the most beautiful time

Chapter 36 Those wild loves in poverty (1)

When she first entered college, she was like a timid little beast, hiding in a corner where no one would notice, silently licking and wiping the skin injured by the dazzling light from outsiders.So after a few months, when the girls in the dormitory knew each other like sisters, she was left alone.Everyone thought she was too cold a girl, so they let her go silent.But she didn't know that the humbleness in her heart was like a cocoon on her fingertips, and it became thicker and thicker with the tempering of time.

The only thing that gave her the courage to go on was the articles she wrote in the library, which began to be published in some newspapers and magazines one after another.And those letters from readers made her feel even more joyful.Her nameless wild flower, in the unexpected sight of passers-by, suddenly added a bright and moving background.This was something she didn't even realize.No one, including Chen, knew the greenery that was spreading in her heart day by day.Chen was the first reader to write to her. In Chen's imagination, her pseudonym Xiaomo should be like a beautiful jasmine, with fragrant flowers and swaying branches and leaves.Chen said, the word "Xiaomo" has a flavor, it must be your real name.In Chen's words, she was slightly sad.How could she tell Chen that she didn't have a face as beautiful and beautiful as the words, nor did she have a pleasant name as he thought.She grew up in a small town, and her parents were laid-off workers who peddled small businesses along the street. Her family was poor, and her sister sold her dowry for the tuition fees when she entered college.At the class reunion, because she was still wearing her middle school uniform, she was rated as the girl who loved her alma mater the most with a smile.She brought Mandarin with a strong dialect, which even made it difficult for her to breathe when she was next to girls in Beijing.

Before she could figure out how to tell Chen these words slowly, Chen carefully said a word of love to her.At that time, the girls around had already had happy and sweet love. She was walking lonely and longed for love to stop her gently, but she never expected that when Chen really spoke to her, her In my heart, not only did I not have the joy and tenderness I imagined, but I was so flustered that I was at a loss.She was afraid that Chen would take a one-day train journey from that city in the south to see her as said in the letter.She was also afraid that Chen would invite her to play in his university. For a girl like her who had to carefully calculate her meal expenses, traveling was such a luxury.

But, fortunately, Chen didn't ask her to meet or exchange photos of each other as urgently as she worried.He still comforted her fragility and sentimentality with words as always.Chen is a considerate boy who will pay attention to the weather in her city every day, and then remind her in a letter once a week that when it is cold, remember to add clothes.Such a simple word of concern always made her feel warm, and a heart with low self-esteem finally began to lift her head up, facing the sunshine, and smiled.

She didn't know whether this was love or not.She is eagerly looking forward to Chen's letter every day, and every time she replies to Chen's letter, it has already started before Chen's letter has been received.She is willing to tell Chen those trivial things that should have been written down in the diary in detail.But I will still take a net to filter out some pain that is still too sensitive to show to others, and only leave it to myself to taste.If life easily handed over those embarrassments and pains to this romantic love, then she would rather escape than love.Because her heart has been in the dark for so long, so once Chen's love comes, she will show Chen all the light.As for the gloomy and damp moss, cover it vigorously.

Occasionally, Chen would call, and the two of them held the handset. As time passed, they often couldn't find anything to say.But she still thanked Chen for bringing her a little bit of vanity, which made the sisters in the dormitory finally realize that this ugly and stupid girl, like them, was beginning to be loved by someone.She likes them asking about Chen's details, and she also likes, as they did in the past, happily talking about the Suzhou city of Chen's life like an ink painting, Chen's excellent dunks, Chen's deep timbre, Chen's delicacy and love for her. considerate.Like a fish, she fell in love with the spring-like love that Shangchen gave her.

Chen also tried to ask her for a photo.At Chen's careful request, she used the saved money to go to the photo studio and take a few photos with makeup on.I thought that under the cover of rouge, it would become beautiful, but the plainness and humbleness became more vivid; like a drop of ink splashed into clear water, the embarrassing blackness scattered in all directions.She finally put those photos in the diary and never showed them to anyone.Chen asked softly on the phone, she just said a word, and then hurriedly turned away.

The phone number in the dormitory was right next to her bed, so every time Chen called, she happened to receive it, and she was the only one who understood the question "Is Xiao Mo there?"She occasionally mentioned her pseudonym to the people in the dormitory, but they were all busy with love or play, and they forgot about it when they turned around; so her hints hardly played the slightest role. Occasionally, an editor called, and they answered it, often It took me a long time to react before I realized that Xiaomo was her pen name.Fortunately, Chen seldom calls, and they don't like the communication on the phone. As time goes on, her courage to explain her real name to Chen is getting weaker; until one day, Chen suddenly wrote The letter came and said, you even lied to me about your name, so what's the point of this love?
Because of this small concealment, she missed her love with Chen forever.She didn't write a letter to explain anything, even if she explained the inherent inferiority complex in her heart, how could Chen fully understand it?In this case, let this pain be left to yourself alone.

She graduated two years later and went to the city where Chen University is located.She devoted all her time outside of work to writing.She wrote one after another until the pen name of Xiao Mo covered almost every magazine, and the city's evening paper also set up a "Xiao Mo column".No readers have written to her anymore. They found her blog and QQ on the Internet, left her a message, and immediately told her their admiration.However, such enthusiastic praise never encircled her heart firmly like the words of the year.And those years of crazy letter writing have finally become a magnificent past like legends in the Internet age.

One day, a friend of hers suddenly sent her a text message while sending her a sample newspaper, saying, why when I wrote your real name, I felt like a stranger, and this beautiful "Little Mo" "But it made my heart so comfortable and soft?She endured this text message for a long time, but tears still flowed slowly.At that moment, she understood that the dull youth that she wanted to cover up with all her strength, finally began to spread its branches and reveal its fragrance in time...

This was many years ago.At that time, he was still a young boy who would be cautious when he saw people. He had just passed the exam from a small county in the far west to study in the bustling Shanghai. The loneliness and loneliness of being alone made everyone go out to dance karaoke songs every weekend. Over time, it will go deeper and deeper.Fortunately, what he learned was his favorite garden design, so he went to the library when others were playing.This kind of hard work and diligence allowed him to quickly stand out among the students of the same department in just one year, becoming an outstanding boy who was admired and loved by many girls.

Of course he knows that his "excellence" is actually not worth mentioning in the eyes of ordinary people.Who would know the bitterness behind those design schemes, saving money and eating instant noodles by himself?Who can see the inherent timidity and low self-esteem concealed by his plain face?He is just a dandelion seed blown to Shanghai by the strong wind, whether it can take root or not, even he himself is confused and melancholy.Therefore, the envy of those outsiders was originally the afterglow of the setting sun, and had nothing to do with him, a seed that was trampled on the concrete floor indifferently.Therefore, when someone handed over the love letter of Xi Huahan to him, he was not as proud as many people imagined, or took it out to show off.He just stuffed this enthusiastically written love letter at the bottom of the stack of books, and then continued to live his life of poverty without any worries.

But Han's love letters were written one by one stubbornly.Before he could figure out how to refuse, Han directly came to him.In front of his roommates, Han coldly threw him a sentence: What kind of man is he who dare not even accept a love? !His face flushed red amidst a burst of laughter.He wanted to ask Han, why did he fall in love with him?A poor boy from a small town, apart from his excellent grades, what else is worthy of his love for a girl like her who is pursued like a star by all the boys?But after all, a man's self-esteem prevailed, he raised his head a little shyly, looked at Han with a smile, and said, Actually, I have been secretly in love with you for a long time.

(End of this chapter)