If you can love like this

Chapter 6

The man in front of me is a ray of sunshine, shining on me so warmly, for so many years, no one has ever made me feel so warm, never!

But things in the world are really hard to tell. After only two months, I actually went to Shanghai for vacation with this brazen man. On the evening of December 12st, the Bund in Shanghai was crowded with people. Geng Mochi took me to watch the fireworks, welcoming the New Year with tens of thousands of people present.We are struggling to move forward in the sea of ​​people, and it feels like we are passing through a century.And he held my hand tightly all the time, as if he was afraid of losing me, and led me to charge into battle in the sea of ​​people, which moved me for a while.No matter what my past has been through, there is something so comforting about having a man on my arm now leading me into the new year.

The moment the New Year's bell rang, under the radiance of fireworks all over the sky, amidst the deafening cheers all around, Geng Mochi suddenly hugged me, kissed me deeply, and kissed me until the New Year.

That kiss was more intoxicating than fireworks, more thrilling than overwhelming cheers.

"Remember this day." Geng Mochi said affectionately among the crowd.

"Of course I will remember, of course I will..." I hooked his neck and put the tip of his nose to the tip of his nose, and said sincerely, "Thank you, Geng Mochi, you brought me back to life."

"Me too!" He hugged me tighter.

The two embraced and watched the fireworks together.

In fact, I'm not very interested in fireworks. I don't like the false prosperity of fireworks, which are fleeting. Even if half of the sky in Shanghai is illuminated by the splendor of fireworks, I don't think the fireworks have much beauty. People have a sense of unreality.I also feel that the happiness in front of me comes too fast and too extreme, and all the wonderful feelings that can be contained between men and women are all vividly displayed at this moment, the same is unreal, and the same makes people worry about gains and losses.is this real?I kept asking myself in my heart.

"I hope it will last longer than fireworks..." I said faintly.

Geng Mochi didn't know if he heard it, he kept looking up at the sky, the expression on his face was unpredictable in the flickering reflection of the fireworks, the boundless emptiness shining in his eyes made my heart more uneasy, the light was more uneasy than the fireworks in the sky Also illusory.

Next, the weather in Shanghai was quite cold and humid, but it didn't affect Geng Mochi's interest at all.He took me through the high-rise buildings in Shanghai, eating, shopping, shopping, sightseeing...Every day is full of activities, from morning to night, almost leaving me no chance to breathe, even two people make out Very little time.I faintly feel that he is evading, covering up, and doing some kind of fierce resistance. During the few days in Shanghai, he bought me a lot of things, and I always caught a glimpse of his eyes when he frantically swiped his credit card. restlessness and restlessness.

At noon this day, we had lunch at a rather elegant western restaurant on Huaihai Road.

"I booked a room at Hyatt. After dinner, we'll go there for a rest and massage," Geng Mochi said while arranging the afternoon's itinerary while eating. "It's exhausting enough to run all morning. Let's rest at noon. We have to go in the afternoon... "

"Everyone says I got a big money, is it true? Are you rich?" I looked at him and asked suddenly.

"My net worth is not rich in Shanghai at all, but... I live a relatively rich life." He sipped his red wine, glanced at me, and asked casually, "Do you like money?"

"No one doesn't like money, but talking about money in our current situation is too..."

"Vulgar." Geng Mochi took my words and asked me, "Do you want to be noble?"

I looked at him calmly, "I want to be real."

"What is real?" Geng Mochi still didn't show any affection, "In my opinion, men and women are real when they take off their clothes. No one can say that they are real when they put on clothes. Self-preservation awareness, do you dare to say that you are real when you face me now?"

My hand that held the knife and fork began to shake.The deep pain spread from the bottom of my heart to my fingertips.

"So we'd better not talk about such boring topics, as long as we are happy together, complicating the issue is not good for anyone, you are a smart person, you will not understand the truth that it is counterproductive."

I didn't say a word all day.

Geng Mochi was unusually lingering at night, and I reacted coldly.I know, it's time to end.I have already shown my original shape in front of him, and all my defenses and suspicions have been clearly seen by him. If I continue, I can only humiliate myself. I want to save my last bit of self-esteem in front of him.

"Let's forget it." I leaned into his arms and said after the passion.

"Repent so soon?" His eyes instantly became cold, and he said mockingly, "Didn't you say that you want me to fall in love with you? You ran away before I fell in love with you?"

I suddenly became irritable, "I'm not interested in games like love!"

Geng Mochi stared at me for a long time, at that moment I couldn't figure out what he was thinking, his gaze was unfathomable.

"Well, since you have already made up your mind, I can't force anything, I respect your choice." He sighed, "You women are troublesome, why make yourself so tired, you shouldn't even think about going Think, looking for trouble!"

"I'm sorry, I also want to relax myself, but..." I hugged him tightly and suddenly started crying. He patted my back gently like a baby, and said softly, "It's nothing. Yes, stay together if you think it suits you, forget it if it doesn’t suit you, no one owes anyone else, it’s a good choice to end up like this.”

