Otaku man rotten goddess horse is the most annoying

Chapter 39
1
A while ago was the Spring Festival.On New Year's Eve, Xiaolu and I spent each other in our respective homes, and at the same time we kept texting and calling each other. It was really affectionate.I asked Xiao Lu: "Are you bored at home?"

Xiaolu said: "It's so boring. There's no one to talk about BL. It really suffocated me. The opening ceremony of a TV series was broadcast on TV that day. I heard it as a groundbreaking ceremony and ran over excitedly to watch it , I was so disappointed!"

I:"……"

2
Xiaolu hasn't watched the Spring Festival Gala for several years, because she doesn't like it.I am on the contrary. I know that I will be shocked by the Spring Festival Gala every year, but I will still stay loyally in front of the TV, because I feel that if I don’t watch the Spring Festival Gala, I won’t feel like Chinese New Year.

We were talking about the Spring Festival Gala.I told Xiaolu that Zhao Benshan and Xiaoshenyang seem to be coming out again this year.Xiaolu, who has been out of touch with the masses for a long time, couldn't realize which one I was talking about, so she asked, "Little what?"

I said, "Little Shenyang, the one that Zhao Benshan forced to push last year, but this year it seems that Zhao Benshan is going to push another one."

Xiaolu was very excited when he heard this, and said: "Uncle Benshan is going to openly overthrow his disciples on the stage of the Spring Festival Gala? I can't imagine that the Spring Festival Gala is so open now in a few years! Then I must watch it!"

I:"……"

Then we talked about Liu Qian.I said: "I really like watching Liu Qian's magic tricks. This year he will perform close-up magic tricks again, and in order to reduce the suspicion of fraud, he also arranged for people to be on the front, back, left, and right sides."

Xiaolu said: "Anyway, you like to watch a scene where a man is surrounded by a group of men. That's right."

I:"……"

Then Xiao Lu suddenly expressed interest in talking to me about the Little Tigers, she said, "The Little Tigers are my childhood idols."

I said: "Really, but you have completely changed your eyes to look at them now, right? For example, the obedient tiger looks like a subject, always being played by the two powerful attacks of Thunderbolt Tiger and Xiaoshuaihu..."

Xiao Lu said: "You are so dirty! People never think about it that way! You are nasty! You are perverted!"

... The Little Tigers are sorry!In fact, you are also my childhood idol!

I told Xiaolu that there was a program called "We Workers Have Power". The host smiled and asked the actors: What do you all do?The workers answered loudly one after another: Car washers!screw worker!The cleaner...Xiao Lu reacted quickly and went on to say: "Ghost beast attack! New year attack! Loyal dog attack..."

Suddenly, the worst year in the history of the Spring Festival Gala has a reason to be unforgettable forever.

After this year’s Spring Festival Gala ended, I asked Xiao Lu, “Didn’t you watch it?” Xiao Lu said, “I wanted to watch it, but when a cross talk show just started, I was there to study the relationship between the two actors. Go watch Kimono."

I:"……"

The Spring Festival is full of rotten atmosphere, and it seems that there is nothing good this year!

3
During the New Year, my uncle and I left the city and went back to our respective hometowns.During this time he called me.

I asked with concern: "Is it okay in my hometown? After all, it is my own place, so I should be happier living in it?"

The uncle choked up and said, "It's not good. There's no nerdy atmosphere here. I'm so lonely."

I said, "Then what do you do every day?"

The uncle said: "It's so boring to help the family look after the store."

I said again: "Didn't you say that you will go on a blind date when you go back this time? You are in your thirties, do you have any arrangements at home?"

The uncle said: "I have met a few times, but they are not suitable..." Then he suddenly cried out in grief and indignation, "I really want to go back right away! I miss you so much!"

Because I answered his call in a quiet library at that time, the uncle's voice came out unobstructed, and I hung up the phone immediately to avoid any adverse effects.I didn't turn it on until I left the library to call to comfort the uncle, but he stopped answering my calls.

...I must have broken his heart!
4
It's so cold!I couldn't bear it anymore, and went to buy a heater and came back.The shape of the heater is like a fan, and it emits warm air like a Yuba heater. It feels so comfortable to melt when I put it by my feet.But there is a problem. If it is placed on the left side, the right side will be colder because it is left out. If it is placed on the right side, the left side will be the same.After thinking about it, I put it on the ground behind it and let it heat up from behind.The deer looked at it for a long time and then praised: "Yes, as expected, it should be roasted from the back. In such a cold weather, it is also very important to keep the temperature of the chrysanthemum!"

...who told you it was for this reason? !
5
When I was lying on the sofa in the living room watching TV, the uncle came over peeling an orange, tore off a piece and handed it to me, and said, "Open your mouth." I opened my mouth, and he stuffed the orange into my mouth. mouth.It's pretty sweet.But at this time, I found a problem, that is, there is no place to spit out the orange core. After thinking about it, I said to the uncle: "Open your mouth."

