Human disqualification

Chapter 5 The Flower of Daoism
"At the end of the road is the city of sorrow."

Friends looked at me, sympathy in their eyes, and walked away.Oh my friend!Please laugh at me to your heart's content.But they turned away indifferently.Oh my friend!Ask me questions and I promise to tell you everything.I personally sank Ayuan to the bottom of the water, my devilish pride wishing that I was alive, but Ayuan was dead.Do I need to go on?Oh my friend!Look at the sadness in my eyes.

Ohba Yozo sat on the bed and looked at the sea.It was raining lightly outside.

Waking up from sleep, I kept repeating these few lines.The ugliness and vile emotion oozing out of the text blew me away.It's really exaggerated.First, who is Oba Yozo?He's not something I imagined when I was drinking too much, and because of a few things, he confuses me.The name is the same as the name of the main character in my story.Dating vividly displays the extraordinary temperament of the protagonist. Ye Zang is like an ancient tree blooming, giving people a sense of vitality.When I read the four words "Daba Yezo", the tip of my tongue gave me a certain pleasant feeling. This is really a good name that crosses the age.Oba Yezang sat on the bed and looked at the sea, which was drizzled.This scene gives people a feeling of time travel.

Because of that pathetic self-esteem, it is imbecile to laugh at and doubt my actions.In order to prevent others from criticizing me, I will be cautious in my words and deeds.In the meantime, I'm going to confront these despicable behaviors head on.

Big garden leaves hidden.

Even in the face of ridicule from others, there is no way to refute it.Random imitation of others will become a laughing stock in the industry.Maybe there is a better choice, but I feel too troublesome, so I still use No.1 to write.But I'm really a little embarrassed to write this, because this spring, I just wrote a novel with "I" as the main character.If I die suddenly tomorrow, someone will definitely jump out and proudly say that I "can't write a novel without the title of No. 1".So I decided to choose a name for the protagonist of the novel.I decided to call it Oba Yezo.Is this weird?Why even you...

One day at the end of December 1929, Oba Yezo was admitted to the Qingsongyuan Seaside Sanatorium, which caused a commotion in the originally peaceful sanatorium.There are 12 tuberculosis patients living in Qingsong Garden.Two of them are seriously ill, 36 are mildly ill and 11 are recovering.The Dongyi ward where Ye Zang lives has a total of six wards, also known as special wards.There are two vacant rooms next to Ye Zang. A tall, tall female college student with a straight nose lives in the far west, and a young woman lives in Room 23 and Room [-] to the east.All three patients are recovering.The night before Ye Zang was admitted to the hospital, a couple in Meipu committed suicide by jumping into the sea.The man happened to be rescued by a fishing boat returning from sea, but the woman was never found.The alarm bells of the fire brigade rang for a while, and the firefighters in the village hurried out to sea by boat to look for the woman.The three people living in the nursing home were frightened by the movement. The fishing boat dangled with lights on the shore of Enoshima all night, and the three of them didn't fall asleep all night.In the morning, the woman's body was found on the shore of Meipu.The morning sun shone on her short hair, reflecting light, and her face was white and swollen from the sea water.

Ye Zang knew that Ah Yuan was dead.When he was lying on the fishing boat, he knew that Ah Yuan was dead.

He asked: "I woke up and saw the sky full of stars, is she dead?"

One of the fishermen replied kindly: "No, no, don't think too much about it."

Ye Zang thought, there was sympathy in his tone, so she must be dead.Then he passed out.When he woke up, he was already lying on a hospital bed in a nursing home.

The cramped white room was packed with people.One of them was asking about Ye Zang's identity and other miscellaneous matters, and Ye Zang answered him without reservation.After dawn, Ye Zang was assigned to another larger ward.After his family heard about this, they immediately called Qingsongyuan, hoping to arrange for Ye Zang to move there as soon as possible.Ye Zang's hometown is more than 200 miles away.

The three patients who originally lived there were very satisfied to see Ye Zang, and they were full of expectations for the future recuperation life.Everyone begins to fall asleep when the sky and sea are bright.

Ye Zang suffered from insomnia.His face was covered with white gauze, and his body was covered with bruises, which were all washed up on the rocks by the waves.His escort was a girl in her twenties named Mano.There is a deep scar on Mano's right eyelid. It doesn't look ugly, and it seems that the right eye is much larger than the left eye.Her face is dark, her lips are very red, and she is slightly turned up. She is sitting on a chair by the hospital bed and looking at the sea.She tried not to look at Ye Zang's face because it would make her feel bad.

Near noon, two policemen came to Ye Zang's ward, and Mano had to avoid it temporarily.

The two policemen were dressed in suits and looked very gentlemanly.One of them had a short beard and another wore metal-rimmed glasses.The bearded policeman asked softly about A Yuan while making notes in his notebook.At the end of the investigation, the police whispered near the head of the bed: "The woman is dead. Do you really want to die with her?"

Ye Zang didn't speak.

The policeman in glasses frowned, revealing two or three lines.He patted his colleague on the shoulder and said with a smile: "Okay, let's stop here today, and ask later, he is quite pitiful."

The bearded policeman stared into Ye Zang's eyes, slowly closed the small book, and put it in his coat pocket.

Mano saw the two policemen leaving and wanted to hurry back to the ward.She opened the door and found Ye Zang crying, so she closed the door gently, leaned against the wall of the corridor, and waited for Ye Zang to calm down before going in.

Ye Zang was already able to go to the toilet alone, which shows that he has almost recovered.

It started to rain lightly in the afternoon, and his friend Fei walked into the ward from the outside, his coat was still dripping.Ye Zang pretended to be asleep and ignored him.

Fei whispered to Mano: "Is he alright?"

"It's all right."

"It really scared the hell out of me."

He was obese, bent down with difficulty, took off his coat, and handed it to Mano.

Fei and Ye Zang have been good friends since middle school.Now one of them is a little-known sculptor, and the other is a little-known cartoonist.When young, innocent and straightforward people have their own idol, and this idol is often by their side, Fei also has such an idol.Not long after he entered middle school, he often looked at the students with the best academic performance in his class in a daze.This student is Ye Zang.Fei saw Ye Zang's every move.One day, he saw Ye Zang behind the school's dirt hill, he sighed softly, and thought today was a good day, because he could talk to Ye Zang.Fei imitated Ye Zang smoking a cigarette, imitating Ye Zang laughing at the teacher, and even imitating Ye Zang wandering around the school with his hands on the back of his head.He imitates Ye Zang all the time, because he knows that as an artist, he must learn to imitate.

Ye Zang was admitted to the art school.Fei was also admitted to the same school, only a year later than Ye Zang.Ye Zang studied Western oil painting, but Fei chose sculpture.He said that he chose this major because he was very moved when he saw Rodin's statue of Balzac. In fact, he was afraid that Ye Zang was too good and he would never be able to surpass him.If you become a master in the future, you can briefly mention this experience.

From then on, the two took two different paths.Ye Zang became thinner and thinner, while Fei became more plump.Ye Zang seemed to be influenced by some kind of philosophy when he was in school, and he looked down on art more and more, but Fei believed that art is something to be proud of. no more.He delayed his studies because he dreamed of creating a masterpiece.Both ended up graduating art school with modest grades.Ye Zang seldom touches the paintbrush, and only paints those posters when he wants to paint. Fei feels very helpless about this.

Ye Zang once said: "All art is a form of life. No matter how great the work is, it is a commodity like socks. Art is the fart of the social and economic structure." Regarding these desperate remarks, Fei felt very puzzled.

Although Ye Zang has become more and more strange recently, Fei's liking for him has not diminished in the slightest.In any case, Fei's biggest wish is to create outstanding works.He often thought about starting work tomorrow, but tomorrow, he just squeezed the clay twice.These two are not so much artists as they are works of art.It is precisely because of this that I can easily tell the stories of these two people to everyone.If I introduce you to the real artists in the market, I am afraid that if you don't see the three lines, it will cause readers discomfort.I can assure you that this statement is not a joke.Speaking of which, do you want to try to write such a novel?

Fei walked carefully to Ye Zang's bed and looked up at the heavy rain outside the window.He never dared to look at Ye Zang's face.

Ye Zang opened his eyes and said to him, "Did it scare you?"

Fei was taken aback, glanced at Ye Zang, quickly closed his eyes again, and said, "Yes, I was almost scared to death."

"How did you know?"

Fei stretched out his hand from his trouser pocket, touched his face, and his eyes fell on Mano, which meant to ask her if she could tell.Mano shook his head solemnly.

"Did you read it in the newspaper?"