The next day, Geng Mochi booked an afternoon flight for me, and I had to rush back to work.

"Shall we meet again?" He asked seriously.

"Let's see." I prevaricate.

"I'm a little bit reluctant to part with you." He said seriously, not sure if it was true or not.

But the moment he walked towards the security check passage, he suddenly pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly for 2 minutes without saying a word.I didn't look back, but I felt that Geng Mochi's gaze pierced my chest from behind like a sharp arrow, hitting my heart.My heart ached for a while. The moment I took off, I felt that my heart followed the plane to an unknown height. Looking at the clouds hitting the plane outside the window, I was still very afraid of the plane falling. Before boarding the plane, he bought it. If you have insurance, the airline will pay 20 yuan if you fall, but who will buy insurance for this relationship?He won't, he made it very clear, I've tried my best, but you can't get used to it, so unfortunately, we still can't avoid the road of breaking up.

When the plane landed at Xingcheng International Airport, I suddenly realized that the most unsafe thing in the world is love, so no insurance company will insure love.I feel lucky that I survived the catastrophe, but fortunately I didn't continue to take risks, otherwise the consequences would be more terrible than the plane accidentally falling down.But somehow, when I walked out of the airport, I found my heart was still hurting.

To my surprise, this "heartache" lasted for half a month without any relief. There was no news from Geng Mochi for half a month, and he suddenly disappeared from the world.I felt like I had a dream, and when I woke up there was nothing left.

At this time, the Lunar New Year is here, and the unbearable year 1999 is finally coming to an end.The work of the radio station can finally come to an end. I received a call from my parents after work on the day of the holiday, asking me when I would go home for the New Year. I hesitated for a long time and did not say the exact time. Bar.

"Pingping, what's going on with you over there?" My mother was very upset on the phone, she was still used to calling me by my old name, "Your dad and I have heard some bad rumors, you still have to Watch out for the impact..."

It spread so fast that even the family knew about it!There is no doubt that the fact that I went to Shanghai with Geng Mochi for vacation has ruined my "virtuous" reputation that I have worked hard for for four years.

"I know that Shujie is going to make you feel uncomfortable, but you are not young anymore, you have to think about the consequences first when you do something, and now the society is in chaos, you can't ignore your reputation and ruin it. dare you."

I laughed secretly, when will my reputation be better?
No way, in order to appease my parents, I have to go home for the New Year.It lasted until the 28th of the twelfth lunar month, and the New Year was only two days away. I couldn't wait any longer, so I had to pack up and prepare to go home for the New Year.I stuffed things into the box indiscriminately, in a trance.In fact, I know what I'm waiting for, maybe it's just a phone call.

After I packed my luggage, I went downstairs to fill my stomach. If I remember correctly, I haven’t touched rice for two days, and I only eat fruits and biscuits every day.Even eating is a hassle for me, and the days are getting worse and worse.But today I want to treat myself well, the new year is coming, let's toast to the past, and forget all the unpleasant things.

I chose the best seat in a restaurant across the road and ordered a large table of dishes in a panic. The waiter who wrote the order looked at me suspiciously and asked, "Miss, are you alone?"

"Yes."

"I'm afraid you won't be able to eat..."

"I am willing!" I glared at the waiter, "Are you afraid that I won't pay you?"

The waiter quickly took the list into the kitchen without saying a word.

But after the dishes came out, I felt full after only a few bites, and I paid the bill without even touching a lot of dishes.A person climbed upstairs like a ghost, opened the door, and I fell headfirst on the sofa and fell asleep.As if I had a nightmare, I was awakened and looked at the clock on the wall, it was twelve o'clock.I was lying on the bed tossing and turning, I couldn't fall asleep, and I couldn't figure out why I got myself into such a situation!

With my eyes open until two o'clock in the morning, I couldn't bear the torment of insomnia anymore, so I got up and found half a bottle of wine from the wine cabinet in the restaurant, turned on the stereo, put on a song of Butterfly Lovers, which I never tire of listening to, and sat on the sofa with a glass of wine. Cheers to myself.

The wind was raging outside the window, and Liang Zhu's voice inside the room was dark and low, like weeping.Holding my glass of wine, I recalled little by little the people and things I experienced in these years, and I still felt that there was nothing worth nostalgic for me. The past was so dilapidated, until I met him... I felt that my eyes suddenly brightened, Under the influence of alcohol and music, Geng Mochi's voice and smile flowed out slowly like a movie.I suddenly felt like a knife was piercing my heart, so I quickly turned off the stereo, turned on the radio, and tuned to the radio station I was working on.

It's so late, and the radio station's colleagues are still on duty, but instead of broadcasting news, they replay a daytime cultural program, which is a radio drama "Wuthering Heights" adapted from a famous book in the station. This is the highlight of the Spring Festival radio station every year, and it is very popular among listeners Welcome, I will voice the heroine Catherine in the play.But after listening to it for a while, I couldn't take it anymore, and turned off the radio.

