Love is so close, you are so far

Chapter 35 The Love That You Can't Forget (1)
1
I was immersed in the longing for An He and couldn't extricate myself.

You will miss him when you see fallen leaves, and you will miss him when you see the moonlight. It is him when you open your eyes, and it is him when you close your eyes. Missing is everywhere.I used to miss him and still have hope, but now there is no hope at all, he is dead, he will not appear in front of me again, will not tell me that he misses me and loves me anymore, he will not say anything to me , He became a shadow, no matter how much I miss, no matter how sad, he doesn't know.

I have nowhere to put my thoughts.

Every day and every night, pain and longing surrounded me tightly, tortured me, and devoured me.

Mi Yao kept comforting me, persuading me to forget An He, the old days, and start a new life.

I also want to do what Mi Yao said, not to think about Anhe, not to recall the past, but I can't do it, I can't do it, I still miss him, and I still can't forget those days.

How can I forget, An He, my An He, he is the person in my life, he is my first time, the first kiss, the first hug, the first love, the first miss , the first time...he was all the firsts in my love story.

I can't forget it, I can't forget it!
Unless I die, but I will still meet him in the next life.

An He, do you know, I want to go to the next life now, I really want to go to your world, where there is you and peace.We can live happily as before again. I tell Jing Jing a story, and she smiles at me; I play the piano for you, and you hug me.

An He, let me go, okay?good or not?

An He wouldn't let me go, I fell into his trick, he wanted me to live happily, strong and optimistically.

When will this life end?It's really lonely, so lonely.

Han Ya knew about An He, Mi Yao told him.Maybe Mi Yao thought it would be better to have one more person to comfort me, Mi Yao didn't seem to reject Han Ya so much, and even let Han Ya come to our residence.

Hana cared for me with the compassion of a man.He took me to the movies, he took me to the mall, he took me for a drive in the suburbs, he told me a lot of jokes, and he did everything he could to get me out of my grief.

But I couldn't make him do it.In the cinema, I didn’t know what was showing until the movie was over. In the shopping mall, my eyes would only stay on the counter of KISS CAT. In the suburbs, I would only think of the woods and fallen leaves behind the old house of Anhe, Hana said. No matter how funny your joke is, I can't laugh it out.Now, laughing is extravagant for me.I don't know how long it's been since I laughed.

The autumn without Anhe was always cloudy, and Anhe took away the sunshine.

Without peace and sunshine, how can I laugh.

Not only have I not laughed for a long time, I have not cried.Laughing and crying became difficult, and my heart seemed to be numb.

Hana once took me to a place where no one was around, and asked me to cry like hell.

But I can't cry anymore.

My tears have dried up.

My laughter and my tears were all taken away by An He.

My soul, my whole world was taken away by An He.

I never played "Moonlight Dust" again, and I regret that I didn't play it to An He when he came to see me in Beijing.

Hana didn't let go of that CD either. He changed to a very light music, which can be pleasant, but it didn't work for me, it didn't work at all.

However, Anhe said that he likes to see me strong and optimistic, so I can only try to make myself happy, although this kind of effort is really difficult.

Finally, I gradually recovered. This process was very difficult and I put in a lot of effort.

Mi Yao no longer worried about me, she said that time is the best doctor, it can heal all pain and dilute all memories.

I didn't make any excuses, she didn't know that my memory of An He had been engraved in my bones, and time couldn't dilute it at all, even if it was dilute, it would only be some superficial traces.

How could the once deeply loved, once unforgettable, be diluted?How can it be diluted?
Mi Yao dated a man, not Lin Ning, but a man over half a century old, a man with a wife and children, a real estate agent, unattractive, self-righteous, driving a Mercedes-Benz, owning several houses, probably several lover.

I was very surprised and couldn't understand Mi Yao's behavior. Could it be that this is the man she wanted after so many years of self-defense?I don't believe it, how could she fall in love with such a man?That man has nothing but money, let alone charisma.

