I forget you in the depths of time

Chapter 199 We Didn't Grow Old

After he left, I was depressed and anxious all day long.

He left, as if there was nothing in this world worthy of my nostalgia.

I have always valued and respected him, and my world is full of his name.

As soon as he left, my backbone was taken away, and the world built around him collapsed.

Confused, dazed, helpless.

That night, I got up empty-handedly, touched the blade, pressed it against my wrist, and could still feel the throbbing blood vessels through the skin.

There is already a scar on the wrist of my right hand, which is the mark I made to protect myself. Because of this scar, I have lost the qualification to be a doctor.

This time, I... voluntarily give up.

The moment I cut my wrist, what I felt was not despair and loneliness, but relief and relief.

I thought I was going to die, and I waited peacefully for death.

But I made a mistake, and I didn't die.

In the dream, I saw him, and he told me to go back, that's not where I should go, and I have children to take care of.

child?

what kid?
I really wanted to ask, but the facts didn't allow me to ask, so he disappeared.

I didn't realize it until I woke up.

oh boy.

My child and his child, whom I thought had unfortunately died, are still alive.

Before Shen Yichen died, he had already chosen a name for him, Shen Zhiyuan.

Zhiyuan...

Tranquil and distant.

I think that's what he meant, so I won't change his name.

Looking at the little meat dumpling, I became more and more confused. He and Shen Yichen really look alike.

The eyebrows and eyes are carved out of a mold.

He is my child, the child of me and Shen Yichen.

I hugged him and was reluctant to let go, feeling sore and unbearable.

For the sake of Zhiyuan, I tried my best to restore myself to a normal life and restrain myself from thinking about him.

But seeing Zhiyuan growing up day by day, becoming more and more like him, I couldn't help myself.

I even once thought that I had a mental illness and had hallucinations. I could always see his shadow, as if he was beside me.

I have been suppressing this fear. I am afraid that I will become a madman and use work to numb my nerves.

When I fell into the water, I clearly felt that I saw him.

I learned afterwards that there was no one else but myself at the time.

Who saved me?Isn't that my hallucination?
In order to calm down, I often ran to Tong'an to ask for an answer.

Then I felt absurd again. After Qiao Chen said those few words, I hurriedly left as if denying myself.

Back in Bincheng, I met Ning Xiaoyuan, she said she hated me, hated me.

Because... I stole everything from her, I think it's funny, I've never had any contact with her, so why did you say that I stole everything from her?
I patiently listened to her nonsense, and I didn't pay attention until she talked about grandpa.

I really didn't expect that there would be such a relationship between grandpa and Shen Shaorong.

After leaving the Shen family, I suddenly felt that I had lost my purpose.

I don't know, what should I do.

I sympathize with Shen Yichen very much, and I sympathize with him being harshly demanded at a young age. Although my father died early, in my memory, he has always been that kind and kind man who responded to my requests.

I have also seen Yu Ziqin who was down and down, she has always insisted on her own opinion, she said that my father raped her to conceive me.

I do not believe.

I don't want to pursue those old things in the past, right and wrong. In my memory, my father is a kind and easy-going man.

Whether it's true or not, I don't want to know, Yu Ziqin... finally paid the price for the evil things she did.

I am not the Holy Mother, and I will not forget that she once tried to kill me just because she is related to me by blood.

Leaving her to fend for herself is the best punishment I can think of.

Shen Shaorong, this woman, when we first met, she was elegant and generous, but I didn't expect that the person who tried to kill me again and again was this woman who seemed to be well-trained.

The first time, Shen Shaorong wanted to destroy me completely, and arranged for someone to rape me, and took a video of me, but failed; the second time, she arranged for a car accident, trying to kill me twice.

My child, almost died in that car accident.

Before I could find her, she found me.

She told me that she loves Shen Zhipei, so she hated Bai Ya for snatching Shen Zhipei away, she once went crazy and killed Bai Ya by mistake, almost causing Shen Yichen to die in the sea of ​​fire.

I believe what she said, and I also believe that she loves Shen Zhipei very much.

It's just that this feeling has already been distorted, she harmed herself, Shen Zhipei and Bai Ya as well.

She was so perverted that she couldn't stay with Shen Zhipei, and she wanted her daughter to marry Shen Zhipei's son, Shen Yichen.

Because of my appearance, her plan was disrupted.

Shen Yichen married me, so Shen Shaorong hated me to the bone, just like she hated Bai Ya back then.

I didn't know that she would be so crazy, because Shen Yichen died, everything she did was meaningless, so she was not afraid of things being exposed at all, she just wanted to drag me to die with her.

