Modern social etiquette and eloquence

Chapter 3 Overview of Social Etiquette and Eloquence (2)
Those who are good at speaking must be good at humor, and those who are eloquent must be good at humor.Humor is the crystallization of the eloquent expression subject's thoughts, knowledge, experience, experience, wisdom and quickness in the use of language, and it is a dazzling spark that flashes in an instant.In modern society, humor has become a need in people's life and work.Speech and humor can make eloquence even more powerful and more attractive, and it can also make the subject of eloquence full of human touch and be favored by people.Therefore, verbal humor is not only an attitude towards life, but also an indispensable quality for eloquent expression subjects.

Humorous eloquence can be roughly divided into four types: joyful humor, philosophical humor, ironic humor and mocking humor.

(1) Pleasant humor means that in interpersonal communication, the subject of eloquence expression uses specific humorous conversations to show his wisdom, demeanor and quality, and win people's favor, so as to achieve the purpose of eloquence expression with the help of a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere .This is a very popular way of expressing eloquence that serves multiple purposes.

(2) Philosophical humor is to make the content of one's speech precise, insightful, and have unique personal views. Through rational content, it reveals the philosophy in life, arouses people's serious thinking about life and society, and draws some kind of inspiration from it. Inspire and educate.

(3) Ironic humor is a form of inversion, absurdity, and paradox. Through the technique of "embracing Zhuang Yuxie", it ridicules unhealthy phenomena in society, praises truth, goodness, and beauty, and criticizes falsehood, ugliness, and evil, so as to achieve Flog the evil and serve the purpose of justice.

(4) Mocking humor is when others tease you intentionally or unintentionally, or when you are in an awkward position, you use self-deprecating words to get yourself out of the embarrassment decently.This is an expression of generosity and wisdom, and it is the best choice in this situation.

Five, the basic elements of eloquence
Eloquence is the embodiment of a person's comprehensive quality and comprehensive ability.A person with good eloquence must have extensive knowledge, be able to say something, quote from many sources, and be well-founded; must have a keen observation ability, understand things deeply, and understand things accurately; must have dialectical scientific thinking and be able to carry out Comprehensive analysis, accurate judgment, and logical reasoning; must also have good resilience and humorous ability.To cultivate the above-mentioned abilities, we must first cultivate our own morality, talent, learning, and knowledge.Virtue, talent, learning and knowledge are the four basic elements of eloquence.

1. "Virtue" is the soul of eloquence

Morality, including political morality, ethical morality and personality psychological quality.These three levels of virtue have a great influence on eloquence, especially political morality.A good political and moral sentiment will make you calm and free in the face of any difficulties.

Ethics is an important criterion for dealing with interpersonal relationships.The existence of a society and a family plays a decisive role in the ethical and moral concepts that everyone accepts and maintains.Without ethics and morality, the society will lose its stable foundation, and a situation of greed and intrigue will be formed.It is precisely because ethics and morality are so important, and everyone’s ethical and moral concepts and thoughts are inevitably displayed in everyone’s speech and behavior, therefore, people must consciously cultivate their own correct ethical and moral concepts, and express themselves in speeches. Or communicate to the listener while talking.Since noble ethics have a strong appeal, noble ethical and moral concepts will greatly enhance the appeal of your speech or conversation.

2. "Talent" is the core of eloquence

An eloquent person is not a person who has mastered oral expression, but a person who has comprehensive abilities such as memory ability, observation ability, thinking ability, imagination ability, innovation ability and adaptability.

3. "Learning" is the foundation of eloquence
Human ability is transformed from knowledge and is based on knowledge.Talent is the product of knowledge, the crystallization of knowledge.The size of a person's talent depends first on the amount, depth and perfection of his own knowledge.Similarly, a person's eloquence is also closely related to his knowledge.

"Knowledge is power." The charm of eloquence is deeply rooted in the soil of knowledge.As an eloquentist, one must have a wealth of knowledge. Only in this way can one speak at his fingertips, improvise, and speak well.