Lin Ning was very sad and begged me to help him and stop Mi Yao. He said he loved Mi Yao and he couldn't watch Mi Yao degenerate.Lin Ning said that Mi Yao is doing it for money, but I don't believe that Mi Yao is doing it for money. She has plenty of money in her family, so she doesn't need to behave like a sugar daddy.

I asked Mi Yao what it was for, but Mi Yao just looked at me with melancholy eyes and didn't give me an answer.

I advised her not to play with fire, but she didn't listen, she became extremely stubborn, and became that man's lover without hesitation.

Lin Ning was extremely sad and disappointed.He never even touched Mi Yao's hand, but Mi Yao threw himself into the embrace of such a vulgar man.In fact, I don't want to give up, let alone Lin Ning.

One night, Lin Ning got drunk and crashed a car, breaking a rib. Maybe he once thought Mi Yao was his rib, and he was lying in the hospital for a month.When Mi Yao went to see him, he picked up a glass and hit Mi Yao on the forehead.Mi Yao could have avoided it, but she didn't. She accepted Lin Ning's anger and Lin Ning's despair.

The blood flowed down, and Lin Ning cried, crying very distressed, heartbreaking, but Mi Yao smiled at Lin Ning, smiling very sadly.

I knew that Lin Ning and Mi Yao were separated forever by the blood, and Mi Yao's last apology to Lin Ning was gone.

From then on, there was a faint scar on Mi Yao's forehead. Since then, she has been wearing long bangs to cover that scar, like a secret in her heart, tightly covered.

And I, I seem to understand better - it turns out that love will leave scars, the back of my hand, Mi Yao's forehead, Lin Ning's heart.

After Lin Ning was discharged from the hospital, I never saw him again. He disappeared without a trace.Maybe he left Beijing, maybe he didn't, maybe on a certain night, he parked his car near the community and watched Mi Yao from a distance.

But Mi Yao is no longer here, she moved out of our residence and moved into that man's house, she took the pair of silk figurines and hugged her chest.

On the day she moved away, I was very sad and distressed. I once hoped that a good man would hold her hand and make her the happiest bride in the world.But Mi Yao who is pure and pure, Mi Yao who is spotless, and Mi Yao who is as tender as water, won't let me do what I want, she has ruined herself like this.She hurt me, and she hurt herself.

When Mi Yao was holding the silk figurine and was about to get into the man's car, she kissed me like a couple, a moist and gentle kiss.

I touched the lips that Mi Yao had kissed, and watched the car disappear in my eyes, my heart was full of melancholy, at that moment, I felt that what was left of me seemed to be gone.

Mi Yao didn't tell me her address, maybe that man didn't want to, or maybe Mi Yao didn't want to.

We rarely see each other, and Mi Yao occasionally calls me to ask me if I am okay, but our hearts seem to be far apart.

She seems to have changed.

I have changed too.

I no longer feel sad, no longer cry, no longer dream of peace every night.

Hana accompanied me through the whole autumn.

One autumn passed, and then another autumn came, and then, it passed again...

I often feel in a trance that An He is looking at me from a certain corner, but when I look back, I only see fallen leaves on the ground, and when the wind blows, the fallen leaves are flying and scattered elsewhere.When I saw An He for the first time, I often recalled that golden leaf falling on the roof of An He's car. It was so serene and peaceful, like a life that died in a deep sleep.An He is gone, where can I fall?Where can it fall?
An He, do you know that I miss you so much, I really want to go back to the afternoon when I first met you.

Five years have passed.

I have been wearing the "Moon Goddess", but Anhe is gone.

Although I have never been back to Wuping, the house An He bought for me is still there. I believe it must be full of dust, but I will not ask someone to clean it. I am afraid of cleaning up the traces of An He. Keep them forever.

Hana's company transferred him back to the US headquarters. Hana proposed to me, and he wanted me to go to the United States with him.For five years, Hana has been by my side. He tolerates and cares for me. He hopes that I will give him the days without peace.

