Chapter 19: My sister is a liar.

—-I’m in the park on the swings.

How many hours have I been swinging on this playground equipment already ……?

It was already dark outside, and the clock on my phone said 21:00. But I didn’t have the energy to go home. I’m exhausted and my body can’t move. …… Seriously, what am I going to do?

The saving grace is that my mom is not home for the night shift.

I don’t have to worry about her.

Good thing my dad isn’t home working overtime either. …… Now he’d probably report me missing for the slightest thing. I don’t even want him to worry about me, he doesn’t deserve that.

“….Even if I went home, they’d still be there.”

Yes, when I go home, there is my older sister, whom I hate, and my younger sister, whom I hate. A never-ending hell awaits me. There is no place for me to be at peace.

“Did we play in this park a lot?”

I remember the old days.

Those fun days at …… school and home.

There was really no stress, and I never really resented anyone, peaceful and happy days.

I really miss those days.

…… I remember but I don’t want to go back to those days.

I don’t want to be the one who doesn’t love Mai. I don’t want to be the one who feels annoyed by my mother’s love. I don’t want to be the one who doesn’t believe in Usui-kun.

I can’t escape from the delusion of starting over. I can’t do that because of my past mistakes towards Mai and the others. That’s why I have to endure every hard day.

Endure, endure, endure, endure to the end – but there are times when I feel like I’m going to fall apart.

Like when people around me looked at me with white eyes, but now I have to take over my father’s company in order to get revenge. I have to play out a reconciliation to knock my sister off her feet. Revenge against these two people has a long way to go and I am having a really hard time every day.

I thought of dying because my future was so hopeless.

At such times, I have endured by remembering the days I spent with Mai, remembering my mother’s love, and thinking of my friendship with Usui-kun.

But I am approaching the end of my patience.

It is hard at school without Mai, hard at home when my mother works at night, and lonely when I can’t play with Usui-kun. Even when I’m sleeping, if I don’t think about everyone else, I wake up with nightmares.

There really is no time to rest.

I used to be able to tolerate it…… because no one would call on me, but now I’ve lost even the escape route of indifference from those around me. I even wish I had never been cleared of the false accusation because nowadays I think …… even if I don’t want to, my mom and Mai will worry about me, or without them now.

I should talk to my mom about it,…… quit working nights,…… but I don’t want to interfere with her work.

………

I wonder if I can die ……… so I don’t have to worry about it?

But my mom and dad will be sad…… so I have to try my best to live in hell. There is no option to make it easier.

I can’t see any hope because my vision of happiness is too vague, so I can escape reality while I’m on the swing set stuck in the park.

No, I can’t do that at all. …… as usual.

I am reminded that I have become a creature that causes trouble just by existing.

“For the first time in my life, have I ever been violent with a woman”

Then I think back on today’s incident.

I kicked a girl in the stomach with all my might and even stomped on her back. To become a man who would do such a lousy thing…… I must have fallen to the depths.

The most troublesome thing is my heart, which does not regret a single millimeter of the violence I inflicted on Kirishima.

If anything, I regret that I should have hurt her more. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t met Yuka.

It would have been a disaster if I had been taken in by the police.

It was around 10 p.m. when I left the park where I had spent more than three hours.

I knew that if I was taken in by the police, it would be a bad idea. My mother would be in trouble.

I headed home, stopping several times along the way.

But my resistance is in vain, and I am forced to return to hell.

Now that I think about it, the turning point was when my father and sister apologized to me. ……From then on, all I could think about was unnecessary things.

“Ryosuke! You’re late! We were worried about you!”

“…………”

My sister was waiting for me at the entrance.

Nagisa was standing behind her, but when she saw my face, she returned to her room with a relieved look on her face.

“Ryosuke, are you hurt?”

“No, I’m fine.”

The promised 10 minutes begins.

As soon as I get back home, this is hard. I knew I should have still been swinging in the park …… but then the police would have ……

I’m already tired, so maybe I should decline. But I have to keep my promise. It’s also an essential ritual to make this person despair. I’ve put up with it for a year, so one day won’t be a problem.

—I went to my room with my sister.

She comes up behind me, smiling.

I feel so depressed that I have to be friends with her even for a moment …… even if it’s for revenge.

When we got to my room, she knelt down at her feet on the bed and started to tell me about the day’s events.

I pretend to listen to her without saying a word.

This is where things are different today.

“Ryosuke…… have you made up with Ruiko?”