"That's right." In fact, he didn't know until he heard the radio.

Fei's hesitant character made Ye Zang very disgusted, so what's the point of saying it directly. "It's only one night, and I've turned a big one. Those friends who have been with me for ten years treat me as a foreigner. It's really disgusting." Ye Zang thought so, lying on the bed and continuing to pretend to be asleep.

Fly was bored, and he slapped the floor with his slippers, making a clattering sound.After a while, he stood up.

At this time, someone gently opened the door, and there was a man in school uniform standing at the door.He is short in stature and handsome in appearance.Fei secretly heaved a sigh of relief.He put away the smile on his face, walked to the door pretending to be relaxed, and asked with his mouth crooked, "Why are you here now?"

"Yes." A Jian wanted to know Ye Zang's situation very much, so he answered eagerly.

This young man is a relative of Ye Zang, named A Jian, he is very handsome, and he is a law student.Ye Zang is three years older than him, and the two are very good friends.The new youth never cared about the age gap.It's the winter vacation now, and Ah Suga was originally on vacation at home. After hearing about Ye Zang's accident, he rushed over directly by express train.Fei and A Jian came to the corridor together.

"You've got soot in here."

Fei pointed at Ajian's nose and laughed without any scruples.When Ah Jian was on the train, he got soot under his nose.

"Really?" A Jian hurriedly took out a handkerchief from his jacket pocket, and wiped his nose gently.After wiping, he asked, "How is it now?"

"Are you asking Daba? He is fine now."

"Really, do you see if there is still ashes?" He raised his head.

"No more. Your family must be very anxious."

A Jian tidied up the handkerchief, put it back into his coat pocket, and said, "Yes. The family members are in a panic, as if the person has not been rescued, and they have to prepare for the funeral quickly."

"Is anyone else coming?"

"The elder brother at home wants to come, but the old man refuses to let him, saying don't worry about him."

Fei wiped the sweat from his brow, and said softly, "How can you just let it go if such a big thing happened?"

"Is Aye really alright?"

"It seems very calm, that guy always does something unexpected."

A smile flashed across Akan's face.He touched his head and asked, "How is he feeling now?"

"I don't know. Do you want to see him?"

"Okay, I'm afraid I won't have anything to say when the time comes, and besides, I'm a little afraid of him now."

The two smiled at each other.

Mano opened the door and walked out.

"Please stop standing here talking, okay? He can hear it all."

Fei felt very ashamed and shrank his fat body.A Jian showed an unimaginable expression, and asked Mano: "Have you eaten?"

"No." They both replied at the same time.

Mano blushed and smiled at the same time.

The three went to the cafeteria to eat together.Ye Zang sat up from the bed, looking at the misty sea.

"The end of this place is the abyss of emptiness."

Let's go back to the beginning.Of course, I also know this is a bit of nonsense.Although I don't like this narrative technique, driven by curiosity, I still want to try it.At the end of the road is the city of sorrow.People have already rotted the Hellgate Aria, and I wanted to give it a glorious beginning.Even if this sentence makes the whole novel fail, it cannot be erased, because this sentence represents my life.Although my character is weak, I must keep this sentence.

"Thought! You are Marxism."

Although this sentence is very vulgar, it has some truth.After Ah Jian said this, he picked up the glass of milk with a proud face.

It is surrounded by wood-paneled walls, now painted white.On the east wall hangs a picture of the director of the sanitarium.The dean wore three medals on his chest, about the size of three copper coins.Below the portrait are a dozen slim dining tables.At this time, only Fei and A Jian were in the cafeteria, and they were sitting in the southeast corner eating.

A Jian said softly: "The body is so bad, and you still run around here and there. It seems that you have lived too long."

"I know, it's the captain of the action team." Although Fei's mouth was full of bread, he still interrupted.He didn't know much, but the saying was very popular at the time.

"Artists are not decisive people."

The rain outside was getting heavier and heavier, and the light in the cafeteria was getting dimmer.

A Jian drank all the milk in the cup and continued: "Your way of thinking about problems is too subjective. This is not acceptable. After all, suicide is not based on personal consciousness, but because of some objective factors. The family said that the woman is to blame , I think women are just partners who die in love, and he must have other reasons for wanting to die. Now even you think so, let alone family members. So you can't think about it this way."

Fei looked at the fire in the fireplace at his feet, and muttered softly, "But, that woman has a husband."

A Jian put the empty cup on the table and said: "I know. But to A Ye, this is nothing. Should a woman commit suicide if she has a husband? There is no such reason. Don't think too much about the problem So simple."

After speaking, he closed one eye and stared at the portrait on the wall.

"Is the person in the painting the dean?"

"It should be. I am afraid that only Daba knows the truth of this matter."

"That's right." Akan nodded in agreement.He opened his eyes and looked around: "It's so cold! Do you live here at night?"

Fei hurriedly finished the bread in his hand, nodded in affirmation.

When young people are chatting, they don't like to open their hearts.They always try to be careful, try to avoid touching each other's sensitive places, and at the same time achieve the greatest degree of self-protection.After all, no one wants to be humiliated for no reason.And those who have been injured will take precautions to avoid falling into a situation where they have to kill each other or have to commit suicide.They can come up with a dozen negatives without the word "no," and they know plenty of such perfunctory ones.Under normal circumstances, the first party to speak has already shown a look of compromise.In the end, the two smiled and shook hands, but they said in their hearts, what an idiot.

Well, speaking of which, my novels seem a bit boring too.Then start from here and start the narrative from different perspectives. What do you think?I'm not bragging, if you don't believe me, read on.Ah, bless me to make it through.

The next morning the weather was fine with calm seas and no wind.The white smoke from the Big Island volcano has risen to the water level at this moment.To put it bluntly, I hate describing scenery the most.

Ward No. 36 is full of sunshine in early spring, and the patients in the room saw this scene as soon as they opened their eyes.The patients in Ward 100 greeted the accompanying nurse and said good morning, and then began to take their temperature. [-] degrees four.After taking her temperature, before it was time for breakfast, she went to the balcony to bask in the sun.The nurse touched her waist carefully, and she turned to look at the balcony of Ward No. [-].Unexpectedly, the new patient is quite handsome.The new patient was fully dressed and was sitting on a wicker chair looking out to sea.The sun made her eyes narrow.The female patient was lying on a wicker chair sunbathing, squinting at the handsome guy, and felt that this was not good, so she asked the nurse to bring a book.The nurse handed her a copy of "Madame Bovary". This book was boring, and she would usually put it aside after reading four or five pages, but now is a good time to read this book.Turning to more than [-] pages, I read this sentence: "Emma would like to get married in the middle of the night by the light of a torch." This sentence is very well written.

The patient in the second ward woke up.She also came to the balcony to bask in the sun, and when she saw Ye Zang as soon as she walked out of the room, she was so frightened that she quickly got back under the covers.The mother who accompanied the bed looked at her and smiled, and helped her cover the blanket.She was curled up on the bed, eyes shining in the small dark space, listening to the conversation in the next room.

"It's so beautiful." After speaking, there was a burst of laughter.

A Jian and Fei lay on the bed in the empty ward and talked softly.A Jian woke up just now, rubbed his eyes and walked to the balcony, and saw Ye Zang sitting on the balcony playing cool, so he hurriedly looked for a reason for him to be cool.He spotted a young girl on the far left balcony holding a book.Behind her recliner was a wet wall covered with moss.A Jian shrugged his shoulders exaggeratedly imitating a Westerner, and then ran back to the room to shake Fei who was sleeping.

"Something happened, get up quickly!" Their favorite snack is gossip, "Ye Zang put on a cool pose on the balcony, the very big one."

They often use the adjective "big", maybe this can make them look forward to this boring world.

Fei sat up like a corpse, and asked, "What happened?"

A Jian couldn't help laughing when he talked about the scene just now.

"I saw Ah Ye posing his favorite profile to a girl."

Fei also felt very excited, his eyebrows on both sides raised into a ridiculous inverted horoscope: "Are you beautiful?"

"It's beautiful, and I'm still pretending to read a book."

Fei smiled and stood up from the bed, put on his jacket and pants, and shouted: "Look how I can fuck you." mood decides.

"Oba, is this a woman who wants to play around the world?"

