Even If I Killed This Love, Only You Wanted To Protect It

“Well then everyone, see you tomorrow.”

Today class has finally ended. I carried the bag over my shoulder, getting ready to finally go home.

After the reading session in the first period, I kept getting cautious over the thought of whether Shimizu Terumichi would say any more weird things or not. That itself ended up as an overthinking of mine, though.

As the class ended, as usual, Shimizu Terumichi didn’t give any attention to my existence, and was playing around with Kouno Yuka and the others.

I’m sure what happened today was just an action born out of a fleeting thought.

I left the classroom feeling somewhat relieved and walked down the corridor towards the shoe box area while avoiding the prying eyes. As I was nearing the shoe box area, I heard someone’s voice who I’ve listened to way too much today, calling “Hey” from behind me.

I keep walking while ignoring that person, only to hear footsteps getting louder followed by “Wait for me, Higuchi-san,” said by a person whose hobby is making fun of other people.

I reluctantly look back, only to have Shimizu Terumichi rushed towards me with that stupid face of his. Behind him is Kouno Yuka, Chidariko, Terada, and of course all those unnecessarily shiny groups of people, giggling as they look at me.

I don’t know whether his reason for hiding behind the shoe box was out of expecting not to get found, or looking down at me because it doesn’t even matter if I was the one who found him. Either way, it gives me unpleasant feelings.

“Higuchi-san, let’s go back together?”

Like hell I would.

Is what I’d like to answer but, I don’t want neither this guy nor Kouno Yuka and her groupies to see me stuttering.

Should I just shake my head to show me declining, but will it seem unnatural for me to do that. Unable to reach a conclusion left me standing there silently until Shimizu Terumichi said frivolously, “Is it that difficult to decide? Then I should just take you away.” Without a hint of hesitation he took my arm and we walked down the shoe box area. He then casually takes out my shoes from the shoe box and lined them up on the floor.

“My lady, please allow me to help you change your shoes~ Just kidding.”

He said it as he grabbed my ankle and casually took off my uwabaki[1]. And when he’s done changing my shoes he gave me my uwabaki, saying, “Here.”

“……Eh?”

“You’re bringing it home, right? Here you go.”

As if urging me to accept it, he once again offered me my uwabaki. How did he know that I’m taking mine’s home? I received my uwabaki whilst being confused, and put it into the bag I’ve always prepared beforehand. Shimizu Terumichi continued smiling while putting on his shoes, and roughly closed the shoe box before turning back to face me.

“Well, let us go home, Higuchi-san.”

Those eyes that feel as if he’s looking through me.

I want to push him and run away from here.

But I know what will happen if I really choose to run away. I know things will get even worse tomorrow. That’s why, I was never given any option from the very beginning.

I wish this guy would just disappear.

I started to walk while cursing him inside my heart, and he gave me a satisfactory nod. And behind me is those annoying shining groups of people, a triumphant smile plastered on their face as they watched over us.

I’m holding my hatred as I followed Shimizu Terumichi who walked towards the school gate.

“Can I take a picture to commemorate our first time going home together?”

After saying that, Shimizu Terumichi takes out his phone with black case and turns back to me.

It’s been 30 minutes since I left the school while feeling those sights behind me, but I keep feeling like we are not arriving at the nearest station at all.

Ever since he said, “Higuchi-san, you’re taking the train to school right?” when we left the school grounds, I felt like we’d been walking in a circle, passing through an unknown road for a while.

I first thought that it’s because he doesn’t want anyone to see him walking with someone like me, but at times we walked through a road bustling with people, and when I thought he’s entering some kind of a shop, we just took a look once and left the store just like that.

Just what is this guy thinking.

Squeezing my bag strap, I was trying to understand Shimizu Terumichi, who was walking happily in front of me, or to be exact, the reason behind his action when he suddenly opened the camera and hugged my shoulder.

“Commemorating our first time going home together~”

Click. I can hear the sound of a picture being taken.

“Alright, this is the best! Let’s make sure not to send it to anyone. They might use it for something bad, after all.”

Shimizu Terumichi turned his phone to face me and showed me the picture he just took.

Next to Shimizu Terumichi who’s smiling from ear to ear, was me who’s looking down to the earth.

No matter how you see it, this is not the ‘best’ picture.

Moreover, as if used to it, he start adding a glittering stupid frame, adjusting the brightness and just seemingly having fun as he edit the photo. And just like that, me and everything around it is now surrounded with those stupid glitter. “You know,” Shimizu Terumichi suddenly let out a voice.

“There’s this place I’d like to visit, do you still have time?”

“…….Eh?”

“This place has an extremely good atmosphere, and I’m thinking of taking you there~”

Right after he said that, he immediately pulled my arm and we started running together.

Without even knowing what he meant, this guy grabbed my hand and increased our running speed. Glancing at me at times as if checking something, he once again increased the speed. With that speed I feel as if something were to be shaken off, and I start to question his action once again inside my head.

What’s with this guy. Just what is it he is after.

Are you looking down on me, your new toy, like I don’t have any emotions?

The scenery changes rapidly, from the cityscape to a residential area, and to a road with no one in sight. The lined up buildings change into houses, houses change into an area filled with trees.

Just where is he taking me to?

When Shimizu Terumichi finally stopped looking back, he focused more on running. He asked about my condition but immediately afterwards my field of vision changed from his usual playful face to that shining brown hair of his.

“With this speed, I’m sure those people won’t be able to catch up.”

Those words came out of his mouth as I ran while being pulled by him.

I could sense some kind of hostility in those words, as if those he meant aren’t people of the same group.

‘Those people” he said must’ve been Kouno Yuka and the others who were laughing while looking at us……. In short, those words were targeted to those stupid ‘shining’ people. But why is he called them ‘those people’ with that kind of disgusted tone?

