I Can’t Run Away From the Girl Who Saved Me

49 – Aftermath (4)

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The Goddess Church is looking for Ash.

And Ash and Lila are Maria’s younger siblings.

That was the conclusion Sylvia drew from this letter.

under,

Certainly, Ash had a resemblance to Maria.

Like Maria, who was willing to risk her own life to save Sylvia, Ash also declared that he would be willing to stand by her side to prevent the curse from spreading to the world.

Neither strong enough to overcome the pain, yet struggling in pain far beyond their limits.

In the end, he was willing to put his feet into hellish pain.

And next to him was always Sylvia.

what does it mean to be a warrior

what is a hero

Sylvia desperately realized that she was nothing short of a reverse god to the siblings.

“… I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Really… I’m sorry. Lila… Ash… I, I was wrong.”

Sylvia chanted a meaningless atonement, banging her head on the soil moistened with the decayed sap from the corpse.

He had repeated empty apologies to his dead comrades, including Maria, countless times during the long time he had already spent in the forest.

However, the feelings Sylvia felt now were different.

Usually, it was the guilt that only he survived, and the apology for not delivering their wills and mementos to their hometown.

But now, the despairing regret of realizing how terrible a person she was was blowing up like a balloon inside her body, as if tearing her skin.

“Ughhhhh!”

Isn’t it for this that a hole is drilled in the skin of a human face?

To the extent that she could think of such a thing, an animal-like howl came out of Sylvia’s mouth, and tears poured out of her eyes like a collapsed dam.

In an instant, Sylvia’s throat became hoarse.

In an instant, the whites of both eyes burned as red as the pupils.

pain.

My heart hurts so much.

It was so painful that, if I could, I would have wanted to slit my chest with a sharp dagger and pull out my beating heart and crush it.

Ha, even if that’s possible, what’s the point?

That pain couldn’t even follow Maria’s pain, and my life would be nothing more than new blood compared to the future Ash had taken away.

How can I atone for them with this humble body that only kills the enemy while sacrificing the person next to me?

Maria and Ash.

The two people who reached the deepest part of Sylvia’s life.

The two siblings’ lives were shattered by Sylvia’s hand.

Sylvia realized that fact only now.

It is now, the day after he induced Ash to murder because of his own petty greed.

“Ahhh!”

Sylvia took the dagger she had pulled from the corpse with lightning speed and thrust it into her own throat.

The blade of the dagger melted away leaving behind a terribly black soot.

“Heh… hehehe, hehehehe…”

What should I do?

How can I feel the pain that Maria felt?

What should I do to replace the pain that Ash would feel?

No matter how much I thought about it, there was no answer.

It was impossible.

It was physically impossible, and honestly, I didn’t even have the courage to do it.

But Sylvia, who didn’t even dare to reveal the whole truth to Ash right now and ask for forgiveness, couldn’t have that kind of courage.

Sylvia used to refer to the painful years spent in the woods as ‘slow hell’.

This kind of hell in the form of a cabin where you have to constantly face your mistakes in a slow time that almost lasts forever.

In order to survive this hell, Sylvia’s heart naturally grew cold.

In order to live, I had to adapt naturally.

But no matter how coldly she calmed her emotions, in the end her mind would be so helplessly shredded by a colder, painful chill.

Then one day, warmth appeared in her own hell.

The warmth of the name Ash, which warmed Sylvia’s heart, which was hardened like a stone in pain, gradually became heat, and the heat quickly became a torch and sunlight that warmed her heart, which quickly cooled down.

But Ash was neither a torch nor a sunlight.

It was a forest fire that burned miserably without being able to put out the fire that was blown into the body due to someone’s malice or mistake.

A forest fire that does not go out until it burns Ash’s heart and mind to black.

And Sylvia finally realized that the flint that sparked the fire was herself.

“… I’m not a hero at all… I, can’t be that great…”

Sylvia muttered that.

What is a warrior?

What is courage and what is strength?

Is it really courage to face the trials that you can overcome with ease?

