My Long Lost Mate

He stared at me in silence, as if surprised to hear that name coming from my mouth. His eyes trembled ever so slightly as he gazed into me, his mouth slightly opened to mumble out the words hanging on the tip of his tongue. 

"Violet, I—" he faltered, unsure about what to say, "I'm sorry."

As if hearing a curse, my heart pounded loudly. In every passing minute, I could feel my heartbeats getting faster and faster that I was afraid it would jump out of my ċhėst. A part of me knew that she would be gone, but a part of me also wished for her to stay. 

"Why?" my voice trembled as I asked, showing the fear in me, "Why are you sorry?"

Even before hearing his answer, tears began to blur out my vision, threatening viciously to fall down my cheeks. I bit back my lips to brace myself and immediately felt my heart sink when hearing the truth. 

"She is dead," he confessed, and soon after, tears came falling down my cheeks. They first started slowly, falling drop by drop before pouring down harshly like a waterfall. My breath started to become unstable, and no matter how hard I tried to stop my tears, they wouldn't stop—they couldn't. 

Though I have expected her to be dead, knowing that my ȧssumption was true hurts incredibly. I have always feared death, but it was even more so when I was the reason for it. Anna was dead, and I was the cause of her death.

Why did this have to happen to the people around me? It was the second time that people died because of me. Two people have died only to have me continue my life. Was it so wrong of me to live? Was there something wrong with me? Was I not supposed to live?

As if hearing my thoughts, Luke raised my lowered head, cupping my cheeks with his palms, "Violet, listen to me," he demanded, "It is not your fault."

"No, it is my fault," I shook my head, sobbing, "I should have died back then, back when I was in the forest with my mom. I should have died."

"No, please don't say such words," he pulled me into a tight embrace, his arms covering my small body, "It is never your fault that she is dead, and it is also never your fault for trying to live. Never, Violet."

Even after hearing his words, I couldn't help but feel that it was my fault. If only I died back then, maybe my mom would have a chance to run, and maybe Anna wouldn't have died. Both my dad and Fiona wouldn't have to get so pissed when seeing me, and the people in their manor wouldn't have to bear with me. And if I died, I wouldn't meet Luke, and he wouldn't have to risk his life protecting me from dangers.

Obviously, the world would be a better place without me in it, right?

I leaned in closer, hoping for a little support to be able to cope with the pain of losing yet another someone. As if the soul could bleed an ocean through the eyes, my tears rushed out of my eyes incessantly. I was wailing like a child and unable to breathe between the screams that spill almost unconsciously out of me, the feeling of grief was so intense that it felt like I was being swallowed by it. 

Losing someone was never easy, and no matter how many medicines there were out there, none could ever heal a broken heart. Only time could help ease the pain, help mend the broken heart. But what if there comes another pain in the process of healing? What could be done by then?

Some who were not strong enough to withstand the grief settled for the darkness of death, not wanting to bear the immense amount of pain any longer. But some who were strong enough continued to live, despite having to hide their sadness from the eyes of others. It would be when the night was the coldest and the darkest, that they succumb back to their anguish without anyone knowing. 

The first time I felt grief, I tried to be strong. And now that it was the second time, a question came to my mind.

Luke stayed by my side, holding me close as if he was afraid I would break the moment he let go of me. He kept silent, listening to my wailings and screams without saying any words but his arms strong around me. It was as if he was giving me the time and strength to let out my bottling emotions, to cry to my heart's content. 

"W-where is she?" I asked in between my sobs, trying hard to make my words clear, "Where is her grave?" 

He pushed me slightly away to look at my face, a pained expression on his face when he saw me, "There is no grave," he answered, grimacing. "Her remains were... fed to the dogs. There was nothing left of her."

As if hearing about her death was not enough, hearing about the cruelty that she suffered hurts me even more. The shock left me with no words to say, leaving only incoherent sobs to be heard. I felt so bad that she had to endure such pain just because of me—because of my greed to live. She was always the kindest, but how could she suffer such a terrible death?

I turned my head away, not wanting to meet Luke's eyes. It was clear that he felt bad seeing me cry like this, so I tried to stop my tears, but why can't I seem to stop them from falling? 

"Violet, look at me," he asked, but I shook my head, not wanting to heed his request. "Please," he begged, one of his hands on the side of my face, turning it gently his way. "I'm really sorry for keeping this from you. I really didn't want to see you sad," he apologized, wiping my tears away. "It pained me so much to see you like this. I wish for you to always be happy, but why are there so many things that made you sad?"

"Luke, I... I'm scared," I said, clenching the hem of my skirt, "What if all of this happened because of me? What if all of the people that I hold dear will suffer the same fate? What if—what if you will leave me too?"

"I will never leave," he ȧssured, taking my hands in his. "I will stay with you for the rest of my time, I will stay, until the day I took my last breath." He gave me a small smile before asking, "Will you stay with me too, Violet?" 

Among all the warm hugs that we shared with each other, it was always him who pulled us both together. But this time, I wanted to be the one who pulled him closer to me. I wanted him, to always stay with me. 

"I will," I put my arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug, "For as long as I live.

"So please," I begged, "Don't ever leave me. I don't want to be left again."

"Never, Violet," he answered, wrapping me inside his arms, "I promise."