If you can love like this

Chapter 77

I walked into the night sadly.

When I passed the door of Qi Shuli's house, I put another letter I had written into the mailbox in his garden.The curtains in his room were drawn, and there was still a dim light coming through, obviously he hadn't fallen asleep yet.Since he learned in the hospital that I had aborted his child, he hasn't seen me again, stays at home, shut himself at home all day, I think he is cursing me.

The moment the plane took off, I was also cursing, wishing that the plane would fall into the parting harbor of Seattle immediately, and everyone would survive, only me would die.

But more than ten hours later, the plane landed smoothly on the other side of the earth - Shanghai, China.Jinyi greeted me at the airport pick-up gate and gave me a deep hug.

When I returned home this time, I only told her one person.Not even my parents know.I just want to calmly let those wounds heal slowly, but my family will always only have endless questioning and nagging.I am very grateful to Jinyi, she didn't ask anything, and after taking me to her home, she arranged my life silently and took good care of me.

It's been three years, and she is still the same, with a delicate and clean face and a faint smile.In fact, I haven't had much contact with her in the past few years. I only exchanged emails or exchanged postcards occasionally, and I haven't even called her.As Geng Mochi said, we all have our own lives, and it is enough to know that the other is well. Excessive disturbance is not conducive to forgetting the pain, so I did not tell Jin Yi even if Geng Mochi was seriously ill many times, but I believe she is better than her. Everyone knew about his condition, she just didn't talk about it.

In the evening of early spring, when the spring breeze was intoxicating, Jinyi and I drank tea in the yard of her house. The air was filled with the fragrance of flowers, and the moonlight cast mottled shadows through the dense leaves.Jin Yi was wearing a white sweater coat, which looked even more bright and clean under the moonlight.

While making tea for me, she said: "Kao'er, we should all accept the reality and live a good life, treat everyone kindly, and only by forming good relationships can we get good rewards. Although you didn't tell me anything, I know everything Well, if Miss Milan really reveals that matter one day, it’s okay. I’ve already talked to Mochi on the phone, and he also said to let her go. As long as we have a clear conscience, I hope this tragedy Let's stop here, don't get hurt, do you understand?"

"Did you talk to Mochi on the phone?" As soon as I heard this name, my heart ached.

Jin Yi nodded, "Yes, he knew you came to me, and he wanted me to tell you, I hope you live a good life and don't think about the past again. Although he regrets that you can't accompany him to the end, he doesn't blame you , He said he was sorry for you."

"I didn't hate him. I left just to give him some peace, and also to make myself calm." I held back my tears, and I even smiled when I felt like I was in a trance, "Do you want to accompany him to the end?" It doesn't matter anymore, we still have the next life, the next life, I will meet him again, Jinyi, if there is a next life, who is the person you most want to meet?"

Jin Yi was at a loss, and looked at me with big eyes in a daze, "Kao'er, do you really believe in a next life?"

"You have to believe, Jin Yi. Believe it or not. We should always give ourselves some thoughts and let ourselves live strong. How difficult it is to live, how can we live without the obsession in our hearts? "

"Kaoer..."

Two days later, I flew back to Star City.Huanghua International Airport was crowded with people, just like when I left three years ago, strange and familiar, I dragged my luggage and stared at the terminal hall, time was intertwined, and my mind was confused, as if seeing Geng Mochi was the same as many years ago, wearing a windbreaker, Yushu facing the wind stood there looking at me and smiling.

"Are you planning to marry to Shanghai with so much luggage?"

"Yes, I heard that Shanghai men are the most suitable husbands. I'll go and see if there is any suitable one."

"Definitely not."

“How come you see?”

"The best man in Shanghai is standing in front of you."

……

I didn't cry, but I was more heartbroken than ever. I was surrounded by a constant stream of people, as if I was on an empty stage. The protagonist was me, and the opponent was loneliness. From the beginning to the end, there was only parting.I was too deeply involved in the play, the people who watched the show had already left, and I was still lonely on the stage.It was already evening after staying in a hotel in the city. I stood in front of the window and looked at the lights of the city, but I couldn’t get used to it. I felt like I had landed on another planet. Without the strong aroma of coffee, even the air became strange.The night here may not be as gorgeous and charming as Seattle, but there are concerns that I can't give up in this life. I hardly thought about it. I didn't even eat dinner and went straight to the other side of the spring in the suburbs of Star City.

Yalanju has changed owners. I sold it myself three years ago. I don't know if it is still the original owner.The near water building next door is lit, and I heard from Qi Shuli that the house is now inhabited by a manager in his country.On the side of the water, it was a mess. Obviously the owner was not at home. I did not accept the property rights of the house. Later, Geng Mochi sent someone to deal with it himself. I heard that the house has already been sold, and it seems that it has changed hands twice. Who owns it now? I don't know either.