Or is it true courage to throw oneself into a pit of fire, knowing that oneself will beg for one’s life in a miserable state at the end of endless despair in pain, but still not being able to turn away from the situation when one avoided it?

Lila and Ash.

That proud brother and sister are much more amazing people than me.

Sylvia thought so sincerely.

＊

Sylvia read the letter found on the corpse over and over again.

It was because I wondered if the name of the person looking for Ash was written somewhere.

However, the information available from the letters and envelopes was no longer available.

Sylvia slowly touched the ground and rose from her seat.

It was a relief that Ash hadn’t seen this letter.

Because it seemed certain that if he knew that these men had come to the forest to find him, Ash’s mind, which was still slowly collapsing, would be completely destroyed and driven mad.

But at the same time, I also felt that I should let him know.

It was clear that it wouldn’t be easy to pretend not to know that he was Maria’s younger brother, and the urge to atone for forgiveness by confessing the whole truth to Ash, who would not know about his sister’s last days, was constantly rising.

Of course, Ash might resent him.

Of course I didn’t want that.

However, even if Ash, who realized all the facts, insulted him and left, even if he had no choice but to sit on the floor and stare at the footsteps of his cold hearted departure,

The wish that Ash would rather overcome all the pain with resentment towards Sylvia, rather than suffer from pain like now, was also clearly in Sylvia’s mind.

Like Maria, who was willing to set herself on fire even while screaming.

Sylvia also felt the urge to sink into the sea of solitude tied to the chains of self-torture while embracing all of Ash’s pain alone.

Paradoxically, Sylvia was clearly aware of the helplessness and inner peace she paradoxically felt in it, in which she wanted to obey even the harshest fate for Ash’s sake.

However, Sylvia knew.

“…coward.”

that he could never

The fact that he, who had already struggled in loneliness for the past few years, would never be able to overcome the loneliness that Ash’s resentment added to him.

He knew very well that there was no way he could choose such a sacrifice.

Sylvia tossed the letter into the blazing fire.

The urge to atone tried to stop Sylvia to the end, but she immediately closed her lips firmly and held her own crying heart.

Sylvia kept her mouth firmly shut and moved her hands that had stopped for a moment.

The body is dismembered and wrapped in a large bear skin.

I also packed everything I needed inside a bearskin, and threw everything I didn’t need to take with me into a deep hole and buried it.

The fire was made even bigger, and all the grass and trees with bloodstains were burned.

Even if other pursuers appeared, Silvia moved thoroughly so that they could not find their traces.

He stomped his foot heavily on the slope where the wagon had fallen, ripping up all the dirt and turning it over.

Insects that were crawling in the soil came pouring out with a pop.

Bug-eating mountain beasts gather, eat a lot, scatter dung, and soon new grass will grow.

The wreckage of the wagon Ash had burned was also scattered.

Sylvia groaned as she tossed away the burnt pieces of wood one by one.

“…even if you’re not a hero, that’s fine.”

“You know I’m cowardly.”

“I know that I really did a mortal sin against those two.”

After finishing all the work, Sylvia slowly looked around.

All traces of yesterday’s brutal fight and carriage accident had disappeared.

The surrounding land and plants were all messed up, but rather, it looked like a trail swept away by a large monster like a troll or an ogre.

Sylvia breathed slowly and whispered quietly.

“Still, I can’t let Ash go.”

＊

On the way back to the cabin, Sylvia felt her steps keep twisting.

I almost fell several times as I hurriedly kicked the ground.

However, despite knowing it, Sylvia did not slow down.

The corpses inside the bearskin sack slung over their backs sway and mix.

Courtesy for the dead, the risk of stepping on the wrong root of a rugged tree and getting sprained, and the fact that the luggage you packed can be damaged while shaking around.

Ignoring all possibilities, Sylvia stepped forward, crossing her legs quickly as if whipping a horse’s butt.

I missed Ash.

Right Now.