4. "Knowledge" is the direction of eloquence

Knowledge includes knowledge in the political field and knowledge in the business field.If a person wants to give full play to his eloquence, he must have some foresight, that is, to show his "knowledge".

Foresight is an important factor in attracting audiences.If he is full of knowledge, but what he speaks is all clichés, and he has no judgment on the future development direction of things, his speech will have nothing new, so it is impossible to inspire the audience, and his eloquence will not be able to do so. reflect.

Eloquence is a comprehensive art, so it should absorb rich nourishment from various art forms.A good eloquence requires the humor of cross talk, the imagery of novels, the conflict of drama, and the passion of reciting poems, and it must be able to bring the audience into the realm of beauty.

Eloquence reflects a person's moral cultivation, knowledge level, and critical thinking ability.If you want to make your own language have artistic charm, it is not enough to rely on skills alone, and blindly pursuing skills while ignoring the cultivation of one's own quality can only be a waste of money.Therefore, while we are learning language skills, we should also comprehensively improve our own knowledge.The specific method is as follows.

1. Read more books and newspapers
In our daily life, we cannot do without newspapers, magazines and books every day.When reading books and newspapers, prepare a pen, some card paper and a pair of scissors, draw the good articles you see or the words that move your heart, or cut them out, or extract them on the card.It is very meaningful to insist on doing it every day, even if you only memorize one or two sentences a day.Over time, when talking, I will inadvertently use the sentences I copied down.Maybe they will come out of your head anytime and anywhere, let you talk freely, and give you an unexpected surprise.

2. Accumulate aphorisms and proverbs

When listening to other people's speeches or conversations, you can always hear aphorisms and proverbs that express human wisdom.Repeat these words in your heart and write them down in your notebook. Over time, you will have more and more topics and materials to talk about, and your eloquence will become more and more mature, and you will be able to speak clearly and clearly. Exports come in handy.

3. Accumulate conversation materials
Regarding the topics and materials of the conversation, on the one hand, we must absorb them seriously, and on the other hand, we must use them well.If you know how to use it, a simple sentence can also bring you amazing results.The purpose of learning and absorbing is to apply it well, and learning and absorbing that cannot be applied is meaningless.

4. Improve the ability to observe and think about problems
As long as you have a sharp eye for observing and thinking about problems, have rich knowledge and experience, and have greatly enhanced imagination and sensitivity, you can improve your eloquence.

With the improvement of eloquence, your life will be rich and colorful, and your personality and abilities in all aspects will also be improved, so that you can become a social master.

In daily life, we often find that some people lack the necessary knowledge of grammar and rhetoric, and the training of logical thinking is not rigorous. So said.This kind of incoherent, logically chaotic, and incomprehensible speech makes the listener hard and bored, which hinders deeper communication between the two parties.

On the contrary, some people have clear thinking, quick thinking, and eloquent speech. People are not only willing to listen to him, but also willing to get close to him. Therefore, he has many opportunities to expand social contacts.

In business negotiations, quick thinking is even more important, often determining the success or failure of a matter.To put it another way, business negotiation is almost a test of which of the two parties has the quickest thinking and the more flexible negotiation strategy. Therefore, there is a negotiation strategy in which one party tries to force the other party into confusion.

Clear thinking and quick response can make you turn the client into the main during the negotiation process and change from passive to active.

Spoken language mainly relies on sound to transmit information and communicate.The sound of spoken language is composed of each fleeting syllable, and some syllables are similar and easily confused. If the pronunciation is not accurate, it is difficult to hear clearly.Therefore, in oral expression, we must pay attention to accurate pronunciation and clear enunciation.

Spoken language is determined by pronunciation, so in the process of training oral expression ability, it is necessary to find ways to improve the quality of speech.

Accurate pronunciation is the first element of effective communication. To achieve accurate pronunciation, you must use Mandarin as much as possible to avoid misreading and misunderstanding caused by dialect pronunciation.

The Chinese language is very complicated, especially the different pronunciation changes of one word with polyphony and some difficult pronunciations, it is really difficult to read them accurately.This requires hard work and practice.