I can’t grasp his intention at all.

When he asked me to go home together with him, I was sure that he plans to make fun of me.

But now, instead of the fear of being made fun of, I was more afraid of being pulled by this unfamiliar person.

Nothing good will happen if I stay like this. To be exact, I’ve been having a bad feeling ever since we left the school grounds. But this guy, I start to get a feeling that he might do something different from what I expected him to do.

“……H, hey.”

When I was just making my resolution to ask the guy who was running in front of me, Shimizu Terumichi suddenly stopped his movement.

“We’ve arrived. This is my favourite place.”

Shimizu Terumichi finally let go of my arm. He pointed at the direction in front of us, saying, “Higuchi-san, look at the scenery.”

Doing as he told, what entered my field of vision was an area of blackish trees painted in a red blood like colour mixed with orange. And a bench that feels like a new addition to those scenery.

The place Shimizu Terumichi took me seems to be a park.

A simple park with only benches, drinking fountains and a toilet. There are no playset, playing children, not even anyone around. There are no sounds at all, I can’t even hear the birds chirping.

What is this place.

What can be seen in the horizon is some old housing area. There are some other similar housing area lining up, looking old with intimidating air surrounding it.

“Quite a good scenery, don’t you think?”

Shimizu Terumichi happily looks around. A vast open area. It seems a little bit higher than the surrounding area, seemingly to be a hill. But the surrounding area is filled with trees, although I can see the clouds and cityscapes, it feels a little more towards close space.

It feels extremely strange for this kind of person to like this kind of place.

If I were to say that I like this kind of place, everyone would immediately agree to it.

But we are talking about this genuinely rowdy person. He lives in a place bask with sunlight, and seems like the kind of person who’ll participate in a party every single day. Everyone can have their own preferences, but it just doesn’t feel right with me. And although he said that this is his favourite place, all he does is just fidgeting around his phone, staring intently at the screen with those eyes.

Just when I thought how suspicious he is, he muttered “Those people won’t come so just relax” without even looking at me. His voice sounds so indifferent, making what happens in class seem to be an illusion of some sorts.

It’s understandable for him not to get excited because the other party was me, but that voice sounds so warm that I took a step back.

As if trying to close the distance between us, Shimizu Terumichi approached me and showed me his phone.

“Look, it’s those guys from our class. They seem to be around the station searching for us.”

He whispered, “That’s why I’m sure they definitely won’t come to this kind of place,” followed by a mocking snort. That laugh of his feels somewhat painful, as if he’s trying to strangle himself, I tightly grasp my palm.

“……Wh, wh, what do…… you…… want.”

“I want to get close to Higuchi-san!”

A cold and strong autumn wind blew between me and Shimizu Terumichi. The leaves that falled from the branch passed by as if trying to fill in the gap between us.

“Th, th, there’s no…… way it’s…… true.”

There’s no one in school who wants to get along with me.

School is just a shitty place, filled with all those shitty people. It’s filled with people who laugh and make fun of people, who keep imitating the way I talk without even thinking about my feelings.

I stared at Shimizu Terumichi, when he suddenly let out a self-deprecating laugh while looking at me.

“That’s fine.”

“……Huh?”

He looks at me with a gaze that seems to be looking at something far away. The sun is setting behind me, basking his bright hair with a warm colour. In contrast, the surrounding scenery starts to darken, slowly losing its colours in the process.

“Moka is fine the way you are.”

He continued to whisper those words that sounded like self-containment. I managed to catch up with those words but thinking that there’s no way someone like him would say those kinds of things, and in the end, I was left with no way to understand him at all.

◆◆◆

While carrying the bag in my back, I walked and looked up to the sky. White clouds that filled the afternoon sky were tainted by the sunset, dying it with gray and pink as it floated in the sky.

Today is a really long day. All because of that guy.

After that, Shimizu Terumichi said, “Let’s sit on the bench,” and we spent the whole time staying silent.

Around 20 minutes later he suddenly said, “Those guys seem to give up so let’s just go home.” And with that, he finally let go of me.

Just when I thought that we could finally go our own way, not only did he come to the station, he even followed me to the platform, smiling as if he could still see the scenery from the park.

Just what’s wrong with this guy.

Not only he doesn’t seem like someone who transferred in an odd period such as June, just when I thought that he seemed like a bright fool he suddenly took me to a park near an abandoned housing area.

Is this guy being possessed right now?

Or rather, will he get tired of playing with me tomorrow.

If I get tangled up with him, I’m sure Kouno Yuka and the others will find out about me stuttering in my speech.

……No, I’ve stuttered a few times in front of Shimizu Terumichi now. He doesn’t show any reactions in particular and I actually had a conversation with him today.

Will I be ridiculed just like before……?

I stopped walking and looked at the ground. I could feel my blood and temperature getting sucked into the ground.

Tomorrow, Kouno Yuka and the others will definitely ask about today’s event. And Shimizu Terumichi will just tell them everything. There’s no need for him to lie about it.

…… But Shimizu Terumichi showed me some strange actions in today’s reading class.

He continued reading, and even though I didn’t read anything, he still said that we’ve finished reading each part.

As if he realized that I don’t really like reading aloud.

But that might be because he’s lying so that the teacher won’t get angry at him. But does he seem like a guy who’ll get bothered by the teacher scolding……?

I’m afraid of what’s coming tomorrow. I continued walking down in the sunset while ensuring my heart not to get overwhelmed as I hope that I’ll be able to go to school safely tomorrow.

Footnotes:

[1] A type of slippers the Japanese wore indoors, such as at school, where outdoor shoes are prohibited.