I walked to the side of the water on foot, concentrating on meditation, obviously there was no sound, but I seemed to vaguely hear the sound of the piano, as if it came from a long time tunnel, only three years, everything has changed!
There was a sudden eerie silence all around.

not a single person.

I stood blankly under the street lamp outside the door, as if there was a hand slowly rubbing the wound in my heart, the pain was like a dark tide, slowly coming up from the bottom of my heart.Every plant and tree here, I am so nostalgic. The past and the past are vivid in my mind, accumulating in my heart little by little, and dissipating in the cool night wind little by little.I came back here exhausted and exhausted, with nothing left, nothing left, I looked around in a daze, and I didn't even know why I came back here.

"Miss, who are you looking for?" Someone suddenly asked me behind me.

Honey, please don't greet a dazed person suddenly at night, otherwise, if you don't scare her into a ghost, she will also treat you as a ghost.The moment I turned around in fear, I regarded the person behind me as a ghost. Of course, he also regarded me as a ghost. We screamed at almost the same time:
"Kaoer!"

"Ah, Gao Peng!"

When my parents and I proposed to go to work in Shenzhen, they said: "You are just tossing around, tossing everywhere, and if you continue to toss like this, sooner or later we will give white-haired people to black-haired people!"

I didn't explain too much to them about returning to China this time, but they all had speculations in their hearts. If they came back suddenly without saying hello, they must have been dumped by Qi Shuli. They ignored me in order to take care of my "fragile" self-esteem .It was my mother who cared about me, seeing that I was so thin that I had only bones left, and stewed black-bone chicken and red dates for me every day. After a month of recuperation, my complexion improved.During the period, I called the United States to inquire about Geng Mochi's condition, and it was Julia who answered the call.

"Sir, he left the day after you left."

"Where did he go?"

"I don't know, he didn't say."

"Where's Mr. Qi next door?"

"I don't know, I haven't seen him for a long time."

"Who remembered you in the trek across the sky? Who called your name in the lonely night? Who called you in the Tibetan song of Potala? Who looked up at the eagle hovering Weeping for you? Who lamented that they could not be with you in the time of suffering? And who expected to return to their hometown with you hand in hand? My dear, it is me, you never know, my affectionate My eyes have been following you through thousands of rivers and mountains..."

When this sentence came out of Gao Peng's mouth, I was stunned for a long time. At that time, we were eating crabs in a seafood restaurant in northern Hunan. He came all the way from Xingcheng. Of course, I had to treat him well. he.

"Gao Peng, did you tell me this?"

"of course."

"You should really be a writer!" I still feel the same way after all these years.

"Don't look at me like that, Kao'er, why do you take everything I say as my lines?" Gao Peng gnawed on a crab, his expression puzzled, "Think about it, I narrowly escaped death in Lop Nur , the first thing I thought of was you. After I came to Tibet, I thought of you every day. I never dared to come back to see you because I always felt that I didn’t have enough ability to impress you. After returning to the mainland, I still didn’t have the courage to come to see you. I went to Shenzhen to explore the world, and my career has improved a bit, so I came back to Hunan to find you, but when I asked, your old man had already flown to the United States to bask in the sun..."

"Then how did you buy the house in Spring on the other side?"

"It's not that I miss you. I come here often. When I came here by chance, I bought it when I saw the notice of 'this house is for sale' posted on the side of the water. Anyway, after drifting for so many years, there is no place to stay, and the house is very expensive. That's right, the master moved to another place and sold it at a low price..."

I looked at him, and I was inexplicably moved. In fact, everyone knows that he bought this house largely because the man I love lived there. Psychologically, he hoped to be closer to the man I yearn for, so as to be closer to him. Come closer to me.But he is stupid, a house is a house, a person is a person, they are completely different things.But I still admire him very much. He has a boldness that is rare for ordinary urban men. Now Gao Peng is not a little famous. He became famous because of a series of photos of Tibet taken two years ago.It is said that he is often invited to exhibit abroad, but photography is just a hobby for him now. His current identity is the boss of an advertising company in Shenzhen. It's so prosperous over there, no wonder he can buy Zaishui in one go. I know that no matter how cheap this house is, it won't be less than 200 million. With strength, he can even speak confidently.

"You are now enjoying both spiritual and material civilization." I like to make fun of him. Seeing him achieve so much, I am really happy for him from the bottom of my heart. Gao Peng, who used to be decadent and inferior Returning, it seems that the journey of life and death in Lop Nur has fulfilled his hope.

"Let me tell you this, Kao'er, after a person crosses the line of life and death, many things have been seen through. Don't worry too much about it. The most important thing is to live sincerely and passionately. After I got my life back in Lop Nur, I arrived In Tibet, both the sky and the human heart are so pure that there is no impurity. I took a lot of photos and stayed there for a year.

