I Won't Accept Your Regrets

The first place we met was a field of weeds that didn’t go well with the colorful Imperial Palace.

The first time I held my father’s hand and visited the Imperial Palace, I first met Raymond, who was lost in a maze-like Imperial Palace.

When I was only ten years old, and I was crying for my father.

When I cried and sat down on the grass, white hands were out in the open for me.

“Are you lost? Don’t cry and get up holding my hand.”

When I looked up, a black-haired boy with a blue bruise on his cheek was looking down at me.

That boy was Raymond.

Strangely enough, the moment I faced Raymond’s pitch black eyes, I stopped crying.

When I got up holding his hand, I felt like the vast palace was no longer scary.

His skinny body and bruises in his cheeks were worth the sparkle.

From that moment froward, I had Raymond deep within my heart.

Like fate, I fell in love with Raymond at first sight.

He took my whole heart before I could even come to my senses.

From that day on, when it was time, I followed my father to the Imperial Palace and met Raymond in the same place.

At that time, my father was a count who worked in the administrative palace, and he often went to the Imperial Palace.

I was able to follow my father easily with the excuse of being lonely when I was alone.

My father cared for me very much.

When I met Raymond, who had been in and out of the palace, I got to the point where I got used to the labyrinthine-like geography, I found out his identity on a particularly sunny day.

Following on that day he didn’t show up at the place we’d always go to.

I waited for him without hesitation, and as the sky began to turn red, I went out to find him.

After walking around the palace for a long time, I arrived at a very old palace.

The building was so small that I wondered if it were really actual palace, it wasn’t a Palace with shining gold all over, the outer wall was tangled with moss and vines.

“A prince with the blood of a lowly maid, what a shame. Why your father doesn’t even know what little luxuries this Palace holds.”

The man, who was about a yard taller than Raymond, spit dirty saliva and hit Raymond’s cheek hard.

Sfx: slap-!

Raymond didn’t make a reaction.

“It’s a shame that a man like you is a prince of this empire. Live as if you’re dead now.”

Toward a man who uttered words that must have hurt like a dagger, Raymond only bowed his head gently.

At that moment I bit my lips hard, but there was nothing I could do now.

The black-haired boy who was harassing Raymond was none other than Prince Astor, the Crown Prince of the Egrita Empire.

I learned the portrait of the Crown Prince when I just learned how to speak, so I couldn’t not know his face.

After a while, when the prince left the palace, I held my breath when I saw Raymond with his head down.

Because of the looks he made, my young heart became so painful.

But my cry that I couldn’t stop escaped and Raymond noticed me.

“Don’t cry. I’m fine.”

Raymond, with blue bruises on his cheeks like the day he first saw me, smiled calmly and soothed me.

I didn’t hold him in my arms  but instead cried in his arms because I felt sorry for him who couldn’t even shed tears.

He who doesn’t even know what it means to be a child.

🌷🌷🌷

It was the winter of my 16 years that I realized I loved him.

On the day when even the weeds were frozen, Raymond gave me a first-time, fluttering smile.

“I met a very beautiful person, Ellie. Every day she fills my head. She’s too…..”

My heart throbbed and hurt, but I smiled at Raymond.

I wished for his happiness.

He has told me a lot about her since that day.

What happens to her, what she talked to him about, and how much his heart beats at the sight of her smile.

I’ve seen him for a long time, but it was the first time he was so happy.

But ironically, the more happy he was, the more sad I became.

It was already too late when I found out that the reason why I was upset was because I loved him.

I realized my love, but I couldn’t confess my heart to him who was already looking at someone else.

It was the day of the Imperial Palace’s ball, marking the beginning of spring.

On a warm spring day, when everyone’s faces were full of smiles, I saw Raymond’s girl.

The artist’s Yeong-ae, Lize Nacio, A beauty with blonde and green eyes.
(Yeong-ae (영애, 令愛) – lit. the beautiful and beloved. Used to refer to another person’s daughter, usually of higher position.)

Lize and Raymond were such a beautiful couple.

Seeing them smiling at each other, I decided to give up my love for him.

There was no place for me to stand between them when they were perfectly happy with each other.

But their happiness did not last long, overshadowing my determination.

It was quickly shattered when Lize got married to be the concubine of the old king of the Western Kingdom.

Raymond, who came to me drunk on a dark night, leaned over my shoulder and gave a deep sigh.

“There’s nothing I can do, Ellie. I’m so pathetic that I can’t even protect her.”

After Lize Nacio left for the West Kingdom, Raymond lost his smile. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get his smile back.

Still, I kept by him hoping he would find a smile someday.

But as I laughed at my efforts, Raymond’s mother died the year I turned 18.

The reason was that he accidentally spilled wine on the crown prince’s clothes at the party venue.

The trifle incident had grown into a nonsense that it also had tainted the crown prince’s honor.

I could only guess that Raymond, the heir to the throne at least by name, was trying to break down the future king of the throne.

In addition, Raymond’s mother, who was so poor that she was not even recognized as a concubine, was eventually beheaded.

The imperial family didn’t even allow a funeral.

When I heard the news and ran to his palace, I saw Raymond’s eyes water for the first time that day.

No matter how beaten and ignored he was, he didn’t cry even though his beloved woman left, But he finally began crying while holding his mothers clothes in his arms.

My heart was torn to see him collapsing like a young child, but all I could do was stand still until his tears stopped.

“Ellie, I’ll never lose my precious people again.”

Raymond, who spoke with a glare of his pitch-black eyes, revolutionize exactly a year later.

It was not difficult to gather people because there were a lot of people who were dissatisfied with the imperial emperor and the incompetent prince, who were struck by pleasure.

The father was the first to come down with Raymond, and the imperial family, which had been so corrupt, was now in the hands of Raymond.

There was no civil war. The reaction ended in vain.

He became the emperor and soon after, I became the empress, the daughter of a father, who made great contributions to the rebellion.

“I grew up watching my mother’s loneliness all my life, Ellie. I will never fill the palace with women like the Emperor. But I can’t promise love, but I swear I won’t get another woman into the palace.”

On the wedding day, he didn’t tell me love.But I swore to him that I was the only one who would always stand by him.

The promise was enough for me.

Because I thought I could love him more even if he didn’t love me.

So we believed that our future would be happy

🌷🌷🌷

‘You’re pregnant. I really congratulate you. ‘

The senator’s voice lingered in my mind.

I had to endure a lot of grief after losing my first child. He told me he was fine but I knew it.

That he was expecting a child. Only when I had a child he had a joyous expression at me with a sincere, a lean look, not a formal interest in me.

However, after the palace doctor said that it might be difficult to have children anymore, he distanced himself from me more than before.

But I didn’t blame him. He had high expectations for a child.

So how much nicer would it be to hear from us that we have a baby again?

I couldn’t wait to tell Raymond the news.

“Your Majesty, I’ll tell you what. You should walk a little slower…”

“It’s all right. I can’t wait to see him. “

I smiled brightly, putting back Helan’s worried words.

When I arrived in front of the emperor’s office in a step, I took a breath and opened my mouth to the servant.

Raymond’s voice was not heard in the office.

“Lize Nacio will return to the Empire.”

“…Lize Nacio?”

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When I looked at the door of the office with a stiff face.

“The day after tomorrow, Lize and I will be back from the West, so make sure you get ready without a hitch.”

The sound of Raymond’s words, which seemed to make commands, sank my heart.

🌷🌷🌷
End of Chapter 001
This Actual made me really sad! So expect that I’ll be posting the next chapter really soon!