It didn't take long for many people's laughter to be heard from the Dating room. The sound was so loud that the whole building could hear it.The patient in Ward No. [-] closed the book and stared suspiciously at the balcony of Ye Zang's ward.Now there is no one on the balcony, only a white wicker chair is left, and the wicker chair shines brightly under the sunlight.The girl watched the rattan chair and slowly dozed off.The patient in the second ward stuck his head out of the quilt when he heard the laughter, and looked at his mother standing by the bed, both of them laughed.The college student in Ward No. [-] was sleeping, but was woken up by laughter.He used to live alone in a rented house. Although his life was not rich, he was very happy.Now he lives in a nursing home with no one to accompany him.When he found that the laughter came from the new patient ward, his dark face glowed red.He didn't feel how frivolous the laughter was, but felt happy for Ye Zang with a big heart.

I'm not a third-rate writer, am I?Saying that seems a bit immodest.Perhaps it is because of trying to explain it from multiple angles.However, failure is also very normal.As the saying goes, good emotions can also lead to bad writing.In other words, my heart is not bound by demons, so I have become so immodest.This is such a precious golden sentence, and the man who wrote it should be praised.But a writer can only use such words once in a lifetime.This sentence is true, if you use it once, we can say that he is willful, but if you use this sentence two or three times as a shield, it will ruin your life.

"Failed."

A Jian and Fei sat on the sofa beside the bed.After saying this, Akan looked at Fei and Ye Zang, and found that they were both laughing, and Mano, who was leaning against the door, was also laughing.He rested his head on Fei's shoulder contentedly.They like to laugh very much, even some very boring things can make them laugh. I don't know when they developed this habit.For young people, putting on a smiling face is as easy as breathing.Anyway, there is no harm in smiling more, they will not let go of any detail that can be laughed at.Isn't this like enjoying the illusory fragility driven by greedy gourmetism?

But this smile does not come from their hearts, they will always pay attention to the gesture of laughter.In order not to let others hurt themselves, they often make others laugh, so that they can hold back what they want to say that is not pleasant.Because of the emptiness of the mind, such thoughts arise.Can't they think about why others say bad things?It is because they have the spirit of sacrifice that gives up on themselves.But this is a sacrificial soul without any purpose.It is only because of this hidden soul that they happen to behave in accordance with modern moral codes.You can't find such words in the study, because these are the conclusions that I can actually feel through the flesh.

Ye Zang sat on the bed, his feet dangling non-stop.He was still smiling, and at the same time he was paying attention to the gauze on his face.Is it because what A Jian said is funny?I'm going to interject here a conversation they had just now.

There is a mountain three miles away from A Jian's hometown, and there is a famous hot spring in the mountain. A Jian took advantage of the winter vacation to go skiing and live there at night.When it was convenient for him to go out at night, he met a young girl in the corridor. In order to impress the girl, he deliberately put on a big pose.People who have expectations for life will try their best to think about all kinds of possibilities the moment they meet her.This kind of exciting moment can be encountered at least once a day, so even when you are alone, you should not forget your appearance.When Ah Jian came out for convenience, he deliberately put on the newly bought blue coat.When the girl walked past him, he was secretly thankful, but when he saw the mirror at the end of the corridor, he realized that he had really failed—he was wearing a pair of dirty long johns underneath.

He smiled softly and said, "Don't mention it. At that time, the legs of the trousers were rolled up, and the hair on the feet was exposed. Not to mention the face, it was swollen from sleeping."

Ye Zang felt that this was all made up by A Jian, which was not very funny, but he still laughed loudly in order to give his friend a gift in return.Compared with yesterday, they have been trying to put the troubles in their hearts behind them today.Fei and A Jian followed Ye Zang and laughed.

Fei thought that he should be able to speak now, but felt that the timing was not right, so he continued to giggle.

Unexpectedly, A Jian was a little complacent, and slipped his mouth: "A Ye, do you think we always fail in front of women?"

Ye Zang said thoughtfully, "Maybe so."

"Certainly. Of course, not in death."

"That was indeed a failure."

Fei was so happy that his heart was pounding.Thanks to the nervous Ajian in front of him, he actually destroyed the strongest wall with a smile, and really wanted to hug this young friend in front of him tightly.

Fei Shu opened his eyebrows that were originally tightly locked, and said in a gentle tone: "Because I still don't understand the most important reason, it is difficult to explain in one sentence whether it is success or failure." As soon as he finished speaking, he realized that he had said something wrong Yes, that's too bad!
A Jian quickly interjected: "I know the reason. I have discussed it with Fei, and I think it is immature. But Fei said there must be other reasons."

Fei went on to say: "There may be other reasons, but this is definitely not the only reason. It must be true love. No one will die with a woman they don't like."

Ye Zang was afraid that they would think wildly, so he hurriedly explained, but what he said turned out to be stupid.I didn't know how to explain the reason, but I didn't expect to be asked like this.Now you can rest assured.

Ye Zang lowered his eyelids.Pride, laziness, flattery, treachery, exhaustion, anger, murderousness, vulnerability, virus, perdition, selfishness.In an instant, all the complicated emotions came to his mind, he hesitated for a moment, thinking it would be better to speak out.He pretended to be talking to himself: "Actually, I can't explain it clearly. I feel that everything has a reason."

"I know this feeling." A Jian interrupted without waiting for Ye Zang to finish speaking, "Sometimes it does happen. The nurse is gone, what's going on? Doesn't she want to hear it?"

As I mentioned earlier, the heart-to-heart talks they talk about are just to enhance the atmosphere, and basically no one will tell the truth.Of course, if you listen carefully to these words, there is still some truth.Perhaps the words spoken without thinking about the brain are the truth.Ye Zang said just now that "it's all because of the reason" is what he really wanted to say in his heart.They call that mess of mind and instinctive resistance to things self-esteem.But this sad self-esteem is very fragile, and anything can make it vulnerable, so even Ye Zang himself can't figure out the reason for suicide, so he can only say that it is all the reason.

In the afternoon, Ye Zang's brother came.Tall and wearing a traditional hakama, he looked nothing like Ye Zang.

The dean took him to find Ye Zang, and they came to the door of the ward. He pretended not to hear the hearty laughter in the room, and asked the dean, "Do you live here?"

"That's right. He's recovering well." The dean said as he pushed open the door.

Ye Zang and Fei sat on the sofa playing cards, and A Jian was lying on Ye Zang's hospital bed.This visit was so sudden that A Jian jumped up from the hospital bed in fright, and the two people sitting on the sofa also stood up.Mano was originally knitting on the chair beside the bed, when he saw someone coming in, he quickly put away the knitting supplies.

The dean turned to Ye Zang's brother and said, "His friend came to see him."

After finishing speaking, he walked to Ye Zang and said, "Have you recovered almost?"

"Yes." This question brought back a sad memory in him.

The dean wore glasses, squinted his eyes, and asked with a smile, "Do you want to stay here for a while?"

For the first time, Ye Zang felt inferior in his heart, and this inferiority was due to the mistakes he had made.Still, he forced a smile.

The elder brother looked at Fei and Mano seriously, bowed slightly to them, and said a few words of thanks.Then he looked at A Jian and asked without any expression on his face: "Did you sleep here last night?"

A Jian scratched his head and replied: "Yes, Fei Jun and I slept in the empty ward next door for one night."

"Come and stay at the hotel with me tonight. I've reserved a room at the Enoshima Hotel. Mr. Fei, please come with me."

"Okay." Fei replied, holding three playing cards in his hand, feeling extremely nervous.

After finishing the arrangements, the elder brother turned to look at Ye Zang and asked, "Ye Zang, how are you doing? Are you okay?"

"Yeah." He pretended to be very uncomfortable to answer.

My brother suddenly said a lot.

"Mr. Fei, I would like to invite the dean to dinner, so you can come along. Can Mr. Dean be my guide? After all, it is my first time to Enoshima, and the weather is so good today, so I want to take a good look around. Why don't we go now, the car is waiting outside."

I regret it a bit. Ye Zang, A Jian, Fei, and I managed to develop the story to this point. As a result, the two adults who just debuted made me unable to write any more.The atmosphere of the scene was awkwardly made by these two adults, which went against my idea of ​​wanting to make the theme of the novel romantic in the first place.As I write this, I feel like it's almost a mess.

I lied to you!These are all deliberately arranged by me, please forgive me!When I first started writing, I felt that this place was not suitable for a romantic atmosphere, so I added these two characters on purpose to destroy the atmosphere that was originally created.If it really becomes a mess of loose sand, that would be what I want.Am I in a bad mood?It is this sentence that bothers me now.If it's a bad taste to suddenly make a scary move, it should be me.I don't want others to see through my mind, but no matter how hard I try, I can't.Maybe a writer is the kind of person who has to embellish even a confession.Am I normal or not?Can I live like a normal person?However, having said that, I still attach great importance to my articles.