The uncle said: "Get out!"

Another time, watching "The Wind" with glasses, when Zhang Hanyu was tortured by the enemy to extract a confession, I said painfully: "Ah, these enemies who executed the execution must be sadists, it is so cruel!" Glasses Immediately said: "So the people who are sent undercover must be masochists, so that when they meet their opponents, the soldiers come to cover up the water and cover them with soil, so that the enemy can't do anything to us."

I imagined the undercover masochist shouting "Hit it! I won't tell you if you kill me!" but in my heart I thought "Ah, that's great, who wants to say it! Use more force!" Scenarios... I think gay guys' imagination is really unfathomable.

6
Xiaolu talked about what happened when she and Xiaobei were in school.Xiao Lu said that Xiao Bei was very fierce. At that time, there was a boy in class who kept pestering Xiao Bei to make friends with her, but Xiao Bei refused and hated him to death, so...

"So someone beat him?" I asked.

"No, she wrote an H article using that man as the protagonist."

"..."

"Nineteen of the twenty pages are about how the boy was abused! It's too cruel. I didn't like him at first, but after reading it, I almost burst into tears. I think Xiaobei is just a stepmother. I I felt sorry for that man."

"……and after?"

"Later, when the man saw that he couldn't chase Xiaobei, he came to chase me instead. My old lady became angry immediately, so she volunteered to help Xiaobei draw illustrations."

"..."

"After all the manuscripts were finished, we sent the work with rich pictures and texts to the boy by courier on his birthday. Soon, he transferred to another school."

After finishing speaking, Xiao Lu took a sip of hot tea and said calmly, "This is the power of literature."

... fart!
7
Going for a walk on Gulangyu Island, I saw someone taking wedding photos on the side of the road.This is a well-known tourist destination in the whole country. People who are willing to choose this place to commemorate important events in life have always been in an endless stream. Xiaolu excitedly pulled me and said, "Let's go and see, shall we?" I thought, ah, we After so many years of dating, it's time to come to this point, right?I went to watch it with her in the mood of observing and learning.Only then did I realize that taking wedding photos is a big science.The couple posed in various poses under the photographer's various prompts, but it was unimaginable, so the photographer pulled a younger brother with a reflector beside him and said, "I want you to be closer, Why can't you understand? Hey, like this..." He said, embracing the little brother with one hand in a particularly powerful posture, and at the same time put his stubble-covered lips close to the little brother's ear, exhaling like blue... And that little brother narrowed his eyes cooperatively, with a shy and happy expression...

This scene was immediately photographed by Xiaolu, and then she left contentedly. On the same day, I saw her update Weibo saying, "Gulangyu is surprised to see a man taking a wedding photo"...

8
The painter challenges new works in the living room.This time he painted a Western theme, with many little angels flying with arrows.

The glasses watched quietly and said, "These are Cupid, the god of love, right?"

The painter said, "Yes."

"Do you know the allusion to Cupid?"

"You know, they shoot arrows at lovers to make them fall in love."

"But have you noticed that Cupids are all little boys and no little girls? This only shows that Cupid, who helps humans pair up, may face the fate of only disturbing the foundation..."

After being brainwashed by glasses, the painting drawn by the artist looks extremely heavy.

Similar brainwashing also includes:

Glasses asked the painter: "Are you not too young? Should you consider starting a family? You are different from me. I like men. I can only be single for the time being until my family accepts me."

The painter smiled and said: "My family has been urging me, but I can't find a suitable one. How can I start a family?"

"What type of girl do you like?"

"I like short hair, don't be too squeamish, be brave and strong, a little boyish would be better."

Glasses patted the table when he heard the words: "Then why don't you just find the man? What do you think of me?"

The painter was scared away.

My uncle and I have long seen that glasses are interesting to painters for a long time.This sudden confession instantly cleared up the ambiguous atmosphere.With a gloating mood, my uncle and I look forward to the next thing will become more and more fun.

9
When Valentine's Day came in 2011, our dormitory fell into a panic-anxiety syndrome, mainly uncles and painters.Anyway, I have a deer to accompany me, so I don’t have to worry about having no one to celebrate the festival with, but I have to keep a low profile so as not to irritate those poor people.

The painter was already so excited by the festive atmosphere, and someone called him to paint a painting. He asked what the subject matter was, and the other party said he wanted a man and a woman dancing affectionately, but the painter hung up the phone directly. "Bah, go to hell!" It was the first time he refused a client like this.

Seeing that the painter was so angry, Glasses came over to comfort him gently, and said, "Why don't we go out to have dinner together, can we count as companions?" The angry painter agreed without thinking.

However, the painter woke up before going out, and he wanted to repent, but he was dragged out by the soft and hard tricks of the glasses.Watching the painter's hands tightly gripped by glasses, I asked uncle, how do you feel now?The uncle saw through the calmness of the world of mortals, and said: "Now I think it's good to celebrate the festival alone."

(End of this chapter)