A Good-for-Nothing

282. A He Zheng Made of Mud

Translator: Dragon Rider

In the Tigers and Dragons Mountain.

On this day, the atmosphere in the sect was particularly solemn. Outside the Great Hall, all valued inner-circle disciples were waiting quietly. Inside the hall, apart from Zhang Shi standing reverently on the side, there was also an old man.

The old man, wearing head Taoist’s robes, was none other than Zhang Yixing, the head Taoist. Head Taoist Zhang seldom showed up in the Great Hall. At this time, he was holding a wisp of hair in one hand, and a verdant copper tube in the other. The tube was decorated in relief with a pattern of a dragon, which was quite lifelike with its elaborately sculpted palps and tail.

Zhang Shi had taken a bath and changed into fumigated clothes, looking much neater.

“Let’s begin,” said Zhang Yixing.

Zhang Shi hastened to incline his head, deferentially walked up to the front of the hall, kowtowed, cleaned his hands and then lighted three joss sticks. It was after he finished all this that Head Taoist Zhang raised the copper tube and lightly tossed the strand of hair tied with a strip of yellow cloth into it.

Outside the hall, the disciples started chorusing some kind of scripture.

Anybody with some discernment could tell why the mood in the Great Hall was so solemn on this day after catching sight of the copper tube. What Head Taoist Zhang was holding was the most precious asset of this sect, Kaiyuan Toulong Tube, which was not supposed to be taken out unless there was something really important going on. It was said that this tube had not been fished out since Elder Chen, Chen Sanquan, the then general director of SMB, had borrowed it over twenty years ago.

When Zhang Yixing tossed He Zheng’s hair into the tube just now, he was performing a Taoist rite named Toulong.

Originally, Toulong had been a method of praying to the gods of mountains and rivers for blessing. The believers had used something called Toulong tubes to write letters to the gods, then had little golden dragons deliver the letters so as to tell the gods what they wished for, but afterwards, disciples of the Tigers and Dragons Mountain had used Toulong rites for various purposes, and locating people and objects, just like what they were doing right now, was one of them.

It was common knowledge that disciples of the Tigers and Dragons Mountain were good at restraining evil spirits, and their skill at locating things with Toulong rites was also unique. The so-called Toulong Locating was a rite in which a Taoist used their powers to seek information from the spirits of all things in the world so as to get the answer they desired.

As Zhang Yixing drew a Fu pattern in mid-air with his fingers and recited an incantation inwardly, the copper tube started to emit a dark green light. Though the doors of the hall were tightly shut, the disciples outside still sensed the unusualness of the light.

After quite a while, the glow vanished. Zhang Shi was standing beside Zhang Yixing, a grave look on his face. After a long moment’s hesitation, Zhang Shi could not help asking, “Master, this location strikes me as quite weird.”

It surprised Zhang Yixing as well that locating He Zheng’s lost soul would get so many other things involved. Zhang Yixing wrote the location on a piece of paper, handed it to Zhang Shi and cautioned, “You must not breathe a word of what you saw to anybody. When you see Supt. Li, ask him to wipe your memory of this day with an Erasure Spell.”

“Master?” Zhang Shi was confused.

“Go.” Zhang Yixing patted Zhang Shi’s shoulder, appearing to have no inclination to expound.

Seeing his grave face, Zhang Shi did not dare say anything else and rushed to the hill behind the hall like the wind.

In the cave.

He Zheng was knocked out by that blow from the old man.

At this time, He Zheng was lying on the stone bed in the position named Zhonggong in the diagram of the universe.

Remarkably, though He Zheng was lying there, there was an insubstantial black shape beside Li Zong. The shadowy figure was blurry, but its features could still be vaguely recognized as He Zheng’s.

In fact He Zheng’s soul was also stunned. He remembered having this kind of curious out-of-body experience previously – after He Jin, that asshole, had cast a Peach Blossom Spell on him, he had inexplicably confessed his love for a B-list TV star, making an utter fool of himself.

It had never crossed his mind that he would some day experience it for a second time.

“Li Zong! What’s happening to me?! Can you see me?” He Zheng’s soul hastened up to Li Zong, Dan Zhu fluttering its wings and chirping beside him, as though expressing its master’s anxiety for him.

“Take it easy. I can see you, and I can hear you speaking as well.” He Zheng was now in a spiritual form, so Li Zong was unable to touch him. His hand went right through He Zheng’s soul’s shoulder.

He Zheng immediately twisted his head around to stare at the old Taoist. It had been after this old man slapped him that he had been reduced to this form!

He Zheng’s gaze was so intent that the old man sensed it, though He Zheng was in a spiritual form. Stroking his beard, he laughed, “Don’t worry, young man. Your soul is intact, and it’s only a matter of time before it gets disembodied. Leaving your body in this Circle of mine will keep it out of harm’s way.”

‘Who would try to harm my body?’ muttered He Zheng inwardly, feeling that this geriatric was talking nonsense.

Li Zong said, “Thank you.”

“It’s nothing. You and this young man, however … have an arduous journey ahead.”

He Zheng vaguely felt that after he fainted, before his soul was disembodied, something probably had happened between Li Zong and this old man. Strangely enough, it struck him that … that the two of them had made some kind of deal.

There was a knock at the cave door.

The old man smiled, “Just go.”

Li Zong expressed his gratitude again with a head bob. He Zheng, groggy, had no idea what was going on.

“Where are we going?”

