If you are still together when you wake up

Chapter 20 Illusion
These days, she devoted herself to the literature review of her thesis, and she didn't see Su Ruhao very much.When he came out of the reference room, he dialed a phone and waited for a long time before someone answered it.

His voice sounded tired and hoarse, and he said "Hello" with a strong nasal voice.

"Have a cold?" Xia Huixi's heart tightened, "The voice has changed."

The other end of the phone smiled, with a low and sexy voice: "I haven't seen you for a few days... What are you doing these days?"

Xia Huixi smiled: "I was just about to ask you? Are you busy?"

"Hmm... There are new drug approvals and trial production at CRIX. My uncle is a bit busy here these days."

After waiting for a long time without hearing from her, Su Ruhao suddenly became a little worried: "Hello? Are you still here?"

Xia Huixi collected her thoughts: "I... I wanted to talk to you casually... You are so busy, so forget it."

She hung up the phone feeling disappointed, and suddenly remembered that her teacher said "Have you met his parents?"... Even though he was so close, even though he was sure that he loved her, he never mentioned his family in front of her.She shook her head, after all, she still couldn't get rid of the sense of loss of her children.

The dinner was a treat for Professor Peng Ze. In the reception center of the school, one of his students from the past few years returned to China after studying.

Xia Huixi looked at the senior brother in front of him, and suddenly felt that the name was a little familiar.She reached out her hand to shake each other's hand in a graceful manner, and asked again: "Senior brother Yan, I just read the experiment report you did two years ago."

"Two years ago?" He recalled for a moment, then laughed, "That experiment... was done before going abroad, hehe, the effect was not very satisfactory..."

Their brothers and sisters got together to talk, and someone half-joked: "Where is Xiao Su? Why didn't you come today?"

"I have to ask Xiao Xia about this, she knows best..."

Xia Huixi laughed along with everyone, and still asked: "Brother, I am very interested in one of the cases."

Senior Brother Yan nodded, and said, "That... well, I was also impressed. That girl was also a subject, and she was suffering from severe depression at the time. After she committed suicide, the experiment was hastily suspended--actually, you know Yes, I don’t think it’s the reason for this experiment, but for what it’s for, I’m afraid no one knows.”

Xia Huixi asked some simple questions about the situation, and had a meal full of worries.Finally, I bid farewell to everyone, and walked back to the staff dormitory alone, because it was a starless night, the shadows of the trees were whirling, the dark images were swaying, and the wild cats in the bushes were also frightening.When she thought of tomorrow's consultation, she was not in a good mood at first, but suddenly, she became depressed again.

When he was distracted, the heel suddenly clicked, as if it was embedded in some gap.Xia Huixi lifted her foot up, but she still couldn't move it a little bit. She had to bend down to see where she stepped on it.Under the light, it is considered clear.It turned out to be the iron cover laid on the natural gas pipeline. Because of the small holes on the top, it was so hard to die that the heel of my shoe got stuck in it.

When people are not going well, they may indeed clog their teeth after drinking cold water.She sighed, intending to try again.

Suddenly a voice came from behind, with a smile, he said slowly: "Be careful to sprain your ankle."

Su Ruhao squatted down, held her slender ankle, supported the heel with the other hand, and pulled it out with just the right strength, instantly restoring her freedom.

But Xia Huixi still stood still.Under the moonlit night, his smile was light, perhaps because he was busy, his chin was a little blue, and the profile of his nose was hit by the moonlight, making him look extraordinarily straight and handsome.

Su Ruhao's voice was still clearly nasal, and he held her hand and said, "Why are you walking so carelessly?"

She looked down at the clasped fingers of the two, and said softly, "Why are you here? Aren't you very busy?"

Until entering the room, Su Ruhao didn't speak any more, just smiled, and seemed oblivious to her little awkwardness.

Xia Huixi handed him a glass of water, and found Radix Banlangen from the small cabinet: "Let me make you a cup? Is the cold serious?"