To tell you the truth, every time I write a paragraph, "I" will appear on the stage and make two complaints. This is what I have planned long ago.This is done to bring some different flair to my articles.I think in Japan, my style of writing is the most trendy, but it ended in failure.Well, I admit that the failure is also designed by me, and I will explain it later in accordance with the wishes of the readers.A special reminder to readers, don't take my word for it.

Why do I write novels?Is it because as a young writer, you will be admired by everyone?Or to make money?In fact, I want fame and fortune.Well, I started talking nonsense again, this guy's lies are so bluffing that people have to believe them.Why on earth am I writing novels?This question confuses me very much. The key is that there is no way to explain it clearly in one or two sentences.If you have to say it, there are only two simple words: revenge.

Forget it, let's keep writing.I am neither an artist in the market nor a work of art.Perhaps my annoying confession can add some charm to this novel.

Ye Zang and Mano stayed in the nursing home, and the others followed Ye Zang's brother.Ye Zang got into bed, blinking his eyes and thinking about the problem.Mano tidied up the playing cards on the sofa and put them in a purple cardboard box.

"Is the person who came just now your brother?"

Ye Zang stared at the ceiling and replied, "Well, do you look like me?"

Once the writer loses affection for the subject he is writing about, the essay becomes unrespectable.Hey, this is really a second-rate novel.

"The nose is very similar."

Ye Zang said with a smile that everyone in the family has high noses, so he followed his grandmother.

Mano smiled and asked, "How old is he this year?"

"You mean brother?" He looked at Mano and said, "He's only 34 years old. Just because he's a few years older than me, he always puts on airs in front of me."

Ye Zang frowned when he spoke, Mano suddenly raised his head, met Ye Zang's gaze, and hurriedly looked away.

"Actually, my brother can accept this, but my old man..."

Ye Zang hesitated for a moment, but didn't say anything.It seems that he is a more sensible person, let him be my substitute.

Mano got up from the sofa, walked to the corner of the room, picked up the knitting supplies next to the shelf, walked to Ye Zang's bedside, sat on the chair, and thought about things while knitting a sweater.She didn't think about falling in love, but was thinking about the deeper reasons.

The more I talk, the less weight I feel, so I don't want to talk anymore.Having said so much, I feel that I still haven't said the core of the problem.Of course, it is common knowledge in the world of fiction that writers do not know the value of their work.I'm a fool for expecting myself to have an effect in my own work.As for the effect, once it is said, it will have no effect at all.When guessing what kind of effect will be produced, new effect will be produced.I really shouldn't have mentioned the effect, because then I can only be led away by the effect.I don't want to know at all whether the novel is bad or mediocre.Chances are it will turn out better than I expected, and maybe even surprise me.I've heard these words from other people, so I'm saying them.In fact, I have no confidence.

The light in the room turned on, and it turned out that it was A Jian, who ran to see Ye Zang alone.He went straight to the head of the bed, leaned down and said to Ye Zang, "Don't tell Mano that I've been drinking."

After speaking, he let out a breath on Ye Zang's face.Nursing homes ban people who drink alcohol from their wards.

Mano was sitting on the sofa knitting a sweater. Asa glanced at her and said loudly, "I'm back, Enoshima is really fun."

After finishing speaking, he whispered to Ye Zang, "What a big-headed ghost."

Ye Zang sat up and asked, "Did you drink just now? Miss Mano, can people who drink drink come in?"

While knitting, Mano said, "That's okay, it's just..."

Asa lay on the bed.

"The four of us chatted for a while after going out. I didn't expect your brother to be so capable. He is really a strategist."

Ye Zang didn't speak.

It looks like your business is over.Tomorrow your brother will take Fei to the police station.Fei was so happy that he insisted on going today.I can't be bothered to deal with this idiot, so I came back early.

"They definitely said a lot of bad things about me."

"Well, they said you were a big fool. They also said they didn't know what you would do in the future. But they said there was something wrong with the old man. Miss Mano, can I have a cigarette?"

"Yeah." Mano was about to cry when he heard that, so he answered Akan's question briefly.

"It's really a good hospital, and you can hear the sound of the waves." A Jian closed his eyes to enjoy the peaceful time in front of him drunkenly, with an unlit cigarette in his mouth.

Suddenly, he sat up and pointed to the door with his chin and said, "I left my clothes at the door."

Ye Zang looked towards the door and saw a package with arabesque pattern, and frowned again.Every time he thinks of his parents' advice, he becomes a little sad.This is the result of continuous education since childhood, and now he has developed a habit.Ye Zang has become accustomed to associating his parents with property.

"Mother must be very sad, right?"

"Your mother is the most pitiful person. You are so old, she still has to worry about what you wear. You should really think about her. Miss Mano, are there any matches here?"

A Kan took the match that Mano handed over.He was attracted by the horse picture on the matchbox, and looked at it with puffy cheeks.

"The clothes you are wearing now are borrowed from the dean, right?"

"You mean this? Yes, it's the dean's son's clothes. Did my brother say anything else bad about me?"

A Jian lit the fire and said, "Stop thinking about it. Your brother understands your thoughts very well. However, I think he is very good at putting on a show. He kept laughing by the side when he heard everyone discussing the reasons for your suicide."

A Jian spit out the smoke from his mouth and continued: "Your brother said that you thought of dying because you spent all the money in the family. He also said that you died because you had some unspeakable illness .He was very serious when he said this, and he was a little embarrassed."

A Jian's wine hadn't fully woken up yet, he glanced at Ye Zang and said, "You probably didn't expect that, did you?"

Only Ah Jian was left tonight, and the three discussed it and decided to let him sleep on the sofa.A green velvet sofa pulls out to form a pull-out bed.Mano used to sleep on a folding bed at night, but tonight I will give it to Ajian.Mano went to the office to bring bedding, and made a floor on the northwest side facing Ye Zang's feet.Later, Mano found an old screen and put it in the middle to separate the two sides.

"The equipment is quite complete." A Jian said with a smile while lying on the sofa and looking at the screen.

"There are also patterns of seven autumn grasses on it."

Mano wrapped the light bulb on Ye Zang's head with a furoshiki, said good night to the two, and went to sleep behind the screen.

Ye Zang did not fall asleep so quickly.

"It's so cold."

A Jian continued his words: "Yeah, I woke up from the cold."

Mano coughed a few times and asked, "Do you want an extra blanket?"

Ye Zang didn't open his eyes: "Are you asking me? Well, the sound of the waves is too loud, and it affects my sleep."

This is the emotion of adults.Asa sympathizes with Ye Zang very much, but he sympathizes more with himself who has the same experience as Ye Zang, or the self in some abstract concept.Empathy for others is not difficult for adults who train their feelings.What's more, it is very gratifying to be able to shed tears for others.Even young people are often immersed in such simple feelings.If adults train their emotions in order to compromise with life, what is it for young people?Where did they learn it from?Is it learned from this boring novel?

"Miss Mano, tell me something interesting."

In order to comfort Ye Zang, when A Jian talked to Mano, he adopted a coquettish tone.

Mano replied with a smile on the other side of the screen: "Let me think about it."

"It's okay to tell ghost stories." Although he was scared after hearing it, he still couldn't help but want to hear it.

Mano didn't respond to Ajian immediately, but hesitated for a while.

"Let me tell a ghost story, but you have to keep a secret for me." She said with a smile, "Mr. Ajian, aren't you afraid?"

"Leave me alone, just tell me." He really wanted to hear it.

It happened one summer, when 19-year-old Mano had just become a nurse.At that time, there was a boy who committed suicide by taking poison for love, and Mano was in charge of nursing.The boy's body was covered with purple spots, and his days were numbered.On the night he was sent in, he became conscious several times, and looked at the little crab on the stone wall outside the window and said, "It's so beautiful."The small crabs in this area are born red.The young man said, "When I recover from my illness and go home, I must catch a few", and then passed out again after speaking.

The boy vomited two washbasins that night, and died after vomiting.His relatives hadn't arrived yet, and only Mano and the boy were left in the room.Mano sat on a chair and waited for an hour.Suddenly there was a strange sound behind him.It seemed to be the sound of footsteps, so she pricked up her ears and continued to listen, the sound getting closer and closer.Mano turned his head abruptly and saw a small red crab.Mano cried in fright.

"It's really a crab, it's so strange. I thought at the time, I should just quit my job and go home. Anyway, the family conditions are very good, and I don't have to worry about food and clothing. My father told me so at the time, but he still didn't Forget to laugh at me. Mr. Asaga, what do you think?"

"It's really scary." A Jian shouted deliberately, "Which hospital did this happen?"

