If you can love like this

Chapter 56

"To this day, I can't do anything to change or save anything. I used to think that our love could fight against a strong fate, but now it seems that it was just wishful thinking, so when Milan threw the manuscript that would ruin Yesha's reputation in front of me. At that time, I was in despair, a despair that was colder than death... Kao'er, my Kao'er, you don't know how much my heart hurt when I made such a decision. Until now, every time I think of that day The way you were picked up from the lake, I was in so much pain that I couldn't breathe! God, how could you declare war on me in this way, you knew that Ye Sha died in that way, you knew Ye Sha Sha's death made me bear a heavy cross. Yesha died because she never got my love and went to the end in despair, but I gave you so much love, I love you more than Love myself, how can you imitate her, aren't you driving me to death?"

……

There was another period of pause in the recording. There were a lot of noises, like the rustling of clothes rubbing against each other, as well as heavy breathing and turbid nasal sounds. I could tell that it was him choking.I rushed to the speaker like crazy, slapped the speaker, tears covered my face, and after a while, his voice finally came again, not as coherent and clear as before, the voice was hoarse and muddy, intermittent, like a The dying man endured the pain and made his final confession.

"I'm sorry, I'm a little out of control... I know it's useless to say anything now, and I don't want to say anything more. Yesha used her most tragic face to retaliate for my indifference to her, so I will remember her whole life, but Kao Son, I don't want you to treat me like this, I want you to live a good life! We are already like this in this life, I only hope that in the next life we ​​can meet earlier, we will dedicate our best years to each other, no matter Whether it is happiness or sorrow, we all share together. I am willing to be a mediocre person, as long as I can be with you... I look forward to that day. When my consciousness is blurred, it seems that tomorrow is the afterlife. Farewell, unfortunately I can't say goodbye to you, I don't even have the courage to call you. I can only make an agreement with you in this way now, we will see you in the next life, I don't care about the method, I only care about the background of the meeting being simpler, no Betrayal does not hurt, it must be a spring season, we meet each other on the side of the road, I firmly believe that the soul has breath, even if we are strangers at that time, we can definitely sense the past life in each other Heartbeat, just like my heartbeat speeded up inexplicably when I saw you for the first time, Kaoer, I am waiting for you."

At this point, all the recordings are left with only a slight friction sound when the disc is rotating, nothing more.

I sat on the floor blankly and fell into the overwhelming tide. I even forgot to cry. There is no pain in this world. I am so desperate and mournful that tears are not enough to express.

Tremblingly, I took out the CD and held it in my chest, raised my face, and took a deep breath to make my heartbeat clearer.If the soul really has breath, Mochi, I would like to engrave your heartbeat into my life. When we meet in the next life, I will definitely recognize you at first sight, just like when I first saw you at Qi Shujie’s funeral It's like my heart beats faster...

Mochi, I love you.

The next day, I cheered up and went back to work at the radio station. Just as I was leaving the house, I ran into Qi Shuli who was driving out. He lowered the car window and talked to me, "Kaoer, I just came back from the United States last night. I wanted to go and see you. You didn’t bother me when you fell asleep, how are you these days?” When he said this, he looked at me sideways, “Your eyes are swollen, are you crying again?”

"It's okay, I'm fine, I'm in a hurry to go to work."

"Why don't you rest for a few more days, your health is important." He simply drove the car to the side of the road, got out of the car, and walked to me, "It's so cold, you see you wear so little, and you can't take care of yourself at all. I I called you, and Xiao Si said that you have guests in the past two days, and you took them out to play, who is here? Are you having fun? "

Qi Shuli's tone couldn't be more ordinary, gentle and appropriate, so I couldn't refuse.He is not a bad person, but I have always had a prejudice against him. I am not indifferent to what he has done to me in the past few years, and I am not a wooden person, especially during my hospitalization. I turned a blind eye to him, so my attitude towards him has improved a lot now, at least I can greet him calmly when I meet him.I asked him: "Sakura said that you will stay in the United States for a long time this time, why did you come back so soon?"