Catherine and Heathcliff in the play are still so moving. These two tragic characters who have been shackled by love and hatred for a lifetime shocked me many years ago. After reading this novel many times, I am deeply moved by them every time. The unswerving love moved me to tears. It may be that I have read too many books of this kind, which makes me always feel disappointed in the love in reality.When loving and being loved run counter to each other, you can’t escape the hurt, but you can’t stop loving, especially for people like me whose spirit often wanders outside the real world. Reason has never overcome emotion...

Sure enough, when I was so drunk again, it seemed to be a kind of potential, but I became strong without consciousness. I stumbled and grabbed the phone on the coffee table and dialed a series of familiar numbers.

"Hello, who is it?" It was his voice!

As if struck by lightning, I was so shocked that I almost fell to the ground, and the wine glass in my hand fell to the ground with a "wow".I threw away the phone and fell headfirst on the sofa, covering my face and crying.

When did this man take advantage of it?

It should start by studying this man.

It is difficult to use an accurate word to describe Geng Mochi, sometimes he is very free and easy, sometimes he is unrestrained, sometimes he is terribly gloomy, and most of the time he is unfathomable.I tried my best to see through his mind, but I didn't. Instead, I was deeply attracted to this man without knowing it. This kind of attraction was produced in the process of constantly guessing him.His incomprehensibility makes people have a kind of research interest in him.And while I was studying him, he also seemed to be studying me, calling me frequently, spying on the military situation, and engaging in psychological offensives...Of course I fell for it, and gradually I no longer rejected him, because talking to him was a very important thing. Interesting things, at least you can feel good all day long.

Geng Mochi seems to be very busy, we haven't seen each other since that drunken quarrel, we only communicate by phone, every day he always calls me once or twice, two lonely men and women with their own ghosts on the phone Chatting nonsense all over the place, maintaining a close relationship with each other on the phone.No one wants to go further, and no one expresses that they want to stop here. Both of them are watching the changes and waiting for opportunities. The key is to find a strategic position that is more beneficial to them.

For a while the guy suddenly seldom called, and then he simply disappeared for a few days. I thought he had given up. I didn't want him to contact me again when Christmas was coming, and he always called in the dead of night harassment. "Hey, what are you doing?" He called again the night before Christmas Eve.I looked at the alarm clock next to the bed, it was twelve o'clock.

"Sir, are you in such good spirits? Don't you sleep?" Actually, I didn't sleep either, and I was leaning on the bedside to read a book.

"What do you sleep in broad daylight?"

"Bright day? You are sleepwalking, do you see if it is day or night outside?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot that this side is daytime and your side is nighttime. I'm in Paris now." The man must be in a hurry, so I didn't ask him, but he said to himself, "This side is not It’s a Chinese Culture Week, they want me to come too, so I’m here, it’s boring to be here alone, I miss my motherland and my hometown…”

This man is really thick-skinned!But I am obviously in a good mood.I held back my laughter and teased him politely, "The people of the motherland also miss you very much, and welcome you back."

"Including you? Do you miss me, a little bit, a little bit, do you?" This guy really never suffers from his mouth. I just teased him, and he blatantly teased me Well, in the middle of the night, when the moon is dark and the wind is high, he came to tease me even though he knew I was a widow, obviously with ulterior motives!
I jokingly said, "Mr. Geng is surrounded by clouds of beauties, do I need to miss him?"

In the end, he was not humble at all, and replied: "It's a beautiful woman like a wolf. I have to be careful of being molested at all times, especially the French women here. They are terrible, open and hot. National treasures like me The man here has no sense of security at all, Kaoer, you must not just ignore death."

Shameless, shameless, shameless, I scolded in my heart, but my mouth was not forgiving. I threw a series of mean words, but he threw them back as I threw them. I found that I wasted my mouth on the radio for so many years, because this man More venomous than me.I couldn't fight, so I changed the subject, "Hey, you're going all the way to Paris, don't you want to bring me something?"

"Okay, what do you want? Perfume, fashion, jewelry, or cosmetics?"

"I want fashion."

"OK, report your measurements to me."

"..."

I got angry, and prevaricated: "I, I have gained weight recently, I don't know how many measurements I have."

"Then let me estimate for you, 34B, it should be about the same." This stinky man always does this, obviously taking advantage of it without showing any signs, he added solemnly, "I'm talking about the top."

I even wanted to touch the knife, and I almost blurted out the word "rogue" because the number he said coincided with my yardage.I said angrily, "Are you teasing me?"

He said forcefully, "You were the one who teased me first."

"Okay, okay, I'm going to sleep, I won't talk to you anymore."

"Look, you still said that you didn't tease me. A woman living alone told a man to sleep on such a full moon night. Didn't you mean to make me sleep badly?"

"Geng Mochi!"

(End of this chapter)