Mano ignored Akan's question and started talking to himself.

"When Mr. Oba was admitted to the hospital, I thought about refusing it. It was really scary to stay with him all night. Fortunately, he was not as serious as I thought. He asked someone to go to the toilet alone on the first night of his stay."

"Is this the hospital you just mentioned?"

Mano didn't answer immediately, but paused for a while before saying, "Yes, this is the hospital. However, I don't want to be gossiped by others, so you have to keep it a secret for me."

Ye Zang asked as if in a dream: "Could it be this ward you're talking about?"

"No."

"Could it be the room we lived in last night?" A Jian imitated Ye Zang's tone and said in a daze.

Really wild smile.

"Don't make random guesses. If I knew this was the case, I wouldn't talk about it."

"Is it Ward No. [-]?" A Jian suddenly asked, "The only one that can see the stone wall is that ward, that girl is so pitiful."

"Go to sleep. You are serious, this is just made up to deceive you."

Ye Zang was wondering if Ah Yuan would also become a ghost, thinking about it, he created a beautiful picture in his mind.Sometimes, Ye Zang's mind is very simple.For him, the word God is a synonym for nothing, a good-natured ridicule for fools.Maybe it's because they are too close to God to feel it.The reader may accuse me of shallowness or rashness when I mention here the question of God.Then please forgive me!No matter how good the writer's writing skills are, he will always push the protagonists in his novels to God's side.In the author's eyes, only he is like a god, and only he is like Minerva, the goddess of wisdom who flies his pet owl into the dusk sky and watches it fly away with a smile.

Snowing.The nursing home the next morning became very lively because of the heavy snow.There are more than 1000 seaside pine trees planted in the front yard of the nursing home, and the seaside pine trees are covered with heavy snow.Heavy snow covered more than 30 stone steps extending from the nursing home and the beach on the other side of the stone steps.It snowed continuously until noon.

Ye Zang asked Mano to buy charcoal paper and pencils, and when the snow stopped, he lay down on the bed and began to draw the snow scene outside.

The heavy snow made the room very bright.A Jian was lying on the sofa with a magazine in his hand, looking back at Ye Zang from time to time to see how he was painting.Because he trusts Ye Zang, he has a vague sense of awe towards art.He was very young when he first met Ye Zang, but he just felt that Ye Zang was very special.After the two met, he attributed this particularity to Ye Zang's intelligence.Ye Zang is good at dressing up, bragging, lascivious, and even a little cruel, but Ah Jian still regarded him as his idol in his youth.When he was a student, Ye Zang had excitement in his eyes when he said bad things about his teacher, which made Ajian fall in love with him.But his love for Ye Zang is just watching quietly, which is different from Fei's stalking.Even when he was with Ye Zang, he just watched quietly.Maybe that's why Ah Kan is more acceptable.A Jian is in awe of art. He said before that he has to put on a new coat even if he goes to the toilet, which shows that he is full of expectations for his life.A man like Ye Zang is the best in the world, and he needs to sweat profusely to create it.He trusts Ye Zang very much, although he also has opinions on Ye Zang, and he will also be disappointed with Ye Zang.For example, now, A Jian secretly looked at Ye Zang's painting, and he was a little disappointed that there were only very ordinary seas and islands on it.

A Jian continued to read his magazine.It was very quiet in the ward.

Ye Zang was wearing a sweater when he jumped into the sea, and the clothes smelled like the sea, so Mano took it to the laundry room to wash.

Fei came back from the police in the afternoon, and as soon as he walked to the door, he shouted excitedly: "Okay." After entering the door, he saw Ye Zang who was painting at a glance, and said in an exaggerated tone, "Not bad! Artists only get better when they work. It's better to come."

After speaking, he walked to the bedside to look at Ye Zang's painting.Ye Zang hurriedly folded the paper, and said to him with some embarrassment: "It's been a long time since I painted, and my hands are raw."

Fei didn't even have time to take off his coat, and sat down on the boat.

"After all, you have been restless during this time, but fortunately you have recovered now. I think you are at least passionate about art. By the way, what exactly are you painting?"

Ye Zang pointed to the scenery outside with his chin.

"The painting is about the sea. The sky and the sea are black, and only the island is white. I suddenly feel that drawing is annoying, and it's really unprofessional."

"No matter how great an artist is, he can't be professional in all aspects. As long as the status quo is maintained, there is no problem. From unprofessional to professional, and then from professional to unprofessional, it's like this. I want to mention Rodin again , he is a man who switches between professional and non-professional. Uh, but it doesn't seem to be the case."

"I don't want to continue painting." Ye Zang stopped Fei from continuing, and while putting the folded charcoal paper in his arms, he continued, "Painting and sculpture are both things that need persistence."

Fei scratched his long hair and nodded in agreement: "I understand your feelings."

"If I could, I'd like to write poetry. Poetry is the honest thing."

"Well, indeed, the poem is very good."

"It's boring to do anything." This is his true feeling now.

"However, I'm still the most suitable art investor. After making money, I will fund a lot of artists like Fei. What do you think? It's a shame for people like me to talk about art." After saying this, Ye Zang held his chin Looking out to sea, waiting for Fei to respond.

"It's also a very good way of life, not to mention investors are also essential."

Fei talked and shook his body.His echoing attitude makes people feel like he is flattering, and it is easy to arouse people's disgust.Perhaps it was because today he was finally able to use the artist he talked about every day, Fei took a posture and was ready to speak.

"What did the police say?" A Jian asked suddenly.He just asked casually without expecting a satisfactory answer.

Fei's heart was shaken, and this happened to be a vent.

"It was said that Ye Zang was going to be prosecuted for assisted suicide." After he finished speaking, he felt that this was a bit too much, and quickly smoothed things over, "But you can rest assured that the prosecution will definitely be suspended."

A Jian suddenly sat up from the sofa, clapped his hands vigorously, and said, "This has caused a lot of trouble." He originally wanted to ease the atmosphere at the scene, but failed.

Ye Zang suddenly turned around and lay down on the bed.

When two people talked about a dead person, their tone was so leisurely.If the princes who are outraged by this are present, they will definitely shout that they deserve it.But how can we face such cruel things with such a peaceful mind?I often despair and think how miserable the easily injured Daohua flowers can grow in a windless environment.I hope you can understand.

Fei felt that his speech was inappropriate, so he was very panicked.He touched Ye Zang's feet through the quilt, comforting him: "It will be fine."

A Jian lay back on the sofa.

"Is there such a crime as assisted suicide?" He wanted to change the subject.

Ye Zang shrank his feet and said to A Jian: "Yes, and you will be sentenced. Fortunately, you still study law, and you don't know about it."

Fei smiled wryly and said, "I told you I'm sure you'll be fine. Your brother said you were lucky, and this matter is on him."

A Jian closed his eyes and said, "It's really capable! He must have a solution. If you ask me, you don't have to worry at all."

Fei couldn't help laughing: "Fool."

He got out of bed, took off his coat and hung it on a nail by the door.

"I heard good news." Fei stepped over the ceramic brazier placed by the door and continued, "That woman's husband..."

He paused, lowered his head and continued: "That man came to the police station today and talked with your brother for a long time. In the end, the man was persuaded by your brother. He didn't ask for a penny, but just wanted to see you. Your brother Said that you are very excited now and haven't recovered yet, so I can't see you. That man is very disappointed, and asked your brother to persuade you to take care of your health." Speaking of this, Fei quickly shut up.

He just talked more and more vigorously.The woman's husband seemed to be a vagrant, Yezang's brother relayed the words with contempt.Flying is boring when listening to it, so it feels very artificial when it is relayed.

"Brother really likes to meddle in other people's business. I really want to meet that man."

Fei moved his fat body, and said: "I think you'd better never meet each other. Besides, he has already returned to Tokyo, and your brother personally sent him to the train station. He also asked him to write a letter of commitment, promising not to meet again in the future." Excuse me, and then I gave him two hundred yuan of incense and libation money."

A Jian pouted his thin lips and said, "Not bad, two hundred yuan will settle this matter."

Fei's oily face crumpled into a ball in an instant.When these young people are in narcissism, they are most afraid of being thrown cold water by others, so they can accept and understand the narcissism of others very well.Their tacit understanding when chatting is that the speaker can do whatever he wants, and the listener will try his best to cooperate.But now, A Jian has broken this tacit understanding.He felt that Fei's admiration for Ye Zang's brother was too hypocritical, and Fei still looked down on that weak husband.

Flying to Ye Zang's pillow, the tip of his nose almost touched the glass on the window, looking out at the sea covered with dark clouds.