"I rushed back for the Spring Festival." He looked at me expectantly, "Are you going back to Xiangbei for the Spring Festival?"

His subtext is that he will go back too.

I prevaricated: "It's not decided yet, it depends on the work arrangement."

"Go back, my aunt keeps talking about you, she raised your daughter for nothing, and she won't go back for several months."

"You have contact with my mother?"

"Well, basically we talk on the phone every day."

"..."

On the way to send me to the radio station, Qi Shuli was gossiping with me all the way, I was perfunctory with him, my mind was in a trance.He saw that I was perfunctory and was a little displeased. There was a red light in front of him. He stopped, glanced at me and said, "Kaoer, I have done everything that should be done for you. If there is one thing that I haven't done, then It is to give you a new life and love. Maybe this is not the love you want, but if you can love like this, it does not mean that you have betrayed someone, but it is your best persistence to the love in your heart. Living is Persevere, you can only love if you live, even if it is not the love you hope, but if you live well, it will be the greatest happiness of the person you love."

"If you can love like this?"

"Yes, if you can love like this."

When I got to the radio station, my colleagues surrounded me, asking questions, which made me very warm.It's better to go back to the collective life. I feel that the blood has warmed up and my mood has improved a lot.In the current situation, I urgently need work to distract my attention. I am very touched that although I have not gone to work for so long, my desk is still clean, and the plants in glass bottles are still full of vitality. You don’t need to ask me to know that it’s A Qing’s credit. She sat across from me and looked at me with a smile, “I’m looking forward to you coming back to work every day. You don’t know that I’m the only woman in this office. I’m so bored to death. It’s not okay to speak privately.”

"Isn't it good that you are the only woman? Everyone takes turns to be courteous."

"Damn! You're still courteous, those wolves are staring at you, how can they look at a married woman like me? Kao'er, don't you know that you are the sun of our station, where are you? Where is the light shining?"

"Sister Aqing, let's work!" I smiled and turned on the computer to prepare the program draft for the evening.In the evening, there is an emotional column. During the period when I was away, other colleagues helped me take over. Maybe it was too long to rest at home. I couldn’t find a job for a long time. "If You Can Love Like This".

When I woke up in the morning, I received a call from Annie, saying that Geng Mochi was leaving today, she was sending off her brother, and she was going back to New Zealand herself, she hoped that I would take care of myself. "Annie, you have to take care too." I said goodbye to her sincerely.I checked the time, the flight was after [-]:[-] pm, just before my show.I can't say goodbye to him, so I should say something to him, what should I say?

Since I finished my work meal at noon, I have been looking at my watch non-stop.A Qing asked me curiously: "Why do you always look at your watch?" "It's okay, a friend is going on a long trip today, and what about the evening flight." Say goodbye to him on the show? He can't hear it, but I want to say goodbye to him..."

After all, Ah Qing is someone who has been here, so he immediately understood, and nodded repeatedly, "Of course, you can just write something and broadcast it on the show. Anyway, no one else knows, as long as you do your best, it's OK."

I suddenly choked up, "Thank you, Sister Aqing."

At 08:30 in the evening, the show started on time, and Geng Mochi was already on the plane.I stabilized my mood, walked into the live broadcast room quietly, and checked the equipment and program draft in an orderly manner.After a short commercial and opening music, I put on the headset and slowly entered the state with a professional soft tone:
Listeners, good evening. On such a deep winter night, it’s time for our "Starry Night Talk". Maybe you just came back from going out, or you are reading a good novel in front of the lamp, tasting A cup of mellow coffee, are you ready now? Please let go of your tiredness, let go of your thoughts, and listen to the dialogue of our hearts with your heart.Before the show, I was entrusted by a friend to read a poem here. This poem was written by my friend to her lover who is about to leave. I believe many friends who have been in love and are in love must understand Let's say goodbye, that kind of sadness and reluctance must have left an unforgettable mark in our hearts.The theme of our show today is "the way of love". Everyone has their own way of love, whether it is warm, reserved, passionate, or gentle. Xiaobai believes that even though the ways of love are different, as long as there is love and If you persevere, you will definitely be able to wait until the warmth of spring and the flowers bloom.Next, please enjoy this song "If You Can Love Like This" in the beautiful music, and wish this friend who is already on the journey a safe journey.

