Be a Strong Woman: Carnegie's Book of Spiritual Growth for Women

Chapter 2 Be optimistic about yourself and you will have good luck (1)
A moderate amount of self-love is healthy for a woman.

A woman must know how to love herself first
Audrey Hepburn is one of the most loved and imitated women in the 20th century.When she became a film actress, Hollywood already had a superstar named "Katherine Hepburn".At that time, the director had advised Audrey Hepburn to change her name so that others would not compare her with Katharine Hepburn.In addition, having two Hepburns in a small Hollywood was not a good thing, and Katharine Hepburn was already a famous actress at the time, which was not good for Audrey Hepburn.However, Audrey Hepburn said to the director confidently:

"No, I must use my real name."

"why?"

"Because I am Audrey Hepburn."

Audrey Hepburn was a confident and attractive woman.She can be loved by many audiences, mainly because of her love for herself.Audrey Hepburn encouraged women to discover and emphasize their own advantages, which not only changed the way women dressed, but also changed women's views on themselves.When she first debuted, it was the time when sexy actresses were enthusiastically sought after, but she changed the definition of beauty recognized by the world with her radical attitude and absolute courage, and established her own uniqueness with her unique thin figure and short hair image.

Audrey Hepburn’s experience tells us that only those who know how to love themselves can be loved by others——the more you love yourself and the people around you, the greater and more amazing your changes will be, and at the same time, you will become more The more you get the love of others.

Self-love to some extent starts from narcissism. Care and obsession with oneself is a kind of self-confidence, a kind of happiness without any emotional support and attachment.Just think, if you don't even love yourself, how can you get the love of others?
In the eyes of everyone, Miranda is a beautiful and successful woman.However, she is always dissatisfied with herself, either complaining that her skin is too fair, or that the bridge of her nose is too straight, and her forehead is too wide.Even just because the friends around her have slender legs, she felt that her legs were too fat, so she didn't even wear a skirt.In addition, she always complains that her current boyfriend is not as good as her ex-boyfriend, and she often resents her current situation because she cannot buy all the famous brands she likes.If things go on like this, she always talks about "there is no one more unlucky than me in the world" and "she is so beautiful, she must be very happy", and her mood is always at a low ebb.At first, her friends tried to persuade her to change this perception, but all failed.In the end, her friends all left her one by one.

In fact, this miserable feeling of being inferior to others was not imposed on her by others, but imposed on herself by herself.A woman like Miranda ended up like this because she didn't love herself enough and didn't discover her own shining point.

If you don't cherish yourself, who can cherish you?A woman who doesn't know how to cherish herself, a woman who doesn't know how to take care of herself in detail, won't show that beauty and elegance anytime and anywhere.So, be nice to yourself, starting with caring for your reputation and body, and then detailing every emotion and every demeanor bit by bit. This is the attitude towards life that a charming woman should have.Only in this way can life become more and more expected and satisfying.So, you will eventually find that the exquisite life you have always wanted to pursue is actually a gesture, a complex with a little self-love in the subtleties, and the high quality of our life lies in this subtlety.

know and like yourself

If a woman wants to live a healthy and mature life, "like yourself" is one of the necessary conditions.This is not "selfish" self-satisfaction, but means "self-acceptance".A sober, practical self-acceptance accompanied by self-respect and human dignity.

Mature women don't blindly compare themselves with others.She may sometimes criticize her own performance or perceive her own faults.But she knows her goals and motives are right, and she is still willing to continue to work on her weaknesses instead of regretting them.

A mature woman bears with herself as well as she bears with others.She doesn't feel miserable living because of some of her weaknesses.

Is liking yourself as important as liking others?Let's just say this: People who hate everything and everyone just show their frustration and self-loathing.

Professor Arthur Jassy of Columbia University's School of Education firmly believes that education should help children and adults understand themselves and develop healthy attitudes of self-acceptance.In his book "Teacher Facing Self", he pointed out that the life and work of a teacher are full of toil, satisfaction, hope and heartache.Therefore, "self-acceptance" is equally important for every teacher.