A complicated mind and heavy guilt sometimes stuck out her head to make Sylvia hesitate, but whenever that happened, Sylvia clenched her teeth tightly and ran with her eyes wide open as she only looked forward.

She decided to be bold.

It doesn’t matter if you’re not a hero, and it doesn’t matter if you’re Ash’s enemy.

You already know that you are selfish.

I don’t care if anyone curses at me, so I wanted to hug Ash now.

I wanted Ash to hug me.

“Ash doesn’t have to know anything.”

Ash still knows nothing.

Isn’t that important

If you don’t know, there’s nothing to be sad about.

That these corpses were the ones who came looking for Ash, that Maria was my colleague.

All of which Ash did not have to know.

under,

What I was thinking about a moment ago is an absurdly simple conclusion.

what? uncover the truth?

If it’s for Ash’s sake, after he leaves you, is it okay to suffer alone?

really?

right. Yes. It’s true.

But is telling the truth really for Ash?

Ash knows nothing and just needs to be happy.

The guilt of hiding the truth, the hatred towards oneself, and the sorrow of looking at oneself who has lost honor as a warrior.

All I have to do is handle it myself.

Couldn’t that also be seen as embracing the pain alone for Ash?

yes?

That’s right.

Sylvia quietly raised the corners of her mouth, which trembled anxiously.

Her red eyes gleamed strangely in the dark forest of the night.

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Sylvia’s heart, beating as fast as her hasty steps, gave out a twisted voice.

Although it was bent and broken due to monopoly desire and contradiction, it was clearly the voice of Sylvia’s own heart.

If you think about it, where is such a simple calculation?

If I reveal the truth, Ash suffers, and so do I.

If I hide the truth, only I suffer, and Ash can be happy.

Then I’ll just have to deal with it myself.

Isn’t that a real sacrifice?

The happiness I get from being with Ash?

It’s just a small reward.

Sacrifice must be rewarded.

Thanks to Maria’s sacrifice, it became a world where the demon king disappeared.

The curse of the demon lord stopped harming people because I was locked up in this forest.

what a wonderful story

So, just leave it to me.

Because I will sacrifice again, and again, and again.

It’s okay to sacrifice even the pride of a warrior this time.

It’s okay to sink into the mud.

just give me ash

“Aww!”

At that moment, something appeared in front of Sylvia with a loud scream.

It was a gigantic monster with a huge mouth with hideous teeth sprouting from its belly.

Sylvia showed her annoyance all over her face as if it was a nuisance.

It was a monster I had seen before.

I remember that it was definitely one of the mixed bloods of an ogre and a giant.

It was definitely a monster that had to be seen near the Demon King’s Castle, but why did it come all the way here?

I don’t know, I honestly didn’t even want to think about it.

Sylvia did not stop walking.

Rather, it spurred the ground even more vigorously and soared into the air.

“Move.”

The monster stood there dumbfounded, as if not understanding the situation.

Sylvia took a picture of the monster’s face with her knee, then threw it to the ground while still holding on to the damp flesh with sparse thick hair.

Tremendous vibrations were transmitted to the ground with a loud roar as if a rock the size of a house was falling.

The monster’s head was crushed between the hard ground and the knee of Sylvia, who was carrying five corpses.

Sylvia shook her feet lightly, brushed off the blood and brain fluid, and started running again.

Anything insignificant gets in the way.

I was annoyed.

I didn’t want to be disturbed even for a second until I met Ash.

As she runs, she sees various monsters passing by her in her peripheral vision.

A little bit more today

Sylvia bit her lip.

Damn, that’s not such a difficult request.

only one boy

It’s not like I’ve done anything wrong enough that I shouldn’t covet that either.

Because I’ll save Ash for Maria’s share.

I’ll take care of Ash, even as his parents do.

Because Lila’s share will be held in Ash’s arms.

More than that fiancé… I’ll love Ash more than anyone else in the world.

therefore.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a monster, a beast, a human, a goddess cult, or whoever it is.

Everyone get out of this forest.

.