"Actually, that woman's husband is a wonderful man. I don't think he was persuaded by your brother to give up seeing you. There is an old saying that when a man is about to die, his words are good. It is because of despair that he is full. Be kind. This morning, the woman was cremated. It is said that he held the urn when he left, and I still have the image of him when he got into the car in my mind."

A Jian finally understood after listening."It's a commendable thing," he said with a sigh at once.

"It's commendable? You mean it's a good thing?" Fei turned and looked at A Jian, who had long since stopped being angry.

"Through this incident, I understand a truth, it is a good thing to be alive."

At this point, it's time for me to show my face, otherwise this novel will be too messy to read.I am very confused now, how to arrange Ye Zang, A Jian and Fei.Judging from my current strength, I can only let them play freely.Holding their muddy shoes in my arms, I shouted to wait for me.If you don't control the situation at this time, I'm afraid even the author will collapse.

This novel contains a lot of formalistic content, no matter how many pages are written, I knew that this kind of novel would not be so interesting to read when I first started writing, but I still hope to make a breakthrough.Although I like to play with accents, I still have some advantages.I am a little desperate for the articles I have written, but I always think that I can find something valuable from them. I keep searching, and I feel like my head is about to explode.

ah!Only by working hard can you write a good work.Only a fool would write bad fiction with such enthusiasm.This is very reasonable, if you really put your heart into creating, how can you write a bad novel.Every word and sentence I see has ten different meanings, forcing me to put down my pen and stop and think.Whether it's Ye Zang, A Jian, or Fei, I know you all very well, so don't pretend to be an adult, don't even think about it.

Ye Zang's brother came to see him very late that day, when Ye Zang, A Jian, and Fei were playing poker.They didn't like playing poker, it was just too boring in the nursing home.They like to play games that fully express their individuality, such as using poker to make magic, and various techniques. When performing for everyone, they deliberately tell the mystery of it and make everyone laugh.Sometimes they would show a card and ask everyone to guess whether it was the Queen of Hearts or the Knight of Flowers.After guessing the flop, no one guessed right.They think that as long as they have enough patience to keep guessing, they will definitely guess correctly. Once they guess correctly, they will dance with joy.They hope to win or lose in an instant, and games that require a long confrontation to win or lose cannot attract their attention.When playing poker, I don't want to continue after playing for more than ten minutes.What Ye Zang didn't expect was that they only played twice a day, each time for about 10 minutes, but they were all bumped into by his brother.

The elder brother walked into the ward and saw three people playing poker. He thought they had played for a day.Ye Zang also encountered this situation when he was studying at the Academy of Fine Arts.Once in a French class, he yawned three times, but the professor saw them all.When the famous French scholar in Japan saw him yawn for the third time, he finally couldn't help shouting: "You yawned hundreds of times in my class." The professor meant that Ye Zang yawned in class. Lots of yawns, just exaggerated.

Ah, I have been writing, and I have never stopped.But I really can't enter the state of ecstasy when writing.Let us start from the beginning to see what kind of novel this is.

The background of the story is set in a scenic seaside sanatorium, and the people who live in the sanatorium are not bad people.Here lived three heroic young men.Although this is a bit difficult to understand, it is not without any reason.It's these three that I'm talking about.That's it, don't talk too much nonsense, keep reading.

The elder brother greeted the three of them, and whispered a few words to Fei.Fei winked at Ajian and Mano, and the three walked out of the ward.

"It's very dark in the room."

"Yes, the hospital has a rule that the lights in the room should not be too bright. Why don't you sit for a while?"

Ye Zang sat on the sofa and asked.

"Oh." My brother walked up and down in the small room, he was still thinking about the too dark light.

"Things have been taken care of."

"Thank you." Ye Zang bowed his head and thanked him.

"I have no other intentions, and I don't want to embarrass you, but I have to give my family an explanation." Unlike usual, he was wearing a black jacket today, unfastened and left open.

"However, I will find a way to deal with it. You'd better write a letter to the old man and say a few nice words to him in the letter to apologize. This is not a trivial matter. Look at your appearance. You are not reflecting on yourself. "

Ye Zang looked at the playing cards scattered on the sofa, but did not speak.

"If you don't want to be discharged from the hospital, you can stay here first. But you have to go to the police station the day after tomorrow. The investigation has been delayed until now, and the police have given you enough face. Fei and I went to the police station as witnesses for the investigation today. They asked me about you What is your character, and is there anything suspicious in your thinking? I told the truth, and I also said that your character is absolutely fine. "

The elder brother stood between the brazier and Ye Zang, with his two big hands on the charcoal fire.Ye Zang saw his brother's hands trembling.

"I told the police that I didn't know who that woman was, and Fei answered the same way, and you can just answer that you don't know."

Ye Zang pretended not to understand what his brother said.

"What people ask and answer, don't say what you don't ask. Do you understand?"

Ye Zang touched the edge of the playing cards with his right index finger, and muttered, "Should he be sued?"

"I don't know yet." My brother deliberately emphasized his tone, "You should be mentally prepared, you may be locked up for four or five days. I will pick you up the morning after tomorrow and accompany you to the police station."

My brother stared at the charcoal fire.The room was very quiet, only the sound of melting ice and snow and the sound of waves could be heard.

"The police will treat this as a case," my brother said suddenly, and then immediately changed his tone, "Now you have to think about the future. This year's harvest is not good, and the bank at home is in crisis. Everyone is in a panic. Now the family doesn’t have that much money, and you can’t help with some things, and maybe you don’t take it seriously. But whether you are an artist or something else, you have to think about life. From now on, You have to learn to take responsibility. I’ll go back first. By the way, it’s better to let A Jian and Fei live in the hotel, otherwise they will play here every day, which will cause bad influence.”

"How are my friends? All right?"

Ye Zang deliberately turned his back to Mano when he slept, and now Mano has returned to sleep on the sofa.

Mano turned over lightly and said, "Yes, Mr. Asa is a very interesting person."

"Yes. He is as old as my brother who passed away. He is 22 years old this year, three years younger than me. That guy can only learn from my bad parts. He is still good at flying. He is already independent and a very reliable person."

The two were silent for a while, and Ye Zang continued: "Every time such an unfortunate thing happens to me, he will try his best to make me happy, and he will try his best to cooperate with us. He is very good in everything, even in front of us. become weak."

Mano didn't speak.

"Let me tell you about that woman."

Ye Zang always turned his back to Mano, and every time the atmosphere became awkward, he didn't know how to change the subject, and made mistakes as soon as he spoke, which made the atmosphere even more awkward.This habit made him feel very sad.

"It's really boring." Mano didn't answer Ye Zang's words.

Ye Zang began to tell: "You should have heard from others. That woman is called Ah Yuan, and she works as a waitress in a bar in Ginza. I went to that bar to drink three times, oh, no, it should be four times. I didn't I told Fei and Ajian about this woman.

"Oh, it's really boring. The reason that woman committed suicide was that life was too hard. We thought about completely different things before committing suicide. Ah Yuan has a husband who lives with him. I heard that he used to be a teacher in elementary school. Jump Before the sea, Ah Yuan said that I was the same as her husband. As for why I died with her, it was probably because I liked her very much."

I can't believe what he said at all. I really don't understand how he can't even make up a lie.

"I also joined left-wing organizations and did a lot of things that I didn't do, such as handing out leaflets, participating in parades, etc. You should feel ridiculous, right? But let me tell you, doing these things is also very hard. I am so I don’t do it for fame and fortune, but to experience the sense of accomplishment of being an Illuminati. But I still can’t get ahead, maybe I have to go out to beg for food tomorrow. If my family goes bankrupt, I can’t even afford food. Those who can’t do it can only go out and beg for food.”

Alas, the more you say it, the more outrageous it is. It's really sad to think of deceiving people with lies.

"I believe in fate, and I know that fate cannot be rushed. In fact, I am very eager to paint." Ye Zang smiled while scratching his head, and continued, "As long as I can draw outstanding works."

He talks about creating masterpieces, and he says it with a smile.But people who really do practical things will only smile instead of answering.

Its daybreak.There are no clouds in the sky.Except for a little snow in the corners of the pine trees and stone steps, the snow in other places has melted.The sound of fishing boat engines came from the misty sea.

The dean came to Ye Zang's room early in the morning, and he carefully checked Ye Zang's body, a pair of small eyes blinked constantly under the lens.

"Although there is no serious problem, we still need to pay attention to maintenance. I have communicated with the police. Mano, the gauze on his face can be removed."

