active state in the past. He can only imagine, think, record, but can not do more practice. When he intends to do so, even if there is a little behavior related to this intention, it is so deep that it is difficult to explain. The fear from the heart will suffocate all of your soul.

Dr. An De tremblely picked up the pen, unable to think more, but in a transcendent experience, in Gao Chuan's notes, portrayed a new perspective, continuing the "Gao Chuan" unfinished, in the end of the illusion big Adventure. He feels that the content he wrote will become some kind of terrible influence, which will have an inestimable impact on today's isolated island hospitals. This is bad, incorrect, and extremely dangerous behavior. He shouldn't do it, but he can't stop him from doing it.

He heard the dream song again, the dreamy theater, the ghost was whispering, and he was also a member of the ghost, whispering while writing. It was a tribute to some kind of greatness, it was a fabrication of evil, and people used words that they could understand to describe meanings that they could not understand. It was wonderful and malicious. But more is "meaningless". The human sensory experience, as well as the various thinking and moral concepts that result from it, and even the observation and cognition of human beings are meaningless. Just a hymn is even more meaningless.

It's just that human observation and cognition give it meaning, so this meaning is nothing more than a layer of deceptive illusions and lies covering that meaningless essence. Human beings think they are meaningful things, but their essence is not transferred by human will. The arrogance or inferiority that humans think of meaningful meaning is so small in the face of the essence that does not use human will.

Dr. Ande does not understand whether everything he is experiencing is true or illusory, whether he is ill as a patient of doomsday syndrome, or is there really something beyond imagination that is happening in a way beyond his own senses . Although he feels that he is dreaming, he is not completely dreaming. There is a vague and ambiguous zone between the illusory dream and the truth of self-knowledge. In his mind, a voice suddenly asked himself, what about this island hospital where he is?

At first, he could not quickly understand the meaning of this question. However, the thoughts that spread from his mind began to ask deeply: What do I see, hear, and experience in this island hospital, is it real or a dream?

Dr. Ande answered this idea as soon as possible: "Of course it is true." He never doubted it. Rather, he was quite vigilant. Once he doubted this fact, he would truly collapse mentally. Doubting your own reality is precisely a pathological manifestation of mental illness in self-cognition.

So, the thought asked himself again: "What does the world outside the island look like? Do you really know the outside world? Or do you think you know it, but you just made it up and deceived your own cognition?" Dr. Ande Listen to your own voice, answer quickly, and describe what you know of the outside world-of course, that is just what you have seen before when you have not entered an isolated island. As a researcher, he has traveled around the world and has seen many ordinary Scenery that people have never seen in a lifetime. After that, he entered the Gudao Hospital and gradually mastered the direction of the research direction. He never left the Gudao, and now the hospital cannot stop the infection of the "virus". From the island and the offshore. The change can clearly feel that the world outside the isolated island is undergoing terrible changes. The work and living support of the hospital has been suspended, and it has caused people to have a bad imagination.

However, the voice questioned Dr. Ande himself again:

——Beside the isolated island, on the other side of the sea, does the world really exist? What do you realize that this isolated island hospital and the sea-sky connection you can see on the side of the island are not the "world"? Since I can no longer leave this island, I can no longer prove that the world where the island arrives still exists. Why is it so determined that I am not in a nightmare, and in this nightmare, this hospital island is the only place to stay?

"No, it's impossible, this island is just a small part of the world ..." Dr. Ende stopped his pen and pressed his forehead. He was sweating heavily, only to feel that his brain was being stirred by an iron rod.

However, as the questioning voice said, he does not seem to have any evidence to prove that he really is not in a nightmare, nor can he deny that he has contracted doomsday syndrome, nor can he be sure of himself at this moment, It's not that you are trapped in mental hallucinations. If you have already gotten sick and fall into a seemingly real mental hallucination, then when did you start?

Beyond the isolated island hospitals he knows, how many of them are real in the gloomy sea and the mutated ecology among the clues that constantly cause ominous thoughts?

When Dr. Ande broke free from this conscious activity that almost destroyed his reason, he found himself not knowing when he wrote the word "illusion" on a piece of paper. 21032.

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