I Loved You In Order To Survive

“But are you going to stay still? I’ve watched you throughout the revolution. Of course, you have a flaw in your lineage, but I consider you the most devoted comrade. If you can show that to leadership, it might open the way for you. No, it will. So, if you have any useless thoughts, leave them behind, so I can see the light in those handsome eyes again.”

“Will the leaders reverse their decision? Aren’t they right? I am the son of a Beldam landowner, and I cannot change that fact.”

Giles said self-deprecatingly. He was a stain on the surface of the new leadership. After removing the taint, small stains became visible. Then the final cleaning began.

“Talking in circles doesn’t suit me, so I will give it to you straight. I want you to stay working under me.”

Harrington leaned forward.

“I will do my best to help, so even if there is not much time left, I hope you will not give up until the end. You are a loyal talent to the Revolutionary Army. I know because I’ve seen it the closest. But those higher up have never seen you the way I have, so they made that judgment.”

“What can I do?”

“There’s a mission I want you to take care of.”

Harrington held out a file. Giles took the file and turned the pages to examine the contents. Escaped prisoners. According to reports, they were heading towards Beldam.

They would be free after they crossed the border that had been loosened in the aftermath of defeat, and no one knew how it would affect the future of Ipswin.

“Your job is to arrest them before they cross the border. You’ll have to pay more attention to this mission than you’ve ever done before. Think of it as a serious issue and deal with it. Try to leave at dawn tomorrow. All the information you need will be in this document.”

“Are they important people?”

“Once you get to know who they are, you will understand. I will send a message to your men.”

Harrington added, rubbing his cigarette into the ashtray.

“Turn them into corpses and bring them to me. It’s always a hassle to clean up. You’d agree, wouldn’t you?

***

“What are you thinking?”

Lily put her face in front of his, and Giles woke up from his thoughts. Lily laughed at his startled reaction.

“I don’t think much.”

“Liar. I thought you were angry. Something must be going on. You’re frowning, and there’s no way you’re paying attention.”

Lily was speaking in a cheerful voice, but she couldn’t take her eyes off Giles. She was always somewhat nervous around him, even when she pretended not to be…

Perhaps, the fact that he was an officer in the Revolutionary Army was intimidating…? It was a possibility. Giles made up something to reassure Lily.

“Because I’ve been working for a long time, there are times like that. It’s a habit.”

“Is it anything special?”

She was quick-witted. She had already noticed that something special had happened. But Giles didn’t want to comment on it.

“You don’t have to worry.”

“Really?”

“Yes, so don’t worry.”

Giles assured and offered the bread he had brought. Lily took it with her long, slender hands. They were definitely the hands of a talented pianist.

“The bread will be a little hard.”

“It’s okay. I’m just thankful that I can eat.”

“Eat slowly. Otherwise, you’ll have an upset stomach.”

Lily nodded. This time, both were silent. Lily was also lost in her thoughts.

She had become much healthier. She was still pale because she couldn’t get sun, but her ghostly appearance improved noticeably. Her hair was slowly growing, too.

“Well, I have a question…”

Lily hesitated and continued.

“You must be busy, but you keep coming all the way here and bringing me food. Is it any trouble? I’m a woman who you should not care much about, so I’m curious about why you’re giving me this much of your time.”

She asked cautiously. Giles answered simply, looking at Lily.

“I come because I feel safe when I’m with you.”

“All I do is eat the food you give me.”

“Yes, that’s enough.”

He meant it. Watching Lily eat the food he brought gave Giles a great sense of security. 

“And if I don’t come, you’ll definitely starve.”

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“I didn’t expect you to be so considerate.”

Was it awkward that someone cared for her? Her attitude had changed a lot compared to when he first met her, but she still did not adjust comfortably to the goodwill Giles showed.

“I’m grateful that you saved my life…”

“Lily. Sometimes good things happen. Don’t try to think about it too deeply.”

Giles added.

“Right now, you are the only one holding me back.”

Lily seemed surprised to hear that. She couldn’t hide her embarrassment. Giles looked at Lily and asked.

“Do you leave the mansion often?”

“Only when I have to pick fruit.”

“Then what do you do with the rest of your time?”

“Most of the time I lie down. There’s not much else I can do. But I don’t have any complaints. No one wants to hurt me now. The fact that I can be alone makes me happy.”

“Why don’t you go out for a walk or something?”

“It could be dangerous if people notice me.”

There were no people around here. That was because it was originally the private property of an aristocrat, and there were not many people who dared to snoop around the area requisitioned by the Revolutionary Army.

“It may not be as dangerous outside as you think.”

“But if anyone sees-”

“If you stay with me, you will be fine.”

Giles rose from his seat and held out his hand. He wanted to take Lily outside. Now that there were no persecutors, she was free. But Lily restrained herself because of her fears.

Giles wanted to set Lily free, even if it was just for one day.

“Are you asking me to go outside?”

“That would be better for you. You should get some sun.”

“But I don’t have shoes.”

Giles looked down at Lily’s bare feet. It made sense. It would be trouble if she followed him and hurt her feet. Giles, who didn’t want that to happen, spoke softly.

“Excuse me.”

Then he picked up Lily. Startled, Lily let out a short scream.

“Giles!”

“Tell me if you feel uncomfortable.”

Lily shook her head with a red face. She embraced Giles by the neck. He took it as a sign of permission.

Together, the two left the mansion. The autumn sky was clear. Lily shielded her eyes from the dazzling sun. The rural scenery surrounding the mansion was peaceful.

Giles took Lily to a place he had his eye on. It was a stream where countless wildflowers were blooming. It was such a beautiful place that he thought nobles might have walked there.

He carefully put Lily down near the stream. She looked around with unfamiliar eyes, as if it was her first time there.

“I never knew there was a place like this.”

She admitted. The sound of the flowing stream harmonized with the birdsong and led them to a completely different world. After being trapped in the abandoned mansion, Lily seemed to have gained life force here. 

“Thank you.”

“Mhm.”

A small group of titmice* chirped in the distance. Giles thought about how long it had been since he had had such a peaceful time with someone. He would never have had this time if he hadn’t saved Lily.

[T/N: Tufted Titmouse (singular) is a species of bird. It is also believed as a symbol of good luck, especially in a dream or vision.]

He looked down at Lily, who was silently kicking her feet in the stream. He was sure. He didn’t want to hurt Lily. He thought that if anything happened to her, he wouldn’t be able to bear it any longer.

She was already a haven and a paradise for Giles.

It was unclear whether he could save his own life, but Giles saved at least one person.

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The fact gave him great comfort.

Giles thought about the mission General Harrington had recently assigned him. It seemed like a normal mission to arrest fugitives, but… Somehow it was suspicious.

If this was a really simple mission, why did Harrington call it a serious matter, talking about his life?