Fantasy world

Until now, from a chaotic young man in a big city, I have been inexplicably involved in the torrent of going to the mountains and going to the countryside. It has only been a few months, but my life seems to have spanned decades. From being industrious and neglecting food to working people who are self-reliant, from carefree youth and ignorance to the difficult years of life and death, these ups and downs indeed come too fast and too fierce, making my frail body fragile. His mind was on the verge of collapse in an instant.

Now, almost everything around me feels strangely strange and fearful. Whether it was the indifference or even contempt I saw among the men, women, and children in the bay at the beginning, or the increasingly complicated anger, ridicule, enthusiasm, and kindness now, I couldn't recognize them at all, and I was at a loss what to do. Even Uncle Mi and Aunt Michelle, I feel that they and I are slowly becoming estranged.

I am an educated youth, I am a visitor from outside the world, I am an outcast abandoned by God. I suddenly landed in this strange environment. I am not accustomed to the acclimatization and feel uneasy. This is all spontaneously arising from my subconscious mind.

It is this kind of emotion that makes my yearning for Zhang Xiaolian permeate every cell in my body unconsciously.

She is a cadre, she picked me up from the commune, she can't leave me alone; she is a cousin, she promised to treat me as a relative, to visit me often, to care about me, encourage me, and help me She is the one who solves difficulties and gets through them; she is an angel, and she is my only trust and reliance now.

But why does she leave me alone now? Why? Why did she become like this? Why are you so cruel to me? Is it because Wu Wenyan and I caused this embarrassing incident? Or was it because I said such crazy things to her that night...

But she didn't see me anymore, how could I explain and apologize to her? Could it be that she and I are slowly becoming estranged and becoming strangers?

This is the greatest pain and suffering deep in my heart! No one knows, no one understands, no one tells or resolves!

Michelle was deliberately trying to get in trouble with me, and I didn’t dare to meet Wu Wenyan alone; Zhang Xiaolian was still missing, and Mi Helingzi and the other little girls, I could only passively receive their visits, and I couldn’t even think about anything else. OK. My life is still"sunrise and sunset" day after day, but my heart is constantly squeezed by incomparable longing and depression. I can't lift my mood and collapse day by day..

So bored and extremely irritable, as I missed Zhang Xiaolian day and night, Yu Ruonan suddenly appeared in my mind. There was such a big disturbance this time, and Yu Ruonan did her best and helped me a lot. Why can't I just act ungrateful and be ungrateful?

Now that I am here, apart from Zhang Xiaolian, Yu Ruonan should be the person closest to me and the most dependent on me. In addition, everyone in my family knows about the special relationship between Yu Ruonan and me, and everyone in Wanzi also knows about it. Everything is an internal relationship between us educated youths and has nothing to do with the vast number of poor and lower-middle peasants. It is justifiable for me to visit her and she to visit me. With this reason, won’t I be completely liberated?

Thinking of this, I suddenly became enlightened, like Columbus discovering the New World. right! Yu Ruonan, I can only wrong you this time and let you take the blame for me. I would rather let my family and people in Wanzi misunderstand that the two of us have some sticky and ambiguous privacy, than really cause any trouble with Wu Wenyan, let alone draw people's attention to the relationship between me and Zhang Xiaolian. between.

During this period, my mood made the atmosphere at home very dull. Hearing that I was going to visit Yu Ruonan, Uncle Mi and Aunt Mi were stunned for a long time, but soon showed a relaxed smile.

"Go! People have come to see you several times, and you should have gone to see them a long time ago. You two grew up in the same yard and were sent down together. When you get here, aren't you as close as family members?"

Aunt Mi also specially prepared a jar of pickles for me. In those days, pickles in the countryside were also very precious gifts. Not everyone could enjoy such high treatment. It can be seen from this that Yu Ruonan was in Mi In my aunt's mind, my status is quite high.

Michelle heard that I was going to visit Yu Ruonan, and her mood seemed to be much more relaxed. Her attitude and anger towards me obviously turned into a kind of resentment and sullenness!

"You miss Sister Nannan, what’s the point? Wouldn't you have said it earlier? Wouldn't you say it nicely? You are so nervous that you make us worry and worry about you!"

I could only keep it in my heart and keep silent about Michelle's change of attitude. I set off to visit Yu Ruonan as planned, but Michelle was reluctant to leave and sent me outside the village.

"Cher! Don't get me wrong! I'm going to see Sister Nan Nan——"

"elder brother! It's you who misunderstood us! You want to see your sister Nan Nan, who among us is stopping you? You two are both educated youths, childhood sweethearts. Even if you like each other, that's normal and no one can care about you?"

"look at you! He said there was no misunderstanding!"

"OK, OK! It doesn’t matter if I misunderstand or not, go and come back quickly! You can explain it to Sister Wen Yan later and don’t hurt people’s hearts too much!"

"You said Wenyan——"

"Why! Don't forget, you two are now in the public eye. Although you have helped others, you can't stab someone in the heart again!"

"What? Is this what Wu Wenyan told you?"

"This is what I said!"

"You little kid, you are messing around again!"

"elder brother! I won't mess around anymore. You have to help people to the end. You can't dump them just after you get engaged? Then aren't you more immoral than Americans?"

"What are you talking nonsense about? How could I be so wicked?"

"yes! I also promised my brother that if you are with Sister Wenyan again in the future, I will not mess with you! Sister Wen Yan has also told me a long time ago that she will take the initiative to quit after this period of limelight!"

"OK, OK! I also promise to follow your arrangements. Is that okay?"

Michelle reluctantly sent me off for a long journey. It seems that in her heart, she is still very nervous that there is something wrong with me and Yu Ruonan, and she would rather let Wu Wenyan and I get closer. She believes that Wu Wenyan and I The promise I made to her in the past is more important and safer to her. Even if we get closer, it will make her more assured and practical. But if I really have something with Yu Ruonan, the nature will be different. Then what I said before was really to coax the child.

The child's mind is still much shallower, and I can see through what she is thinking at a glance. But I don't care so much now, after all, she is still a child. I don't care. Be good to her and be responsible to her, that is a thing for later, there is still time.

After my repeated urging, she stopped sending me away. After I left her, I never looked back. I know she is still standing where she is. Looking out, I deliberately acted firm and unfeeling, trying not to let her see me more clearly.