Today, more than half of the hospital beds in the United States are occupied by people with emotional or mental problems.According to reports, these patients do not like themselves and cannot live in harmony with themselves.

Exaggerating the extent and scope of their own mistakes is one of the things that self-hating people often do.Appropriate self-criticism is a good thing, which is conducive to a person's growth.But when it evolves into a compulsive concept, it will paralyze our will and prevent us from gathering strength to do positive things.

One woman said: "I always feel timid and inferior. Others seem calm and confident. I feel discouraged when I think about my shortcomings, so I can't speak freely."

In fact, everyone has their own shortcomings, but the key to the problem is not your shortcomings, but how many advantages you have.

The final factor that determines a work of art and a person is not a flaw.Shakespeare's works are full of errors of basic common sense of history and geography, and Dickens tries his best to render a sentimental atmosphere in his novels.But who cares?The shortcomings do not prevent them from becoming first-class literary masters, because the advantages are the final decisive factor.When we make friends, we also feel the existence of each other's shortcomings, but we like to associate with them because we like their good points.

The realization of self-improvement depends on making full use of your strengths and learning from each other's strengths, rather than caring about your own shortcomings all day long.

Overthinking past and current mistakes can quickly fuel a person's feelings of guilt and inferiority.It doesn't take long before we stop respecting ourselves and habitually beat ourselves up fifty times.Therefore, we must let the previous things sink to the bottom, and then swim to the surface to breathe fresh air again.

be your best self
There was a car mechanic's daughter who always wanted to be a singer, but unfortunately she had a wide mouth and buck teeth.When she sang in public for the first time, in order to look attractive, she kept trying to curl her upper lip down to cover her protruding front teeth.The results of it?She looked ridiculous, and of course doomed.

However, after listening to the singing, someone felt that she was quite talented in singing, so he told her frankly: "I saw your performance, and I know what you want to hide. You don't like your teeth!" very ashamed.The man continued: "What's the point? Buck teeth are not a sin, why cover them up? Open your mouth, as long as you are not ashamed of yourself, the audience will like you. Besides, these teeth Maybe it will bring you good luck!"

She took the man's advice and stopped caring about that tooth.From then on, all she cared about was the audience.She opened her mouth wide, sang with all her heart, and finally became a top singer-she was Cass Daly.

You and I both have these potentials, so don't waste time worrying about being different.You are completely new in this world, there has never been one before, and there will be no future.

Geneticists tell us that you are the result of 48 chromosomes joining together.Of these, 24 were from the father and 24 from the mother.There are hundreds of genes in each chromosome, and each gene can change your whole life.So we are indeed an "unbelievable, extremely wonderful" combination.

You should be grateful that you are unique in the world, and you should give full play to your talents.Experience, environment, and heredity make you who you are, and for better or for worse, you have to cultivate your garden; for better or for worse, you have to play the strings of your life.

Emerson wrote in the essay "Self-Confidence":

"Everyone will be convinced for a while in the process of education: envy is ignorance, and imitation will only destroy oneself; everyone's good and bad are part of themselves; even if the universe is full of good things You get nothing by trying; the power within you is unique, and only you know what you can do, but you don't even know you can do it unless you do it."

This is what Emerson said.In addition, Douglas Mallah also expressed his views in a poem:
If you can't be a tall pine on the mountaintop,
Then be a little tree in the valley—

But be the best little tree by the stream.

If you can't be a big tree,
Then be a bush;
If you can't be a little bush,

Then be a small meadow.

If you can't be a musk deer,

Then be a small bass—

But be the liveliest little bass in the lake.

We can't all be captains, some have to be sailors too.

There are many things for us to do here, big things, small things,
But the most important thing is what is around us.

If you can't be the highway, be a byway;
If you can't be the sun, be a star.

It's not your size that makes or breaks—

And doing your best!
Affirm yourself and life will smile on you

If we believe in ourselves, in our ability to think and judge, we will be willing to open up to others.Conversely, if we deeply doubt our own value and don't believe in our ability to recognize and judge, then we will naturally lack a sense of security in our hearts.This kind of psychology often leads to frustration and failure in behavioral results.