Mano immediately removed the gauze, revealing a face with red spots.The wound has healed and the scab has almost fallen off.

"Although it's a little rude for me to say this, I still hope that you can focus on your studies."

After finishing speaking, the dean looked at the sea in embarrassment.

Ye Zang felt guilty for what he did wrong, but he also received the punishment he deserved.He didn't speak, and put on the clothes he had taken off.

There was loud laughter from outside the room, and Fei and A Jian hurriedly opened the door of the ward and walked in.They greeted each other, and the dean also said good morning to the two of them, and then said falteringly: "The days go by so fast, today is the last day, I really miss you."

After the dean left, A Jian spoke first: "He's really like an octopus, slick." They all like good-looking people, and they are used to judging a person's full value by his appearance.

"There's a portrait of him hanging in the dining room, and he's wearing a medal."

"It's not a good drawing at all."

After speaking, he flew to the balcony.Fei wore a brown cotton jacket today, which he borrowed from Ye Zang's brother.This made him look a lot more mature.He straightened his collar and sat down on the deck chair on the balcony.

"So Fei thinks so too. It seems that you are quite like everyone else." A Jian walked to the balcony and asked Ye Zang, "A Ye, do you want to play cards?"

So the three moved a chair to the balcony and started playing poker.

A Jian said solemnly: "Fei, you're cheating."

"You're just cheating, let's see your hands."

The three secretly watched the girl on the balcony next door and laughed.There were two girls lying on the deck chairs on the balcony next door. When they heard the laughter of these three people, the faces of the two girls flushed.In fact, at the beginning when A Jian said that he wanted to play cards, Ye Zang and Fei understood what it meant.They also knew what kind of drama was going to be played before the curtain closed.They like to express themselves on the natural stage.This can also be said of life in the Memorial Sanatorium.At this time, the early morning sea is the background of the stage.But they never expected that Mano would be scolded by the head nurse.Five minutes after they finished laughing, the head nurse called Mano into the office and scolded him.When she came out of the office, she was so sad that she cried.Mano rushed into the ward and told the incident to the three young men who peeked at the girl under the guise of playing cards.

The three of them looked at each other embarrassedly, but no one spoke.What he thought was wild and unruly behavior became vulnerable when it encountered reality.This takes a heavy toll on their self-esteem.

Seeing the expressions of the three people, Mano comforted them in turn: "This, it's not a big deal."

"The people living in this building are not serious patients. I met the mother of the patient in Ward No. [-] in the corridor yesterday. She said it's better to be lively. You talk and laugh every day, which makes us nurses happy. It's all my fault, I shouldn't have told you guys. Don't be sad, it's not a big deal anyway."

"It's not like that." Ajian stood up from the sofa.

"It's our fault that caused you to be scolded. Why didn't the head nurse tell us directly? Since she hates us so much, we should leave the hospital immediately. Tell her to come over and let her know that we can be discharged at any time."

Discharge is the real thought of the three people.Ye Zang wants to be discharged from the hospital the most. He has even rehearsed in his mind the scene of four people riding in a car to the beach.

Fei smiled and stood up from the sofa, and said, "Let's go to the head nurse together. Why make things difficult for others, it's really disgusting."

Ah Jian kicked the door and shouted, "Discharged from the hospital!"

"What's the use of this kind of crappy hospital. She must think of us as delinquent teenagers or rich children with problematic minds."

He kicked again, and couldn't help laughing after kicking.

Ye Zang fell on the bed and said, "I just want to say one thing, I am a white-skinned lover."

They were angry at the head nurse's insult, but they felt that she was right, so they found an excuse to change the subject.This is what they often do.

Mano is a straightforward girl.She put her hands behind her back and leaned against the wall next to the door.At this time, her slightly raised upper lip was more obvious.

"That's right, there were obviously many nurses playing waka solitaire in the head nurse's office yesterday, why didn't she say anything, it's too much."

"It's still noisy after twelve o'clock, it's too obvious to be partial."

Ye Zang muttered softly, while picking up the charcoal paper scattered beside the pillow, and scribbled on it.

"I am not straight, so everyone looks crooked. I heard that the head nurse is the dean's lover."

A Jian said excitedly: "Really, that's really great."

They always feel that all scandals are true.

"It turns out that this is the benefit of wearing a medal."

"The reason why others think you are ridiculous is because you always say such unpleasant things, don't you really know? Anyway, I have adapted, so you can make trouble if you want to. In fact, no one blames you at all. I thought you were all educated people."

After Mano finished speaking, she burst into tears. She covered her face with one hand, and opened the door with the other to go out.

Fei made a sound to stop her: "You can't complain to the head nurse. Well, stop making trouble."

Mano covered his face and nodded, silently walked to the corridor.

After Mano went out, Ajian sat on the sofa and said with a smile: "The embodiment of justice."

"Did she be incited to cry by her own words? Although she usually speaks like an adult, she is just a girl after all."

Fei walked back and forth in the ward, and said as he walked, "It's really strange."

"I thought it was strange at first, she actually ran out crying, did she go to find the head nurse?"

"Probably not." Ye Zang replied pretending to be calm.He scribbled on charcoal paper, then threw the paper to Kan.

"You drew the head nurse?" A Jian asked with a smile after reading it.

"Show me." Fei walked over to look at Ye Zanghua's painting, "The female monster. The painting is too similar."

"There is no deviation at all. The head nurse accompanied the director to the ward once again. Lend me the pencil."

A Jian added a few strokes on it with a pencil.

"Add two corners here so it looks more like it. It should really be taped to the door of the matron's office."

A master of caricature.I'm starting to get bored, and this isn't pulp fiction, you know.This kind of work can really help me, or help everyone relieve nervous tension, but I always feel that such an idea is too naive.If I turn my novel into a classic novel.Am I crazy?Maybe you think I don't need to add a comment here.There is no need to speculate on places that even writers can't think of.Shout out for being a masterpiece.Writers who have passed away are really happy.Those stupid writers who are still alive, try their best to add annotations, just to attract one more person to read their works.After writing, I found that the whole article is full of notes, which makes it very tedious to read.Think what you will, I don't have the fortitude to be a good writer.This is a major discovery.The idea is really too simple.Because the idea is so simple, I can take a break.Leave me alone, I don't care anymore.The flower of Taoism seems to have withered and looks ugly.No longer dream of perfect things, no longer expect good works.

"I can work miracles myself."

Mano felt really sad, but she didn't cry very much.She went into the bathroom, looked at herself in the mirror, wiped away her tears, and straightened her hair.Although it was past breakfast time, she still went to the cafeteria.

There is a person sitting at the table at the entrance of the cafeteria, a college student from Room [-].He sat there expressionless, with a bottomless soup bowl in front of him.

He saw Mano walking in, and asked her with a smile, "Is the patient you are taking care of already well?"

Mano stopped, grabbed the corner of the table with his hands, and said to him, "Yeah, I always say silly things that make everyone laugh."

"Wouldn't that be interesting. By the way, I hear he's a painter?"

"That's right, he's a painter, and he often says that he wants to paint great works." Before she finished speaking, her ears turned red.

"He's serious. It's because he's serious that he's in pain."

"That's right." The college student also blushed, and he agreed with this statement from the bottom of his heart.

College students have recently been discharged from the hospital, so it is becoming more and more accommodating.

What do you guys think of this way of writing?Is this woman annoying?You bastard, how dare you laugh at me for being old-fashioned.Alas, I'm really a little embarrassed. If I don't add some notes to this woman, I can't love her well.What a stupid man, he has already rested, and the articles he writes are still so lame.

Looking through the dead branches of the pear tree, you can see a large and flat stone.The snow on the rocks has not completely melted, and there is still snow from yesterday in the depression.Ye Zang pointed to the stone and said, "Look, it's that stone."

"That's where I jumped from." Ye Zang rolled his eyes when he spoke, looking very funny.

A Jian didn't speak, he was thinking about whether Ye Zang really didn't care about what happened.In fact, it's not that Ye Zang doesn't care, but that he can make himself speak naturally.

Fei lifted the hem of his coat and said, "Go back."

The three of them strolled on the beach, the midday sun shining on the calm sea.

Ye Zang picked up the stones on the ground and threw them into the sea.

"Now you can rest assured. Jump into the sea and it will be over. Borrowed money, studies, hometowns, regrets, outstanding works, shame, Marxism, friends, forests, flowers, etc. It doesn't matter. Wait until you wake up I found out that I was standing on a rock and laughing. Now I can finally feel at ease."

A Jian was very excited, but he tried his best to suppress it, busy picking up shells everywhere.