He suddenly leaned forward and held her wrist, looking directly at her: "Aren't you happy? Is it because... I don't introduce people from my family to you?"

He said it so directly, leaving Xia Huixi stunned, speechless for a while, with mixed emotions in his heart, and could only sit beside him following the strength of his wrist.He raised his head in a daze to look at his handsome eyebrows, wondering how he found out what was in his heart.

He let her lean into his arms, and said softly: "It's not that I don't want you to see my family... They are not here. After a while, after I finish my work, you take a leave of absence, and I will take you Go see them, okay?"

"As for my uncle, he's here for business, and it doesn't matter if we see you next time... Do you still not believe my love for you? Do you think I'm not sincere?"

His voice was gentle and made people trust, Xia Huixi thought for a while in silence, as if the empty place in her heart was being filled, she nodded: "I'm sorry... It's not that I don't trust you, it's just... ..."

He didn't let her go on, just smiled and blocked his words with his lips, and murmured: "You believe me, this is enough..."

Before stepping into Pei Yueze's office the next day, she looked at herself carefully through the mirror-like wall.It looked neat and tidy, and there was nothing unusual about it, but the moment she stepped in, she turned her head and glanced at Assistant Zhang: "Excuse me, will there be anyone outside the room when the consultation is in progress?"

Assistant Zhang seemed to have misunderstood what she meant, and quickly said, "I can ask the secretary to avoid it for a while."

Xia Huixi smiled awkwardly: "I didn't mean that... I mean, there will be someone outside, right? If I need something, it will be more convenient."

"Okay, I will arrange for someone to wait outside."

Xia Huixi breathed a sigh of relief and knocked on the door.

"Painting again?" Pei Yueze's expression seemed a little disappointed, and he picked up the pen on the table in a dispirited manner, "Or draw casually?"

"Why? Not happy?" Xia Huixi handed him the blank paper, "You want to meditate, that's fine too. But that thing, you know, is like opium, it's addictive."

She intentionally spoke in an unpredictable manner, which caused Pei Yueze to smile: "What kind of addiction method?"

She also smiled, just looking at his silhouette with some inquiry: "This...maybe you have to ask yourself."

Pei Yueze raised his head from the sound of swishing strokes, looked at her inquiringly, and finally chuckled: "Really?"

Half an hour later, he handed the blank paper to her: "Okay."

Xia Huixi took it, and after a hasty glance, her brows raised unconsciously, and she looked up at him again.After going back and forth several times, even Pei Yueze noticed her strangeness, stood up and walked around behind her, looked with her, and couldn't help asking: "What's the problem?"

She smiled quickly: "No problem, very good." She repeated in a murmur, "It's really good."

It was still a vase, but this time, it was placed squarely - just like her first impression, he was trying to achieve symmetry.The ear stems, bouquets, and small decorations inside the bottle all reveal this.

Although the graphics are still a bit weird, for example, there is a pair of bright eyes on the belly of the vase, such as the clearly split line between the eyes, but no matter what, he seems to have felt the potential uneasiness in his consciousness, I'm trying my best to reverse this tilt.

In just over a week, what made him make such great progress?

Such a case has once again verified the mystery and elusiveness of psychology.Xia Huixi looked at Pei Yueze's face in a daze. Because of his relaxation, his expression was extremely soft, and the corners of his mouth were even raised slightly childishly. That smile was exceptionally handsome.

After a while, when she was in a trance, he looked at her intently for a long time, and then slowly said: "You... are very absent-minded today."

Xia Huixi didn't answer, but just smiled and said, "What did you see before? Would you like to tell me?"

His mood seemed to be getting more and more comfortable. He raised the corners of his eyes and smiled handsomely: "Didn't you say that you are not curious about my privacy?"

"Then, just pretend that I'm curious..." Xia Huixi thought for a moment, her slender fingers tapped on the armrest of the chair, "I'm curious, she in your eyes is you who?"

He was still smiling, but the temperature in his eyes was cooling down little by little.

