Chapter 6 – Why Don’t You Hug Me (2)

‘What was the man thinking?‘

Alicia, who was in a daze, repeatedly blinked her eyes.

A month had already passed since Cabellenus had taken over the castle.

A lot had already changed, and it was a story that even a child would know that more would change in the future.

The castle, once called Neinstein Castle, was now called Bizen Castle. New people and objects were filling the castle accordingly.

Day by day, the situation stabilised, and in the bloodstained castle, everyone was busy preparing to welcome the new ruler.

Alicia was the only old thing left in the castle.

“The scar is much better than before. I shall prescribe you a new medicine.”

The doctor smiled tenderly and applied the medicine to Alicia’s back.

Alicia wriggled her toes. She was trying to hold back the laughter that was threatening to burst out at the touch that tickled her back.

The only surviving Neinstein Royalty was demoted to slavery but, contradictorily, Alicia’s life was better than before.

“When the treatment is over, would you like something to eat?”

The maid, who had been by her side and was waiting until the treatment was over, politely asked.

No one in the castle has been reckless with Alicia since she was branded as the “Lady of the Grand Duke.”

‘The man doesn’t even lift a finger at me.’

Cabellenus put Alicia in his bed every day but did nothing.

He would just come at night and be gone in the morning.

That was all.

“You must take care of yourself.”

The maid added when she noticed that Alicia did not eat properly and only stirred the soup with a spoon.

She was particularly sensitive to Alicia’s diet.

Cabellenus had once declared that on the day Alicia did not eat, he would cut the throats of everyone in the castle.

Alicia barely managed to put the soup in her mouth as she watched the maid’s eyes.

“Please try something else. Everything here is made with special care by the chef.”

The maid tried to arouse Alicia’s appetite by explaining how each meal was prepared and how special they were but to no avail.

The soup, boiled with plenty of ingredients by the kingdom’s best chef, was the most delicious soup Alicia has ever eaten, but her meal intake was suddenly being increased so she did not have much of an appetite.

If it was not for the maid’s frightened gaze, she would not have emptied a whole bowl.

“Does it not suit your taste? If you have any food you want to eat, please feel free to tell me.”

There was one thing that came to mind when the maid asked her what she wanted to eat.

Her mother’s soup. A soup which was dirty and tasteless, boiled with plenty of water to increase the amount of unknown paste that stood in place of the abundant ingredients.

Alicia thought that she could empty any number of bowls of that, but the mother who cooked the soup no longer existed in this world.

“No. This is enough.”

Alicia silently ate the soup with her head down.

However, no matter how much soup she ate, that was all.

The hollow sense of emptiness never disappeared no matter how much she swallowed.

* * *

‘It’s just me again today.’ 

Alicia folded her hands as she watched Cabellenus enter the room.

To be honest, she was scared.

The expressionless man looked calm, but his golden eyes, which showed his prominent pupils, were similar to those of a beast.

She did not know when he would suddenly turn into a beast, revealing his teeth.

“……I’m curious about something.”

At this rate, it would be the same, day after day. Either way, change was necessary to reach a clean end.

Alicia’s eyes trembled as she stared at the back of the man sitting on the bed.

Cabellenus showed no response for a moment and then turned his head to face Alicia.

“What are you curious about?”

Unexpectedly, the man spoke softly.

“Why don’t you hug me?”

“I didn’t know you wanted to be held by me.”

There was a moment of silence.

Despite Cabellenus’ casual remark, Alicia’s mouth dried up.

“If not, there is no reason to keep me alive.”

“Do I look short of women?”

Cabellenus raised his head.

Contrary to expectations, the glistening eyes stood out between the fine, black hair that was brushed against his straight forehead.

A man who knew his worth was arrogant, but even his appearance caught the eye of the beholder.

Funnily enough, the Schwarhan blood-crazy killer was so beautiful that his blood-stained notoriety was overshadowed.