Fei smiled wryly and said, "Don't tempt me, it's really bad fun."

Ye Zang also laughed, and the sound made by the three of them stepping on the beach was very comfortable.

Ye Zang and Fei walked side by side.

"What you said just now is a bit exaggerated, don't be angry."

"But it's true. Before jumping into the sea, did that woman say anything?"

A Jian deliberately distanced himself from the two of them, squinting at them, and now he has a strong curiosity.

"She said that her hometown is in the far south, and she really wants to speak her native dialect."

"I like that very much."

"Haha, is it? She is such a woman."

There was a large fishing boat parked by the sea, and beside the fishing boat were two exquisite fish baskets, about seven feet in diameter.Asa vigorously threw the shells he saw towards the black belly of the boat.

The three of them were silent for a minute, and the atmosphere was suffocating.If it lasted another minute, the three of them would probably jump into the sea.

A Jian pointed to the coast ahead, and suddenly shouted: "Look, look."

"It's Ward One and Ward Two."

Two girls came across, holding out-of-season white parasols in their hands.

Ye Zang woke up instantly and said, "They saw us."

"Do you want to go over and have a word?" A Jian raised one foot and shook off the sand on it.As long as Ye Zang gave an order, he would immediately run over.

Fei pressed A Jian's shoulder and said seriously: "Forget it."

The two girls stood there discussing something.Suddenly, they turned their backs on the three of them and left.

This time it was Ye Zang's turn to be restless, he took a peek at the stern-faced Fei, and said, "Do you want to catch up?"

"It's better not to chase."

Fly is very chilling.Because the two friends were gradually alienated from him, he felt that his blood had dried up.His life has been bogged down, all because of this damn life.

"Finally it didn't come in vain." A Jian shrugged like a foreigner, trying to ease the atmosphere.

"They are so young and so cute. I really don't know what they are thinking. They have already seen us. Look, they are picking up shells like I just did."

Fei's face changed into a smile.His gaze met Ye Zang's sad eyes, and both of them blushed.They saw understanding in each other's eyes, and both of them were full of compassion for the weak.

The three of them stood there looking at the girl holding a parasol in the distance, and the warm sea breeze was blowing from the sea.

Mano stood under the white building of the nursing home and waited for their return.Because the sun was too harsh today, she leaned against the low doorpost and covered her forehead with one hand.

On Ye Zang's last night in the nursing home, Mano kept talking about his simple family and great ancestors.As the night gradually deepened, Ye Zang spoke less and less.He was still lying on the bed with his back to Mano, because he had other things in his mind, so he said something casually.

Mano talked about the wound on his eye.

"I made it when I was three years old." Originally, she wanted to express these words calmly, but unexpectedly, she couldn't help but choked up at the beginning.

"It was really miserable at that time. I accidentally knocked over the oil lamp, and the hot lamp oil spilled on my eyes. At first, the scars were not very obvious, but when I was in primary school, the scars on my face suddenly became very large. I nicknamed it 'Firefly'." She paused, and continued, "At that time, everyone called me that, and then I thought I must become a great man, so that others would not dare to bully me."

She smiled, and continued: "It's really strange to think of becoming a great man. In fact, as long as you wear glasses, the scars will not be so obvious."

"It looks even weirder with glasses on." Ye Zang said angrily.Whenever he fell in love with someone, he would deliberately neglect her like a conservative.

"It doesn't look obvious at all now. I have to get up early tomorrow, so go to bed."

Thinking of the separation tomorrow, Mano stopped talking.After all, they just met by chance, so shame on you.I also have something worthy of praise.Cough, or sigh, then turn over vigorously.Ye Zang pretended not to hear anything, and could not say anything no matter what he thought.

Let's listen to the sound of seagulls or waves on the surface of the sea.Then recall the life of these four days.Four days of irony in life, so let's answer the questions.Perhaps it can be said that this person is very realistic.When my manuscript was sent back, it had an extra black mark on it.This imprint was made by pressing the manuscript under the teapot.The editor used it as a teapot mat.It's ironic to hold on to his wife's dark past.It was also ironic that he tugged on his collar when he opened the door of the pawn shop, so as not to let others see his downfall.There is irony in our lives.If you can't understand the pride that strong men display in the face of real-life stress, you'll never have anything to do with me.Anyway, if you have to be ironic, then make it more beautiful.I was too far away from real life.Perhaps, I should appreciate these four days full of human touch.The life of these four days is more fulfilling than my life of five or ten years, and it has really benefited me a lot.

When Ye Zang heard the sound of even breathing from the sofa, he really wanted to turn around and rush over.But a stern voice sounded in his ear.

Never let down the trust that Firefly has placed in you.

It was getting brighter.Both of them got up.Today, Ye Zang will be discharged from the hospital.Because of the sadness of the stupid writer, I am very afraid that this day will come.When I was writing this novel, I really wanted to save Ye Zang.This is the only secret wish that causes me pain.As this day approached, I felt a more desolate atmosphere slowly surrounding Ye Zang and me.The novel makes no leaps and ends.I cared too much about style, which caused this novel to fail.Although I said a lot, I always felt that I didn't say the most important thing.Many years later, when I read this novel again, I feel so miserable inside that I may not even be able to read a single page.In fact, I am now afraid to look at something that has been written before.The failure of a writer is to show the truest self in the work.Write the worst novels with the most enthusiasm.This is the third time I have said such a thing, and I will find a way to prove it next.

Is it because I don't know literature, so I have to learn it all over again?Where is the best place to start?
Am I a combination of chaos and super ego?Can't this be reflected in this novel?Why is my judgment so fast?I can't live without integrating all my thoughts, where did I learn this?

Do you want to write?Then I can only write about the last morning I spent in Qingsong Garden.

Mano wants to take Ye Zang to the back mountain to see the scenery.

"The scenery there is beautiful, and you can see Mt. Fuji."

Ye Zang was wearing a pure black woolen scarf.Mano was wearing a nurse's uniform and a jacket with a pine leaf pattern on the outside, and his face was tightly wrapped with a red woolen scarf.They wore clogs on their feet.The two came to the backyard of the nursing home together.There was a red earth cliff in the north of the courtyard, and Mano climbed up the ladder beside the earth cliff.

The back hill is covered with withered grass, dotted with white frost flowers.

Mano put his hand to his mouth and breathed for warmth, while walking quickly.Ye Zang followed behind her, walking on the winding path with frost flowers.The air is so cold here, Ye Zang whistles.There is no one on this mountain, no matter what they do, no one will know.Ye Zang didn't want Mano to have bad thoughts.

The bottom of the depression is also full of dead grass.Mano stopped there, and Ye Zang stopped five or six steps away from her.They found a white tented hut nearby.

Mano pointed to the white hut and said, "This is a solarium. Patients with very mild illnesses like to take off their clothes and sunbathe here. Even now, some people come to do it."

There is a layer of frost on the tent cabin.

"Keep climbing."

The two began to gasp for breath.

Mano started to run, followed by Ye Zang.They ran to the long, thin larch lane, staggering slowly on in exhaustion.

Ye Zang's shoulders heaved up and down, and he panted and asked, "During the first month, were you still here?"

Mano walked on, shouting loudly, "No, I'm going back to Tokyo."

"Then come to my house to play. Fei and A Jian come to my house to play every day. I probably won't be in prison for the New Year. This matter will pass."

What does the prosecutor look like?Ye Zang pictured his appearance in his heart.

It can end here.Under normal circumstances, great ancient writers end their writing here, leaving readers with a very meaningful ending.Ye Zang and I, or everyone should have been tired of my perfunctory comfort.Chinese New Year, imprisonment, prosecutors have nothing to do with us.Prosecutor?Did I care about this from the beginning?Maybe mountain climbing is the ultimate goal.It's what's on top of the mountain that's worth looking forward to.

The red land on the top of the mountain has an area of ​​about ten pings, and someone simply leveled it.There is a table made of logs in the middle, and stones such as rockery are placed on the table and the table, and the stones are covered with white frost.

"Oh, it seems that Mount Fuji will not be visible today."

Mano's nose was red from the cold.She cried out, "Look this way! You can see very clearly from this side."

She pointed to the east and said, "The sun hasn't risen yet, the sky in the east is a little dark, and the clouds with indescribable colors are slowly drifting into the distance."

"Well, really."

The wind blows on the cheek.

At the foot is the cliff, thirty feet high.Overlooking Enoshima from here, the whole island is like a model.Ye Zang looked at the sea in the distance, the sea water was flowing deep in the dense morning mist.

Next, no, no more, this is the end.

(End of this chapter)