Xia Huixi looked at him unrelentingly: "Don't want to say? Then you still don't regard me as a friend and a reliable doctor."

Pei Yueze's tightly pursed lips showed his inner resistance, but this made Xia Huixi relax unconsciously. If he insisted not to say... then he would act as if he hadn't mentioned anything... She bit Gritting his teeth, he was about to say "forget it", but his answer was ahead of him——

"I love her..." His voice was very calm, but she could hear that under the calm, there seemed to be a huge whirlpool slowly forming silently.

Xia Huixi looked at her quietly, her eyes seemed to be glimmering, with an indescribable tranquility and tranquility.She stared at him for a long, long time, as if she was looking for courage, but also seemed to be brewing emotions, and finally stood up gently, sat down beside him, and stretched out her hand to hold his hand——

Pei Yueze narrowed his eyes and watched her every move, and his secret joy seemed to be gradually enlarged. At this moment, he didn't want to know her sudden kindness and friendliness, but just felt the soft, tender hands holding him in his heart. Slender, as if the gentle waves of the sea rolled by...

Xia Huixi was struggling in her heart, she didn't even dare to think about his reaction, but no matter how difficult the words were, she had to say them - she had to say, otherwise, he couldn't look directly at the crack, and he couldn't get over it. To break the illusion of the bottom of my heart——

The strength in her hand increased a little, and her nails subconsciously sank into the back of his hand. Finally, her voice was faint and indistinct, as if it wasn't her own voice.

"Do you love her as a lover? Or as a half-brother?"

The hands I held seemed to have lost their warmth in an instant, not only cold, but also seemed to have lost their vitality, and were gradually ossifying into delicate jade.

Xia Huixi forced herself to raise her head, looked into his dark eyes, restrained the chills in her heart, bit the tip of her tongue fiercely, and continued: "Pei Yueze, you should know that such love— ——It’s what you described to me. Your love for each other is all fake and your own imagination. Pei Xuan, your sister, she has never fallen in love with you—she has only fear for you, Only to avoid..."

Her words were interrupted by his unusually bright eyes.Pei Yueze gave a low laugh, but the office seemed to cool down suddenly.At this moment, his handsome god-like face was extremely terrifying, like a ghost in the dark night, with a strange flush on his pale cheeks, he slowly pulled out his hand, and along her soft body, Touching up little by little, until the slender and strong fingers were stuck between her slender neck.

It's there...it's there, this hateful woman is saying what he doesn't want to hear...not only did she know everything, but she repeated it to herself...she said they never fell in love, but she clearly remembered those things... Kissing and lingering, how could it be fake?

The hand clasped around her neck tightened and loosened suddenly, just like his disordered breathing at the moment, spraying hot on her face.

Xia Huixi was grabbed by the neck by him, and he climbed to the top. The fear seemed to be unsustainable, and he calmed down unexpectedly.When she looked out, the whole room seemed to be covered with a faint smoke. His face seemed far away, but his eyes were still bright. Looking at herself, it seemed to be looking at a stranger.

"Pei Yueze...Think about what woke you up last time...Don't be immersed in those fantasies..."

His fingers tightened again, and Xia Huixi only felt pushed by a great force, and his body leaned back and the back of his head probably touched the lamp holder of the desk lamp. Suddenly, everything on the small table fell on the carpet.

It didn't hurt, but when his body sank, his slender body was half pressed up, his extremely beautiful eyes seemed to be red, and his voice was hoarse and low: "Say it again!"

Probably someone heard the movement in the house, and the door was pushed open a small crack.Xia Huixi saw it was Assistant Zhang from the corner of her eye. At this moment, Pei Yueze was slightly distracted, and the strength in her hands became weaker.She was breathing heavily, trying to yell out loud.But after a while, Xia Huixi turned that shout into a murmur, and looked at Pei Yueze stubbornly, but still didn't say a word.

Such a posture is too ambiguous, and it is easy to think of other things. Before Pei Yueze could say anything, Xiao Zhang had consciously closed the door.

