The queen bullies me every day

Chapter 498 [Sijin Extra Story [-]] When people fall in love, they end up falling in love

(The inscription is excerpted from "Shanhuazi·The Remnant of the Floating Catkins Has Turned into Ping")
During the period when Dazhao was working in detail, I would often have a dream.

In the dream, I returned to Wumeng Mountain and was surrounded by vicious bandits.

They grinned at me, showing their tawny, grimy teeth.

They kissed wantonly on my face, and the suffocating smell still makes me sick when I think about it.

It was in such a scene of despair that I saw the light.

He came against the light, wiped out the bandits, stretched out his hand to me, and smiled warmly at me.

He said, girl, I will take you home.

The Jiang Mubai at that time was the only motivation for me to survive after traveling to this strange and absurd world.

He asked me where I lived and my first and last name, but I couldn't answer them.I can't even understand some of what he said.

He took me back to Youdu, and all the courtiers in Youdu had seen me.

He said I was Mrs. Xijue's daughter, Jiang Mubai asked me if I was, and I nodded.

Later, I realized that my soul had traveled to the world in the book, and I became Zhao Sijin.

My mother, Mrs. Xijue, is the most respected woman in Youdu.When she was young, she fought for her husband on the battlefield, and made great contributions to the pacification of Youdu.

As her daughter, I was rescued by the monarch of Youdu, so naturally Mrs. Xijue married Jiang Mubai for me.

Inexplicably, I was pushed to the dressing table and began to add makeup for me, and put a lot of thick gold and silver ornaments on my forehead and hair.

I looked at my strange face in the bronze mirror, a little scared, but also a little surprised.

I have never seen such a flawless woman. Even in this world, I have seen so many female stars competing for beauty, but I can't find anyone who can match this skin.

At first I thought it was a dream, but when I completely accepted the reality of my soul wear, it was already a month later.

Without my care, the mother with Alzheimer's could not support herself.

I still remember that on the night of crossing, I turned off the gas, locked the door, and put the key in the drawer at the bottom of my closet, in order to fear that my mother would make trouble again.

She couldn't make a fire, couldn't open the door, and didn't know if she could cook the only food in the house.

Because of my father's drug dealing, all relatives have cut off contact with us.

How could my mother live with such an inexplicable disappearance?
she can't survive
That night, I drank a lot of wine and got very drunk.

I cried all the time, and in the end, I couldn't make a sound because of the congestion in my throat.

I sat on the cold ground, looking up at the bright moonlight.

The moon in Youdu is much brighter than in this world.

Like an incandescent lamp that never goes out, the reflected light is even a bit dazzling.

In the haze, a steady and strong hand rested on my shoulder.I looked up and saw Jiang Mubai came to my side at some point.

He didn't say anything, and sat shoulder to shoulder with me, holding a jug of new wine in his hand and shaking it in front of me.

The many trials that life has brought me have smoothed my edges and corners, and also given me a firm mind.I have never been a weak person, but that night, I let go of my defenses in front of him and cried out the grievances that have been accumulated in my heart for so many years.

He said he could understand me, he told me not to be afraid, he would try his best to protect me.

We embraced, kissed, and fell asleep together.

He is my first man, and I have always naively thought that he will also be a man worthy of entrusting me for the rest of my life.

His kindness to me is like lighting a bonfire on a frozen river, and I am walking on the ice river.

The blazing bonfire emits a scorching heat that warms the surrounding ice. I have never touched such a warm object, and I want to get closer to it more and more. I have no worries at all, and I am not afraid that the flames will burn me.

I get close to it, unscrupulously asking for the warmth it brings me.

Then the ice melted and crumbled under my feet, and I fell into the piercing glacier, splashing water and extinguishing the campfire.

Those who have never experienced warmth will never know what cold feels like.

After Youdu united with Dazhao, and after Jiang Mubai brought his harem and Qiangli into the Sixth Palace in the West of Diyuan City, it was probably the first time in my life that I felt a bone-chilling chill.

I asked myself more than once, what am I?
I gave him everything I had, and the funny thing is, in the end, I didn't know whether he loved me or not.

Or maybe, I was treated as a pawn by him from the very beginning.

Deep love can make people lose their minds, I don't think I lost my mind, I just think I found the light of life.

Because of this, after I realized that I had completely lost the protective cover of this beam of light, I knew that I had to stand up on my own.

I started to take revenge on Jiang Mubai crazily. I thought that as long as he died and I seized his power and occupied his country, I would be satisfied.

Actually not.

Not to mention satisfaction, I didn't even get a little bit of pleasure.

That is the man who taught me to grow, the man who gave me redemption, and the man who threw me into the abyss.

After his death, I could have lived a life of security and prosperity with my children.

I thought about it, guarding the one-acre-three-point field in Youdu, and spending this life with my children in this other world.

However, the sky does not fulfill people's wishes, or in other words, the sky never fulfills my wishes.

Emperor Zhao and Chu Jin coveted the land of Youdu, taking advantage of the civil strife in Youdu without a master, they became malicious.

Those old ministers from the previous dynasty urged me to return the government, but who should I return the government to?

Jiang Mubai is dead, and I, Yu You, are sinners without status. Once I let go of the power in my hand, I will have nothing.

I didn't have enough clothes to eat, and I didn't have enough food to eat. After my father was arrested for drug trafficking, my mother and I lived for a long time.

I don't want to live that life.

I ordered the imperial doctor to prescribe me a decoction to induce labor, and forcibly gave birth to the seven-month-old flesh and blood.

He couldn't live, he only cried once, and there was no movement.

I found a healthy child and made him the heir to the throne.And my child was hastily buried.

For a long time, I blamed Emperor Zhao and Chu Jin for the death of the child.

I can fool everyone in the world, but I can't fool my own heart.

I know that I killed my child and ruined my life with my own hands.

But what can be done?

People will always find excuses for the mistakes they have made in exchange for a moment of peace of mind.I don't want to spend countless dark and quiet nights dreaming that my children are coming to kill me, so I convince myself that I am right and that others are wrong.

I hold the power of Youdu in my hand, and step on Jiang Mubai's country.

am i happy?

never.

(End of this chapter)