Five years is neither long nor short in a person's life.From meeting and acquaintance to falling in love and parting with Anhe, it didn't take five years in total.But Asiana gave me five years, and in these five years, I gave him more sadness than happiness.With Hana's ingenuity and external conditions, it is easy to find a beautiful girl, and I owe him a lot.

I clearly know his deep friendship, but I still can't love him. I tried, but it didn't work.I have nothing but gratitude for him, not love.My love is all for An He, I have used up all my energy, so there is nothing I can do about Hana.

I persuaded him to give up, but he was unwilling. Maybe his feelings for me were as stubborn as my feelings for An He.

Hana still stubbornly believes that I have a destiny with him, and since there is a destiny, we will be together.

If there is a real relationship, it is also a deep relationship.

And I have a predestined relationship with Anhe, so what?Deep love?

I don't want to believe it!
The day of Hana's return is getting closer and closer, and the time left for me to go abroad is getting less and less, but I still haven't made a decision.I still can't forget An He, I stepped on his shadow in the moonlight at that time, it seems that I really can't forget him for the rest of my life.

Asiana makes N calls every day to ask about my decision. I am very conflicted and don't know what to do.

I am afraid that I will never come back after this trip, and there is no place to find traces of peace.

Asiana called my cell phone again to ask about my decision. He really had no patience to wait any longer, and the US headquarters arranged the itinerary for him.

My mind was a little confused, a leaf fell in front of me, and I suddenly realized that another autumn was coming, and I was taken aback.

Autumn, see autumn again.

The sky is quiet and high, the sun is clear and transparent, the golden ginkgo leaves are shining in the sun, the fiery red maple leaves are swaying gently in the wind, and some red and purple flowers that seem to have forgotten the season are still in full bloom... The two colors are harmoniously matched together, like a Western oil painting with thick ink and freehand brushwork.

What a beautiful autumn!
My eyes were a little sore, and my heart hurt a little. I touched the "Goddess of Moonlight" subconsciously.

An He, you will come back after autumn, but An He, why don't you come back?
At the crowded intersection, I stood on the side of the road and waited for the traffic lights.The time for this red light seems to be extraordinarily long. I don't know if it is broken. Some people are impatient and want to rush past it, but they are blocked by the traffic.

At this moment, a man from across the road broke into my sight, like a magnet that tightly attracted my attention.His figure, his face, his expression, I will never forget for a moment.He was standing on the other side of the road waiting for the green light, and I was stunned.

I stared blankly at him, I couldn't believe my eyes, was it him?My breathing becomes difficult.

I finally called out his name - An He!
He seemed to hear it, he seemed to see me, but——he turned around and left suddenly!

Is it just someone who looks like him?No!I couldn't let him go, I chased him!
Anhe!I yelled, I rushed into the traffic flow, there was the sound of braking, and there was the sound of cursing, "You're looking for death! You don't have eyes!"...

I couldn't care anymore, I ran across the road, but he disappeared, I searched around, looking for his figure, his face, looking in the crowd, looking in the traffic, but - without him, he disappeared, like A shadow, like a gust of wind, suddenly disappears without a trace...

I lost my mind and went back to the place where he stood just now, is it him?

No, it's not him, it can't be him!If it was him, how could he turn around and leave? !
not him!Not my Anhe!

There was a sharp pain in my heart.Anhe, why not my Anhe?

A fallen leaf drew a poignant arc in front of me, fell to the ground, was blown away by a gust of wind, and disappeared without a trace.Just like An He disappeared from my life, without warning, suddenly, disappeared without leaving a trace.

My eyes hurt a little, tears flowed out, my eyes were blurred, I vaguely saw that beautiful autumn again, and vaguely heard a voice again - "Hey, what are you looking at?"

I turned my head, and then, I saw my peace, and then, the sun shone down

Come……

I began to suspect that An He was not dead, he must still be alive in this world.

I thought about some things before and after An He's death. An He seemed to know that something would happen to him, otherwise he wouldn't have come to Beijing to see me before the accident, and told me what he wanted me to live a good life, and he would give me money ... everything seems to be ready.

(End of this chapter)