In the spacious office like a suite, there were two people left, looking at each other.

Under his fingers, he felt her warmth, his skin was like jade, and the light blue blood vessels around her neck were throbbing.And her eyes were black and white, as clear as spring water in a stream, although she barely concealed her fear, she still looked at him calmly.

The hatred in his heart suddenly slowly turned into a kind of emptiness, he was in this space blankly, and there was only emptiness left in his heart.

It was so quiet that it was almost hard to breathe.Pei Yueze stared blankly at the woman below her, her face became clearer and clearer, her pale face, black hair, the small scar on her forehead - she looked a little like her shy and beautiful sister Woolen cloth?
As if in a daze, he slowly let go of her neck with his fingers, stroked her face again, and said in a very soft voice, "Why didn't you scream just now?"

Xia Huixi turned her face to the side and coughed desperately. After a long time, she reluctantly said: "I want you to learn to control yourself. This time it's because I'm here. Next time, if you behave like this again... Maybe you will hurt yourself .”

He slowly stood up, and because his fingers left her cheek, he suddenly felt a chill.

He tried his best to conceal his inadvertent trembling, stepped back a little, watched her sit up, and asked expressionlessly: "How do you know?"

"How do I know...it's not important..." Xia Huixi repeated slowly, as if trying to clear her mind, speaking very slowly and calmly, "Mr. Pei, I know that merciless It's painful for you to break your illusion, but I have to."

She smiled wryly: "Today, I mustered up the courage to come here. Although I expected your reaction to be fierce, I didn't expect...you would be like this..."

As if she was afraid, she stroked the area around her neck, lowered her eyelashes, and pondered for a while: "Do you...do you feel okay now?"

Pei Yueze's expression was numb, as if he had lost the ability to express, and he nodded flatly: "Just now, you said... those things are all my fantasies? Are they all fake?"

His eyes are very clear, and the previous frenzied luster has faded. Xia Huixi weighed it in her heart and nodded solemnly: "In your impression, she likes you, relies on you, and cares about you... I know what I think To you, it will be very incredible, but from the perspective of an onlooker, this fact is very clear - she has always positioned herself as your sister, and has never had any love for you."

"Besides, because of your feelings for her, your sister, Pei Xuan felt very troubled and uncomfortable, so..."

She tried her best to narrate without incident, but things backfired. Seeing that the hostility in Pei Yueze's eyes gradually rose again, Xia Huixi could only stop narrating and let him and herself take a breath.

Pei Yueze sat not far from her, fiddled with his knuckles for a while, and after a long time, he said slowly: "You mean, she got depression because of me?"

As if predicting that he would ask this question, Xia Huixi answered him calmly: "I didn't say that. I don't know what caused her to suffer from mental illness. It may be related to you, or it may be related to others. The reason is related. But now I want you to figure out only one thing, what is the reason for me to sit here."

Pei Yueze suddenly raised his gaze.Her hair was disheveled, and the neckline of the shirt was tilted to the side because of the struggle just now, and she was in a state of embarrassment.However, her face was always gentle and indifferent.Just like just now, he recalled with a little bewilderment, the moment he woke himself up, was it also because he saw her face?All the uneasiness, the anxiety, and the embarrassment that the secret was revealed all disappeared in an instant.

"Why do you help me? I threatened you and almost strangled you. I...killed my own sister. A person like me...why do you help me?" Xia Huixi's face, "You can ignore my...those things, if you don't tell me, don't wake me up, I will feel more comfortable..."

Xia Huixi sighed, she thought of Pei Xuan's self-report as an experiment volunteer, her handwriting was delicate and sensitive, and she used this handwriting to write down the troubles in her heart stroke by stroke.

In her description, her brother forbears and remains silent. She knows his love and affection for her, but he never reveals it. He is just by her side, and maybe he hopes to love her like that for the rest of his life. Let her know.

However, in the end, what happened to make Pei Xuan tear apart everything fiercely, even leaving him at the cost of his life, Xia Huixi didn't know, and was unwilling to know.