In order to achieve accurate pronunciation in oral expression, there is another problem that needs attention, that is, try to avoid words with the same sound but different meanings.For example, many words with different meanings such as "interpreter" and "senator", "shortcoming" and "iodine deficiency", "none" and "all" are easily confused in spoken language due to the same pronunciation, resulting in confusion.Therefore, for words with the same pronunciation but different meanings, synonyms with different pronunciations should be used as much as possible.If "translator" is said to be "translation", it will not be confused with "member".

American Dale Carnegie said: "There is no special secret to business speech. The most important thing is to pay attention to what the other party is saying. This is more effective than any flattery. This is a common truth, but it has far-reaching significance. It is truly There are almost one in a hundred people who realize this and do it sincerely." Listening is an important speech activity in human society.To practice "mouth", you must first practice "ear". Without "ear talent", there can be no "eloquence".Therefore, if you want to have a successful conversation, you must have a pair of sensitive and eloquent ears and be an obedient expert.

1. It is better to be able to speak than to be able to listen
Listening is a requirement of good interpersonal relationship.People have two ears and one mouth, just to talk less and listen more.Not paying attention and not being good at listening means not paying attention and not being good at communicating.Half of communicating is listening to what the other person has to say.No matter how good your eloquence is or how wonderful your words are, you should pay attention to what others say and see how others react.As the saying goes: "It is better to be able to listen than to be able to speak." That is to say, only by being able to listen can one be able to truly speak; only by being able to listen can one understand each other better and facilitate effective communication.Especially when talking with people with real talents and real learning, you need to listen more and be good at listening.

There is also a knack for obedience.When someone is speaking, some people’s eyes are wandering and absent-minded, giving people a feeling of contempt for the talker, making the other party feel that you are dissatisfied with him and unwilling to listen anymore, which will definitely hinder normal and effective communication.Of course, the so-called attentive listening does not mean staring at the speaker, but watching and expressing appropriately.

As long as you compare people with harmonious interpersonal relationships with those with rigid interpersonal relationships, you will understand that the better a person is at listening to others, the better the interpersonal relationship will be.That's because listening is a way of rewarding the other person's conversation.

Attention to listening is not only important, but also brings us many benefits.

2. Listening attentively helps to communicate with the heart

Listen attentively to other people's conversations, and express your friendliness and interest to the other party. The greatest value of doing so is to win the hearts of the people, make both parties feel connected, share weal and woe, and increase trust.

During the conversation, if you listen patiently to the other party, it is equivalent to telling the other party, "What you said is very valuable", or "You are worthy of my friendship", which means that you are interested in the other party.At the same time, it also makes the other person feel that his self-esteem has been satisfied.As a result, the speaker's feelings for the listener will also go further, "he can understand me", "he has really become my confidant".As a result, the spiritual distance between the two shortened. As long as the time is right, the two can become good friends.

3. Listening skills

Listening patiently to what others have to say can earn their trust.So, how should we listen to other people's speech?

(1) Listen intently.Make eye contact with the speaker, and let your eyes and expression show your intention and seriousness.Be sure to look at each other, but don't stare at each other all the time.Make appropriate response sounds such as "oh" and "um" to show that you are paying attention to listening, so as to arouse the other party's interest in continuing to speak.Even if you feel impatient, don't rush to intervene, negate or interrupt the other person's words.You can wait until the other person's words have come to an end before expressing your opinion.

(2) Emotional adaptation.When communicating with others, under normal circumstances, the body and mind should be in a relaxed state, concentrate on it, and express the same emotions of joy, anger, sorrow, and joy as the speaker's mood changes.Otherwise, if the other party is depressed, but you are smiling, he will definitely not be able to continue talking.

(3) Positive feedback.When the other party makes a point, nod your head in agreement.Nodding your head is essentially sending a signal to let the other party know that you are approving him, and the other party will continue talking with great interest at this time.Sometimes you can also ask the other party to talk about certain points in detail, or ask for additional explanations, which shows that you listened carefully and you can get more information at the same time.

