Pretending To Be Gilead's Prince and Master Wizard

-KRISELLA-

It was a quick peck, a split-second moment when our lips met, but why does that affect me so much... such that I almost experience sleepless nights if not for that hot milk?

In this country, I am a commoner, lowly, so I almost gave up on Alex. Yet, why does he have to act like that...and make me confuse all of a sudden?

At the end of the kiss that night, it was him who broke away from me. Although I was still stunned by it at the time, he pretended it did not happen for the next few minutes... like it was a natural thing for him to do.

And the nerve of him to ask me if I was alright! Of course, I am not! How could he be so oblivious and stupid at the same time? This whole love thing drives me nuts, I swear!

"Uhm… Krisella?"

I snapped back to reality, my eyes filled with fury. "What?"

Suddenly, I remembered that I was sitting in our school cafeteria and was stabbing the poor piece of cake in front of me with my fork numerous times.

"What are you so mad about? You have been in a sour mood lately since you arrived in school." Calin pointed out, looking at me with all wariness. "Are you alright?"

"Is it about a boy?" Ariella made a guess, a very accurate guess indeed. When I didn't respond, Maggie and Cailin looked at her like, Girl, please. 

I tried to calm down. This has nothing to do with my personal affairs, so I better leave my friends out of our hot mess. 

"Nothing. Sorry, I was just… not in the mood to talk about it," I sighed and looked at them apologetically, trying to persuade them not to push through with this whole conversation.

One of the things I should be thankful about is having such genuine and understanding friends. One look like that from me and they will eventually understand that I am not uncomfortable discussing my personal matters.

"Alright. But if you are already comfortable about it, you know you can always confide in us. We will always have your back, no matter what." Maggie smiles a friendly smile. And it made me feel a bit better, knowing that I have such people of whom I could really trust with.

As you know, I cannot tell them I am in love with Captain of the magic army and that things have been really complicated between us, or they will eventually discover I was the girl in the dating rumors lately.

I guess I will be facing this problem alone. It was like that, as always.

On time, the school bell rang at five in the afternoon. Our last period teacher, Mr. Wimbshaw, dismissed us only after he gave us our homework that was due by tomorrow. Everyone groaned as usual, but we already knew we had to deal with it. Anyway, I will have the Royal Library all to myself later, so I don't have to worry about stuff such as this.

I was on my way towards the alleyway where a mentor will pick me up (and hoping and praying it wouldn't be Alex!) when I saw something that immediately caught my attention. 

"A circus show?" I wondered to myself, my forehead creasing a bit as I peeled a small banner off from the wall. It says here that the show would be held at the end of the month, the same day as my birthday!

I always remembered the time I went to some circus shows with my whole family back in our home village. One of the circus troupes I grew up with is known worldwide for performing amazing tricks. I forget who the troupe is by name, but because of them, my childhood was complete.

The show will also be held at Bartholomew Square's auditorium room, where we went on a field trip. There would be many people watching them, since they're quite famous as I mentioned. I should invite my friends as well! Wouldn't that be cool?

Taking all this into consideration, I hummed to myself happily as I walked into the alleyway, where I spotted Lucas (thankfully!) patiently waiting for me with one hand on his coat pocket.

"There you are," he says and smiles at me. I smiled back.

It was all a quiet trip back to the castle when he suddenly stops and whips his head in my direction.

"Did you and Alex have those meaningless fights of yours?" he suddenly asks, which has taken me by surprise.

I tried to deny it by acting as if I was not affected by his question. "No, we haven't. Why do you suddenly ask?"

He actually pleaded with me to pick you up instead of him doing it! It was on the schedule that he would be picking you up today, and I had already left to go to the orphanage when he suddenly stormed inside my office and pleaded." 

Wow, he must have really hated me then, Alex, setting aside his ego and pleading with Lucas to avoid me!

"Oh, I didn't know you guys have a schedule. I thought Lancelot was randomly choosing between you guys all along." 

"Lancelot just came with it himself."

That is so like Lancelot, I thought. He is truly a well-organized person who likes to make things according to plan.

---

After all of my training sessions are over, there isn't much else to do for me. Alex and I have kept it professional during our training, only discussing topics he is teaching me earlier-- nothing more, nothing less.

Deep inside, I am so bothered seeing him put on a straight face and behave like the obnoxious, irritating jerk I knew once when deep down I'm just as bothered by it. For men, the world has always been that way. 

Whereas for women, like me, we always end up losing and suffering because of them. The world is unfair, indeed.

I was still contemplating these thoughts inside my head while I was researching inside the royal library. Of course, I did ask permission to Lancelot to use it for academic purposes and he let me, thank goodness, but only if I act more carefully so that no one from this palace knows about our secret. I assured him that I won't fail him this time.

Flipping the page of the book I was looking through, I heard loud footsteps approaching me, so I quickly hid my notebook and pretended I was doing some casual reading around here. I've always been prepared for situations such as these.

"Don't bother hiding your notebook. It's just me, Krisella." 

My head jolted upwards upon hearing the voice of Alex, silently laughing in my direction. He keeps on taking steps towards me that it made me anxious now of his sudden presence.

"Well, how did you know I was here?" I already know how, but I still asked for the sake of having a decent conversation with him.

"I have a mouth to ask Lancelot of your location," he says knowingly and gives me a look like, Really? You have to ask that?

"And what brings you here then? As you can see, I am busy studying, so I don't want to be disturbed at the moment."

His face softens and gives me a pleading look. "I won't take up much of your time. I swear."

Since he came all over here, might as well hear him.

"Okay. Then what is it that you wanted to say?"

An awkward silence fills the air after that. No one has spoken anything after that. I can't help but raise my eyebrow at him.

"Well? I thought you won't take up much of my time?"

"Geez, don't pressure me like that! It's also disturbing for me, you know?"

"Just get to the point already!"

"Alright, alright!"

Then he clears his throat and sighs. "I'm sorry... for making you feel uncomfortable that day. I knew I shouldn't have kissed you, but you made me feel so thrilled that time when I felt down, and I can't help it!"

He didn't hear a word from me, so he continued.

"Just don't dwell on that so much. Think of it as my way of… showing gratitude, perhaps?" 

His words echo in my head like a broken record. Showing gratitude, huh?

"I think I am done already. Please go back studying."

He started walking away from here, but I couldn't help but ask, "Do you like me?" in a voice so strange that I also couldn't recognize myself.

He stops and turns around but is not making eye contact. "You already know my answer to your question."

Ouch. "Oh, okay."

He glanced at my face as he left, trying to find some kind of reassurance... or whatever that is he is looking for.

"But we're good… right?"

As sincerely as I could, I responded... 

"Yes, we are."