She only saw that now Pei Yueze, as her own patient, was enduring all kinds of pain and living in an illusory world that didn't exist.It was because of this world torn apart by strong emotions that he once projected his feelings on himself; it was also because of this world that he fabricated a story of love between himself and Xuan in his mind-this emotional and spiritual world The split between him is not only a mechanism for him to protect himself, but also an illusory peach blossom garden.

He hid in it, thinking it was safe, but as long as someone else came to find out, what awaited him might be complete destruction.

That's why before this consultation, I was so restless and hesitant to make up my mind.The patient's fantasy naturally needs to be broken as soon as possible, but she is afraid that the backlash will be too strong. If she can't control it well, then his destruction will be caused by herself.

In fact, when he was allowed to freely create that painting, she was still hesitant, wondering if she should mention it.It wasn't until I saw his paintings and saw his great progress that I finally made up my mind and took the risk to tell the truth.

After the chaos, Pei Yueze has gradually calmed down now. It seems that he has made the right move in this move.

Xia Huixi thought for a long time: "Mr. Pei, I still remember that when you were in Sanya, you once told me that you have original sin on your body, and you said you don't deserve good things."

Pei Yueze looked at her silently, smiled softly, and laughed at himself indescribably.

"Original sin...a religious term, the sin that everyone carries...I don't know why you chose that word, but let me guess, is it because you've been loathing yourself? You've been feeling guilty about your sister Feeling? Do you think it was your existence that ruined her?"

"I told you just now that from the perspective of an outsider, you and your sister have never been in love. I can also tell you that from the perspective of an outsider, you are a very Good brother. You love her and care about her, maybe because you were young at that time, and you had fantasies or admiration for her, but you have been restraining. And your sister, she admires you, although she senses that there is some tension between the two of you. It's unusually ambiguous and troubled by it, but she never loses respect for you."

"In my eyes, you bear a heavy sense of guilt for your sister, and you bear a fate that does not belong to you for her, so you feel that you have original sin." Her voice slowly turned soft, "But don't Forget, everyone's fate is there, and the path she chooses to take is not caused by you alone."

"So... when that woman died, you pity her, but you don't feel guilty?" Pei Yueze's voice was cold, and the first thought in his mind was that when he asked her about the death of the guest on the show, she was different from ordinary people. Performance.

Xia Huixi was stunned for a moment, and her voice gradually lowered: "Yes. My original intention was to help her... But later on, even I was confused. Is it right to do this by myself, or is it right? Incorrect……"

"So you help me like this now, do you know whether it's right or wrong?" Pei Yueze's voice was cold, but his thinking was unusually sharp, "Have you thought about it?"

Sitting beside him, Xia Huixi smiled suddenly, as if the water lily by the desk had suddenly bloomed, it was indescribably sweet and fresh, she slowly stretched out her hand, and pressed it on his chest: "Mr. Pei, More often than not, I don't like to analyze. Just listen to the thoughts here. It tells me that this person is not a bad person, and I want to help him."

"As for the result, I never think so long..."

The secretary's line rang for a long time. Pei Yueze looked at the back of her white hand, and the white jade-like touch and imprint still landed on his heart—he was stunned for a long time before turning around and picking up the phone.

The secretary's voice was a little disturbed: "Mr. Pei, remind you of the time of the banquet tonight..."

He has regained his composure, as if he was like the man Xia Huixi knew before, noble and arrogant, mysterious and unpredictable.Looking at his handsome profile, Xia Huixi was a little dazed for a moment, and didn't even hear what he said to herself.

"I'm asking you, will you go to the banquet tonight?"

Xia Huixi said "ah", looked at the time, and remembered it.The banquet celebrating the trial production of new drugs was jointly organized by CRIX and the Institute of Psychology of Nantah University. Before coming, she had made an appointment with Su Ruhao and agreed to go together.

She hurriedly stood up: "I'll go back first, I will go to that banquet. It's too late, I'm not even ready, I'll go first..."