Suppose there is a woman who thinks that it is impossible for a man to like her and choose another woman. Her self-concept cannot accept the possibility of such a possibility.At the same time, as a human being, she yearns for love.When she found love, what did she do?

She may compare herself inappropriately to other women.She might do something absurd, ridiculously stupid, and show a sense of contrived superiority as a way to negate her inner insecurities.She might always be talking to him about those attractive women, while inside she was filled with apprehension and suspicion.She may torture him with suspicion, jealousy.She may even encourage him to have an affair, with the result that her lover falls in love with another woman.Clearly, she was deeply traumatized, and she felt desolate and alone.But the situation was good for her in the sense that the bitter wine she made herself would change all her previous ideas about love.

In real life, it's almost irrational for everyone to want to be in complete control of their life.Especially when we are unaware that we are being manipulated by our inner self-deprecating, self-sabotaging psychological activities, this kind of irrational hope may lead to irrational behavior results.

Controlling life simply means knowing reality as it really is, making reasonable and accurate judgments about the consequences of our actions in light of our actual living conditions.Life tragedies often occur due to a wrong understanding of "controlling life".Because we try to fit reality to our beliefs instead of adjusting our beliefs to reality.Tragedy happens when we blindly cling to this belief, irrationally dealing with matters where trade-offs are possible.Tragedy happens when we give up our happiness by clinging to our so-called "right idea," when we maintain the illusion that we are in "control of life" without noticing that reality is contradicting our belief.

If we never understand ourselves, deny ourselves unintentionally, but don't know that we are destroying ourselves, we will become the protagonists of the tragedy of life.

Only when we become aware of our self-destructive tendencies can we try to change our behavior.It is only when we understand ourselves that we act according to that understanding and have the tendency to act in defense of ourselves.

Life will smile at us only if we affirm ourselves.The result of self-denial is to bring disaster to life.

Recognize your own potential and strengths

If a world-famous aircraft manufacturing company hired a blind man to design an aircraft engine, you would think it was grotesque, but it is true.

Xie Yunxia, ​​a 22-year-old British Chinese, has been almost completely blind since she was a child, but she is an engineer for Rolls-Royce.She sits at a computer terminal every day, holding a cursor locator, and staring at the enlarged text presented on the computer screen.Her face is almost glued to the screen because her vision is extremely weak and focused mainly on her right eye.Around her is some essential auxiliary equipment, which can amplify the engine's temperature, humidity and pressure data under various flight conditions.And she's got it all right, she's up to date with technological developments.That said, there was very little that could have prevented this small, shy, quick-witted, brilliant blind girl from being a good, meticulous engineer at her job.She received a special award from Charles, Prince of Wales for her excellence.

Everyone has great potential, and everyone can lead to success.As long as you raise your head, a new life is ahead!
Once a woman realizes her own potential and advantages, she will not just envy others and always feel that she is inferior to others.Therefore, we can regard no longer envious of others as a sign of re-understanding ourselves and struggling on our own.

How a woman understands herself and describes her self-image in her own life experience and in her social situation, that is, what kind of person do you think you are and what kind of person do you expect yourself to be? Important life issues will determine your own destiny to a large extent.The core point of success psychology is that everyone has great potential and everyone can achieve success!

A woman may be small or great, it depends on your understanding and evaluation of yourself, on your psychological attitude, and on whether you can fight on your own.In the final analysis, it still depends on how you see yourself, whether it is self-confidence or low self-esteem.

Appreciate your unique beauty
Carnegie received a letter from Mrs. Edith Allard from Aire Hill, North Carolina. "I have been very sensitive and shy since I was a child," she said in the letter. "My body has always been too fat, and my face makes me look much fatter than I am. I have a very rigid mother, She thinks it's a foolish thing to make clothes beautiful. She always says to me: 'The loose clothes are easy to wear, and the narrow ones are easy to tear.' And she always helps me dress according to this sentence. So I never Playing outdoors with other kids, not even gym class. I was very shy and felt 'different' from everyone else and totally unattractive.

(End of this chapter)