Usually it’s a one-way conversation, but unusually she asked me a question. She could just talk like she always does, but it’s a …… hassle.

“We never made up. Why in the world would I forgive the student body president?”

I answered bluntly and she got upset.

I was unintentionally acting out, but it’s my sister’s fault for talking weird ……. There’s no way I would forgive that person.

“I-I see,…… I was concerned because someone I know said she saw you talking in the infirmary”

Someone’s got a big mouth. …… Was she the girl I passed in the nurse’s office that time? —Well, that’s all right, but what do you mean you were worried?

“Why were you worried when I was with the student council president?”

“Hmm? ─ ─ Oh, she’s working behind the scenes in various ways. She’s probably looking for a way to harm Mai. …… You’d better not reconcile and open up more distance than you’ve been doing, okay?”

“The student body president is trying to harm Mai?”

“It is true,……, don’t you think it’s pretty bad?”

Ryosuke heard what she just said and held his mouth.

If he hadn’t done so, he would have spontaneously burst into laughter.

─ ─ ─ Ah, a liar and a spitter.

A ridiculous liar.

If I had heard that information before the student council president helped Mai, I would have believed it, even if it was my sister’s word, just to be sure.

I think my sister was trying to bring down the student body president and raise her own reputation relative to others.

I admire her spirit of selling out her friends. I can never imitate it. That’s why I hate you, trash!

“The student body president is your friend, right? Is it okay for you to tell me that?”

“……Ah…… Mai is important to me too. I’ll protect her more than Ruiko.”

“…………… I see.”

If all she wanted to do was undermine the student council president, I could have just shut up and listened……. But I can’t forgive her for mentioning Mai’s name.

I’ve just sanctioned Kirishima for that earlier,……, there’s no way I can just listen in.

“There is no way. You’re definitely not in the habit of worrying about her.”

I have never heard the word [mai] from her mouth even when she is playing with Mai.

Given this, there is a strong possibility that she doesn’t think well of Mai. She might harm Mai like Kirishima did, so let’s keep an eye on my sister’s movements.

“It’s true! That’s what I—“

“…… Hey sis, …… can you tell me what’s really going on? You want to make up with me, right?

“…… Ugh.”

The word “make up” is not good enough for this girl.

That’s why I opened my mouth.

“S-Student council president didn’t do anything ……, I lied to trap Ruiko because I didn’t want her to make up with Ryosuke!”

I guess I was right. …… You never fail me, really.

With only that much information, you were wary of the student body president and lied to me.

“You’re an outrageous liar. …… I didn’t think sister was that kind of person.”

—-liar, I thought it was normal.

“Aah,…… Ryosuke,…… don’t hate me like this,…… I will abandon all of my family and friends,……..So I just want you to stay by my side.”

The way she cried and desperately tried to mend her situation was really pathetic, just like that time she broke her pinky finger.

She continued to apologize to me as she clung to me even more.

I was uncomfortable, but I refused to shake it off — because it would be a relief to my heart.

Is it really okay for an older sister to cling to her brother with such a snotty look on her face? She used to be so gallant and cool, but now there was nothing left of it.

I have fallen so far, but if my sister is there, I’ll be fine. Because she is at the bottom of it all, I don’t have to be the worst.

Thanks to her, God gives me the right to survive. I should be thankful today. …… but I don’t want that badly.

Right,…… I have to live in this world that reeks of rottenness —for my mom and Mai.

—Ryosuke looks at his sister, who has been torn to shreds.

Then he cooled down and began to think about something.

(My sister and I are indeed related. I’m just as much of a piece of trash as she is.)

—-On a previous visit to the police station, Ryosuke’s father, Kazuhiko, had this thought.

[Ryosuke has a strong mentality.]

But he was mistaken. Ryosuke is not such a strong man. He is just a man who has closed his heart out due to a defensive instinct that has kicked in during his difficult daily life.

If Mai and his mother had not been by his side,……, who knows what would have happened to him now. He was thrown into such a painful daily life.

Without a doubt, he bears an indelible wound in his heart. It is a big wound that pierces deep into his heart. The wound cannot be healed by half-hearted efforts. …… At least, Kazuhiko, who still mistakenly tries to take over the company, will never be able to save Ryosuke.

Kazuhiko’s thinking was too naive to any extent.

“Then …… good night Ryosuke.”

Kaede then opens the door with her right hand and leaves the room.