She turned around and was about to leave, but her wrist tightened, and when she turned around, Pei Yueze quietly held her wrist, her eyes as calm as water: "Don't worry, there's everything here, I'll let them prepare it for you."

Xia Huixi struggled subconsciously: "No need, I still..."

He still looked at her quietly, and his tone was extremely diluted: "You will be my female companion tonight." He smiled softly, "Miss Xia, you promised me that at least during the consultation process, you won't abandon me."

Xia Huixi was really worried about his mental state, after a brief consideration, he nodded quickly: "Okay."

Immediately, someone took her to the guest lounge downstairs. She called Su Ruhao in the elevator, but she couldn't get through.He could only send a text message hastily: "We'll meet you at the banquet. Don't pick me up."

When everything was ready, Xia Huixi stood up, and looked back to see Pei Yueze sitting on the sofa. It seemed that he had been waiting for a while.He was wearing a black suit, and his sitting posture was slack, but he still showed an extremely noble style, but there was an indescribable hesitation between his brows, and he was not like the usual deep-sea man.

The banquet was held in the Science Hall of Nantah University. The car drove all the way, and both of them were silent.She closed her eyes, and slowly leaned back in the chair until the car stopped slightly, probably arriving.Xia Huixi moved her body and was about to get out of the car. When she looked up, Pei Yueze was sitting there, but she didn't intend to move.

The entrance of the science hall is full of flower baskets. At a glance, the colors are colorful, as if the colorful colors of spring have been clustered together in advance.

He moved his fingers lightly, looked sideways at the gorgeous scenery, and said in a soft voice, "According to your opinion, is this even unnecessary?"

Xia Huixi was stunned for a while, and when he realized it, his voice seemed to be sighing: "You are really cooperating with us because of her...to develop a drug for treating depression?"

He smiled, with a calm face: "The original intention was not, but later it became impatient. So, yes, but not all."

Xia Huixi patted his arm naturally: "Don't think too much. Let's go."

He got out of the car first, reached out to hold the door for her, and waited for a while in a very gentlemanly manner, until she got out of the car, before greeting her lightly: "Let's go?"

Xia Huixi stood still, and then tiptoed slightly to look around for a while.She was wearing a silver-white suit, and when she raised her neck, even though the makeup artist deliberately covered it with powder, a faint red-purple circle was still looming.

Pei Yueze stopped silently and waited for her for a while, thinking of the moment when he lost control in the afternoon, as if he had fallen into another world, he felt terrified.

He didn't urge her either, and waited until she turned to face him in disappointment before asking: "You said so much this afternoon, but there is one thing you still haven't explained clearly to me."

Xia Huixi walked up the steps and asked casually, "What?"

He took a step forward, took her hand, and forced her to face himself: "You've been emphasizing that I'm in another world—is that another way of expressing a split personality?"

However, Xia Huixi's reaction was much more relaxed than his. She rubbed her forehead with the other hand and smiled casually: "Didn't I say it? Yes, Mr. Pei——you do have potential split characteristics. But luckily What’s more, a certain part of your personality is so strong that it can completely cover up this split for you. So, most of the time, your behavior is quite normal.”

"I didn't tell you directly because...well, you know, I described the situation just to let you understand that this thing is not as scary as its name suggests. Everyone has a little bit of it. ? Don't worry too much about it."

He looked at her thoughtfully, pursed his lips, and smiled slightly: "What else?"

"Also...you don't watch "Criminal Minds", right? There are a lot of serial killers in it with split personalities. The old beauty is trying to chase the ratings and make it so mysterious. Don't believe it." Xia Hui Xi pouted in disdain, with a smile in his eyes, "Don't think too highly of it, in fact, it's just such a small problem, it's easy to overcome."

She raised her little finger, made a gesture, and smiled brightly: "That's just a little bit."

Pei Yueze stared at her for a while, then nodded: "I see."

His back was thin and slender, and Xia Huixi followed behind him, quietly heaving a sigh of relief.

(End of this chapter)