(4) Ask questions or interrupt at the right time.Through some short interjections and questions, imply that you are really interested in his conversation, or inspire the other party to lead you to a topic of interest.

(5) Listen and think.Listening is faster than speaking, and the listener always has time to wait while listening.Use these time gaps to think secretly, recall the content of the other party's speech, analyze the other party's views and intentions, and compare the other party's thoughts and views with your own, so that you can predict the views you will express, the content and the way you will express them.

[-]. Basic Requirements for Social Eloquence
Having a high art of eloquence is the key to social success.In modern society, the importance of eloquence is more and more clearly presented to people.The following are some basic requirements for social eloquence.

1. Timely
In the application of social eloquence, it is necessary to grasp the timing of speaking according to the different communication objects, time and specific scenes, and stop when it should be said.For example, on September 1972, 9, Premier Zhou held a banquet in the Great Hall of the People for Japanese Prime Minister Kakuei Tanaka’s visit to China. In his speech of thanks, Kakuei Tanaka understated the crime of the Japanese army’s invasion of China as “causing trouble”. This is obviously an important issue that cannot be ambiguous. Premier Zhou immediately got up, faced Chinese and foreign guests, and refuted it promptly in a large audience, counting the facts and explaining the truth.Even so, the wording is still very stable, without a word of insult or abuse, the firmness can be seen in the gentleness, and the sternness can be seen in the politeness.Once Tanaka said that "that is the truth, there is no room for refutation" and "apology" again, Premier Zhou immediately changed the subject and did enough.

2. Moderate
Appropriate amount refers to the appropriate amount of speaking, including the appropriate volume of speaking.The standard of the right amount of speaking should be based on whether the purpose of speaking is achieved.In interpersonal communication, oral expression should be appropriate in density and speed.For example, a certain court recruits a cadre, and a young man is successful in the examination. At the celebration banquet, friends congratulate and congratulate him one after another.Some people are too reserved, not good at words, just smiling; some people are too excited, such as "the future is great, the merits are immeasurable", and the words "there is a long journey and a steady progress" are eloquent and eloquent.There is only one who is neither "sparse" nor "secret" who speaks exquisitely: "It is a place where you can use your strength in the political circle, but the people's scepter is given by the people after all. I hope you will cultivate yourself and be clean, and you will also be a 'Zhan Zhan Qingtian'. "As soon as the words came out, the audience was silent.This vivid language is full of promises and meanings, which is sobering.

3. Moderate
Moderation of eloquence skills mainly refers to grasping the depth of speech according to different objects, grasping the appropriateness of speech according to different occasions, and grasping the proportion of speech according to one's own identity. In May 1960, Xiong Xianghui was ordered to accompany the visiting British Marshal Montgomery to visit Luoyang.When watching the Henan opera "Mu Guiying in Command", Montgomery thought that the play was not good, how could a woman be the marshal?Xiong Xianghui explained: This is a Chinese legend that the masses love to watch.Montgomery said disapprovingly: "A man who loves to see a woman as a marshal is not a real man, and a woman who loves to see a woman as a marshal is not a real woman." Xiong Xianghui was very unconvinced, and refuted Marshal Montgomery on the spot: "The queen of England is also a woman." Yes, under your system, the Queen is the head of state and the commander-in-chief of the nation's armed forces".Marshal Montgomery was silenced and embarrassed.Afterwards, Premier Zhou severely criticized Xiong Xianghui, which was also a rare verbal mistake in Xiong Xianghui's life.

Eloquence skills require a good grasp of the proportion and depth of speaking according to different objects, different occasions and different identities, regardless of social occasions or daily life.Moderate speech is the lubricant of interpersonal communication.In communication, whether you are commenting on a person or talking about something, whether you are praising or criticizing, you can't talk too much.Don’t say words of praise, don’t say words of criticism, and express them moderately and appropriately, so as to establish good interpersonal relationships, communicate feelings, enhance understanding, promote cooperation, and deepen friendship.

(End of this chapter)