A tight, muscular neck visible below his sharply carved jawline, along with the contours of his stiff muscles peeking out from underneath the thin shirt cloth.

If no one had not actually seen Cabellenus, no one would have dared to imagine such a face under a bloody black helmet.

“There’s no other reason to keep me alive.”

“If that was the reason, I would have saved the other princesses, not you who looked more like a maid than a princess.”

Cabellenus examined Alicia’s face as he rested his chin on his hand.

With a steady diet and care, Alicia had become quite plausible. She no longer looked like an old beggar. But still, there was nothing pretty in his eyes.

Compared to the women in the Empire, a woman with rusty iron-like hair and dull grey eyes was really shabby.

“Maybe it’s a moment’s whim.”

“…….”

“Or, it could be sympathy.”

Cabellenus tilted his head slightly.

The man’s slender eyes stared at Alicia as if he was searching for an answer.

He was fully aware that she was a shabby woman.

But he could not forget those eyes.

He wanted to see the face that expressed emotions more clearly, not the eyes that were dying like that.

It was not until he confirmed it that he could be sure of what he was doing.

“I do not think you are the kind of person who sympathises with the princess of the country.”

Alicia’s face showed no emotion.

She looked at Cabellenus with the eyes of a bystander, as if she had nothing to do with her death.

“That’s the same for me.”

Cabellenus, who turned his body to face Alicia, grinned.

He knew better than anyone that sympathy and himself did not match.

Nevertheless, he had high expectations for such a remark.

He had an inexplicable expectation of when that woman would look at him with human eyes.

“I’m not going to rebel.”

“I don’t have a hobby of hugging a log.”

[T/N: he’s saying he has no intention of embracing her.]

“Then kill me.”

Alicia took a deep breath and placed her hands over her chest.

Unlike her mouth, the thumping heartbeat delivered through her palm was strongly telling her she was alive.

“Why should I do that?”

“There is nothing good about saving my life. I think it is right to get rid of useless things.”

“You speak as if you are an object.”

“A slave is an object.”

No matter how well she was treated, Alicia always knew her place.

She was the king’s illegitimate child, the princess of a ruined country, and a slave whose use was unclear and may die at any moment.

Nothing in Alicia’s life taught her hope.

“I know. There are no slaves in Neinstein.”

“Not in Neinstein, but in Blanche.”

Alicia’s straight gaze did not falter.

Neinstein was already mixed with Blanche’s culture.

It was obvious that over time, Blanche’s name would be more suitable for this land than Neinstein.

“Then, even if I hand you over to an old, grotesque man, you will obey?”

“If that is your command.”

Alicia’s answer came out easily, but on the contrary, Cabellenus’ mouth was distorted.

“Why are you so impatient to die?”

“Do I have to state my reason?”

“You never know. If I like your story, I will give you a merciful death. You don’t intend to die with your own hands anyway.”

Alicia’s expression became subtle.

She did not know if Cabellenus had an ulterior motive but his words of death were tempting.

“… I am tired.”

“You are tired?”

“If you go through hundreds of situations where you can’t do anything even if you try to struggle, you’re the first to learn to give up. They shrink back first, thinking that it’s not going to work anyway.”

“…….”

“And at some point, you get exhausted from even giving up. That’s all. “

“Why don’t you die on your own when you’re tired?”

Alicia glanced at Cabellenus.

The man had a slight change in his expression and his eyes were full of an unhidden interest.

‘Maybe I can die this time.’ 

Alicia unconsciously swallowed dry saliva.

“There’s a superstition in Neinstein that those who commit suicide can’t go to Rubertine.”

“Rubertine?”

“It’s a land where people who live noble and die. go. Such as those who do a lot of good things or live honourably, who have never cheated or hurt others before. Those who took their own lives cannot even dare to step in.”

“I didn’t expect you to believe such superstitions.”

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“……I don’t believe it.”

“Then, why are you trying to keep it?”

“There’s someone I have to meet.”