Gao Peng chewed a mouthful of crabs, and sure enough, he saw that his face was black and bright, his eyebrows were clear, and something enlightened was slowly flowing in his eyes, but he couldn't help frowning at my half-dead appearance, "Kao'er, why are you so thin?" Is it like this? I don’t know what happened to you after I left, but my dear, you see, I’ve escaped death, and I’m living a good life now? It’s best to keep everything in perspective and let nature take its course.”

I sighed and shook my head, "But Gao Peng, in the world, all disasters and difficulties can be overcome. I am afraid that heaven will not fulfill people's wishes. I also want to be free. It is very difficult..."

"It's not difficult!" He interrupted me and wiped his mouth, "Come with me to Shenzhen, let's have a good career, you can definitely come out, a rotten ghost like me can be reborn, what do you have? Can't?"

"Nonsense, what can I do, you may not know, I haven't worked for several years."

"Don't you know how to write? It's more than enough for advertising copywriting!"

I still shook my head, Gao Peng continued to spare no effort to persuade me, and finally I agreed to go to Shenzhen not because he really persuaded me, but because I felt that if I stayed at home like this, I was afraid that I would go crazy, It's okay to go out for a change of air.

Before going to Shenzhen, I stayed in Star City for two days, visited some old colleagues in the past, and gathered outside every day, temporarily forgetting a lot of past pain.But when Gao Peng invited me to his house as a guest, standing on the terrace, facing the lake full of spring water, my heart fell into deep sorrow again.The piano in the living room is still there. Gao Peng said that it was left behind by the master before he left, and it was included in the price.

The sun shines on the piano through the floor-to-ceiling windows, and the black lacquer surface reflects dazzling brilliance. This high-mountain and flowing-water piano is destined to be hopeless with its owner. Seeing the piano is like seeing a person. I believe he will understand. Not only to escape Milan, but I am actually more afraid of facing his death, I can't imagine it, I can't think about it at all.And I promised him, to live a good life, his eyes are like God everywhere, if I sink here, he will be disappointed.

When I played a LOVE theme song on the piano, Gao Peng was so surprised that he almost fell off the balcony, "Hey, you... When did you learn to play the piano?" He stammered while holding a cup of black tea.

"It would have been three years ago."

Gao Peng sighed helplessly, "It seems that his position in your heart is really irreplaceable."

"It's good that you know, Gao Peng." I sat on the piano bench and looked at him sideways, and said very seriously, "I promised to go to Shenzhen with you, it doesn't mean that I give you a chance, but that I really want to change the environment , live well."

"Kao'er, you underestimated my pure heart. Am I the kind of villain who takes advantage of the situation? To be honest, your current appearance is really unbearable. I was scared when I met you outside the door that night." Jump, I thought what I saw was your undead... I am very distressed. Kaoer, you saved me, and now I want to save you too, so that you can find your courage and hope in another strange space, love You don’t need to look for it, I know you will let him live in your heart forever, how can I occupy your heart? I have always known myself, otherwise I would not have gone to Lop Nur to die three years ago, even if my career is not good now I've gotten better, and I don't have any unreasonable thoughts about you. There is a kind of love that can only survive in the heart, and it will die when you take it out. Besides, I have always been grateful to you. If it weren't for you, I would How can I find love and hope, so that I can live proudly until now?"

"Gao Peng, you bastard!" I scolded him for seeing through me.

"Yeah, my girlfriend has always scolded me like that," Gao Peng grinned. Friends!"

"Really? Brat, you have the ability."

"Thank you, Cole." He was "serious" again, but still looked stern.He squinted a pair of small eyes, and made a summary of himself, "I'm just like this, with tenacious vitality, and I can withstand any kind of blow. During more than a year in Tibet, I have no doubts about life, about life. I completely realized life, and almost became a lama... Later, I decided to return to the real world, because avoidance is the behavior of the weak, and I am a big man no matter what. Dolma told me that a man should be like a male. Soaring like an eagle in the sky..."

"Who is Dolma?"

"This..." Gao Peng was stunned, with a look of embarrassment on his face, "I will tell you again when I have a chance, I experienced a life-and-death love in Tibet, and this experience completely changed me."

"Experience is sometimes a kind of wealth." I said sincerely.

"Yeah, I cherish my past experiences very much now, no matter they are good or bad, they are worth cherishing with my life, because without those experiences, Gao Peng would not be able to achieve today's Gao Peng... Do you know? My My friends call me 'Camel', do you know that a camel is the most tenacious animal in the desert, any kind of wind and sand..."

"Wait!" I interrupted him suddenly, pointing at him as if I saw a ghost and asked, "What did you just say?"

"Me, what did I say?"

"You said you were a camel?"

"Well, that's what my friends call me."

"Then have you ever held a photography exhibition in Busan, South Korea?"

"How do you know? I have been there. Just last year, I was invited to hold a Tibetan folk customs exhibition there..."

(End of this chapter)