The director inserted music in a timely manner, which was the original soundtrack of the movie "Cinema Paradise". I spread out the printed script, black and white, line by line, and the light hurt my eyes.

It took an afternoon to write, and every word is my prayer to him.

He can't hear it, but he can feel it.

So, let's get started.

If you can love like this

I am no longer afraid of the thorns ahead
If you can love like this

I no longer worry about whether the sun is shining

or torrential rain
I just look at you like this

touch you luxuriously

Even if it hurts
at least i'm alive
we are so tormented
Proving each other's existence in the vast universe
we are so painfully in love
In the desolate heart retains a trace of sweetness

allow each other sporadic insanity
That is our lonely last words
Cherish the warmth that is given to each other occasionally
It is the firm belief that you and I stay in the world
we are so in love

We are also tortured like this

don't begrudge yourself the cruel ways
don't care about hurting yourself
I'm just afraid of leaving this world

you don't remember me anymore

I can't find you anymore

love is such a murderous poison
You and I are immersed in it

Be happy
Because I finally used a lake of tears
Waiting for the short reunion in this life
Because you finally passed through reincarnation
Find me among thousands of people

let's love like this
Happiness, pain, love, torment
you hate me
I can't bear to hate you
still in love
tortured cruelly
deeply in love
In this desert like world

You and I are each other's last thoughts
heartbroken until death

……

After reading this poem, the music just ended slowly, and the airtight live broadcast room was so silent that only my breath remained, and I was already in tears, trembling uncontrollably while holding the manuscript.The director reminded me through the headset: "Kao'er, continue, don't be dazed!" I reacted, wiped away my tears and pointed at the microphone again, took a deep breath, tried my best to control my emotions, and my tone was still trembling slightly: "Dear friend , you must be on a plane flying to a foreign country at this moment. If you are sitting by the window, please open the porthole. If there is no cloud cover, you can definitely see how bright the lights are at an altitude of [-] feet. There must be one for you, no matter how far you fly, please remember that there will always be such a light in this city, I hope this light can illuminate your journey in a foreign land, so that you will no longer be afraid of darkness and loneliness Look, the light shines with the stars in the night sky, just like I breathe with you. No matter how long and rough the road ahead is, as long as you keep this light in your heart, even after many, many years, even in the afterlife, the spring will bloom. We will definitely meet again on the side of the road, the soul has left a breath on us, the moment we meet you, we will definitely recognize each other..."

I don't know how the following programs are finished. According to Ah Qing, I have never heard such an emotional voice from me, which shocked the director room and even the entire night shift colleagues.

It was dark, and when I got back to the office, there was no one there. I silently packed my things and prepared to go home.Because communication equipment is not allowed to be brought into the live broadcast room, I always put my mobile phone in the drawer every time I do a show. When I took out my mobile phone to look through it, I found an unread text message. I had already entered the live broadcast room at that time, so I didn't see it.And the sender was... yes... I almost dropped my phone on the ground with a trembling hand, it was Geng Mochi, it was him!
I looked at the text message and felt that everything in front of me was spinning, and my chest was so painful that I cried loudly while leaning on the table. I never knew that loving someone would be so desperate and sad, like holding a knife in my heart Cut horizontally and vertically, the pain was unbearable, and the blood flowed continuously, but I had no choice but to allow it to be hacked into pieces.

There was only one sentence in that text message: "You must live well. See you in the next life."

(End of this chapter)