Dear My Friend

Chapter 75 – She’ll Be Mine Before You

“Are you afraid to follow the footsteps of our parents?”

“…”

Xavier felt like he had been stabbed squarely in the chest, and he stared at Claude like the other man had said something deeply taboo.

“Are you afraid that you will find someone you truly love later on, just like the Emperor did?” Claude continued.

“That’s enough, Claude,” Xavier said in a cold voice.

“Am I wrong? You can’t confess you love because you have no conviction. No?” Claude laughed bitterly at himself. “Just like a fool. You might think you’re the only one, but I’m the same.”

“…Why would you think that?” Xavier queried with a hardened expression. “From the start, the problems began not with your parents, but with the Emperor.”

“What?” Claude said with a perplexed expression. “If you’re trying to place the blame on someone, then yes, it would be him.”

That was definitely not something that could be said in front of Emperor Henry. Claude breathed a long sigh.

“Anyway, you are not His Majesty. You are a different person from your father.”

“…”

“Why do you worry yourself with things that haven’t even happened?” Claude criticized.

“You’re not in a position to give me advice like that,” Xavier fired back. “So what about you? You were born to parents who loved each other and had a good marriage to each other. What reason do you have to be afraid?”

“You may feel bad hearing this, but the reason I hesitate is because not because of my parents.”

“What?”

“…It’s your parents.” Claude’s voice trembled as he spoke. “The Emperor and the late Empress.”

Xavier’s lip pressed together in a thin line as his face paled.

“Why would a person’s values only be affected by just their parents?” Claude continued calmly. “Knowing what happened between the two, how much do you think it’s influenced my life?”

“…”

“I don’t know if you believe this or not, but you were once my dear friend,” Claude said softly.

Xavier felt the same. If he were a more honest man, he still felt that way. Of course, the two of them denied it.

“Have you ever thought about how much I suffered since I learned about what happened between my parents and yours?” Claude asked.

“Should I have thought about that?”

“It’s alright. You didn’t have to. There wasn’t a reason to. You were the biggest victim in the end.” Unlike earlier, Claude’s face was smooth and devoid of heated emotions. “However. If you cared about me, you wouldn’t have acted the way you did. You didn’t even think the slightest bit of how I had to cope with my guilty feelings.”

“…”

“Have you ever considered how much guilt I had towards you? Have you ever thought how miserable it is to be sorry for something I didn’t even do?” Claude argued.

Xavier didn’t say anything. Because he had believed he was more miserable. He selfishly couldn’t help it. At the time, Xavier was in a situation where he could protect only himself. And unfortunately, he hadn’t changed that much so far.

Xavier bit his lips, and Claude clenched his left hand tightly. Talking only made him feel heavy-hearted.

“…Let’s stop,” Claude said.

This was a futile conversation. It was impossible to go back the same way as before with their old friendship. Both Xavier and Claude knew that. They didn’t know what would happen in the future, but friendship was a long way off.

Claude swallowed back the lump in his throat then spoke again. “I’ve drawn the conversation far off. My apologies, I didn’t mean to.”

“…”

“I…I hope that the woman I like will not suffer the same loss, pain and betrayal that the Empress had suffered.”

“What do you mean?” Xavier said, bristling when Claude brought up the story of his dead mother.

“It means that I’ve become more hesitant to express my feelings,” Claude said.

“…”

“Yes. The Emperor and Empress were said to be good childhood friends. When news of their engagement was made public, no one expected the way it would eventually end.”

Xavier remembered. He closed his eyes with a miserable expression. On the day of his Academy graduation, he found that his mother, the Empress of the nation, had hanged herself. He had vented many words of anger at Claude that day.

Looking back, he had been so cold and cruel to Claude back then. It wasn’t Claude’s fault. The Emperor had fallen in love with Claude’s mother belatedly, and the Empress committed suicide because she could not stand the stress, shame and betrayal.

“They had mistaken friendship for love. No, maybe the Empress didn’t, but the Emperor did,” Claude said, continuing the grim story.

“…”

“If they hadn’t married, then they would have remained friends until this day. They could have stayed in a beautiful relationship.”

Now it was too late. Xavier made assumptions on things that may never happen, because of a past that could never be changed by his power.

“I don’t want to follow in the Emperor’s footsteps. Just in case…I might do that to someone I love,” Claude confessed.

“…”

“And I don’t want to ruin the relationship, no matter how small. I am afraid that the friendship would break. Then I would really lose her, even if I didn’t want to. I don’t want that.”

Maristella was a very important person to him. It would be unbearable if she were to distance herself from him now.

So you’re not the only coward, Xavier. I’m just as scared as you are. A pathetic man who is scared to disappoint and hurt the woman he likes.

“I, too, am hesitating,” Claude said in conclusion.

“…So,” Xavier began. “You like her.”

“…”

“Right?” he prompted.

“Yes.” Claude nodded. “I like her.” A pause, then he said it again as if to emphasize it. “I like her.”

Xavier stared at Claude with an unreadable expression. Claude faced it head-on instead of turning away, and they remained like that until Xavier put forward another question.

“Since when?”

Claude pondered for a moment before answering. “I don’t know when, but I know why I came to realize it. At some point, I didn’t want you to look at her anymore.”

Claude didn’t want Xavier to care about Maristella anymore. He didn’t want him to call her to Thurman palace, and he didn’t want him to talk to her.

Claude had impure purposes the first time. He hoped that Xavier would like Maristella more. He hoped that Xavier would fall for her, before they would fall apart.

Only then would Claude’s original purpose be fulfilled. He could take Maristella away from Xavier and make him miserable. He could have beaten him. He could imagine Maristella standing next to him and Xavier looking on miserably.

“Those thoughts disappeared when I was with her, and I realized that I didn’t want that anymore,” Claude said.

“…”

“That’s when I realized. I liked her.”

Xavier almost rolled his eyes. “It’s like a cliché from a third-rate novel.”

“I don’t care if you denigrate me. My original intent was vulgar. I won’t deny it.” Claude continued in a level voice. “But when I was with her, all I could think of was you. Would she go to you? I worried about that.”

“…”

“There was nothing else then. That was the surest proof.”

‘Then I knew,’ Claude thought mentally to himself.

Xavier looked at Claude. The Duke looked genuine. Xavier knew that Claude was not lying now, since he had seen Claude’s facial expressions thousands of times over many years.

However, confirming the truth of Claude’s words did not improve Xavier’s mood. He wished that Claude’s intentions had been impure until the end. Then he wouldn’t have to be so anxious or worried.

“I understand what you mean,” Xavier said after a moment.

“…”

“This makes it more clear. We really can’t go back to the past.”

Because I like her, too.

The way things were, he couldn’t give up on her either.

“If it’s because of Lady Maristella,” Claude said, “then I feel the same way.”

“…”

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“You should be worried. Because…because from now on, I’m going to be serious.”

Claude stared at Xavier challengingly, and Xavier narrowed his eyes back at him in response.

“What do you mean?” Xavier said.

“What do I mean? It means that she’ll be mine before you.”

“Hm.”