“The place where your lost soul is.” Li Zong had gone two paces when he found that He Zheng was sliding on the road, as though he would be blown away if the wind became a little stronger.

Li Zong said, “Wait. Let’s go back to the cave.”

He Zheng was bemused.

Li Zong took He Zheng back to the old man and said, “I have a presumptuous request … I wonder if you could do me another favor.”

Three minutes later.

The spiritual He Zheng beside Li Zong was gone. Li Zong was now carrying a miniature man, who was virtually a small version of He Zheng. At this time, he was sitting on Li Zong’s shoulder, his arms around Li Zong’s neck, looking somewhat sulky. He Zheng said, “Just now that old sect leader carelessly mixed a lump of mud with some tea from your Thermos bottle and then shaped it into a figurine, and then you pushed me into it. Now my whole body smells of chrysanthemum!”

Li Zong was amused, but for fear that He Zheng would be annoyed, he quickly stifled his smile. But He Zheng was now sitting on Li Zong’s shoulder, and Li Zong was a giant in his eyes, so He Zheng could see distinctly even the slightest change of Li Zong’s facial expression. He instantly flied into a temper. “You think this is funny?!”

“I don’t!”

“You do!”

He Zheng believed that his yell was “thunderous”, but in fact his voice was tiny. If it weren’t for Li Zong’s exceptionally sharp sense of hearing, he would not hear He Zheng at all.

Just like this, the two of them quarreled their way out of the hill – He Zheng was the only one shouting, actually.

Zhang Shi was waiting outside, holding a note, appearing troubled and uneasy. At the sight of Li Zong, he quickly walked up to him as though the latter were a family member he had not seen for years.

“Supt. Li! My master has found out the location of He Zheng’s lost soul.”

“Please thank Head Taoist Zhang for me.”

“It’s nothing. We have orders from my sect-grandfather to offer you help … By the way, where’s He Zheng?” asked Zhang Shi in a slightly bewildered tone as he failed to find He Zheng after looking left and right.

He Zheng was now smaller in size, and his temper seemed to have shrunk as well. “I’m here!” he said, sounding sulky.

His voice was so low – though he himself thought that it was loud enough – that it took Zhang Shi a long moment to find him. Startled, he pointed at He Zheng and stammered for quite a while. “Th–This … This is … ”

Zhang Shi took a deep breath and asked incredulously, “Did my sect-grandfather make a man out of mud?”

“You brat, I may be an ancient Taoist priest, but I’m not capable of making a man out of mud, not yet. I just created a temporary accommodation for his soul.”

“Sect-grandfather!”

“Enough talking. Give it to Supt. Li and leave.” The old sect leader’s sonorous voice issued from inside the cave.

It was only then that Zhang Shi recalled what he was supposed to do. He hastened to hand the note to Li Zong cautiously, and then mentioned in passing that Sect Leader Zhang requested Li Zong to wipe his memory of this matter.

“I know. Sect Leader Zhang sent me a message via WeChat.”

Zhang Shi was astonished.

He Zheng was thrown into perplexity.

Zhang Shi was frustrated. Why had the sect leader had him go to such trouble when he could simply send a message via WeChat?

Soon, Li Zong wiped Zhang Shi’s memory of this day with an Erasure Spell. When Zhang Shi caught sight of Li Zong again, he was momentarily surprised. “Oh, Supt. Li, what brings you here?!” he asked.

He Zheng, ” … ”

People of SMB kept doing this kind of stuff. It was so boring.

Smiling, Li Zong said, “I’m leaving.”

“Ah? You’re not staying here for the night? By the way, are you here for some kind of mission? Did my good-for-nothing big brother come here as well?”

Well, he seemed to be unable to leave the good-for-nothing Zhang Jingqiu out of this – typical.

After Li Zong and He Zheng left, the old sect leader had the front gates shut, denying all outsiders entry for visits.

He Zheng did not have much time left. After getting the location, Li Zong, unwilling to waste time, had Zhang Shi take a message to Zhang Yixing and then directly left the sect from the hill behind the Great Hall without paying another visit to it.

It was not until this moment that He Zheng came to know that without him being a burden, Li Zong could travel … really fast!

He Zheng, wrapped up in clothes, was now in Li Zong’s inside pocket. As he craned out of the hem of Li Zong’s coat, his head made of mud was nearly blown off his neck by the wind.

Li Zong perceived it. A resigned look crossed the depths of his eyes and he slowed down. “What’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?”

“N–No.” He Zheng, still in shock, cast Li Zong an inexplicable glance. He was aware that Li Zong might not be a human being, but wasn’t this difference between species too dramatic?!

“Li Zong, aren’t you warm?” They had reached the foot of the hill. Tourists in short-sleeved T-shirts were swarming all over the place. Li Zong was the only one wearing Taoist robes, which made him very conspicuous.

Yes, Taoist robes. What else could Li Zong have wrapped He Zheng up in? In fact, Zhang Shi was rather speechless. It was not every day that he could meet Supt. Li in the sect, but the latter had left very soon for no reason and even taken away his Taoist robes. Why did Supt. Li need his robes?!

“No. If you feel uncomfortable, tell me.”

On hearing this, He Zheng felt an inexplicable surge of anger. “I’m made of mud, remember? How can I feel hot? If I feel hot, I’ll sweat and then melt into muddy water!”

No wonder some say women are made of water, while men are made of mud. This time He Zheng had literally turned into a man made of mud. The very thought of it struck him as thrilling.