She planted so many explosives around her that it was impossible for me to escape alive.

When I was on the verge of death, I vaguely saw a vague scene.

I can hear someone talking again, I don't know what I am looking for, I only know that I have lost something very important, so important that I have to find it even if I die.

I survived, and this time it wasn't that I survived a catastrophe, but that someone saved me.

When I saw Qiao Chen again, I knew that something was beyond my expectation.

Sure enough, I saw Shen Yichen.

He is just a scattered shadow, looming, but his appearance tells me that it is not my hallucination, he has really been by my side guarding me all the time, and has never left.

Qiao Chen told me that he had to go and could not stay, because he should not have existed in this world.

Before I had time to tell what I wanted to say, before I had time to tell him our child, how well-behaved Zhiyuan was, and before I could tell that I missed him very much, he left.

Qiao Chen didn't even give me a chance to say goodbye, so he let Shen Yichen leave my world completely.

Ah Yu came to me, and I asked him, do you believe there is reincarnation in this world, and believe it or not, we are all due to karma now.

He said Thaksin.

I also believe that I seem to have vaguely seen the past life, I owed him, and I will pay it back in this life.

In the following decades, my life was very peaceful, smooth sailing, without any disturbance.

It's just... I'm lonely, and no one can walk into my heart anymore.

It seems that the road to the bottom of my heart has long been blocked, and no one can enter.

In my whole life, the person I am most sorry for is Ah Yu, who has let down his love for me. How could I not know that it is because of me that he has not married?
I can see his kindness to me; I can also feel his affection for me.

But sorry, I can't respond, I'm doomed to disappoint.

The older people are, the more they like to talk about the past, and I am no exception.

As I grow old, I always like to think about the past.

Thinking about it, in my life, I seem to be unwilling to be ordinary. Compared with many people who follow the steps, my experience is rich and varied enough.

My love is not vigorous, but it is also unforgettable. At least until now, I have never forgotten him.

I still don't know that before Shen Yichen died, he wrote so many letters and bought so many gifts.

Shao Ming told me that he personally selected those items. At that time, his physical condition was not optimistic, but he refused to listen to the persuasion and insisted on buying them himself.

Every year, on my birthday and New Years, I receive letters and gifts from him, as if he has never left.

Every letter is very long, full, and a whole page of eloquence. I will read it patiently and put it away.

He told me that he has always regretted it very much, but there is no medicine for regret in this world, and there is no chance to start over.

He wants me to forget about him and start over.

I laughed at him for being silly, for being sullen.

Obviously he doesn't want me to be with other men, and he still has to pretend to be generous. I know very well that Shen Yichen doesn't like other men around me, let alone let me form a new family with other men.

I know his intentions, and I only take his words as a joke. I know he is hurting me, but I don't care.

When I am old, I like to dig out what he wrote. The pile of gifts he gave me are not important to me, they are dispensable.

It's not as important as the finger wrench Qiao Chen gave me. I was so ill that I couldn't read clearly.

Ah Yu read the letter to me, and always laughed at him, "Is this person disgusting? I can't even read what he wrote."

I know that Ah Yu is just talking about it, his mouth is hard and his heart is soft, he complained while reading, and I just smiled.

How nice, if only he was here.

It would be nice to grow old together, even if we are not together...

I was always sick and confused, but that night I suddenly became conscious, and I felt refreshed and refreshed. I stood up and changed my clothes.

Ah Yu was waiting for me outside, he said he would take me there to find Shen Yichen, I agreed.

Along the way, he kept talking to me, as if he wanted to finish all the things he hadn't had time to say to me in this life.

When he arrived at the gate of the cemetery, Ah Yu said, "Now my task is completed, I will send you here, go, go find him, I know you want to see him."

My heart suddenly tightened, and my eyes were sour.

I said, "Ah Yu, thank you." He has taken care of me for decades, even if he made jokes and often taunted me with a vicious tongue.

I know that he is the person who treats me best in this world, far surpassing Shen Yichen.

But I...unable to put him in my heart, I can only treat him as my elder brother.

I found him, and in front of his tomb, I was relieved, and finally... I finally got to the moment when I was about to be relieved.

I saw him, he was still young, I murmured, "I'm here to find you, wait for me."

In my life, I have done everything I should and shouldn’t do, but I never regret it. The only thing I feel uncomfortable is that we didn’t grow old together. It’s too early for us to be apart. I only hope that in the next life, we can stay together in an ordinary way. , forever.

(End of this chapter)